nothing like using another application to call someone a dumbass or a lunatic-or my favorite-a racist.
It's nice to know the friendship is so valued that we can't agree to disagree, or I can't have an opinion without being called, not to my face of course, any of these things.
Way to be internet tough. Now please, leave me and it alone. I respected your opinion, you shat on mine, now quit asking my opinion on anything, because you'll now get nothing but a big batch of haunting silence.
ya know who you are....
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Ma Dukes is worried....
So my Ma and I usually talk every Sunday. Like, EVERY Sunday, at the same time. Until the last two Sundays. Apparently she works on Sunday, and in doing so, her timing has started to stink. Yesterday she called as I was walking into Costco (more on these dolts in a minute), and she's going deaf, I swear it. After 3 minutes of trying to talk to her, I had to call her back. It got too annoying, with her constant "huh??" and not listening. It's gotten to the point that halfway thru something I'll throw a whopper of a lie in the mix just to see if she's paying attention....she isn't.
Suffice to say, that as I was getting in the checkout line at Costco, me, my cart and the 3 large items in it just wait. And wait. And wait. Why? Because the knucklehead in front of me had to buy a pair of swim trunks for her kid, and naturally had to be the ONE PAIR without a damn tag. Really? This escapes you, oh dim-witted-giant-assed-woman-wearing-(duh)-a-track-suit-while-yelling-for-your-kid-to-get-you-an-ice-cream-cone? Between that and her soul patch, she was a looker. (and in case you haven't read my stuff before, here it comes....) I'm pissed for multiple reasons:
1. This sow didn't have a cart, had 3 items, two sets of swimwear and a box of cookies, with a teenager and a child. Did they take my cart and put her crap in it? Have we met? Of course they did.
2. As the poor bastard ringing her up has to have the box lady go run and get another pair of shorts for the tag, I get that sheepish look with a muffled apology. Look, either step up and say 'my bad' or say nothing, and don't even think of looking at me. You're another one of these mouth-breathers I hear so much about. I know I haven't been out there in the world much lately, due to my lack of employment. But now that I'm amongst the working and back to being a weekly consumer-what the fuck happened to the gene pool?
3. This may be a side note-but one that bears noting. How is these morons have sex and I'm left to my favorite internet sites for physical gratification? You mean to tell me that there is some dolt out there happy to have his pud yanked by her cookiedoughicecreamcrusted hands and I gotta do my own? Yup, I need to dummy up, or stock up on chloroform. Christ, and to think I thought it was a good idea to save myself for a time for someone I thought was worth a damn. Once again, write this down-when it comes to women, I am a dumbass.
4. Finally after the swim trunk delay is over, I have my 3 items rung up and am asked if I need a box, a refreshing escape from the week prior, when I was watched fumbling around like a jackass with 5 items before I turned away and only THEN was asked if I wanted a box. I told the box lady "no, I had a cart"....her face turned pale. I have no idea. Maybe it was the look of wondering if anyone thinks half a step ahead of anything in this giant conglomerate of consumerism. C'mon now, everyone knows the crap you buy at whatever superclub you shop at cannot be carried out. Anything more than one item is like watching someone try and move a 26-inch TV from 12 years ago. Sure, it can be done, but your hands, shoulders, back and hammies are gonna burn. Oh, that and you look like the de-evolution of man as you try to hand the old guy cheating death checking your receipt-just in case you think you can slip that 5 lb. bag of Craisins past him-notsofastmyfriend.
5. Now if you think above is where I got pissed off happened, you would be sadly mistaken. As I walk out to my car, I see some dickhead on a cell phone (duh) yacking away as he parks his now empty cart next to my car on the drivers side. What's on the passenger side? The freakin' cart corral! I lost it. Not bad, but had to let out a loud "You have got to be kidding me!! Are people this fucking lazy??" It was then that a moment of clarity came about, but was (thankfully) driven home by watching another assclown on a cell phone almost back into a family in an SUV that was already halfway out of it's spot. Naturally, cell phone douche kept on his merry way.
6. I will not apologize for wanting to get my crap and get out. That's it. I will be pleasant to almost anyone, until they prove how dumb they are. How are this many people walking around upright? How have they not been picked off by natural selection? Oh, I know the answer, and it only makes me more irritated.
After this debacle, I got in my car, deep breathe, plugged my cell phone into the headset, and called my Mom. She said I seemed a bit fired up. I went thru all the fun I've been having:
Mainly, I'm old. I helped someone move on Saturday and was still sore on Monday. And to think, I've been eating much better since Lent started. For what? And I've been exercising. Again-why?? I say those last two in jest, but really, no soda, no fast food, no bacon, for 40 days.
That twice in the last 2 weeks someone in my neighborhood has practically accosted me before I get to take one step out of my car. Not anyone I know, either. The first one was some punk kid asking me for money. No shame, either. The better one was this past Saturday night. I went to my buddy's house for spaghetti dinner. His sauce hits me rough. Very acidic. We've talked in the past about sticking a carrot in there or a little sugar, just to cut it down, to no avail. Well as I was stepping out of my car (11:30 at night) I was racing time to get to the bathroom. I hear, 'excuse me, can I borrow your phone I locked myself out of my house." I couldn't even see this person it was so dark out. I just blurted out that I don't even have a phone on me. What I got in return was, very rudely, dripping with sarcasm, "Well Happy Easter to you, Jesus Saves". GRRRRRRRRRRR. Do not bring up Jesus Christ in this discussion. I'd had enough, and told this woman, "Ma'am, if it's between you, Jesus, a phone and me dropping deuce in the next 30 seconds, the only one winning is the toilet, may Jesus himself save my O-ring" and with that wogged (jogged/walked) into my house.
I want to know what on God's green earth is wrong with some people? I know it's me sometimes, it has to be. I can't be right all the time. But in these few examples above, I know I am. Best part-all of these people have been employed longer than I have, I can guarandamntee it.
So Ma Dukes wants me to relax or I'll blow a gasket. I think the opposite. I seem to have very little patience and it's always a chore to be polite to assholes, so why not try and get paid to be the angry aggravated person I am? I have an infinite amount of piss & vinegar, and that is where I end up getting many people to laugh along with me. Who's the most ticked off comic out there right now? How old are they and how long have they been in the business? See where I'm going with this?
All it means is that the website I promised is still forthcoming, I will be writing more often (I have to-no way I'll get any better at it unless you keep doing it), and I will almost assuredly be taking a comedy writing class to emphasize the standup portion. And yes, take it personal.
----------------
Now playing: Nappy Roots - Good Day
via FoxyTunes
Suffice to say, that as I was getting in the checkout line at Costco, me, my cart and the 3 large items in it just wait. And wait. And wait. Why? Because the knucklehead in front of me had to buy a pair of swim trunks for her kid, and naturally had to be the ONE PAIR without a damn tag. Really? This escapes you, oh dim-witted-giant-assed-woman-wearing-(duh)-a-track-suit-while-yelling-for-your-kid-to-get-you-an-ice-cream-cone? Between that and her soul patch, she was a looker. (and in case you haven't read my stuff before, here it comes....) I'm pissed for multiple reasons:
1. This sow didn't have a cart, had 3 items, two sets of swimwear and a box of cookies, with a teenager and a child. Did they take my cart and put her crap in it? Have we met? Of course they did.
2. As the poor bastard ringing her up has to have the box lady go run and get another pair of shorts for the tag, I get that sheepish look with a muffled apology. Look, either step up and say 'my bad' or say nothing, and don't even think of looking at me. You're another one of these mouth-breathers I hear so much about. I know I haven't been out there in the world much lately, due to my lack of employment. But now that I'm amongst the working and back to being a weekly consumer-what the fuck happened to the gene pool?
3. This may be a side note-but one that bears noting. How is these morons have sex and I'm left to my favorite internet sites for physical gratification? You mean to tell me that there is some dolt out there happy to have his pud yanked by her cookiedoughicecreamcrusted hands and I gotta do my own? Yup, I need to dummy up, or stock up on chloroform. Christ, and to think I thought it was a good idea to save myself for a time for someone I thought was worth a damn. Once again, write this down-when it comes to women, I am a dumbass.
4. Finally after the swim trunk delay is over, I have my 3 items rung up and am asked if I need a box, a refreshing escape from the week prior, when I was watched fumbling around like a jackass with 5 items before I turned away and only THEN was asked if I wanted a box. I told the box lady "no, I had a cart"....her face turned pale. I have no idea. Maybe it was the look of wondering if anyone thinks half a step ahead of anything in this giant conglomerate of consumerism. C'mon now, everyone knows the crap you buy at whatever superclub you shop at cannot be carried out. Anything more than one item is like watching someone try and move a 26-inch TV from 12 years ago. Sure, it can be done, but your hands, shoulders, back and hammies are gonna burn. Oh, that and you look like the de-evolution of man as you try to hand the old guy cheating death checking your receipt-just in case you think you can slip that 5 lb. bag of Craisins past him-notsofastmyfriend.
5. Now if you think above is where I got pissed off happened, you would be sadly mistaken. As I walk out to my car, I see some dickhead on a cell phone (duh) yacking away as he parks his now empty cart next to my car on the drivers side. What's on the passenger side? The freakin' cart corral! I lost it. Not bad, but had to let out a loud "You have got to be kidding me!! Are people this fucking lazy??" It was then that a moment of clarity came about, but was (thankfully) driven home by watching another assclown on a cell phone almost back into a family in an SUV that was already halfway out of it's spot. Naturally, cell phone douche kept on his merry way.
6. I will not apologize for wanting to get my crap and get out. That's it. I will be pleasant to almost anyone, until they prove how dumb they are. How are this many people walking around upright? How have they not been picked off by natural selection? Oh, I know the answer, and it only makes me more irritated.
After this debacle, I got in my car, deep breathe, plugged my cell phone into the headset, and called my Mom. She said I seemed a bit fired up. I went thru all the fun I've been having:
Mainly, I'm old. I helped someone move on Saturday and was still sore on Monday. And to think, I've been eating much better since Lent started. For what? And I've been exercising. Again-why?? I say those last two in jest, but really, no soda, no fast food, no bacon, for 40 days.
That twice in the last 2 weeks someone in my neighborhood has practically accosted me before I get to take one step out of my car. Not anyone I know, either. The first one was some punk kid asking me for money. No shame, either. The better one was this past Saturday night. I went to my buddy's house for spaghetti dinner. His sauce hits me rough. Very acidic. We've talked in the past about sticking a carrot in there or a little sugar, just to cut it down, to no avail. Well as I was stepping out of my car (11:30 at night) I was racing time to get to the bathroom. I hear, 'excuse me, can I borrow your phone I locked myself out of my house." I couldn't even see this person it was so dark out. I just blurted out that I don't even have a phone on me. What I got in return was, very rudely, dripping with sarcasm, "Well Happy Easter to you, Jesus Saves". GRRRRRRRRRRR. Do not bring up Jesus Christ in this discussion. I'd had enough, and told this woman, "Ma'am, if it's between you, Jesus, a phone and me dropping deuce in the next 30 seconds, the only one winning is the toilet, may Jesus himself save my O-ring" and with that wogged (jogged/walked) into my house.
I want to know what on God's green earth is wrong with some people? I know it's me sometimes, it has to be. I can't be right all the time. But in these few examples above, I know I am. Best part-all of these people have been employed longer than I have, I can guarandamntee it.
So Ma Dukes wants me to relax or I'll blow a gasket. I think the opposite. I seem to have very little patience and it's always a chore to be polite to assholes, so why not try and get paid to be the angry aggravated person I am? I have an infinite amount of piss & vinegar, and that is where I end up getting many people to laugh along with me. Who's the most ticked off comic out there right now? How old are they and how long have they been in the business? See where I'm going with this?
All it means is that the website I promised is still forthcoming, I will be writing more often (I have to-no way I'll get any better at it unless you keep doing it), and I will almost assuredly be taking a comedy writing class to emphasize the standup portion. And yes, take it personal.
----------------
Now playing: Nappy Roots - Good Day
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, April 14, 2011
NBA Playoff predictions-1st round
Look, I'm tired, I've been busting my hump at work. I'm trying to find new work after 2 weeks of doing nothing. And the Bruins lost Game 1 to the stinkin' Habs....what the hell.
Since I'm not sure when the next time I'll be able to log on to this site to make a post, like maybe not even until Sunday. Well, we got games on Saturday, so here it is, in all its glory, my 1st round NBA Playoff predictions:
Eastern Conference
(8)Indiana vs. (1)Chicago: All those who think Indiana has a shot at winning one game raise your hand? For real? I sure as hell don't. Chicago will not be denied anything but a sweep in this series, they are all about the business at hand, and their hiring of Tom Thibodeau should go down as the best move of the year. Who wins?-aren't you reading this?? Chicago in 4.
(7)Philadelphia vs. (2)Miami: There is no real reason to watch this series if you're a 76ers fan but for 2 reasons [and you'll need 'em] for hope-if Elton Brand can turn back the clock and be an inside stud and to watch Andre Iguodala take turns guarding LeBron James and Dwayne Wade. Otherwise Miami should run away with this series. Maybe Philly makes it interesting on one night. Who wins?-Miami in 5.
(6)New York vs. (3)Boston: Everyone in Denver is a Celtics fan!! This is hilarious, and I love it. The hatred for MeloDrama Anthony is so great in this city that I've been told by numerous people that they are Celtics fans. The C's have looked tired and out of sorts of late. I hated the Kendrick Perkins trade when it happened-the C's happened to play in Denver the night of the deal, and looked out of it then, and nothing's changed. I hate the trade even more now. Why? Simple-you don't trade 'heart' guys. Every team has one. A guy fans love, he'll never get his jersey retired, but real fans know who they are. In Boston their names are Marty Barrett, Bill Mueller, Jason Varitek, Troy Brown, Tedy Bruschi, Kevin Faulk, Don Sweeney, Jay Miller, Dennis Johnson, James Posey, Eddie House. Get my drift? I've seen one in Colorado, his name is Chris Drury, he now plays for the Rangers...and that always pisses me off. The C's should win this series just due to the fact that they are a better team. NY may have some better more talented parts, but if you subscribe to the adage that 'defense wins championships' then the Celtics should win. NY won't make it easy. And please, someone can anyone preemptively shut up Stuart Scott talking to/about Spike Lee? Someone get Donnie Wahlberg on the phone to take care of this, New Kids-style. Who wins-Boston in 6.
(5)Atlanta vs. (4)Orlando: Anyone want to pick which Atlanta team shows up? The Hawks are just good enough to tease you into thinking they are a good basketball team. Until they play a good team. Oh look-a good team from Orlando showed up as their matchup. Who wins?-Orlando in 5.
Western Conference
(8)Memphis vs. (1)San Antonio-I'm worried for the Spurs. They're old. And Manu Ginobli has a sprained non-shooting elbow. Uh, you have to use your elbow to play hoops. Memphis is hurt as well but they have more beef on the post. Who wins?-I'll go San Antonio in 6, but it won't be easy, not even remotely.
(7)New Orleans vs. (2)LA Lakers: The Hornets have one chance and one chance only to win this series-PG Chris Paul plays out of his mind and pulls a combo of Allen Iverson in 2001/Bernard King in 1984/Andrew Toney in 1982/Isiah Thomas in 1989. That's the only way it happens. LA will [I'm speculating] be without a full strength C Andrew Bynum, but that shouldn't matter too much in this series. Who wins?-Lakers in 5.
(6)Portland vs. (3)Dallas: An 'interesting' series? Not really. Best matchup will be Dirk Nowitzki vs. LaMarcus Aldridge. Portland could go gangbusters on the boards and steal some wins. Is Dallas ready to right the shooting script? The question needs to be asked as the Mavericks spent most of the last month throwing up a variety of bricks that would do a mason proud. HoopHeads will love this series, the general public won't. Depending on who controls the remote in my house will define whether I return to HoopHead status or not. Who wins?-Portland in 6.
(5)Denver vs. (4)Oklahoma City: Oh if things had turned a little bit different. Denver admitted it would have rather seen Dallas in the first round. Fans in Denver want to know why the MeloDrama didn't end sooner, as this team has been much more fun to watch and cheer for. Oklahoma City has 2 scorers in Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, along with James Harden coming off the bench. Denver has a 2-headed monster at PG in Raymond Felton and Ty Lawson. If the Nuggets as a team can get hot they can stay in this series. OK City is just too talented, and they now have a mean streak they didn't have last year. Gee, where did that come from? Oh yeah, it's from Kendrick Perkins. Book it here-he's the key to the Western Conference playoffs. Danny Ainge owes KG, Pierce, Allen and Rondo an apology-he traded away a 'heart' guy, and while it will hurt the Celtics, watch how much it helps the Thunder. Miss ya, Big Perk!! Who wins?-Oklahoma City in 6 awesomely entertaining games.
Time to go fire off a resume-yes I'm back to job hunting....but this time it's while I have a job!
Think-while you still can. Some idiot in DC wants to tax it, I'm sure!
Since I'm not sure when the next time I'll be able to log on to this site to make a post, like maybe not even until Sunday. Well, we got games on Saturday, so here it is, in all its glory, my 1st round NBA Playoff predictions:
Eastern Conference
(8)Indiana vs. (1)Chicago: All those who think Indiana has a shot at winning one game raise your hand? For real? I sure as hell don't. Chicago will not be denied anything but a sweep in this series, they are all about the business at hand, and their hiring of Tom Thibodeau should go down as the best move of the year. Who wins?-aren't you reading this?? Chicago in 4.
(7)Philadelphia vs. (2)Miami: There is no real reason to watch this series if you're a 76ers fan but for 2 reasons [and you'll need 'em] for hope-if Elton Brand can turn back the clock and be an inside stud and to watch Andre Iguodala take turns guarding LeBron James and Dwayne Wade. Otherwise Miami should run away with this series. Maybe Philly makes it interesting on one night. Who wins?-Miami in 5.
(6)New York vs. (3)Boston: Everyone in Denver is a Celtics fan!! This is hilarious, and I love it. The hatred for MeloDrama Anthony is so great in this city that I've been told by numerous people that they are Celtics fans. The C's have looked tired and out of sorts of late. I hated the Kendrick Perkins trade when it happened-the C's happened to play in Denver the night of the deal, and looked out of it then, and nothing's changed. I hate the trade even more now. Why? Simple-you don't trade 'heart' guys. Every team has one. A guy fans love, he'll never get his jersey retired, but real fans know who they are. In Boston their names are Marty Barrett, Bill Mueller, Jason Varitek, Troy Brown, Tedy Bruschi, Kevin Faulk, Don Sweeney, Jay Miller, Dennis Johnson, James Posey, Eddie House. Get my drift? I've seen one in Colorado, his name is Chris Drury, he now plays for the Rangers...and that always pisses me off. The C's should win this series just due to the fact that they are a better team. NY may have some better more talented parts, but if you subscribe to the adage that 'defense wins championships' then the Celtics should win. NY won't make it easy. And please, someone can anyone preemptively shut up Stuart Scott talking to/about Spike Lee? Someone get Donnie Wahlberg on the phone to take care of this, New Kids-style. Who wins-Boston in 6.
(5)Atlanta vs. (4)Orlando: Anyone want to pick which Atlanta team shows up? The Hawks are just good enough to tease you into thinking they are a good basketball team. Until they play a good team. Oh look-a good team from Orlando showed up as their matchup. Who wins?-Orlando in 5.
Western Conference
(8)Memphis vs. (1)San Antonio-I'm worried for the Spurs. They're old. And Manu Ginobli has a sprained non-shooting elbow. Uh, you have to use your elbow to play hoops. Memphis is hurt as well but they have more beef on the post. Who wins?-I'll go San Antonio in 6, but it won't be easy, not even remotely.
(7)New Orleans vs. (2)LA Lakers: The Hornets have one chance and one chance only to win this series-PG Chris Paul plays out of his mind and pulls a combo of Allen Iverson in 2001/Bernard King in 1984/Andrew Toney in 1982/Isiah Thomas in 1989. That's the only way it happens. LA will [I'm speculating] be without a full strength C Andrew Bynum, but that shouldn't matter too much in this series. Who wins?-Lakers in 5.
(6)Portland vs. (3)Dallas: An 'interesting' series? Not really. Best matchup will be Dirk Nowitzki vs. LaMarcus Aldridge. Portland could go gangbusters on the boards and steal some wins. Is Dallas ready to right the shooting script? The question needs to be asked as the Mavericks spent most of the last month throwing up a variety of bricks that would do a mason proud. HoopHeads will love this series, the general public won't. Depending on who controls the remote in my house will define whether I return to HoopHead status or not. Who wins?-Portland in 6.
(5)Denver vs. (4)Oklahoma City: Oh if things had turned a little bit different. Denver admitted it would have rather seen Dallas in the first round. Fans in Denver want to know why the MeloDrama didn't end sooner, as this team has been much more fun to watch and cheer for. Oklahoma City has 2 scorers in Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, along with James Harden coming off the bench. Denver has a 2-headed monster at PG in Raymond Felton and Ty Lawson. If the Nuggets as a team can get hot they can stay in this series. OK City is just too talented, and they now have a mean streak they didn't have last year. Gee, where did that come from? Oh yeah, it's from Kendrick Perkins. Book it here-he's the key to the Western Conference playoffs. Danny Ainge owes KG, Pierce, Allen and Rondo an apology-he traded away a 'heart' guy, and while it will hurt the Celtics, watch how much it helps the Thunder. Miss ya, Big Perk!! Who wins?-Oklahoma City in 6 awesomely entertaining games.
Time to go fire off a resume-yes I'm back to job hunting....but this time it's while I have a job!
Think-while you still can. Some idiot in DC wants to tax it, I'm sure!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Good News
thanks to bad weather in Boston, the Red Sox can't lose tonight.
Good grief, has the sky fallen over Fenway Park yet? The pitching staff looks like a bunch of girls at prom looking over their shoulder to see who's catching them droppin' it like it's hot. Being a pitching coach isn't that hard-work fast, change speeds, keep the ball down. Done and done. Not these guys. And don't get me started on Dice-K. Horrid is too kind of a word. I've never liked him, as a player or especially watching him. His last Sox start can't come soon enough. They will string together some wins, don't fret too much, we're only 2 weeks into the season.
In case you missed some news from Opening Day, a Giants fan was pummeled outside of Dodger Stadium in LA. The man is still in a coma. Really? For a baseball game? As classless as the attackers are, the WOW award goes to the guy who wrote this article. Way to blame the victim, pal. And I suppose girls who get drunk on a Friday night deserve to be raped, too? This guy and his editor need a reality check, like yesterday.
Is anyone else getting creeped out by the amount of moustaches on TV commercials lately? Maybe it's just me, but I swear I see an unmarked white van drive by my house every time that damn DQ Blizzard commercial comes on.
Finally, a political opinion I can support-don't let ignorant people vote!
And lastly, Kobe Bryant used a 'slur' on TV last night, *gasp*, in the heat of competition. Rightly or wrongly, which is more shocking to you-that Kobe said 'faggot' or that I'm defending his right to say whatever the hell he wants? Quite the quandary, isn't it? While you may not like that word, I've got news for you-he can say it. The NBA fining him is pandering to a group of groups who don't want certain language used. My take? You put microphones all around a bench and you're bound to catch all sorts of language you don't like. And don't start calling it the 'F-word', that one is already taken. Look at the source, and tell me you're really all that surprised. C'mon now, really?
This brings up an interesting couple of points. One I will tackle right here, right now-I'm starting to be reminded that there are certain types of people on this planet that just live to be offended, and in doing so, feel the need to correct you. You may think I'm ignorant, I could care less. Read this or don't. Tell your friends or don't. I don't do this blog for you. It's my current creative outlet. And while I'm not a huge fan of certain words, when I say something I'm not looking for a history lesson nor a discussion of how shitty this country has been in the past or the constant differences in skin-tone and all that happens to reflect on society. If you don't want my opinion, don't ask for it. I'm too damn old and too tired to care about your sensitivities. I've stated it before and I'll do it again:
"You don't have the right to not be offended." Now please, get over yourself, look in the mirror and learn to laugh at yourself. If you choose not to, you'll soon suffocate from stupidity-be it your own or that around you that will turn you crazy.
----------------
Now playing: Mos Def - Know That Ft. Talib Kweli
via FoxyTunes
Good grief, has the sky fallen over Fenway Park yet? The pitching staff looks like a bunch of girls at prom looking over their shoulder to see who's catching them droppin' it like it's hot. Being a pitching coach isn't that hard-work fast, change speeds, keep the ball down. Done and done. Not these guys. And don't get me started on Dice-K. Horrid is too kind of a word. I've never liked him, as a player or especially watching him. His last Sox start can't come soon enough. They will string together some wins, don't fret too much, we're only 2 weeks into the season.
In case you missed some news from Opening Day, a Giants fan was pummeled outside of Dodger Stadium in LA. The man is still in a coma. Really? For a baseball game? As classless as the attackers are, the WOW award goes to the guy who wrote this article. Way to blame the victim, pal. And I suppose girls who get drunk on a Friday night deserve to be raped, too? This guy and his editor need a reality check, like yesterday.
Is anyone else getting creeped out by the amount of moustaches on TV commercials lately? Maybe it's just me, but I swear I see an unmarked white van drive by my house every time that damn DQ Blizzard commercial comes on.
Finally, a political opinion I can support-don't let ignorant people vote!
And lastly, Kobe Bryant used a 'slur' on TV last night, *gasp*, in the heat of competition. Rightly or wrongly, which is more shocking to you-that Kobe said 'faggot' or that I'm defending his right to say whatever the hell he wants? Quite the quandary, isn't it? While you may not like that word, I've got news for you-he can say it. The NBA fining him is pandering to a group of groups who don't want certain language used. My take? You put microphones all around a bench and you're bound to catch all sorts of language you don't like. And don't start calling it the 'F-word', that one is already taken. Look at the source, and tell me you're really all that surprised. C'mon now, really?
This brings up an interesting couple of points. One I will tackle right here, right now-I'm starting to be reminded that there are certain types of people on this planet that just live to be offended, and in doing so, feel the need to correct you. You may think I'm ignorant, I could care less. Read this or don't. Tell your friends or don't. I don't do this blog for you. It's my current creative outlet. And while I'm not a huge fan of certain words, when I say something I'm not looking for a history lesson nor a discussion of how shitty this country has been in the past or the constant differences in skin-tone and all that happens to reflect on society. If you don't want my opinion, don't ask for it. I'm too damn old and too tired to care about your sensitivities. I've stated it before and I'll do it again:
"You don't have the right to not be offended." Now please, get over yourself, look in the mirror and learn to laugh at yourself. If you choose not to, you'll soon suffocate from stupidity-be it your own or that around you that will turn you crazy.
----------------
Now playing: Mos Def - Know That Ft. Talib Kweli
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I know, I know....
Shane, this blogs for you....
I know, it's been like 2 weeks since I've written anything. I get it, some have missed my comedic stylings (yup, all 1 of ya). All I've been doing is working and doing some form of decompression. My mind has been such a whirlwind for so long, between stressing out about finding a job, trying to be a good friend, keeping my family in decent to good spirits and chasing some woman across the country that I made a decision to just stop. Sure I've read the news and kept up with sports, but I needed some time to just go thru the motions and get my head to reset a bit. So now, on to the news, or my random thoughts...
Can anyone just make Lady GaGa go away? I don't get it, she's like the lovechild of Madonna and Boy George, if they were both doing blow during conception.
Never underestimate the power of the almighty dollar dollar bill, y'all. Last night, I was roaming thru the internet, as I'm apt to do, and I saw this highly offensive posting on Kim Kardashian. And I wrote a post it that reads, "Kim Kardashian stands up for something, and here's hoping she gets all of her friends to tell Cosmo 'Thanks, but I'll pass'". Instead, I logged on tonight, and looky look at this. Shocking. Here I was thinking maybe, just maybe someone might stand up and be heard about something. Oh who am I kidding? It's just us peons who have the time to get upset. Kim's got to go get railed by another R&B star to make a 'surprise' video. I am amazed that she's famous due to a sex tape. Sorry, plenty of women with giant asses get railed everyday. Ladies, let this be a lesson-next time you're going to hook up with a celebrity, hit 'record' on the camera and let nature take its course.
Really Chicago? I swear I'll work 3 jobs to make sure no public school crackpot gets anywhere near my kids food. In case you haven't heard, there is a school that prohibits children from bringing a lunch from home. Why? The 'intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.' Are you kidding me? Fine, wrap 'em up in bubble wrap, make sure that they never fall, pump 'em full of drugs, never let them get to deal with things that the rest of the world deals with on an hourly basis. Now don't get me wrong, I wish this policy was in place when my Pops packed my lunch with Egg Salad (bleeeeech), because mayo stays so well in a lunch box next to a thermos full of warm soup. I can safely say (love ya, Pops) that I didn't get the flu that much, I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning....but I digress. While there are a thousand books out there on parenting, I am guessing that one of a parents true joys is packing their kids lunch for school. Doesn't anyone remember cafeteria food? Is Friday still French Bread Pizza/Tater Tot/Fruit Cocktail? Would you feed your kid that shit? Of course not, at least not together. Don't get me started on the parents who make their kid drink milk for every dinner (milk and spaghetti, for the last freakin' time, do NOT go together-would you do that to your stomach?-NO, so why do it to a developing tummy? Idiots, everywhere.) Once again, this boils down to something that at its very core not many people see coming:
Government knows what's best for you, and especially for your children.
No they don't, not now, not ever. How do I know? Years ago the federal government took over a whorehouse in Nevada, and it went belly up. They bankrupted a whorehouse. Read that again, I'll wait. And the best part about this story? It's in Chicago, home of......
This dolt we call a President. (Disclaimer-I'm a birther, get over it. If we can't be friends anymore because of it, you better damn well give me the chance to bust your chops about all the shots I've had to endure from your ill-informed ass. I've held my tongue at your homes-this is my blog, don't like it, quit reading it. Soon enough the website will be up and I'll make sure to advertise at elementary schools all over. Thank you, please drive thru.) Allegedly. Or is it Hawaii? Wait, we don't know. Now, you've read my disclaimer. I've peppered this blog with all sorts of questions. I've even had people much smarter than me answer them. We in this country are being had. And most don't care. Well, I do. And while at work yesterday, and with an assist from Google News, I found this article. Don't judge me, just read the damn thing. And read where it came from....Canada Free Press!! Interesting, wouldn't you say? I could care less about Donald Trump's opinion. You all should watch the bile that witch on 'Good Morning America' spews at him. Nice interview, ya old bag. Donald could buy you to walk around barefoot in a camisole for the next decade and not flinch. Respect the hair of the Donald!! If 13 states pass and enforce the legislature to make sure a candidate is properly vetted, this guy is a one and done Prezzy, and it won't be because of some weird 'health scare'...mark my words.
Why don't I like the President? Gee, $3.50 for a gallon of gas (relax, folks outside of Colorado, I know about your gas prices, too-I check www.gasbuddy.com every other day), no budget deal unless I pay for someone else's bad decisions, my tax bill (I've been on unemployment for the year, wasn't that taxed on the way in?), the sneaky suspicion we as a nation are about to be hit again, and oh yeah-that whole 'Libya thing'. Funny, I thought George W. Bush did the same things as Obama and he was all sorts of wrong? My bad, there's a 'D-' in front of his name, all is forgiven/forgotten/we now bow to some random dude in a turbin.
This budget deal is a joke, too. Make some serious cuts you clowns. We're going bankrupt and you dolts in Washington are worried about the shades of red, yellow and green on the stoplights. Knock it off, cut taxes, drill for oil in Alaska and the Gulf Coast and tell Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae that you're calling their marker in. Enough already.
I was hoping Manny Ramirez would go out with a bang, not a suspension and 'retirement' over the weekend. Naturally, he didn't apologize to a man who put a ton of faith in him. Stay classy, Manulo, I'll miss the fun times of you in a Red Sox uniform...not the times you were an arrogant prick. Good luck on getting that 5% to stay on the Hall of Fame ballot on your first try, you're going to need it.
okay, now before I go to bed....
Playoffs!!!!!!!!!!!-NHL (seeds in parentheses)
Eastern Conference
(8)New York Rangers vs. (1)Washington Capitals-The Rangers will be without Ryan Callahan, which will hurt all over the ice. Washington ends up with the #1 seed with what this writer considers less than stellar goaltending. Who wins?-Washington in 6.
(7)Buffalo vs. (2)Philadelphia-mmmmm, doesn't this look like the type of series Sabres G Ryan Miller could snag? Nah, Philly has too much depth. Who wins?-Philly in 5.
(6)Montreal vs. (3)Boston-Montreal better call in the reserve Mounties for game 3. The B's will be ready, as shown by their last game vs. the Habs, a 7-0 drubbing. The rest of the barely-attention-paying-oh-it's-the-hockey-playoffs, meet Bruins G Tim Thomas. Tim, the folks. Nothing matters more than talent in this series, and the Bruins have more, period. Who wins-B's in 5....oh, and from my boy in Winnipeg to those in Montreal-'Fuck you!' (I love that guy!)
(5)Pittsburgh vs. (4)Tampa Bay-who wants to play the Lightning right now? Not me. Pittsburgh has been decimated by injuries, to both top players Crosby and Malkin, not to mention that, ahem, 'suspension' of Matt Cooke. Who wins?-Tampa Bay in a sweep.
Western Conference
(8)Chicago vs. (1)Vancouver-Sorry, this is a series Chicago can absolutely, positively steal. Has Canucks G Roberto Luongo ever done anything in the playoffs? The answer is a resounding, 'Hell No!' I smell upset, of the high scoring variety. Who wins?-Da Blackhawks, in 7 awesome games.
(7)Los Angeles vs. (2)San Jose-I thought the Kings were supposed to be the sexy pick to move to the upper echelon this season? Eh, not to be, huh? San Jose, they're deep, they're good, but I don't trust them for a long time. But I do for this series. Who wins?-San Jose, in 5.
(6)Phoenix vs. (3)Detroit-Will the crowd in Phoenix bust past 12,000? I doubt it, even for a playoff game. Detroit is tested, tried and true. They will show up and do the work. Who wins?-Detroit in 5.
(5)Nashville vs. (4)Anaheim-Who's watching this? Who wins?-Anaheim in 6.
I'm going to bed. More tomorrow. I swear.
----------------
Now playing: Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina
via FoxyTunes
I know, it's been like 2 weeks since I've written anything. I get it, some have missed my comedic stylings (yup, all 1 of ya). All I've been doing is working and doing some form of decompression. My mind has been such a whirlwind for so long, between stressing out about finding a job, trying to be a good friend, keeping my family in decent to good spirits and chasing some woman across the country that I made a decision to just stop. Sure I've read the news and kept up with sports, but I needed some time to just go thru the motions and get my head to reset a bit. So now, on to the news, or my random thoughts...
Can anyone just make Lady GaGa go away? I don't get it, she's like the lovechild of Madonna and Boy George, if they were both doing blow during conception.
Never underestimate the power of the almighty dollar dollar bill, y'all. Last night, I was roaming thru the internet, as I'm apt to do, and I saw this highly offensive posting on Kim Kardashian. And I wrote a post it that reads, "Kim Kardashian stands up for something, and here's hoping she gets all of her friends to tell Cosmo 'Thanks, but I'll pass'". Instead, I logged on tonight, and looky look at this. Shocking. Here I was thinking maybe, just maybe someone might stand up and be heard about something. Oh who am I kidding? It's just us peons who have the time to get upset. Kim's got to go get railed by another R&B star to make a 'surprise' video. I am amazed that she's famous due to a sex tape. Sorry, plenty of women with giant asses get railed everyday. Ladies, let this be a lesson-next time you're going to hook up with a celebrity, hit 'record' on the camera and let nature take its course.
Really Chicago? I swear I'll work 3 jobs to make sure no public school crackpot gets anywhere near my kids food. In case you haven't heard, there is a school that prohibits children from bringing a lunch from home. Why? The 'intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.' Are you kidding me? Fine, wrap 'em up in bubble wrap, make sure that they never fall, pump 'em full of drugs, never let them get to deal with things that the rest of the world deals with on an hourly basis. Now don't get me wrong, I wish this policy was in place when my Pops packed my lunch with Egg Salad (bleeeeech), because mayo stays so well in a lunch box next to a thermos full of warm soup. I can safely say (love ya, Pops) that I didn't get the flu that much, I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning....but I digress. While there are a thousand books out there on parenting, I am guessing that one of a parents true joys is packing their kids lunch for school. Doesn't anyone remember cafeteria food? Is Friday still French Bread Pizza/Tater Tot/Fruit Cocktail? Would you feed your kid that shit? Of course not, at least not together. Don't get me started on the parents who make their kid drink milk for every dinner (milk and spaghetti, for the last freakin' time, do NOT go together-would you do that to your stomach?-NO, so why do it to a developing tummy? Idiots, everywhere.) Once again, this boils down to something that at its very core not many people see coming:
Government knows what's best for you, and especially for your children.
No they don't, not now, not ever. How do I know? Years ago the federal government took over a whorehouse in Nevada, and it went belly up. They bankrupted a whorehouse. Read that again, I'll wait. And the best part about this story? It's in Chicago, home of......
This dolt we call a President. (Disclaimer-I'm a birther, get over it. If we can't be friends anymore because of it, you better damn well give me the chance to bust your chops about all the shots I've had to endure from your ill-informed ass. I've held my tongue at your homes-this is my blog, don't like it, quit reading it. Soon enough the website will be up and I'll make sure to advertise at elementary schools all over. Thank you, please drive thru.) Allegedly. Or is it Hawaii? Wait, we don't know. Now, you've read my disclaimer. I've peppered this blog with all sorts of questions. I've even had people much smarter than me answer them. We in this country are being had. And most don't care. Well, I do. And while at work yesterday, and with an assist from Google News, I found this article. Don't judge me, just read the damn thing. And read where it came from....Canada Free Press!! Interesting, wouldn't you say? I could care less about Donald Trump's opinion. You all should watch the bile that witch on 'Good Morning America' spews at him. Nice interview, ya old bag. Donald could buy you to walk around barefoot in a camisole for the next decade and not flinch. Respect the hair of the Donald!! If 13 states pass and enforce the legislature to make sure a candidate is properly vetted, this guy is a one and done Prezzy, and it won't be because of some weird 'health scare'...mark my words.
Why don't I like the President? Gee, $3.50 for a gallon of gas (relax, folks outside of Colorado, I know about your gas prices, too-I check www.gasbuddy.com every other day), no budget deal unless I pay for someone else's bad decisions, my tax bill (I've been on unemployment for the year, wasn't that taxed on the way in?), the sneaky suspicion we as a nation are about to be hit again, and oh yeah-that whole 'Libya thing'. Funny, I thought George W. Bush did the same things as Obama and he was all sorts of wrong? My bad, there's a 'D-' in front of his name, all is forgiven/forgotten/we now bow to some random dude in a turbin.
This budget deal is a joke, too. Make some serious cuts you clowns. We're going bankrupt and you dolts in Washington are worried about the shades of red, yellow and green on the stoplights. Knock it off, cut taxes, drill for oil in Alaska and the Gulf Coast and tell Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae that you're calling their marker in. Enough already.
I was hoping Manny Ramirez would go out with a bang, not a suspension and 'retirement' over the weekend. Naturally, he didn't apologize to a man who put a ton of faith in him. Stay classy, Manulo, I'll miss the fun times of you in a Red Sox uniform...not the times you were an arrogant prick. Good luck on getting that 5% to stay on the Hall of Fame ballot on your first try, you're going to need it.
okay, now before I go to bed....
Playoffs!!!!!!!!!!!-NHL (seeds in parentheses)
Eastern Conference
(8)New York Rangers vs. (1)Washington Capitals-The Rangers will be without Ryan Callahan, which will hurt all over the ice. Washington ends up with the #1 seed with what this writer considers less than stellar goaltending. Who wins?-Washington in 6.
(7)Buffalo vs. (2)Philadelphia-mmmmm, doesn't this look like the type of series Sabres G Ryan Miller could snag? Nah, Philly has too much depth. Who wins?-Philly in 5.
(6)Montreal vs. (3)Boston-Montreal better call in the reserve Mounties for game 3. The B's will be ready, as shown by their last game vs. the Habs, a 7-0 drubbing. The rest of the barely-attention-paying-oh-it's-the-hockey-playoffs, meet Bruins G Tim Thomas. Tim, the folks. Nothing matters more than talent in this series, and the Bruins have more, period. Who wins-B's in 5....oh, and from my boy in Winnipeg to those in Montreal-'Fuck you!' (I love that guy!)
(5)Pittsburgh vs. (4)Tampa Bay-who wants to play the Lightning right now? Not me. Pittsburgh has been decimated by injuries, to both top players Crosby and Malkin, not to mention that, ahem, 'suspension' of Matt Cooke. Who wins?-Tampa Bay in a sweep.
Western Conference
(8)Chicago vs. (1)Vancouver-Sorry, this is a series Chicago can absolutely, positively steal. Has Canucks G Roberto Luongo ever done anything in the playoffs? The answer is a resounding, 'Hell No!' I smell upset, of the high scoring variety. Who wins?-Da Blackhawks, in 7 awesome games.
(7)Los Angeles vs. (2)San Jose-I thought the Kings were supposed to be the sexy pick to move to the upper echelon this season? Eh, not to be, huh? San Jose, they're deep, they're good, but I don't trust them for a long time. But I do for this series. Who wins?-San Jose, in 5.
(6)Phoenix vs. (3)Detroit-Will the crowd in Phoenix bust past 12,000? I doubt it, even for a playoff game. Detroit is tested, tried and true. They will show up and do the work. Who wins?-Detroit in 5.
(5)Nashville vs. (4)Anaheim-Who's watching this? Who wins?-Anaheim in 6.
I'm going to bed. More tomorrow. I swear.
----------------
Now playing: Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina
via FoxyTunes
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