I'll get to my Big Game prediction in a few paragraphs, but here are some thoughts from my couch (yes, I'm done house-sitting, and back on my own couch, albeit soiled on the sides whilst I was gone, another story for another time):
Colorado state rep Michael Garcia has resigned amid allegations he exposed himself to a lobbyist at a bar while drinking and playing pool. You will shortly see how I don't always pick on registered Democrats, I'm about to slap around a Republican, too. Back to representative Garcia-he was drinking at a place called the Lancer Lounge after a fundraiser with a bunch of lobbyists. Most left, except for one female, who claims that he came from around the side of a pool table, unzipped and showed the whole package. Garcia is then alleged to have stated, "Wouldn't this be real nice inside of you?". The accuser lobbyist, speaking on the condition of anonymity (of course she did) only decided to come forward after she had heard of other alleged transgressions by Garcia over the past 7 years.
Look, I won't condemn what he did. Nor can I believe that anyone is truly outraged by this guy's actions. Please, like none of has ever done anything this stupid, or known someone. He showed brain, people! Not that big of a deal (no pun intended). If it's okay for a President to cheat on his wife in the Oval Office while a chubby intern blows him (love ya, Ms. Lewinsky) then lets not go overboard on this one here, alright? I just wish we knew if he showed her the goods like the unveiling of a new car in Detroit, don't you? Was there a "Ta-Da" involved? As a matter of fact, I'm tired of anonymous allegations. If people want to drag this guys name thru the mud, so should hers. If I were him, I'd state that she was begging to see it, and allegedly made gestures that she'd blow me. Can she prove otherwise? Done and done, next topic.
US Rep Jim DeMint, R-SC is my new hero, and will be invited to be a part of my cabinet in some capacity should I win the general election for Presidency of the US in 2012. Why? Because he's finally doing what other people need to step up and do in this fine nation of ours. And that's taking a stand against bullies, real bullies, those who think they are pushing an agenda, when they are pushing ideology, like communism, and being traitors. Here's the story-the fine city of Berkeley, CA (from here on out, I'm calling it HippieTown) has decided to pass legislature telling the Marine recruiting station it is no longer welcome in its downtown. However, it will allow an antiwar group called Code Pink a parking spot in front of said recruiting station once a week for 6 months, as well as a protest permit. God forbid they'd have to fill out forms once a month. So, why is Rep DeMint on my cabinet? Because he has stood up and stated that he will draft legislation to rescind any and all earmarks for the fine city of Berkeley, somewhere around the tune of $2.1 Million. Jim, you just don't go far enough for me. I'd pull it all out, I wouldn't even play "Just the tip" with these fine folks. Yes, they may be educated, but they forgot one of the great things about this country, which is to not push your agenda on me. I'm not going to sign up for the Marines. Not for nothing, but I doubt I'm the guy they'd be targeting, chubby, bum knee, bad vision, doesn't take direction real well. Mix in a volatile temper, I don't think I'd make for a good Marine. Soldier of Fortune, maybe? But if the fine folks in HippieTown think that it's alright for Code Pink to go on ranting and raving while the Marines just have a recruiting station, then I do have a big problem. HippieTowners have a right to protest, and a right to assemble, but to make it as difficult to operate as a porn shop, I've got big issues with. Where's John Wayne when we need him? Pull out all funding, and direct all terrorists that HippieTown is there first target and where a lot of big politicians hang out, not Hollyweird. So much for moving to California.....
Speaking of California, did anyone else read about the idea of radio transmitters in your home thermostat? Yup, big brother is coming, and he's bringing power tools! Some yahoo in government brought the idea up that the California Utilities should have control over your thermostat by radio frequency....just to control rolling blackouts more efficiently. Right, I believe you. How 'bout this? Leave me the hell alone? How 'bout them apples? I swear, people in California pay attention here, everyone pack up and move to Idaho and Montana. No one else is there, everything is cheap, good skiing and hunting. I'm told once you bag a deer or an elk, there's nothing like it. I personally don't enjoy being up at 4 in the morning, but if offered a shotgun in my hand if I were to be up at that time, let's just say I'm intrigued. And no one will think to control your thermostat. My folks live in this building where they are like the youngest people there, and live on the 3rd floor. When I was home for Christmas they didn't even need to put the heat on. Why? Well, even if you were gubment-schooled, you know that heat rises. Everyone else in that building is over 65, so the heat is always cranked past 72, making my parents place nice and cozy, and keeps their energy bill relatively low. They hate other parts of it, but that's a small perk they've found. But think of how the rest of us would feel? I don't let anyone touch my car stereo when I'm driving, you think I'd give up control of my thermostat? Ha! Best of luck, and I hope you brought some friends.
Britney-why, baby, why? This shit is getting more and more sad. I caught a thing on TV where the woman went to the mall and had at least 10 paparazzis huddled around her. She ain't the Pope. Leave the girl alone. Now she's been committed. She's bi-polar. Ever think she isn't? Ever think how you'd feel if every time you went out to get lunch you'd have 10 clowns with cameras snapping a shot of your every movement. Here's my hope for Britney, other than moving to Denver (please oh please oh please), that she gets out of this thing slightly sane, purchases a .45, has a trained marksman teach her how to fire said weapon, gets a conceal and carry permit, gets out of Hollyweird, and the moment one of these clowns tries to sneak a peek of her in her new digs (in Denver, please) and blows this moron off of the tree he's trying to get said peek from. Think that'd stop this nonsense?
I was almost on the news because of 2 nitwits at Target. This is all in the joking sense, but I'm sure a lot of people have been in this spot before, too. So I had some stuff to pick up, and I wasn't paying attention to the lights above the register. Woman behind the register tells me, "Sir, I am closed, the light is off." Okay, my bad, the register right next to her was open, with only one person ahead of me. I have 3 items. The woman in front of me waits until her whole order is rung up before she busts out her check book. WHAT??? Who pays for things with a check in 2008? At least have the decency to write everything out except the total before you walk in, how hard is that? Then this woman decides to get pissy when the cashier asks for her ID...the nerve (cue sarcasm)! It's not like it's really easy to forge a check....so that's it for nitwit #1. This particular Target has a Starbucks, and I needed a cup of coffee, that's it. But it's never that damn easy, because it's me. No Latte, no frappacino, no chai tea, just a regular cup of coffee. This wildabeast (Nitwit #2) in front of me (mind you, no one else but her, the barista and me are in this Starbucks) decides she needs some triple pump skim half foam concoction-because the skim is going to help slim ya down, tubby-and pays for it in pennies!!!! Read that again, in pennies!!! This waste of skin then honestly had the nerve to turn around and say, "I just needed it". Well, the Gods were smiling down on me, and I smirked at her and stated that she could use another run around the store, too. And that's why I was almost on the news, because of 2 dumbass women. And they both had rings...who marries them???
The Johan Santana Trade-the Mets got away with a steal, provided they can sign Johan to an extension. This is going to suck for the Yankees watching him dominate across the city. And you just know this is going to happen. How NYY didn't try to go get this bonafide #1 stud is beyond me, because they didn't want to give up the potential of Philip Hughes. The Mets barely gave up anything, none of their top prospects, for a guy who is going to carve up the NL. They'll have Johan and Pedro...not a bad combo in my mind. Yankees GM Brian Cashman might want to start looking at property in other parts of the country, I don't think he'll hold on to his job past this season. Not entirely his fault, but he's not getting any help from Hank Steinbrenner, that's for certain.
The Lakers just traded for Pau Gasol....for Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittenton, a 1st in 2008, a 1st in 2010, and an old unopened trojan box from Magic's old Locker at the Forum. This is the definition of a fleece-job. If I'm the Chicago Bulls GM, I'm ralphing in my office. That's all it took?? The Lakers just improved quite nicely, and losing Brown is one of those "addition by subtraction" moves, damn near the definition of it, to be honest. Kwame, you never had a shot, not since Jordan undressed you when you were a kid. I think you need to take your last check when it comes and then go over to Europe and dominate some people, get your confidence back up and then come on back to the States. For Memphis, who wants to suit up now? Does Hakim Warrick get more minutes? I bet PG Mike Conley is banging on the gym door to Ohio State right now. Not a great move coming out early now, is it? Maybe when the current owner sells the team someone with half a brain buys it and runs it professional thing that it should be.
Andy Pettitte apparently wasn't that good of friends with ol' Rocket Roger. Right...and me and my remote aren't the bestest of buddies every Sunday from Labor Day to Tax Day. Sure thing, you guys, that's believable. About as truthful as me gaining my massive physique due to a thyroid condition. Who is buying this line of crappola? At least there are rumors floating around that Pettitte will back Clemens' former trainer's allegations that he shot ol' Rocket with more than B-12 and lidocaine. More like steroids, or if we're lucky, HGH. I can only hope it's HGH, because then we're going to get a whole bunch of sports reporters that bashed the living hell out of Barry Bonds squirming. And if you've known me long enough, you know how I love to watch people wiggle, like they've got a pair of bad boxers, all bunched up.
LeBron James needed a new nickname, so I'm going to give it a shot-The Destroyer. King James just isn't doing it for me. There aren't that many good nicknames anymore anyways. Did you see what he did the other night in Portland? He flat-out wrecked Brandon Roy after someone in the crowd decided to heckle him. LeBron had tweaked his ankle in the first half and was kind of looking like Vince Carter, just jumpshots, but this fan triggered something like Dr. David Banner getting juice on some gamma-rays, it was awesome to watch. I don't watch a whole lot of NBA action, but since the Celtics are doing beyond quite well, I'm slowly watching again. But I'm starting to really like watching LeBron, he's abusing people, showing no mercy. And that's what we need more of today. If you're that much better than everyone else is, feel free to announce your presence with authority. G'head, I'm all for it.
Former West Virginia head football coach Rich Rodriguez only wants to pay 38% of his buyout, the same language that was in the contract that he signed on the dotted line. I may not agree with some of those in that fine state, but if you sign a contract, and that contract has buyout language that states if you leave you will pay the sum of $4 Million, then you take a job (before your bowl game, mind you) at Michigan, you better be damn sure that the sum of money discussed in your contract will either be a)forgiven, b)paid in installments, c)paid in a lump sum or d)partial payment is acceptable and the remainder will be forgiven. You don't just leave and then think you can name your own terms of the buyout. RR only wants to pay $1.5 Million, and I can only hope/pray that this crap gets on Court TV. It will be awesome to see the AD and President of WVU at an arbitration. Who gets to bring the spittoon?
Former New England Patriot video assistant Matt Walsh states that he has incriminating evidence that the NFL nor the Pats want to see out in public. Really? Or are you bluffing? This guy hasn't worked for the Pats since 2003. And, why does the NY Times wait until now to release this info?? Because it's for effect. Folks, if the Pats were 4-12 no one would give a rats ass. But because they are chasing perfection, this kind of shit just keeps popping up. I don't believe Matt Walsh has anything, and I think he needs to be pantsed and given an atomic wedgie in the middle of Faneuil Hall. And then maybe a public stoning for being a prick.
Senator Arlen Specter. I think it's time to research those term limit propositions again. I'm not sure who I hate more, him or Robert Byrd. Senator Specter, R-PA, wants to know why the tapes from Spygate were destroyed. I like NFL commissioner Roger Goodell's reaction, which was pretty much "NUNYA", as in None Yo Damn Business. This is NFL business, nothing to do with the Senate Judiciary Committee. It's a fine time to bring this up, too, there, Senator. This wouldn't have anything to do with a large part of your constituency being from Philadelphia, now would it? Pathetic. I suggest you stick to things you know about, not paying for lunch, strip-mining and getting some pathetic piece of trash from the National Endowment of the Arts to be placed in the middle of your hometown of Doucheville PA. Someone from ESPN slightly agrees with me:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs07/columns/story?columnist=pasquarelli_len&id=3226214
Prediction time-I'll be annoyed by Joe Buck before the game starts. Anyone else tired of watching those Osi U highlights of him torching turnstile backup LT Winston Justice for 6 sacks? And telling me how great he is? The guy calls All-Pro LT Matt Light dirty, but he had 13 sacks all year. 6 against Justice in that one game. He hasn't had a sack since week 16. That's 4 games. How come I don't hear a bunch of racket about New England playing week 17 without the right side of its O-Line or Kyle Brady? See what happens when people have too much time to think?-They pick the Giants!! Michael Strahan has been seen out and about in AZ with Eddie Murphy's ex-wife...dude, way sloppy seconds.
So I guess this will come down to coaching, and giving the Hooded One 2 weeks to prepare, I feel bad for Eli Manning. The Manning Face is going to be on full display come this Sunday. The Pats will put 8 in the box and beg Eli to beat them. I just don't see it happening. As for the Pats on offense, I look for them to be like 2 teams. They will bring out the 3-4 WR package, and the 2-3 TE package. Look for Randy Moss to be put in motion, he won't get a ton of looks, but I get this strange feeling that Randy has been waiting for this moment to shine, and Tom Brady will be there to help him. MVP will be Brady, we'll see Seau and Bruschi cry, I'll get more nachos, drink more beer, and reflect on how awesome this is. Pats 37-17.
Be safe out there on Sunday!!
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