I know, I know....

Shane, this blogs for you....

I know, it's been like 2 weeks since I've written anything. I get it, some have missed my comedic stylings (yup, all 1 of ya). All I've been doing is working and doing some form of decompression. My mind has been such a whirlwind for so long, between stressing out about finding a job, trying to be a good friend, keeping my family in decent to good spirits and chasing some woman across the country that I made a decision to just stop. Sure I've read the news and kept up with sports, but I needed some time to just go thru the motions and get my head to reset a bit. So now, on to the news, or my random thoughts...

Can anyone just make Lady GaGa go away? I don't get it, she's like the lovechild of Madonna and Boy George, if they were both doing blow during conception.

Never underestimate the power of the almighty dollar dollar bill, y'all. Last night, I was roaming thru the internet, as I'm apt to do, and I saw this highly offensive posting on Kim Kardashian. And I wrote a post it that reads, "Kim Kardashian stands up for something, and here's hoping she gets all of her friends to tell Cosmo 'Thanks, but I'll pass'". Instead, I logged on tonight, and looky look at this. Shocking. Here I was thinking maybe, just maybe someone might stand up and be heard about something. Oh who am I kidding? It's just us peons who have the time to get upset. Kim's got to go get railed by another R&B star to make a 'surprise' video. I am amazed that she's famous due to a sex tape. Sorry, plenty of women with giant asses get railed everyday. Ladies, let this be a lesson-next time you're going to hook up with a celebrity, hit 'record' on the camera and let nature take its course.

Really Chicago? I swear I'll work 3 jobs to make sure no public school crackpot gets anywhere near my kids food. In case you haven't heard, there is a school that prohibits children from bringing a lunch from home. Why? The 'intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.' Are you kidding me? Fine, wrap 'em up in bubble wrap, make sure that they never fall, pump 'em full of drugs, never let them get to deal with things that the rest of the world deals with on an hourly basis. Now don't get me wrong, I wish this policy was in place when my Pops packed my lunch with Egg Salad (bleeeeech), because mayo stays so well in a lunch box next to a thermos full of warm soup. I can safely say (love ya, Pops) that I didn't get the flu that much, I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning....but I digress. While there are a thousand books out there on parenting, I am guessing that one of a parents true joys is packing their kids lunch for school. Doesn't anyone remember cafeteria food? Is Friday still French Bread Pizza/Tater Tot/Fruit Cocktail? Would you feed your kid that shit? Of course not, at least not together. Don't get me started on the parents who make their kid drink milk for every dinner (milk and spaghetti, for the last freakin' time, do NOT go together-would you do that to your stomach?-NO, so why do it to a developing tummy? Idiots, everywhere.) Once again, this boils down to something that at its very core not many people see coming:
Government knows what's best for you, and especially for your children.
No they don't, not now, not ever. How do I know? Years ago the federal government took over a whorehouse in Nevada, and it went belly up. They bankrupted a whorehouse. Read that again, I'll wait. And the best part about this story? It's in Chicago, home of......

This dolt we call a President. (Disclaimer-I'm a birther, get over it. If we can't be friends anymore because of it, you better damn well give me the chance to bust your chops about all the shots I've had to endure from your ill-informed ass. I've held my tongue at your homes-this is my blog, don't like it, quit reading it. Soon enough the website will be up and I'll make sure to advertise at elementary schools all over. Thank you, please drive thru.) Allegedly. Or is it Hawaii? Wait, we don't know. Now, you've read my disclaimer. I've peppered this blog with all sorts of questions. I've even had people much smarter than me answer them. We in this country are being had. And most don't care. Well, I do. And while at work yesterday, and with an assist from Google News, I found this article. Don't judge me, just read the damn thing. And read where it came from....Canada Free Press!! Interesting, wouldn't you say? I could care less about Donald Trump's opinion. You all should watch the bile that witch on 'Good Morning America' spews at him. Nice interview, ya old bag. Donald could buy you to walk around barefoot in a camisole for the next decade and not flinch. Respect the hair of the Donald!! If 13 states pass and enforce the legislature to make sure a candidate is properly vetted, this guy is a one and done Prezzy, and it won't be because of some weird 'health scare'...mark my words.

Why don't I like the President? Gee, $3.50 for a gallon of gas (relax, folks outside of Colorado, I know about your gas prices, too-I check www.gasbuddy.com every other day), no budget deal unless I pay for someone else's bad decisions, my tax bill (I've been on unemployment for the year, wasn't that taxed on the way in?), the sneaky suspicion we as a nation are about to be hit again, and oh yeah-that whole 'Libya thing'. Funny, I thought George W. Bush did the same things as Obama and he was all sorts of wrong? My bad, there's a 'D-' in front of his name, all is forgiven/forgotten/we now bow to some random dude in a turbin.

This budget deal is a joke, too. Make some serious cuts you clowns. We're going bankrupt and you dolts in Washington are worried about the shades of red, yellow and green on the stoplights. Knock it off, cut taxes, drill for oil in Alaska and the Gulf Coast and tell Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae that you're calling their marker in. Enough already.

I was hoping Manny Ramirez would go out with a bang, not a suspension and 'retirement' over the weekend. Naturally, he didn't apologize to a man who put a ton of faith in him. Stay classy, Manulo, I'll miss the fun times of you in a Red Sox uniform...not the times you were an arrogant prick. Good luck on getting that 5% to stay on the Hall of Fame ballot on your first try, you're going to need it.

okay, now before I go to bed....

Playoffs!!!!!!!!!!!-NHL (seeds in parentheses)
Eastern Conference
(8)New York Rangers vs. (1)Washington Capitals-The Rangers will be without Ryan Callahan, which will hurt all over the ice. Washington ends up with the #1 seed with what this writer considers less than stellar goaltending. Who wins?-Washington in 6.

(7)Buffalo vs. (2)Philadelphia-mmmmm, doesn't this look like the type of series Sabres G Ryan Miller could snag? Nah, Philly has too much depth. Who wins?-Philly in 5.

(6)Montreal vs. (3)Boston-Montreal better call in the reserve Mounties for game 3. The B's will be ready, as shown by their last game vs. the Habs, a 7-0 drubbing. The rest of the barely-attention-paying-oh-it's-the-hockey-playoffs, meet Bruins G Tim Thomas. Tim, the folks. Nothing matters more than talent in this series, and the Bruins have more, period. Who wins-B's in 5....oh, and from my boy in Winnipeg to those in Montreal-'Fuck you!' (I love that guy!)

(5)Pittsburgh vs. (4)Tampa Bay-who wants to play the Lightning right now? Not me. Pittsburgh has been decimated by injuries, to both top players Crosby and Malkin, not to mention that, ahem, 'suspension' of Matt Cooke. Who wins?-Tampa Bay in a sweep.

Western Conference
(8)Chicago vs. (1)Vancouver-Sorry, this is a series Chicago can absolutely, positively steal. Has Canucks G Roberto Luongo ever done anything in the playoffs? The answer is a resounding, 'Hell No!' I smell upset, of the high scoring variety. Who wins?-Da Blackhawks, in 7 awesome games.

(7)Los Angeles vs. (2)San Jose-I thought the Kings were supposed to be the sexy pick to move to the upper echelon this season? Eh, not to be, huh? San Jose, they're deep, they're good, but I don't trust them for a long time. But I do for this series. Who wins?-San Jose, in 5.

(6)Phoenix vs. (3)Detroit-Will the crowd in Phoenix bust past 12,000? I doubt it, even for a playoff game. Detroit is tested, tried and true. They will show up and do the work. Who wins?-Detroit in 5.

(5)Nashville vs. (4)Anaheim-Who's watching this? Who wins?-Anaheim in 6.

I'm going to bed. More tomorrow. I swear.

----------------
Now playing: Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina
via FoxyTunes