Well, apparently everyone else is making a list for New Years Resolutions, why not me?

So I kind of giggle a lot at this time of year, people do reviews of the year/decade, best movies, shows, people, crap, etc. Instead, they should all resolve to be better people, to themselves, their friends and their families, that would make the world go 'round a whole lot better. I have a few things to spout off about before I get to my resolutions (I know what I just typed above, doesn't mean I don't have my own ideas on how to work on myself...sheesh).

Kobe Bryant and Lakers fans-thank you so much for proving you don't have what it takes to win the whole thing come summer. Kobe, you've once again proven to me that while you've been given ample opportunity and stage to prove worthy of a basketball diety, you sir, suck as a human. You can't handle conflict or stress. A player with a lesser name would have been chucked out of that game on national TV on Christmas faster than most can type. Your display was horrid. And your douchey move of running over Mo Williams for no reason was beyond amateur. I just wish ABC and the NBA would stop promoting this one trick pony phony. Kobe must be douchenese for 'whiny bitch'. And Lakers fans, chucking foam fingers when your team isn't winning is laughable. At least people in Philly boo Santa Claus, and in Cleveland they throw dog bones. You stay classy, Fakers fans. How about booing your team for not showing up? And this little nugget-the Fakers have played 17 of their first 21 games at home...have fun on the road in March, where you'll be tested.

Brett Favre and Vikings personnel-you get what you pay for. I could bitch and moan and laugh, but I'll give Brett Fav-ruh this: he played his ass off Monday Night, at least in the 2nd half. Oh, and he did help me win a fantasy football league. But the whole blow up about benching him is hilarious and y'all can't be surprised. LeRoy Butler, a former GB teammate of Fav-ruh, called him a Diva...and no one seemed to dispute it. So there you have it, I guess.

NYY fan-good luck. You'll have no joy in watching your team try and win the World Series. How's it feel to purchase everything? Got to be kind of boring, unlike other teams that try and develop talent. Look at that roster, and who is from the farm? Jeter, Pettitte, Rivera and Posada are all circa 1996. Since then, the only everyday player they've developed is Cano. And if their payroll is like $80 million more than the 2nd highest payroll team, where's the competition? What's the point in playing? And I'm a Red Sox fan!!

To those that bitch about fantasy sports-if you don't like it, don't play. It's supposed to be a little bit fun. Of course, I think winning is fun, but I'm weird like that. I won 2 leagues and came in 3rd in another after starting 0-5...and that's the team I'm happiest about.

Indianapolis Colts-Unbelievably, I think Tedy Bruschi summed up Colts fans feelings about the team yanking it's starters halfway thru the 3rd quarter up 15-10 on the Jets....Cowards!!! That's the way I feel. I'm thrilled I'm not a Colts fan, as I'd feel cheated. Look, sports is an escape, and when you have a chance to do something that's never been done before, it's a thrill to watch. While I'm still pissed that the Pats lost their chance at perfection to a lucky catch and an improbable QB scramble, at least they went for it. What happens if the Colts don't lose the rest of the way, and they end up at 18-1? What happens if they lose in their first playoff game because of rust? How is this any different than a crappy team taking a dive to gain a better draft pick? See how many questions pop up...amazing what happens if you had just played to win the game.

LaMarr Woodley, LB, Pittsburgh Steelers-I swear I think he tried the Jedi Mind trick yesterday with his comments. Didn't hear them or read them? Here you go: "All of them lay down," Woodley said Wednesday. "No one wants to see Pittsburgh in it. That's just how it is. Everybody knows we're a dangerous team once we get into the playoffs, no matter how we played the whole year. Once we get into the playoffs, the Pittsburgh Steelers is a playoff team."
I'm not sure how to type how hard I'm laughing. No, not LOL. Not LMFAO. Not RFLMAO. Nope, none of them come close. For this simple reason...hey LaMarr, worry about your own damn team! You and your Steelers ilk 'deserve' to make the playoffs. Want to know why? Easy-you lost 5 games in a row. Ya lost to the Raiders...at home! You were given a gift of a win against Minnesota. You also lost to the Chiefs and the Browns. And you think you're a dangerous team? Please, someone 'allow' the Steelers in the playoffs. I hope your offense enjoys the pass rush, because they can't run the ball and your QB is about 2 more concussions from having the intellect of a 5 year old. Dude, shut up. You are what your record says you are...and right now, you're a team in need of a boat load of help. How about beating Miami, and going from there?

A shout out to the Bengals-that team has had to deal with the death of the team Mom and now a teammate. I have a soft spot for them, and hope they beat the snot out of the NY Jets on Sunday night. But they have nothing to play for. Damn the Jets if they back into the playoffs.

My trip-well, this trip-I surprised my Mom for Christmas. And boy was she ever shocked. Big props to my boy Jay for picking me up at the airport and driving me to Mom's house. I landed at 10:30, the man sleeps barely 4 hours a night thanks to my 9 month old Godson and was nowhere near the area. But there he was, Dunkin' Donuts in hand, willing to help out. I am blessed to have a friend like him, this much I know for certain.
Christmas was mellow, a day spent watching 'A Christmas Story' and now 'Christmas Vacation'. Oh, and chinese take-out. Yummy. Then the drama happened. Why? Because it always happens. My Mom and I went to my Uncle Pete's Christmas night, as we always do. Mom had 2 drinks, then we left, as she had to work in the morning. Except she missed a step on the way out and took a complete digger. So she cut up her hand pretty good, scraping up a thumb and taking a decent chunk out of her middle finger. And scratched her glasses. Her ego was bruised a bit. But between the booze, the fall, and the day without my Pops-this was really like the first Christmas without him. Last year we were all kind of numb just staring at each other. Not that this year was great, but I'm glad I could be there for Mom. Of course we miss him, but who wouldn't miss a guy that makes awesome breakfast sandwiches that the fire dept. has to come to the house for the bacon smoke pillowing out of the windows? Exactly my point. So Mom was a little emotional. And I got to fix her up and take care of her.
The day after Christmas we went down to my Aunt's house and got the new thing I'm getting tired of. I've been noticing people are lacking tact lately, and it seems to be coming up more and more during a meal. My cousin is an EMT, but seriously, we can wait to talk about some stuff after food is done being plated, cut and eaten. Instead, he wouldn't shut the hell up. My brother and I were giving him 'the stare', which pretty much tells you to switch the subject. And he was unclear on the concept. Good kid, but he was all excited to see my brother and I, so he gets a pass. But still, can we bring some sense of decorum back to eating dinner??
Sunday was great, I got to go to a friends house, and my friend Heather drove me up to hang out and watch football. I've known Heather since high school, when she was dating one of my best friends when she was a freshman (Yes, we gave him crap forever about it.) She decided to bust out the prom picture...damn, that felt like a lifetime ago. And no, you can't see it. It was a successful Sunday, my teams all won in the last of fantasy football, so it was also a lucrative day.
Monday was even better. I got to hang out with Jay, his wife and my Godson. He's now crawling, only backwards, and giving out raspberries. It's always good to hang out with your friends and laugh. Jay and I always do that. Now, Jay isn't thrilled with the rest of the crew, because not a whole lot of people are stepping up to hang out. And he knows if I were there, well, beers would be consumed and I'd hang out.
Tuesday was the perfect bookend to this whole year for me. See, back in March I was supposed to go out to Boston to visit someone I like very much. She got the flu, or that nasty bug that was going around. Well, I had that ticket still sitting around as a credit, so I got to use it to fly out to surprise my Mom. Tuesday afternoon I got to have lunch with Uncle Pete, who curses like a sailor on leave, and got to have Sheperd's Pie. Awesome. But the highlight was seeing the same person I was supposed to see back in March. We had a blast. Well, at least I did. I think she did, too. Ever meet someone and never get bored talking to them, or listening to them? Yup, that's her. And we had fun talking, eating and drinking. She's slammed because of her job this time of year, so I'm glad she made the time to hang out.
Then I was up at 4 AM to make my flight out of Boston, and took a 4 hour nap after I got home. I'm still a little bit tired, but I'm back in Denver.

Alright, here are two quick lists to close up this blog and 2009.

Favorite artists albums downloaded this year (in other words I can always listen to them), in no particular order:

Kid Cudi
Anberlin
John Mayer
Jay-Z
Airborne Toxic Event
Asher Roth
J Dilla
Joell Oritz
Kev Brown
Mos Def
really disappointed in Rakim and Q-Tip

Now, I stated before about lists and resolutions, and here's certain takes on them, from askmen and some resolutions that we fail to keep up with.

My resolutions for 2010 are simple:
1. Cut down on the cussin'
2. Get back on stage to do standup
3. Exercise, it's not just for physical health, it's for my mental well-being, too.
4. Continue to learn and grow, and smile (apparently they're contagious)

Others like to reflect on the past year or past decade, etc, but I'm going to leave you with two decisions that now in hindsight I'm glad I made:
1. I went to Bentley College (now university) instead of Syracuse. While I'm not the TV/Radio commentator I wanted to be, I have two of the best friends any person could ever ask for. For them, I am truly blessed. Just wasn't my path, and I never would have made it out to Colorado and live the life I lead. If I had never left Boston I'd be a fat slob with a fat wife, on heart medication because I'm fat, with two fat kids being thankful to get a humski on my birthday. Sorry, that ain't living. That's death by tiny little cuts. I'll take where I am now over that life everyday and twice on every Sunday from here to eternity.
2. I've only quit one thing in my life, a job at a place I dispised. I have learned so much and become such a better person for leaving that situation that I will never tell anyone not to quit a pitiful situation in my life. Life's too short to be unhappy. Money will come if you are stable in your life, I believe this. I'm living it. My brother nicknamed me 'Even Steven' a couple of years ago, but I'm a firm believer that what you put out there you get back. Think it over for yourself.

Two last tidbits and I'm gone:
1. I'm going to start giving out books as presents from here on out. Even if it's something goofy, like 'Clifford's Big Red Truck'. People who read are generally better for it. At least that's the case with me.
2. I always listen to the SugarHill Gang's "Rappers Delight" on the descent when flying. Why? Because you can't be in a bad mood listening to them. I dare you to be pissed when thinking about the song and what it means to you. For me, it means my friends and roller skating. Now that's just damn funny.

Happy 2010 to you, be safe out there, and take care of yourself-it ain't illegal yet.

What's got me creased....

So I've been listening, ad nauseum,. to all sorts of noise around me.  I've been hearing people, friends, family tv, movies, music and the general public, and I've got a question for everyone--why get married?

Don't come back to me with the fact that I'm bitter I'm single.  I'm not.  Better to be in my position than in a lifeless, loveless personal engagement for what could be an eternity.  I know, I know, that comes across less than sincere, but read (instead of hear) me out.  And please, don't come back with marriage is some crazy contraption designed by The Church to keep men and women together, or it's a Pagan ritual.  Thanks, but you won't be adding to my ranting.  This is strictly from a man's perspective.  Why?  Because I'm a guy.  And I'm a guy that's shopped for a ring once in my life.  What possessed me to do it?  I thought I had hit the Big 'L'.  Thank God she dumped me.  Really, I believe in God and I'm damn thankful everyday that I'm not with that woman anymore.  I could be married to her and miserable, probably in a crappy house with a mortgage I couldn't afford, driving a crappy minivan.  Oh, The HORROR!!!

So here's what started this-I was emailing a friend of mine this morning, and I thought about it.  Here was my response to a 'What in the hell'-type question:  I think *** truly does care for his bride-to-be, but I don't think he realizes the scorched earth he's leaving behind.  Now, since I have no clue and haven't dated anyone in forever, I really can't comment too much, but I'm getting a wee bit tired of the 'hanging-out' game I see every guy play.  You know the drill, guy meets girl, guy ditches friends, guy tries to reconnect with said friends 6 months to a year later.  You know what?  Eventually we all stop caring.  Sorry, but you and I both know this to be true.  Pal, you are the exception, not the rule, and you have to know this.  I'm not sure if you and the Misses ever had the discussion, but even if you didn't it appears that she understands that you need to be able to do your own thing now and again.  Whereas this new breed of sissies-you know who I'm talking about-has to do damn near everything together.  I know I'm built like my Pops, and line up with you.  I need to be able to do my own crap.  I have to fire off a text to my boy to make sure he's okay.  I've never seen him that fired up about anything, and it was something his wife did.  And I've met her, very nice woman, but they're all sisters and they all seem to not think two steps ahead.  I get it, guys and girls are different, no need to get all hokey on me and give me that Mars & Venus BS, because that's what it is.  We're not the same, they need to understand this.  I can only hope that there is a grad student out there debunking the Feminine Mystique, because it's killing men everywhere, killing families and killing one of the reasons any of us would consider getting married in the first place.  Sorry, if I wanted to be told what to do, I'd still live with Ma. 

And they wonder why I'm single......

Allow me to elaborate on everything (or quit reading, but this needs to be said).  Ladies, tell yourselves, your girlfriends, sisters, mothers and anyone else claiming to be a woman-every once in awhile, men need space.  All this crap you've been pushing since the 70's about equality is crap.  Stop telling me you like sports.  Some, few even, of you do.  Of this I have no doubt.  Don't tell me you won one (one!!!-the sun shines on a dog's ass every once in awhile) a fantasy baseball/football/hockey/NASCAR/PGA/Dancing With The Stars/Survivor fantasy league.  I've met you, and you are the outlier to your gender in the grand scientific study that is woman.  Seriously, knock it off.  We are not equal, at least not in the 50/50 game I've been having crammed down my throat since I was a kid, and got more excessive in college, and then blew up in my face working in Corporate America.  Here's my, ahem, research.

I started off in Catholic School, where we all wore white or blue, in some combination.  Yeah, yeah, I got booted.  What can I say?  I got into an argument with a Nun, and we were moving anyways.  Once I got into Jr. High, I started noticing that my little brother and all of his friends were starting to be prescribed Ritalin.  But it was mostly boys.  Don't believe me?  Fine, if you have access to CDC and prescriptions filed, feel free to do a gender comparison on who was prescribed Ritalin.  I'm betting boys beat the girls in this one, by a landslide.  Combine Ritalin prescriptions and the consistent removal of physical education and recess, and we have the vicious cycle beginning on the beating down of all that is Man.  Yup, I capitalized it.  There's nothing wrong with Man, nor is there anything wrong with Woman.  One can cohabitate and get along and even flourish with one another.  However, much like liberal-speak in our nation's capital, we keep getting told of our differences, and in doing so, someone must have the upper hand.  I'm more than willing to admit Woman is better at Man at certain things, but can I get the reverse in return?  Not if you've been to a college or university campus in the last 20 years you can't.
My next example is my beloved college, which just became a university.  The were more interested in forcing me to have friends of a different color skin.  What they failed to realize is that due to the large diverse nature of our little campus, the kids from certain countries kind of stuck around with their own.  And me, I stuck around my friends, most of which were Accounting majors, the same as me.  Yup, there were a lot of white kids, of Italian or Jewish background, in that field.  Hey, don't mock me, it was what it was when I was there.  Between that and the baggy sweater look that was all the rage (on the ladies), I am kind of glad I worked between 40-50 hours a week at the bar.  I got to pay for my edumacation and learn pop-psychology, the art of reading people, and in the meantime, learn all about why we drink.  My crew drank for numerous reasons, but one of the big reasons I remember is not allowing boys to be boys.  Yes, some hazing rituals are stupid and can go the way of the buggywhip.  But others, they should stay.  By stating all of this, I'm simply letting it known that I got tired of the constant man-bashing.  Ladies, if you don't need us, fine, don't deal with us.  But if you want us around, how about a little appreciation for the real men of the world?  Believe me, we're around.  But if you're looking for the guy with the 6-pack abs and the perfectly coifed hair, I have a newsflash for you-there's a damn good chance he doesn't swing from that side of the plate. 
So far, we've got school and college taken care of.  But the link for everything didn't come thru until I handed in my 2 weeks notice at a very small branch of a very large company.  This is a story that someone I know who reads this blog will probably be shocked by.  I'm prefacing the whole thing by stating that if I hadn't handing in my 2 weeks before this accusation, I would have immediately afterwards.  I was accused of sexual harassment by a temp that had been there for 2 months.  I had been there for 2 years.  She didn't exactly have a great track record of showing up, she was late, she was sick (she had confided in me that she was looking for a permanent role, hence the illness), and yet, there I was, in an HR office, being accused of something I didn't do.  And they believed her.  This is how I know the deck is stacked against men.  I've lived it, albeit it briefly.  It's the reason I won't touch a damn soul in anyplace I go, other than to shake hands.  I had to shut down a certain aspect of who I am.  No slapping five, no shoulder bumping, no nothing.  It may even have something to do with why I am starting my own thing (unless someone wants to hire me to do all sorts of cool stuff).  I'm only guilty of the following-tapping a woman on the shoulder to get her attention while she had earbuds in jamming out to her ipod.  I don't call that sexual harassment, but it was a complaint that went into my file.  It doesn't get more ridiculous than that.  Not in my mind.  I groped no one.  I wasn't creepy, I made no passes, nothing.  And yet, it is something that pisses me off to this day.  I had to go home on a day which started out so happy, only to be accused of something that was nonexistant.  Something someone mistook as an advance, just a tap on the shoulder, because I needed something for work.  So thrilled to see that I wasn't even asked about anything, just an accusation made and a report filed.  No need to get facts, just another brick in the wall. 

Add all these up plus the years I've watched my friends 'go on leave' for 6 months every time they really like some woman, and I think it's a decent thesis.  You can feel free to shoot holes in it all you want.  But so far, I'm getting kinda tired of watching men get ground down to nothing.  I'm not saying all women do it to them, it's that they feel powerless to stand up for themselves.  And I think I know why. 

I think most of these guys honestly think that they'll never have sex again, like no other woman would have them.  Now this is where my suggestion comes in.  They want it just as bad as we do.  Men, quit groveling and begging for it.  Ladies, realize that a guy has needs.  Yes, it's true.  I know you have them too.  Ours are carnal.  It's why we're dirty old men, perverts, and flirts.  We need to feel verile, not like a damn eunuch because we didn't take out the trash or couldn't guess your mood.  It's why we need boys night out, not to go shopping for you, but to bond with other guys.  Why do you think some clowns still try and play in a mens league well past their due date on athleticism?  It's not just to get out of the house, I can assure you.  

Now, I don't blame you ladies for my friends not coming around.  They're in that relationship of their own free will and volition.  No one put a gun to their head and said, 'Love me or else', I don't think.  I blame them.  They feel some pull to be next to you constantly.  I think it's because they get to see you nekkid, and they want to keep seeing you nekkid.  I can't honestly blame them for that.  I truly can't wait for the day I get crap from my friends and they start busting my chops, because I've been enjoying the company of a lovely woman.  However, I think I'll keep my friends in perspective and mind, and want to hang out with them.  Right now I have a standing Friday night with the fellas.  That's what we do.  My roommate broke that code a few months ago, and we still give him crap for it.  Why?  Well, in my case, it's because I heard her say she didn't want him hanging out with us and wanted him on Friday and Saturday nights.  This goes for both men and women-if your significant other can't stand your friends, there's going to be a showdown, and you'll have to make a choice.  If you choose her, so be it.  But don't try and call your friends-or former friends after you dump them-if you're in a jam.  We ain't coming.  Something will come up, I promise you.

And I know all this how?  Simple.  I've left friends in the lurch for a woman.  I've left one woman I felt 'Meh' about just to go have a drink with a girl I really liked.  I've left a company Christmas dinner to go have a drink with the same woman.  Well, in that case, they were work friends, and I really did like the woman.  So sue me.  Nothing but honesty flows from my fingertips.  I was that guy when I was 22 fluffed off his friends just for the chance to get some nookie.  We've all done it.  Now, however, at the ripe age of 34, that thought is kind of disturbing.  It's expected in your 20's.  But when you get to be in your 30's, your friends have every right to look at you and think you're an ass.  Because that is what you're acting like.  By your 30's, you're established in certain routines, your boys, the work crap.  For a man (because I am one, and can't speak for you ladies), you enhance our lives, or at least that's how I look at it. 

But to tie this altogether, I really do wonder why some folks get married, and it came up a few weeks ago at a friends holiday gathering.  As I've mentioned before, couples argue out here different than they do where I'm from.  Here they're subtle, even if you can sense some tension.  Same as the case I'm talking about.  You could feel this woman stare down her boyfriend.  Come to find out, apparently he's going to ask the big question over Christmas.  And they fight all the time.  How is this going to work??!!  "Hey, we argue all the time, but if we get married it will all be better."  Really?  You know where this type of idoicy leads, don't you?  "Well, we're fighting married all the time, kids will fix it!!!"  And that, my friends is how a busted family yelling at each other over that aisles at Walmart.  Oh, the joy.

I think that for me, it would have to be someone I could laugh with.  For like, the next 50-60 years.  That I could be comfortable with, don't mind spending time with.  Someone who doesn't hate it when I take a nap on a Saturday.  Heck, take the nap with me!  But I'm amazed at the stuff I see and hear.  I heard a woman years ago chastise her husband in the middle of a mall for not getting her big enough carat diamond earrings.  I was stunned.  Maybe it's how I was raised.  Look, we're born naked, and we die the same way.  Humans have a 100% mortality rate.  I always laugh when someone says 'Too bad, he died penniless.'  Are you kidding me, that's perfect planning!  I'm of the opinion that it's not the size of the gift, it's the meaning behind it.  I thought differently 12 years ago, but I think (hope) I've grown up and matured a ton since then. 

Of course, these are just my thoughts.  You never know when someone comes up and smacks you upside the head and your heart beats out of your chest and you can't think of living another moment without her.  Crazier things have happened.

'Tis the Season...

To be pushy, fahlahlahlahla-la-la-lala.
So here I am sitting at Denver International Airport and already the holiday season is striking folks just fine.  I've already been shoved twice. Was I going slow?  Nope.  Was it packed?  Nope.  Just people who think that they are way more important and have to be front of the security line.  You know how dumb that is?  And then to get in a slower line than me?  Here's a thought-how about some common courtesy?  You know, be kind to thy fellow man and all that junk, or did we forget?

I swear, the only people I see being good to their fellow man, consistently, are those in military uniform.  Say what you want about the war, the people running the show, etc., but give our men and women of service this much, they sure have manners.

And now the flight to Chicago has been oversold....shocking.  Wonders never cease to amaze me.  And to think, I get to do this again in like a month...brilliant!

I need to get my company going so I can have my family come visit me, instead of me getting on the plane.  Ah, more later!

This is from November 23rd, when I last flew to Boston....funny, I'm on a plane in a week (again)

OK, Okay, I'll say it

I hated the call, I screamed at my TV, almost chucked a remote. And then I think I caught a glimpse of why certain people hate Bill Belichick. The decision wreaked of arrogance, but I get the decision. I really do. Fine, bring out the statisticians. I get it, not a horrid move. You know what else? So what. My percentages tell me I'll take my chances with the defense and telling the opposition to take it 70 or 80 yards. There, I said it.

Now, on to beating the snot out of the Jets!!!

As for other things, laundry is almost done, I'll start setting stuff up for packing, the iPod will be loaded up while watching the games, and I'm on a plane tomorrow afternoon. Back in Boston until 12/2, lots of stuff going on-Turkey Day with my family, a wedding reception out west of town, and my Godson's baptism....the schedule is going to be fun!

You are what your record says you are

It's a phrase I remember from Bill Parcells, now VP of football operations for the Miami Dolphins. With that in mind, here is one man's version of the teams in pro football, by division. Please, keep in mind, I don't care if a team gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling, you are what your record says you are. I suppose it could work for corporations, movie rankings, heck-even people. Wit that in mind, here we go:

National Football Conference
NFC West
Arizona (6-3)-I have no idea what to make of this team. They are 2-3 at home, yet 4-0 on the road. One week they dominate the NYG in the Meadowlands, the next week they lose to Carolina. Kurt Warner is a gazillion years old, but can still throw the ball. Their D is getting better and better, and shut down corners are becoming more prevelent. I'm saying they win the division, maybe even get home field advantage or a bye in the 1st round of the playoffs.
San Francisco (4-5)-I'll admit this very honestly, I like watching these guys play the game. They hit and swarm on D, and try to pound the ball on offense. They've changed their QB already, and it's for the better. Between that and adding 1st round pick Michael Crabtree to the mix (finally) their offense has the ability to move the chains. I'm thinking that this could be the team defined as the 'one you don't want to meet in the playoffs.' But we're only halfway thru the season, so let's not go crazy here.
Seattle (3-6)-These guys have been killed by injuries, most notably All Pro LT Walter Jones. Jones used to train in the offseason by pushing his Cadillac Escalade up a slight incline near his house. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the defining act of the phrase 'Country Strong'. This team will score points but it's just not that good. With a decent draft next year they could be on their way to being more competitive.
St. Louis (1-8)-Record wise, they are awful. But here's where the eye-ball test comes in to place; this team plays hard, and they run the ball. There is something to hang your hat on, in case you're a Rams fan. If you are, I'm sorry. Really, that sucks.

NFC South
New Orleans (9-0)-Now this team is very good. Real good. Damn good. Fine, I said it. They have a great, opportunistic defense and an offense that can score practically at will. The best story of this team isn't S Darren Sharper, it's that HC Sean Payton took a paycut to help pay the new D-Coordinator. That's talent helping talent, and I don't know a ton of people that would make the same gesture.
Atlanta (5-4)-This team is in deep trouble if starting RB Michael Turner is out for any amount of time. He was hurt yesterday after 9 carries for 111 yards. Atlanta has been running the ball very well the last 3 weeks, but their passing game has done nothing, even with the addition of TE Tony Gonzalez. And because their is not much of a passing game and limited scoring, the defense is on the field quite a lot. I'd love to have more faith in this team and like them, but I don't get the greatest vibe from them.
Carolina (4-5)-I'd feel better about them improving if they hadn't just lost Jordan Gross for the year yesterday. They've done a lot better recently after recommitting to the running game, but losing a roadgrater like Gross isn't going to be an easy replacement. This team is another one that has been hurt by injuries to key players in key positions. You cannot lose a DT, LT and WLB without feeling any effects. Considering they won the division last year, their schedule will not be forgiving the rest of the way.
Tampa Bay (1-8)-This team is not talented, and the talent it has was great 4 years ago. I doubt the coaching staff is still here for the 2010 season. They are on their 3rd QB, signed RB Derrick Ward to a decent sized contract yet refuse to play him anything more than 1/3 of the carries. Why pay for a top of the line car if you won't drive that thing?

NFC North
Minnesota (8-1)-Now this team is scary good. Their only loss is at Pittsburgh, a game they had won, and I should know, I watched this whole thing, a rarity considering my SADD (Sports Attention Deficit Disorder), that's a feat in and of itself. Brett Fav-ruh has a 17:3 TD to INT ratio, unheard of, especially for the NFL's all-time holder in both. He has a great running game, a WR in Sidney Rice that can get behind a secondary, and a defense that can attack the opposing QB. This team ought to be in the NFC championship game, but I'm still not a huge Purple fan.
Green Bay (5-4)-Ah, one of the Jekyll and Hyde teams. You have no idea which squad will show up, the one that mailed it in last week at Tampa Bay, or the team that shut down Dallas for 57 minutes yesterday. The defense went from a 4-3 to a 3-4 front this year, to mixed results. Some games they stop the run cold, other games it's like a river runs thru it. As for the offense, they don't run the ball extremely well, averaging less than 4 yards a carry. Now, for those that love to talk sack numbers and how good or bad an O-Line is, Aaron Rodgers will skew your numbers. Why? Because he will not get rid of the ball. It's like he's trying to tell GB fans that he's as tough as his predecessor (Fav-ruh). We all get it, you can take a hit. I'm glad I'm not a GB fan, otherwise I'd be screaming at my TV 'Throw the ball you jackass'. I don't see them making it unless they go thru a minor philosophy change in the passing game-short, quick passes, more of a West Coast approach.
Chicago (4-5)-Ugh. Yuck. EWWWW. That's what I think of the Bears, their offseason moves, and their future. Having traded for supposed QB savior Jay Cutler, and then in week 4 giving up a 2nd round pick to Tampa Bay for Gaines Adams, the Bears don't pick until the 3rd round in the next draft. They signed an over-the-hill, can't-bend-to-runblock Orlando Pace to play LT, and he's about 2 years late in retiring. The O-Line can't open up any holes for Matt Forte to run, so we'll never know if he's a good, great or even decent RB. And they have no stud WR to speak of. The D is beyond 'in transition'. Former stud DT Tommie Harris used to be the kind of player to build a defense around. Now? He's the guy that punches an opponent 65 seconds into a game yet only gets a $7500 fine (more on this at the end after I'm done venting about the Pats, I'm saving them for last). This team is not going to be good for a long time. Be thankful Broncos fans, as I have a stat to end all stats for you-Cutler has thrown 8 INT's in the red zone in has last 14 games, including that farce vs SF last Thursday. Tom Brady has thrown 6 INT's in the red zone.....(wait for it)....for his WHOLE career!!!
Detroit (1-8)-There are pieces in place. There is a really good coaching staff in place. Now all they need is more talent. They have a good rookie QB, a stud WR, a serviceable RB and a potential fantastic TE. The D needs help. It needs bodies that can play. But I see improvement, and they don't lay down. That is on the right track.

NFC East
Dallas (6-3)-They won't win anything. Not as long as Wade Phillips is the head coach. He lacks time management skills, and he doesn't control his team, the owner does. And the Cowboys have yet another WR complaining. Roy Williams may be getting his touches now after he complained, but the team is 1-1. When QB Tony Romo is throwing to the open man instead of forcing the ball, he's a pretty good player. But when the squeaky wheel gets all the attention, nothing good will happen for your team. And their running game has gone from one of the best in the league to practically nothing. I'm just not confident in the division. I'm wondering if anyone is going to take the division or if they'll back into it?
Philadelphia (5-4)-I swear if you look at their offensive splits you'd think they're running the old Run-n-Shoot. I swear, will they run the ball with that O-Line? Please? I want to like them, I really do. But their RB Brian Westbrook just got his second concussion in 3 weeks, and he may be done for the year. Maybe his career could be over. I'd hate to have him have to end it like this, but his life is way more important than football. As for the team, they throw way too much. If it's 3rd and 2, you might want to try and run every once in awhile. And because they throw so much, their D is on the field on average more than they need to be. These guys will break their fans hearts again soon.
Giants (5-4)-sure the record looks good, but this team is heading in the wrong direction. Of course, they will be coming off their bye and will probably come out like gangbusters this week. Their secondary is depleted, they have a rookie WR for a homerun threat, and their running game, while still good, isn't as awesome as it's been the last two years. It may only be a half a yard here and there, but over a season, those things tend to add up. These guys could go on a serious run and win this division.
Washington (3-6)-This squad is poorly run, because the owner won't get out of the way. It's not the most messed up run team in the league (Hi there, Cleveland! Oops, forgot, 'sup Oakland?!), but it's very close. The owner has cut out the head coach from his play-calling duties, hoping he'll quit so he doesn't have to pay him. That's just awful. They have a lot of guys on D who have great pedigree information, but don't have a lot of cohesion or chemistry. That makes you feel for a guy like MLB London Fletcher. He's still a tackling machine. As for the offense, beyond play-calling, they've had 5 different starting O-Line combinations. Uh, it's been 9 games. Between that and their QB is afraid to chuck it beyond 8 yards, it's just not a good team.

American Football Conference
AFC West
Denver (6-3)-Well, I live here, so I can't tell you how fast the bandwagon is letting folks off. They started off an unreal 6-0, and now they've lost their last 3. Funny how that happens if you don't take shots down the field on offense. Well, they did this past week. And then their QB went and got his ankle rolled up on to end the 1st half, and backup (that ain't my word) came in and played QB. Or tried to play QB. To call his effort atrocious would be a bit hard on the word atrocious. This week San Diego comes to town for the division lead. Funny, a month ago the Broncos were going to run away with the division and home field advantage. Now, they could be in 2nd place in the division on Sunday.
San Diego (6-3)-I'm not certain how to take this team, as they've only had 2 games where they've been decent running the ball. Now, they've lost both their NG for the season and their Pro Bowl C who should be back next week. But this team can pass the ball, and has a very good secondary. LaDanian Tomlinson, while he may have had a great game yesterday, has not been good. There is a lack of tread left on those tires, and it will come back to hurt them, unless they go to more of a spread attack and utilize RB Darren Sproles more. There, I said it.
Kansas City (2-7)-I'm not going to make the joke that first year head coach Todd Haley needs to switch to decaf. I'm not. I'm not going to tell you he needs anger management classes/therapy. But I will tell you that he needs to learn a new way. It's week 10 and his team is already tuning him out, because he yells and swears all the time. At everyone. He yelled at his QB on Sunday, and they were winning. This team needs a bigger influx of talent first and patience second.
Oakland (2-7)-This team is just poorly run, and poorly coached. There is talent here. They can run the ball. But the JaMarcus Russell project needs to end, and it needs to be over now. He's not a good QB. In fact, if he weren't the former #1 pick, I doubt he'd be in the league. His completion % is less than 50. If you've seen him attempt to play QB, it's not good. The fact that he's been yanked from games and then says he that he thinks he's not the problem, then you've got a real issue on your hands. The fact that Jeff Garcia would rather be released in the preseason than be guaranteed money ought to tell you all you need to know. Al Davis needs to hire a real personnel man and get out of the way. Until then, this team will continue to be awful.

AFC North
Cincinnati (7-2)-Now this is a team that has been fun to watch. Their O-Line has been the best at running the ball, and they've protected Carson Palmer well. While they don't score a ton of points, they don't have to. Because of their Defense. So far, it's the best story. Now, I have to preface all of this with the fact that I thought the Broncos, Saints and Bengals would all be better based on the hiring of new D-Coordinators. The best hire, and you could see the effects on HBO's 'Hard Knocks', was what the Bengals did by hiring Mike Zimmer. I loved listening to him talk to and teach his players why they would do what they would do. Now, there is a sad story, one that I've told before. Zimmer's wife passed away unexpectedly a little over a month ago. She loved the team, baked them cookies. Do you get that? I know some ladies that do that stuff for people just because. I used to work with some. I miss them or the fact that they were like a second Mom to me. So do those guys that play defense for Cincy. And now, even after losing their team leader in sacks, they all play for the guy call Zim. I'm telling you, this team can ride this all the way to a division title, and no one will want to see them in the playoffs.
Pittsburgh (6-3)-This team goes from coming into Denver and running all over them, to not being able to win at home against Cincinnati. They barely won at home against Minnesota. They don't run the ball all that well, but they can stop the run. The thing that gets me about them the most is that they've become a passing team. They've been known forever that they run the ball, all day. And now their QB is another one that won't get rid of the ball. He owes his line an explanation or a fancy dinner, because their stats won't look great. It's not on them.
Baltimore (5-4)-Now this squad is one that people are living on reputation. Their D is over-rated. And I'm tired of people talking to Ray Lewis. He's not that special. Watch him. He doesn't make a lot of plays, he cleans up a lot of plays. I bet he gets a ton of half-tackles. They can run the ball well and chuck it down the field. But they are not as good as they think they are. They've played one great game (at home after the bye vs. Denver) and made one great play to win a game (Ray Lewis shot the gap vs. San Diego and took down Sproles on 4th & 2), other than that, I'm not impressed. Not for all the talent on that roster. Mostly, I'm tired of hearing Ray-Ray, the man was once accused of murder for crying out loud, and then gets put on a magazine cover saying he's a man of God. Sorry, but I thought only criminals found Jesus in the 'pen, or am I the only one? Just stop talking to him already!
Cleveland (1-8)-Now this team is a mess. And it hurts me to say this. See, back in the day, I was a huge Browns fan. Loved them. Then they moved to Baltimore and became the Ravens. What this means is that the SB title won by Baltimore belongs in Cleveland. Now, since the Browns came back 10 years ago, they're horrible. Like, this team is worse than the expansion team that came out in 1999. Their coach is an idiot, after chucking his hand-picked GM under the bus and making his players put in extra practice. He needs to go. Can I run this team, please...pretty please?

AFC South
Indianapolis (9-0)-I don't want to talk about it. They're lucky. They can be beat. They should be at least 7-2, but certain teams are stupid.
Jacksonville (5-4)-I'll say this much, no one will want to see them in the playoffs. This is the team in the AFC. They run the ball well. They don't do much else well, but they play hard, and they just strike me as that team that if you catch them motivated, you could lose. Oh, and if you know anyone in the Jacksonville area, tell them to buy a ticket or this team will be in LA or San Antonio soon. All of their home games might be blacked out this season. Wow.
Houston (5-4)-Some teams win those games where things hang in the balance, they make that extra play that could work. Others don't make the play, miss the FG, throw a pick 6 in a crucial 3rd and 3. This team is that team. And it stinks, because they have one of the best WRs to watch in Andre Johnson to watch. He's like Larry Fitzgerald on 'roids. Their D is getting better, but they've cost themselves like 2 wins. It's just what these types of teams do.
Tennessee (3-6)-I have a question...so when Kerry Collins is the starting QB, RB Chris Johnson gets only 16 carries a game. Now that Vince Young is under center, Johnson is getting 25 carries a game. Hmmmm, think if they'd done that to begin with they might be more than 3-6? Just thought I'd ask. It's not that I'm a huge Collins fan, but it's a question worth asking.

AFC East
New England (6-3)-NOT YET...we're not talking about last night yet!
Miami (4-5)-I like watching this team. They pound the rock. The wildcat even works for them. But their best RB just mangled his ankle. They have a smack-talkin' LB that has 12 tackles all year (FYI to Joey Porter-a)no guy past the age of 12 gets called 'Joey' b)you have to make plays in order to talk, otherwise, shhhhh). This is one of those warm weather teams that could travel well in the next few weeks on the road in the cold, simply because they run.
Jets (4-5)-in case you haven't been reading, I hate them. Loathe. Despise. Can't stand 'em. I think after they started 3-0 everyone was ready to annoint them. They can't throw the ball and after NT Kris Jenkins blew out his ACL they can't stop anyone from running. Say hello to going 2-5 the rest of the way...and one of those wins won't be this week at New England. Here's hoping the Pats hang up 50 on you, assclowns.
Buffalo (3-6)-This team is so bad (how bad is it?) that there are rumors they might try and sign Michael Vick next year. Well, at least he can chuck it thru the wind coming off the lake. But this team really needs to get a new strength and conditioning program. All the time they have guys with tweaks and pulls that you just don't see the other 31 teams in the league getting. Now, TO has been a good teammate this season, but he's irrelevant, so it's like that old adage of 'if a tree falls in the woods and no one's there, does it make a sound?'...seriously, think about it.

I'll talk about the Pats tomorrow, I swear. And maybe even some other stuff. G'Night!

etc., the wedding, boston, job update, etc.

First and foremost, I just read an article from the Boston Globe telling me to root for the NYY tonight and for the whole World Series. First, I hope no one kidnapped the writer of this article, because that would suck. Second, really? Me, cheer for the New York Yankees? Sure thing, you can get me to cheer for them right after I'm done cheering for the Canadiens, Red Wings, Sharks, Lakers, Knicks, Bulls, Bucks, Rockets, Cavaliers, Magic, Angels, Cubs, Orioles, Devil Rays, Tigers, Dodgers, Ravens, Steelers, Colts, Chargers, Broncos, Cowboys, Jets, Florida State, UCLA, Seton Hall, North Carolina, Colorado, Nebraska, Cincinnati, West Virginia, Kansas, Texas, Louisville, UConn, USC and Georgetown. Sure thing, just add them to my list. This guy either got kidnapped or just lost his last few working brain cells. People that are Red Sox fans do not, I repeat, DO NOT cheer for the Yankees. It's like cheering communism while working on the NYSE. Or to quote another writer, it's like cheering for the house in blackjack.

Now, on to more pressing matters. My buddy's wedding. It was a hoot. We laughed a bunch. And I almost punched the bride's cousin. Why? Well, to sound like a 2nd-grader, he started it. But a cooler head (mine) prevailed. My issue was do I or don't I tell the groom? Well, that problem got solved as well, but not by me. The wedding was fine, even thru 3 power outages. It was up on Lookout Mountain, and it was the weekend that a little snow but a bitter, bitter cold came through. So the wedding was moved from an outdoor venue to inside. Well, power lines get frozen, but the show went on. I cried like a bitch. Not sobbing, but a nice steady stream. As I've stated previously, lack of sleep and the fun that I've been thru the last year, well, yup, I cry. But it worked to my advantage, briefly. I also got the joy of standing on a heat grate while indoors...and once the power kicked back on, was greeted to a hot breeze up a pant leg. Totally not necessary, since I'm in tuxedo. Then we got to take pictures outside. Sweet, nothing like going from 72 inside to 20 outside. Between that change in the weather, all those folks from out of town and my lack of sleep, I'm really not shocked I got a nasty cold that ended a couple of days ago. Then of course comes dinner. And the wedding party is announced to Run DMC's 'Walk This Way', a nice touch. Nicely done, honestly. Dinner was good, and of course a slideshow is playing during dinner, which is one of my highlights. And here's why:
As my table was seated next to the head table, pictures of the happy couple and their friends and family members rolled on by. Well, there were some old shots of me out there. And the bride honestly asked her new husband who that guy was more than once. Uh, it was me. What was different? The full head of hair and the goofy designed facial hair of my, ahem, 'youth' was the dead giveaway. And then I had to wonder what the hell I was thinking with my Mr. Potato Head designs on my own face. I had a soul patch once. Can you think of anything more pretentious? I'm trying to, but it's a bit difficult.
Highlight #2 of the evening happened after dinner and the dancing started. Yes, while I can tear it up with the best of 'em, I was mellow. But the 5 year old ringbearer, he was a little bit miffed. So I asked him what I could do to help. The kid needed a song played. I told him I had it covered. The kid told me I didn't have that kind of pull. But what he didn't know, what nobody knew, was that before the ceremony I met the DJ and we discussed music, he asked who the guy was that made them a CD of what some might call 'sappy' tunes. It was me. He told me he got married like 3 months earlier and most of those same songs were played. So I went up to him and asked if he could play the kid's tune. Sure enough, as soon as I got back to the lil' guy and told him it's coming on next, the DJ put the song out to the ringbearer, who proceeded to dance for the full 5 minutes of some cut up of the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack. I think we were all tired from watching.
Now, how does this pull together in highlight #3? Easy. Straight out of Wedding Crashers, someone attractive saw me do this. Sidenote, the bride has a queen for a friend (queer as a $3 bill) who told me after the rehearsal dinner that if I lost 50 lbs I'd be hot. I hope he wasn't speaking for the whole gay community, I happen to like myself just fine. I had to tell him I only like one dick in my life, mine. Ass. Onward we go, where someone the bride works with was there, and face it, not too shabby on the eyes. Look, while I may like a certain other person, I'm not about to sit around with my thumb up my ass and pass up a potential opportunity. We had one dance, she took a shine to me (seriously, I'm domed up and in a tuxedo, you try and stop me). Well, the bride's cousin, an usher, who happens to be finishing his masters at Boston College, was apparently interested as well. Did he dance with her? I don't know. Honestly, I don't care. To each his own. And it's not like she's property, she's a woman with a mind of her own. Once the reception was over and we all piled into the shuttle (with people drinking and this being a very winding road, it was better this way, especially with the weather being all crappy and icy), she sat behind me, and the cousin sat across the aisle from her. I was talking to my buddy's wife, who is also the mother of my Godson. So I got to look at pictures of him (duh), while the cousin was laying it on thick. Look, I'm not a hater, not even remotely. I wished the kid luck in my head. But his rap was weak. Even I could tell what he was going for, and he should have just asked the poor girl if she got her bikini wax in the last week or two. It was that obvious. Sad, really. Me, well, I like to think I was a little bit smoother than that. The shuttle gets to the hotel, and we all get out. I'm trying to help with the leftover booze and extra stuff, as we were the last shuttle ride out, and she walked up to me and told me she was changing into her sweats, getting out of her heels, etc. "I'll be the bald guy at the bar, and I'll buy you a glass of wine." Seriously, I hadn't realized that while hanging out with my friends from back east for two days my accent was on full-tilt. She showed up a few minutes later, and we got to talking. Now let me just state that this woman and I couldn't be more opposite. She's a social worker for a public elementary school in a crappy neighborhood.....and a fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee. Uh, if you know me or have read me for more than about a day you'll know that that's about as far away from me as you can get. That being said, to each their own. I can still have a nice conversation. And that's all I had. She said she wanted to hang out with me again, and wanted me to call her. Kind of tough without her number, email address, twitter account, right? Well, as I'm about to get her phone number, the cousin shows up, hammered, and tries the ol' CB (Cock-Block for those ill-informed). I just ignored him. What I couldn't believe was that she did, too! And she gave me her number (calm down, it's a phone number, it could be to a swingers club or the herpes hotline. Oh, like you've never fake-numbered someone? Don't judge me) and told me to call her. Yup, the bald unemployed guy got a number. How ya like dem apples? Kidding. Well, due to the groom's father creeping out her friend by continually hitting on her (he's 62, she might be 28...Ewwww, let's just move on), she and her friend left for the evening. Could I have pushed it? Maybe. But it's not my style. Not now, not ever. I can't remember the last time I made the first move, and now wasn't about to be the time to try and pull something off that has 'FAIL' written all over it in glitter. With a bow on it. So after she left, I went to talk to the bride's brother, whom I met a whole day before. Not 5 minutes later I got slapped upside my head. Not punched, smacked, tapped or poked. Slapped upside my dome. I look behind me, and it's the cousin.
Me-'What the fuck are you doing hitting me?'
Him-'I've just got so much repressed anger in me' (to which I held back the greatest comeback ever-Jerk off like the rest of us, buddy)'The girls, where'd they go, what happened?'
Me-'What you're going to do is apologize or you and I are about to have a very big problem'
Right after I said this I realized he was trashed. Not an excuse. Learn to handle your booze, dipshit. I'm pissed at this point in time.
Him-'Sorry', yes it was muffled, whatever.
I excused myself out to the lobby, where one of my friends asked me if it was time to take a walk. Yes, yes it was time for a walk. Another one of my friends followed only to tell me that he couldn't believe what he saw, one me getting hit and two me not retaliating. I didn't want to whoop the guy's ass in front of his family at his cousin's wedding. That's messed up. Not as messed up as him hitting me like a child, but still, what the hell?
And on the next day, I got to bring all the tuxes back to the tux shop. And then the Patriots came to Denver and played like crap and lost. Then I got a cold. That's my wedding story.
What happened to the girl? Nothing. I got a text last night telling me that she was kind of dating someone and now it just got serious. No worries here. Best of luck out there.

Boston-I'm not moving back. I had a phone call yesterday with a company in Burlington where I got the most backwards discussion I've had in a long time. The guy told me if I lived there he'd hire me. I asked if he was offering me a job. Nope. But if I moved back he'd find something for me. Huh? Yup, I got really confused. I just don't think it was meant to be. Of course, my friends here in Denver are happy. And I think I am, too. I'm happy I don't have to look back and wonder 'What if?' I'm glad I gave it my best effort. At least I've got that much to hold on to. And now I'll just have to go back east 3-4 times a year. To see my friends, my family, my Godson and my Dad's friends. Hey, they worry, I still get phone calls.

The Job Update-well, since you just read that I'm not moving back east, here's my deal: I'm opening up my company, doing my own tecnhology thing. I'm partnering with a few friends and by using my relationships, selling telecom, website development, security, data networking and cabling. Along the way, I'm doing my own thing with pre-paid legal, blastoff and will soon be setting myself up to sell certain software from home. Yup, that's it. Like 8 different revenue streams, let's see what I can do.

That's all I've got for now. Have a great rest of your Wednesday. I'm writing something else tomorrow, and the teaser is this--why are men's leagues being infiltrated, and the reaction that it's caused. Later taters.

for the record, not bitch slapped, I was not hit in the face, upside the head. If he had hit me in the face I'd still be looking for an attorney to defend my assault charge.

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Now playing: Cy Young; Kev Brown - Outside Lookin In
via FoxyTunes

It's time for a Big Blog

So it's been a few days since I've last blogged. Sue me. I've actually been busy. And after my friends wedding last weekend, I got a cold. I hate colds. And it was all my own damn fault, too. I had a few instances where even I thought, 'ya know, I should have a sweatshirt or a coat on right about now.' To no avail. Add to that the wedding was up in the mountains and we went from next to a fireplace to outside (twice!!) and I ran around like a nutjob, I'm kind of happy that I only got a cold. It could've been worse.

I wrote down a bunch of stuff yesterday after I got home from a meeting in Boulder (God Damn Hippyville, yeah-I went there). These are all random, and in no particular order. Sorry, it's early, I haven't written in awhile, and there's a lot to accomplish today. The coffee has been brewed, so here we go...

While at this meeting yesterday, it happened again. And it always happens. The only time it doesn't happen is when I'm at home, because I'm alone. What am I talking about? I swear on my Mom that I have this innate ability to catch people doing the most disgusting things. Years ago I caught some guy digging in his schnoze like there was a prize in a box of cracker jack. I catch people picking at their face. It's gross, so why do it in public? Well, yesterday may have been the topper. And in all seriousness, once I catch someone, I can't not look at it. It's like when the waiter tells you that the plate is hot, and your dumbass still has to touch said plate, as if the waiter lied. So what did I see? The woman sitting next to me decided that in the middle of this presentation that now would be a great time to pop that giant zit in the middle of her forehead. Outstanding. I love a good extraction, let's see what kind of game she has. Well, I honestly was intrigued by the topic of the presentation, so I missed the extraction, but when I finally looked out of the corner of my eye, well, let's just say it was a bleeder. I proceeded to enjoy the next 10 minutes of watching this woman check her head wound. And I wrote in my notes, on the margin, 'Why do I have to catch people doing the most disgusting stuff???' Wouldn't you question this ability? I like to consider myself bright at times, charming to a point, often opinionated, and an authority on all things bacon. But why oh why do I always catch people doing this stuff?? I don't want to see anyone diggin' in their nose for buried treasure, yanking their big drawers out of the crack of their ass, clipping toenails, or popping zits. Can't people figure out that this is better done at home? Or are these just more examples of people losing their collective sense of decorum?

The New York Jets. I now have a football team I hate. I look back, and I haven't hated a team like this since Indianapolis a couple of years ago. Maybe it was all the kneeling and sucking at the mantle of Manning and Dungy and the lack of props that my Pats got. But now, the New, ahem, Jersey Jets are in my crosshairs. After thinking they won the Super Bowl after a week 2 wins against the Pats, things aren't going so hot. And now the true colors are coming out. I liken the Jets and their coach, Fatass Rex Ryan (dude tips the scales at 6'4" and 350, you got a better nickname?) are the big bully in the school yard. Or the kid that is two years older than everyone but in the same grade. Nothing like a kid that can drive in the 8th grade. Well, what did you learn about bullies? God Bless my old man, he told me that if I couldn't break 'em down with vicious rhetoric, sock 'em in the nose. I've talked my way out of plenty of fights, but every once in awhile, you have to nut up and sock a bully in the nose, pull his shirt over his head and pound the living crap out of him....and to think, I never played hockey! Anyways, back to the media darling Jets. I hate their portrayal. I hate the phony swagger. I hate that everyone blew their rookie QB. They now stand at 3-2, having lost 2 straight on the road. And after their loss this past Monday night they are still chirping and talking smack. Uh, you lost. SSHHHHH. Now, I have no skin in the game they just played against the Dolphins, other than my brother is a huge Dolphins fan. And I now hate the Jets. They called Miami's wildcat offense 'gimmicky'. I'm sorry, is this the same offense they've been running for over a season? The same offense you watched a ton of tape on? The same offense than ran over that vaunted defense for I swear, 5-6 yards a carry? The same offense that lined up for the last 10 yards and hit you square up the middle for the go ahead score? Now it's 'gimmicky'? Shut up, really. Just stop. Then Fatass has the nerve to blame his practice squad. Uh, the practice squad you put together, coach? That same one? Wow. How 'bout the mirror, dummy? How about looking in the mirror, and then at your team, admitting you got outplayed, then trying to do better the next time when you meet them in a couple of weeks? For now, like always, you are what your record says you are, you're a 3-2 team. Now shut up and concentrate on this week's opponent who you ought to maul, the Buffalo Bills. Because if the Bills play you close for even 3 quarters, then I'll know everything I need to know, and the Jets are exactly who I think they are. They'd be the bully in the school yard who only needs to be socked in the nose, and then it's all over.

Pass along this information to all your single male friends. I'm only stating it once. Ladies appreciate confidence. The line between confidence and cockiness is not nearly as fine as others have made you believe. It's pretty damn thick. Don't be a douchebag and you'll be amazed at how things work out. Don't be a cock-blocker or a hater. Be confident in yourself and it is unreal how things turn out. If she's not interested, her loss. At the very least, it's her loss on a free cup of coffee, a drink or a meal. Go spend your time on someone else. This ain't that hard, but we all tend to get caught up in our own crap. Just my two cents on how to stop the shitspiral.

I go to about 1 movie a year. I don't like crowds, I hate that people's cell phones light up even if they were kind enough to put them on vibrate. Are you going to be in surgery soon? No, okay. Any family member you need an immediate update on? No, okay...then turn off the damn phone. That being said, I already saw 'The Hangover' earlier this year, and it was awesome. Now there is a movie that came out yesterday that I'm seeing in the theatre, by myself. 'Law Abiding Citizen' looks too damn badass to me not to go see. And it looks like there could be some dark comedy moments along with vindication, or vindictiveness, in it. I'm in. Why? I firmly believe in people getting what's coming to them.

Hallelujah!!!! Did you see it last night? Me neither, and I'm so happy. No longer will the stupid New York Yankees be allowed to make the 7th inning stretch last 17 minutes. Why? Because the assclown that drowned out 'God Bless America' is reportedly gone. I hate that Major League Baseball would allow his shenanaghans to go on every year the NYY were in the playoffs (reminder, they weren't last year). It just screamed unfair. Say your pitcher is working on a gem in the middle of October at Yankee Stadium, and now has to sit an extra 15 minutes while this guy sings about America. You can't bitch, because it makes you look unpatriotic. It's actually genius, and I'd be psyched if I were a Yankees fan. But the mere thought makes my skin crawl. Being a Yankees fan is like rooting for the house in blackjack (credit goes to Bill Simmons for that line). After you read the link, remember this-while I can't stand people who are anti-semites, or homophobes, etc. you must know your place. Guess where you should never say a bad thing about Jews? New York City. That shit may fly in Arkansas, but not in the northeast part of this country. Go bash a Baptist in Louisiana and see how well it goes over.

The Balloon kid. By now you've seen the footage, read all the stuff online, seen that the father set off the balloon, and had to know his son wasn't in the damn thing, especially with the video being shot from what appears to be the view of a 6 year old. My thoughts? This family puts the fun in dysfunctional. That he's a media whore and wanted attention. That he made people care and show compassion. That he made Denver's airport scramble all sorts of flights. That I want to know how many emergency crews were on this wild goose chase. That I want to know the bill as a taxpaying citizen of this state. That I want the bill stapled to his forehead and his children taken away from him and his nutjob wife. That anyone that pimps their own kid out to the world like this deserves general population prison time. That his show on one of the morning programs was fantastic in its shittyness, he was tired of being asked if it was a hoax. Buddy, I know bullshit, and that sir, was complete and utter bullshit. Your kid hurling on TV was the definition of priceless, I only wish he had hurled on you instead of being kind enough to ask for a bucket. I also hope that those whose wheat crop you ruined by having all these emergency crews race for your kid sue your ass off for lost revenue. I hope you get everything coming to you.

On the political front, I think the only thing I'm going to start insisting on, if people try to engage me in any type of conversation, is the following-What do you think? What is your philosophy? I'm tired of the he said, she said finger pointing and race baiting. It's beyond old and stale. I'm also done with the whole notion of previous Presidents. I don't want to hear any more dyed-in-the-wool democrats or republicans telling me, "well, Bush did this..." or "well, Clinton did this..." I don't care. I care about what is happening right now. Right now, our country is in deep shit. And while the two previous morons did a fantastic job of messing things up, this new 'Savior' has done so much damage in such a short time that history is not going to judge his first year too kindly. Nor should it. And don't go calling me a racist because I despise the man's policies. Puh-lease. I guarantee I have more hip-hop on my ipod than he does, so can it. Besides, he's not even 100% black, yet he's claimed completely by the black community. Or did you forget that his Mother is white? So please, kill all that noise. Even Obama himself has stated that he doesn't think all the commotion against his policies have to do with race. Sorry, I never liked the universal health care plan when Hillary touted it back in 1994. And I was only a freshman in college. You want my belief on this one? Fine, here it is. Take care of yourself, take care of your family. The government isn't here to make sure you never fail. It happens. My old man died from lung cancer. Completely preventable, don't smoke. No history in my family of cancer. There is now. If he didn't have health care coverage, he would have been dead earlier. Yes, it's cold. But you and I both know it's the truth. I have people in my life that I love that have cancer, and it sucks. Sucks because there is nothing I can do. Yes, I can donate to the cause, walk for a cause, hold raffles, etc. But I swear if you told me if I donated every dime I make in the next 5 years and it would cure cancer, I'd ask you where do I sign. But I want it cured, every kind. Done and eradicated. But here's another thought, and one that I'm okay with. Say I went to go get my own health insurance and by some scale they tell me I'm obese (who knows, I may be on some scale. I'm only 5'10" and I'm around 250), so I have to pay extra. Would I bitch? Nope, I'd either go without or I'd pay the fee. But I'd also ask what the magic number for my weight to be to knock down the fee. Then I'd weigh the choices I make. Right now, for example, I've make the decision not to drink, period, until my birthday. Why? Because I've done nothing but drink beer to excess for the last 2 months. All it is doing is giving me empty calories. If not for this lovely cold, I'd have been out running this past Monday. Instead, health willing, I'll be out trucking my fat ass around the park behind my house starting this Monday. And it's my call. No doctor told me to start running. I'm tired of being tubby. My call. Like I stated before, take care of yourself, and you'll be amazed at how things turn out. And leave me alone with your political crap. I don't care about the past too much, I care about now and how it will affect the future.

Speaking of the future and healthcare, the Baucus bill apparently went thru the Senate Finance Committee. Except there's nothing in it. What the hell is this, DC Madlibs? Look, I trust my 7 month old Godson before I trust these nitwits with my money and health. You passed a bill in committee without having the skeleton done? Why is this so necessary if it won't start until 2013? What am I missing here? In all seriousness, these clowns in DC are going to learn in the next election how tired people, both democrats and republicans, are tired of their collective act. Enough is enough, stay out of my house and out of my wallet.

The new Jay-Z album is tight.

The job front. Well, the well is running dry. I was up for a sales job in Denver, dealing with Business Intelligence. And here we go again. I don't have enough experience. So I asked the question that needed to be asked. If you owned a business, or ran a sales dept., which would you rather have-the person who barely made his number over 5 years, or the guy who shattered his number in a shorter period of time, who keeps his knowledge up, with plenty of contacts still in that realm? Well, I have my answer. They'd rather have the 5 year guy. Seriously. That was the answer I got. So, I can put that company on the list of companies whose ass I'm kicking going forward. Why? Because their logic is flawed. I'm a freaking rock star, and they want the tamborine player. Have it your way. I just won't recommend your product or anyone that sells it.
I'm still in discussion with one company back in Boston. And if they give me what I want, I have two words for Denver, "I'm Gone"!
I'm in the beginning stages of opening up my own brand and business. I'd be partnering with a good friend of mine, and the sky could be the limit. And the bonus of all bonuses-I'd be my own boss. It's a little scary, but if you change the way you've been thinking, it could be awesome. Here's what I mean...when thinking about this, I've only been looking at the negative side of the equation, which is I could fail miserably, be broker than broke, and have to start again from zero in the bank account. But that's the wrong way to go about this. What if I succeed? What does success look like? For you and me, it's different. So I'm thinking about the short, mid and long term ideas of what success can look like. It might be material. But for me, it's my idea of security, my idea of paying for things and not worrying about the hit my bank account takes. Flying back east on a whim. Going to Vegas whenever I feel like.
Now this job back in Boston? I only go back if I get everything I want. I'm not starting low on the totem pole. I'm going for the job I applied for. It may be a little bit out of my range, but if you dont' reach, how the heck will you ever know? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I kind of feel sorry for the people that play it safe. I wonder if they ever feel alive.

Screw GE and their hypocrisy. Let me see if I have this straight-you literally pimp for Obama, attribute wrong quotes to someone, and then tell me to go out and get flourescent light bulbs. Kiss my ass. Get bent. You line up with race pimps, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, and then have the nerve to bash a commentator? You have a commentator with ratings that would get most fired, yet put him on your Sunday night NFL show? I'm so glad I quit that damn company. I wish Jack Welch would walk back in there and smack someone. Just so we're clear here, I could care less if Rush Limbaugh gets to own the Rams. But be clear on this-he wanted to keep the team in St. Louis. Someone else might want to move them, to LA. But because quotes that can't be attributed to him are out there, purpotrated by guys like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, the new head of the NFLPA DeMaurice Smith (also-he's buddies with Obama) says this would be bad. Except the NFLPA has no say in who gets to be an owner. You trust what Al Sharpton says? Really. Google Tawana Brawley and see what you get. Reverend Al still hasn't apologized to the police for lying. And Jesse? Please, stop. Read this book and get back to me. The guy who fathered a kid out of wedlock? The guy who stole the mantle once MLK died? The guy who makes sure his kid has the best distributorship for Budweiser? Stop, seriously. All Rush Limbaugh ever said was Donovan was an average QB, and if he wasn't black the media wouldn't fawn all over him. And you know what? When that comment was made he was right. Get over it. He's a commentator, that's it. Funny, but Marge Schott owned a baseball team in Cincinnati while she had a Nazi Swastika flag hanging in her living room. Who's more dangerous? But once again, GE and their NBC hate machine can get away with whatever, because they have the airwaves. I'm cool with the revolution not being televised. Just be fair, that's all I ever ask for.

Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize for his 'vision'. Wow. I got nothing else. Other than 'The Razzies' now have more clout in my mind than this group of halfwits. The man has literally done nothing, and yet you give him an award. At least Al Gore made a mockumentary.

Can someone explain to me the comedic contribution of Russell Brand and Dane Cook?
In a related note, there is a rumor that Joe Rogan has moved to Denver. I really do hope to run into him and speak with him. His undressing of Carlos Mencia is epic. While I may not agree with all the things he says, I do appreciate his candidness and honesty.

I'm outta steam. Hopefully you enjoy the ranting and raving. One last note, the comedy starts back up next week. After this wedding last week there is way too much stuff in my head not to discuss some things in front of an audience.

Have a great rest of your weekend. I'll write about the wedding in the next week, I promise.

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Now playing: Common - I Used To Love H.E.R.
via FoxyTunes

So where have I been?

Simple, I've been 'away'. What does that mean? It means I took a mental siesta, for like 2+ weeks. I'm tired of trying to fix people's problems. I'm truly thankful for my friends. I've had a few still checking in on me. I asked for something truly spiritual and received it. I also learned a HUGE lesson about myself. And I learned a huge lesson about life and people.

What else? I've apparently lost my fantasy football mojo-which, since I'm single, kinda sucks the big one. Last year I could do no wrong. This year? I'm Mush. I will not bore you to tears with that stupidity. I firmly believe that people that talk about or write about fantasy football other than in those forums is a dipshit.

I'm still trying to figure out where I want/need to be, be it here or back in Boston. I find it very funny that certain people want me in certain places, but don't or won't ask me what it is that I want. Why is that funny? Because it's what they want, not necessarily what I want. Funny how that works, isn't it? This is what I was talking about earlier-the lesson about life and people. It's this notion of fairness. Most of us, and I'm included in this, only think of fairness when it pertains to us, and our feeling of being treated unfairly. We rarely think of the other guy. Why? Because we're all selfish to some degree. It's okay if you disagree with me, but are you treating my notion fairly?

As for fixing people's problems, I'm out of that business. If you want my ideas on what you should do, feel free to ask, but I may not care enough to answer. Or you may get the full answer you weren't looking for. Simple really. I keep getting the same questions asked of me, and while the person asking the question may be the same, it's by virtually the same person. Should you or shouldn't you? How the hell should I know? Why oh why am I the everyman? Ladies, I don't know why he won't call you. I have an idea, and someone was kind enough to write a book about it, maybe you've heard of it..'He's Just Not That Into You.' There, I said it. Here's what I know in my heart to be true. If I truly want to be with someone, I'll do everything in my power to make that happen. Come hell or high water. I won't play games, as I'm not good at them and think they are foolish. Why does he, whomever he is, do it? Because he's a fool. Now, do you feel better? Or maybe it was because you gave it up on the first date. I have no clue why another man does what he does. I know only what my motivations are. I live by many creeds in my life, hell, I even tattooed one of them on my arm, "To Thine Own Self Be True". It's Shakespeare, and it's badass too. I don't live to step on others to get to where I want to be. I believe in lifting others up and bringing them along for the ride. And not stepping on their neck to get to some other place that's supposedly better. I don't think you end up in a better place by doing that, I think you hurt yourself in the long run. We tend to look short term rather than long term. I myself look longterm. It's what I look for in a career, a life decision, a potential date, my bills, everything. I think you should pay your friends back before you pay off your credit cards. Why? Chances are they've helped you in some way, be it listening to you drag on and on about some nitwit you're dating, 'I can save him', or buying you a cup of coffee. Pay your debts. And say thank you, for crying out loud. And please oh please, stop asking me why your friend with benefits or boyfriend or guy you're screwing isn't being attentive. There's an easy answer, here it is-because he doesn't have to. You set your own boundaries and expectations in your head, but you probably never told him what they are. If you did and he doesn't respect them, toss him like yesterday's chicken salad. But if you didn't tell him, cut him some slack and tell him. See, this is why I resigned my position as general manager of the universe. There's no payoff, and all you get is a headache. It's why I needed a brain break. People kept driving me nuts.

The Spiritual thing. First, allow me that we've all had the following go thru our head when things aren't going so hot:

Now, we can choose (yeah, I said it-choose) to be in a pissy mood, and let that snowball into the quicksand that is a pissing and moaning day, week, month or lifetime. Or, you can smile thru the crap, giggle at yourself, and for God's sake, cut yourself a break. I say this only to relay to you that I asked for something, and that while I kept asking for it every day, it happened. No, I didn't get a job. That's materialistic. I asked for something to go away, to get out of my head, out of my heart. It was something that was crippling me, in almost every facet of my life. No, I don't have an addiction to booze or drugs, or pills or porn. It's just something that needed to be dealt with, forgiven, whatever. I wanted it gone, as it was following me around like a black cloud and not allowing me to figure things out and find what it is I'm doing. It's like my mind and thought process were paralyzed. I'd get to a point and then things would seize up like a bad engine. That is frustrating, and it tends to feed on itself. Let's just call it non-healthy and be done with it. But I haven't felt this good about things in a long time. My head is clear and my heart is pure, how could it be bad? It can't.

The thing that I learned about myself? That right about now, I need to get more than 5 hours of sleep. Depending on the day. I know that I've been teetering on some emotional stuff lately, but that's the funny thing. If I don't get enough sleep, the emotional stuff comes out more easily. Look, I know it's okay to cry and all that. I'm just not a huge fan of weeping like a blubbering fool in public. Alone? Sure thing. Now, I know all this because I keep noticing that I tend to get real 'misty' when I don't get enough sleep, I'll cry at Kung Fu Panda, for reals. But in this case, I went to a memorial for a friend's Mom. Look, while I only met her once, I know what it's like to lose a parent, and she lost her Mom to lung cancer, the same way that I lost my Pops. Well, after staying up all night trying to help my soon-to-be married friend burn music (another travesty and a whole other barrel of monkeys), I only got like 4 hours of sleep. Well, I heard my friend and her sister talk about her Mom, and it reminded me of Pops-how could it not? Then her nephew, all of 7, got up and spoke about how much he missed his Gramma. Yeah, you try not to cry. In my case, at least I wasn't blubbering. But I felt bad. How could you not? It was a touching thing, and you feel bad for someone losing a parent by something that, for the most part, is avoidable. How do I know? Look up the stats on those that get lung cancer, and then how many were smokers? Well, her Mom was and my Dad was, too. Don't smoke, your chances of getting lung cancer go down quite a bit. I even got a gift for showing up. Apparently, lung cancer has a color for a ribbon. I had no idea. Pink is for breast cancer, and white or clear has been designated for lung cancer. So I now have a white band around my right wrist that states 'Cancer Sucks' on it. If you know me at all, it's very appropriate.

As for my friends, I know that like they are in my heart, I am in their heart. I send them texts, or call and leave a voicemail. I know everyone is busy, and I mock them for it. Because most people aren't nearly as busy as they think. I know that something that plays over and over in my head is a conversation my Dad and I had, maybe 3 or 4 years ago, right after I quit my job. I was at home for Christmas, and we were discussing work, commutes, stupid folks that you have to work with, mean people, just nasty stuff of why one would work in certain conditions. And he told me that no one ever sat there on their deathbed wishing they worked more. How many stories or movies or books have you come across where the message has been family, or to not take yourself too seriously? I guess that's why when I'm doing my job search, I know now what I can and cannot tolerate. I've already turned down 2 interviews in the last month, because they weren't a fit for me. I'd be a miserable prick in 3 months if I had taken either of those roles, how does that help me be a better man? I firmly believe that everyone is given certain gifts, be it the ability to listen, or help heal others wounds, or to motivate people to be the best of their own potential. I think that one of my gifts is the ability to make people laugh, or at least laugh at themselves. We all need to lighten up.

I assure you, there will be no politics in this blog posting. It's too tiring, and they all should be replaced. I will tell you that I have more friends than I ever thought I would. I'm not nearly as mean and as nasty as I've been portrayed nor put out there. Those days are in the past. I can probably still get nasty with the rest of them, but I no longer see the purpose.

I went out to a Rockies game a few years ago, and I got to see a glimpse into my past. My friend's son just turned 21. Remember 21? Remember how you were going to set the world on fire? Remember how you were going to be different, change things, shake it all up? Remember being an expert, yet not knowing the question? I do. I also remember slowing down at 24 and not allowing myself to enjoy my 20's. Thing is, I can't get those years back. And since I don't believe in making up for lost time, just live. Every man dies, but so few live. The 21 year old kid is a good egg, too smart for his own good, and an expert on everything. I giggle at that last part. At 33, I'm convinced I know less and am more comfortable with that than anything else. Oh, and the kid has horrid breath. I mean, it could peel paint. Here's to hoping I don't run into him at a loud bar where he has to talk close..tic tac?

For something amusing, I will explain to you my field trip to the unemployment office. After my trip back to Boston, I was looking forward to seeing my funds in my bank account. To no avail. When I called to find out what was going on, I was told I had to sign up for something else. Funny, I was certain when I was at the employment office I asked if I had to do anything else and was told, 'No'. Not that big a deal, it's only a 10 minute drive. Yet, while I had this thought all throughout most of my adult life that I wasn't a class warrior, the opposite is true. You present an image every time you walk out of your house. Some days it's to Target, so who cares? Well, the employment office, I'd think you ought to care. I could not have been more wrong. Allow me to state the following-I could've not showered for a week, let a dog take a crap on my front porch and let that petrify for a week, where that as a hat, and still smelled better than the rest of the people, sans the folks working there, in that employment center. I wanted to particularly ask the guy 2 seats (!) away from me if he just used a bunch of cigarette butts as a facecloth, because he reeked. Calling him a dirty ashtray would've been a step up. Funny, because when my name was called, I was apologized to 3 times for the 10 minute wait. I don't have a job, I've got nothing but time, but this poor woman thanked me for my patience and for being clean. Can you even fathom that? I asked her if she would hire any of these folks the way they were dressed, she just gave me a look that was beyond priceless. So much for pride, I guess.

I have a question for the clowns at ESPN...so the Boston Bruins have the best goalie, best defenseman and the best coach, but you put the Blackhawks on the cover? You celebrate Patrick Kane?? The kid who just punched a cab driver in Buffalo over 20 cents? Did I miss something? Was this a regional thing? If that's the case, can I get the California cover to see the San Jose Sharks, they were pretty good last year, if memory serves.

So what else? Not too much, family is family, friends are friends, I've got a wedding that I'm in on Saturday, and I can honestly say that after watching what my friend is going thru, I really do wonder what all the hub-bub is about. He's driving himself nuts about the littlest of details, the things that he'll never even remember once Saturday comes. The forecast calls for snow...is that good luck? I don't believe in luck when it comes to matters of the heart. Timing? Now that's something I firmly believe has to be right, or it'll never happen. I'm happy I get to be a part of his wedding party, kind of surprised that he pulled me aside and told me I should've been his best man, but due to family obligations, well, I know. All in all it's been a good year, I have a Godson and shoulda been a best man. Maybe I've been doing things okay all along and don't need to question the details. My friends love me for who I am, not for who I'm not.

I could bore you with a baseball playoff preview, or go on and on about the NFL, but right now there's no point. When it comes to sports, we cheer for laundry. I know, me of all people, sports isn't my #1 thing. Maybe this time that's a good thing.

Have a great Wednesday...I know it's October, but I'm going to crank out more blogs, I assure you...I have a goal in mind for the year.

My trip to Boston

Stupid snooze button...that's what I thought walking out my door last Friday. Then I thought better-stupid moron for hitting the snooze button. I barely made my 8 AM flight. I hit every light along the way to the airport. I had 2 buses pass me while waiting at the parking lot. Then I hit the outside bag checker at 7:17, which is 2 whole minutes after the 45 minute window to make sure your luggage would be on your flight. I asked the guy if he could make sure, he said 'no problem'....I should find him and call him a liar, because that was not the case.

I got to fly thru Chicago Midway, not a bad airport, and it's nicer than I remember. Then off to Boston. I land, it's ugly. It's gray, it's raining/misting. I have tickets to the Sox/Rays game, for my boy's bachelor weekend. I wait for my bag, it never showed. Crap Salad!! So I got to fill out a form and was told that if it made it on the next flight, I would owe them $20 for delivery-but if it came on the flight after that, it would be free....what kind of racket is this? Well, I know my luck, so I was prepped to fork over the $20 dummy tax.

My buddy picked me up, went to our hotel, and I can see TD Banknorth Garden from our room! It's like a 10 minute walk. Another buddy picks us up, and we're off to the game while it's raining, this doesn't look good, like I don't think they'll get the game in. Well, they got 20 pitches in, then had a rain delay for 2 hours and 20 minutes. I'll tell you that the Sox and their management team are not on my Christmas card list. They simply kept the doors open in order to ring up some beer sales. There was no way this game was getting played. It truly irked me, as my feet were all cold and wet-I hate that! But the best part of the evening hadn't even happened yet...
We left Fenway, my boy and I dropped off at the hotel. We walk 4 steps in, find that my luggage was delivered, paid the front desk the $20 dummy tax, and decided we weren't even close to being done drinking. So we went to the bar down the street. It was us two, the bartender, and the cackle of broads (I'm well aware that certain women don't like the term 'broad'...guess what, don't be a broad and I won't call you one, umkay?). The bartender was a bit surly and wanted the drunk broads- her term now, not mine-gone from her bar. I had a beer, he had a glass of wine (cue the 'fag' jokes) and she asked us what the heck we were doing here of all places. Yup, she was sarcastic, but funny. When my buddy told her bachelor party, she had to respond with, 'So, all your friends here, huh?' It's times like this that I miss Boston. No one got my sarcastic wit when I moved out here 12 years ago, and this reminded me why. We have thicker skin, there, I said it. I looked at my watch, it was 11:45, and was asked if I wanted another beer. Time to shift. My buddy then realized what day it was (read the last blog posting), and told me he was so sorry for being selfish. I had to assure him that this day was all about him but I had to pay my respects my way, albeit subtly. Time for Abosolut, rocks, no fruit. He switched to Grey Goose and soda. He wasn't paying attention to what she was pouring, but I was. She had the heaviest hand I've seen in years. Count 1 'so why are you guys hanging around here?' Count 2 'Why not have your bachelor party in Vegas?'..you get the idea.
When she handed him his drink he took a sip and it was go-time. She said, 'my condolences on the nuptuals.' Classic. The drunk broads left, and a couple showed up, and they were arguing. If there is another thing that is completely underrated about the northeast, it's the passion people bring. It might be misconstrued or completely misguided, but make no mistake, we care...maybe a little too much. Come to find out, they are getting married the day before my buddy, in Fanuiel Hall. Small world, I swear. At 1, the bartender shuts it down. But Boston is still open, considering we're in Charlestown. $5 cab ride, here we come.
Cabbie dropped us off right in front of The Harp, and the guy wouldn't let us in. Go figure. So down the street we went to McGann's Pub, now it's like 1:20. The girl at the register tried to whack us $10 each for a cover charge. Last call was in 10 minutes! So we talked her down to $5 for the two of us. Shot and a beer, and we turn around to what has to be the goofiest band I've ever seen. The lead singer has his head shaved into the classic half-moon, the drummer looks like a lineman, the guitarist like any other 17 year old kid with a bad haircut knowing two chords, and the electric cello. Yup, read that again. He looked like he was in his own world. I've spent 10 minutes looking online and can't find the name of this band, but if anyone knows it, please let me know so that I can somehow get one of their songs played at my buddies wedding. After the laughing, shot and a beer, I was told to go get another round. Happy to oblige. I turn around to see my friend taking off his watch. The lead singer tells us that this song is sure to piss off any and ever Italian American. The lyric? "Frank Sinatra is a fucking homo". I laughed my ass off. By now, 5 people are moshing. There might be 30 people including staff in this place. I asked my buddy why the watch came off. He clearly was drunk, insinuating that it might be tough to leave this place...Yeah, right. We left, Yo Cabbie!!

Saturday was more of the same, except that my boy woke up with a hangover. I woke up with the cobwebs. I think I went to bed around 3, woke up at 9. Buffet breakfast here we come. He was supposed to go golfing, I was supposed to meet a friend, neither of those panned out. Since we were the only two down at breakfast who hadn't showered, we laughed. It's why he's one of my best friends, we laugh at pretty much everything. Well, no one wanted to be the one to cancel golf on the poor guy, so he made the call. It was raining, pretty good, golf wasn't happening. And of course the obligatory 'CaddyShack' quotes, we had fun. A few of the guys decided to meet us at North Station and go get beers and apps well before dinner at 8. So we walked down to The Fours, and were immediately put on the paynomind list by the waitress. Forgotten about for a good 15 minutes. Since the 5 of us hadn't been around together in a good 3 years, ball-bustin' was going on until the drunk of the group (no, not me) realized we had no beer...blasphemy!! We had some beer and some apps, then another joined us. Now we're 6. Off to Fanueil Hall. We went to McFadden's, where they have this huge TV/posting board where you can text things and they will show up. Apparently, no filter. So there were all these Florida fans when my buddy Chris decided to let them know that "Tebow is a Gay". Then the bachelor decided to let the two girls standing next to us eating chicken wings that I wished I were a chicken wing. And as soon as it was posted screamed out my name, "Hey, A!" Yup, my friends. Then off to the Black Rose. And then time to get ready for dinner.
I had to go back to the hotel, I needed a fresh shirt, and ran around in the rain for a second. Dinner was down in the North End, and I forgot where I was for a second where I was. The sidewalks fit one person, pretty much, and tourists tend to stop in the middle for no damn good reason other than they've never seen gelato. We got to the restaurant and the food was great. It was loud as all get out, and then off to a bar. Hey, when it's your boy's bachelor weekend, you do what they want. No strippers, no problem. No road trip to Montreal? Fine, I guess (yes, 3 of my friends honestly thought that's what we'd be doing...and it would've been great). After a few more beers, my buddy Jay gave me the sign for it was time to go. The bachelor was upstairs at the club portion, and we were in the bar. I sent him a text message, to no avail, since he was with his cousins. Jay was kind enough to drive me to my hotel, but not before we made a detour to Kelly's on the beach (it's just something we do, and it's awesome).

Sunday morning, I'm up and out the door, lugging my luggage to North Station to catch the train to Lowell, so my brother can come and get me, and so we can watch football. He came and got me, and I have a few observations on the kid-he's mad, and no one knows at what. I have no clue why he's so angry, so wanting to fight or argue with anyone and everyone. He smokes WAY too much weed, and he has a girlfriend, so he gets some on the regular. I thought with the effects of THC and the endorphin rush from the nookie, the kid should be in a pretty good mood, wouldn't you? I think it's safe to say the kid might even be bipolar. One minute all sweet and nice, next minute he'd do bodily harm to you. I don't get it. Let's just say watching football was a bit unnerving. I got to see my Ma, too.
She's alright. She's lonely, confused, sad, and trying to get thru every day. I can't fathom what it would be like to lose someone I loved for 40 years. But she did need to laugh, and that's what I do best, I make her laugh, because I'm just nuts. Not in the bad way, I'm just goofy.
I got to see my boy G$, too. He's been in his place for like 4 years and I've never seen it. He's got his mancave set up with a 120-inch HD projection screen, it's sick. The perfect thing to watch football on, I swear. It was great to catch up with him, too. He lost his Dad in January, so we're now a part of this fraternity, and neither one of us ended up rushing it. Since we've been friends since the 8th grade, oldest siblings and the sanest of our respective families, let's just say we share a lot of common threads. He's even a Yankees fan, and I don't hold that against him. It was just great to see him and reconnect.

Monday was nothing, other than me planning for Tuesday (you'll see it in a second), I crashed out for most of the day, did some things around the house for Ma, and then my brother drove me to my buddy Jay's house. Jay was kind enough to give me a key to his house Saturday night, and was giving me one of his cars to borrow for my excursion. I stayed up all night planning my route for Tuesday.

So what was Tuesday? Easy, it was my best and last attempt at finding a job in Boston. 8 companies, one car, one day. No appointments. Just a suit and tie on and resumes in hand. The definition of old school. And I could not have done this without Jay. You all should be so lucky to have a friend like him. So the companies-well, I had touched base with every one of these either by applying online or snail mail cover letters. They weren't random. Quick notes on every one of them (one in Charlestown, 6 in Waltham, and the last in Burlington):

CO 1-Person I wanted to speak to was in a just-called all day meeting, but the receptionist was shocked that anyone from Denver would come all the way just for a possible 5 minute meeting.
CO 2-I will never talk to these folks again. Nor have I been treated so rudely. You'd have thought I was peddling Satan Worshipping or Amway. The door was never opened completely, the woman told me they weren't hiring as her intro to opening the door and then told me they just laid off people. Funny, when I spoke with the CEO 3 months ago, things were going great.
CO 3-They were polite, but wanted nothing to do with me.
CO 4-The person I wanted to talk to was in Connecticut, but the guy who took my resume was very polite and wished me well. After CO 2, I needed a bit of a boost.
CO 5-The person I wanted to talk to was in Venice, Italy. Seriously, Connecticut is far enough, no need to go across the Atlantic to duck me...sheesh. But the guy that took my resume was impressed that I just showed up.
Then, it was lunch with my friend Kim. I met Kim at a conference last year in Vegas, and I was the only one of my company that met her that didn't try to bed her. Why? Well, the giant wedding ring was kind of clue. I don't hit on married women, and I'm not a complete pig. And her company and my company were in discussions to form a partnership, guess who was leading that? Yours truly. Catching up with her was great, and gave me the 'juice' I needed to continue my quest of hitting up these companies.
CO 6-They couldn't find the VP, but knew she was in the building. Her assistant, all 23 bubbly years of her, came out to meet me. In 3 minutes she had to tell me 5 times how impressed and cool it was that I just showed up. I also got to scare the bejesus out of the guy in the elevator with me on the way up, because he was in a suit as well, for an interview. He even asked if I was interviewing for the same job as he was, and I told him it depended on the job. He's a software developer, so he's very safe.
CO 7-I had emailed this guy 3 times and left 2 messages, to no avail. Now I was bound and determined to have this guy meet me (let's just say I'm a wee bit stubborn), and after the guilt trip that the receptionist gave him, "He's all the way here from Denver, find 5 minutes!" he made time. He was extremely impressed and we discussed some roles and what I'm looking for. I hold no hope, but was thankful for 5 minutes.
CO 8-Before I walked into the building, I ran into someone I worked with at Sun, out here in Colorado-small freaking world. I told the receptionist who I was looking for, and she said he's no longer there...damn. I asked for the new guy. He came out in 2 minutes and told me he had to meet me. Who, me? Why? "Tell your friends in Denver that cold calling still works." Holy crap!! We spoke for a half hour. He's putting together a management team to realize the return on leadership development (why this cranks my engine, I have no idea-but if the end result is that I somehow develop better leaders in companies instead of the constant barrage of middle-management diaperdumpage I've been seeing, I'm all in), and he wants to talk to me again. I was shocked and excited. I've left him one voicemail, and will be calling again on Monday.
So, as you can see, the day got better, but then it got great. I got to see and hold my Godson. He's grown so much in 3 months it's ridiculous. He gave me some raspberries and he's just so darn cute. If you have a Tuesday like that, lemme know, we can compare notes.

Wednesday was Ma day. It's her normal day off so we got to hang out, go to lunch, and talk. She loves our talks. I got to tell her about my search, which got her all sorts of psyched. We talked about how she's doing, why she's so afraid to go out and meet people (hullo? At 58, if you don't have that in your skillset, I could see it being difficult). She was so proud and shocked about what I did on Tuesday, but wanted to make sure it wasn't for any reason other than me. And I told her what I'll tell you now-It was for me, it was done my way, I left it all out there, no regrets. If none of these companies don't want my talent, that's cool with me, but I did it how I wanted to do it. Besides, who else could it be for? I wasn't kidding when I stated that I was going to be more selfish. I can be a prick just like the rest of them. I even thought of extending my trip, on the chance that the guy from CO 8 called and wanted to talk on Friday. I was going to pair that with seeing someone else, but it all fell thru.
But hanging with Ma was great. And then she cried because she realized that I was leaving Thursday morning. I told her don't cry, I may be back in November, and who knows, maybe sooner if I get one of these companies to nut up and hire me. She was cool with that. I had to reassure her that if this doesn't work, I'll go down another path, and that soon enough she'll be fine and well taken care of. I won't share that path because I want this one to finish before really thinking about it.
I did get to see my boy G$ again and my friend Heather, who's visiting from Salt Lake City (she's not a huge fan, whoda thunk it?). I just thought it was cool that I got to see someone else visiting from out of town. My brother even joined us for a drink, and he got along with my friends, which was a very pleasant surprise.

Thursday, on a bus way too early to make sure I made my flight and didn't get charged for my luggage this time...what can I say, I'm a planner. Ma dropped me off and almost crushed my ribs with her hug. I miss her already. Bus ride was in the morning commute (who's the genius who planned the return flight? Crap, that was me), thank goodness for the iPod, I swear! My flights were good, just glad to be back in my own bed after 3 nights of a couch and 3 nights of a pull out couch. My lower back is none too pleased, but I'll be good soon enough.

That's my trip, I'll keep y'all posted. Have a great Sunday!

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