Well, apparently everyone else is making a list for New Years Resolutions, why not me?

So I kind of giggle a lot at this time of year, people do reviews of the year/decade, best movies, shows, people, crap, etc. Instead, they should all resolve to be better people, to themselves, their friends and their families, that would make the world go 'round a whole lot better. I have a few things to spout off about before I get to my resolutions (I know what I just typed above, doesn't mean I don't have my own ideas on how to work on myself...sheesh).

Kobe Bryant and Lakers fans-thank you so much for proving you don't have what it takes to win the whole thing come summer. Kobe, you've once again proven to me that while you've been given ample opportunity and stage to prove worthy of a basketball diety, you sir, suck as a human. You can't handle conflict or stress. A player with a lesser name would have been chucked out of that game on national TV on Christmas faster than most can type. Your display was horrid. And your douchey move of running over Mo Williams for no reason was beyond amateur. I just wish ABC and the NBA would stop promoting this one trick pony phony. Kobe must be douchenese for 'whiny bitch'. And Lakers fans, chucking foam fingers when your team isn't winning is laughable. At least people in Philly boo Santa Claus, and in Cleveland they throw dog bones. You stay classy, Fakers fans. How about booing your team for not showing up? And this little nugget-the Fakers have played 17 of their first 21 games at home...have fun on the road in March, where you'll be tested.

Brett Favre and Vikings personnel-you get what you pay for. I could bitch and moan and laugh, but I'll give Brett Fav-ruh this: he played his ass off Monday Night, at least in the 2nd half. Oh, and he did help me win a fantasy football league. But the whole blow up about benching him is hilarious and y'all can't be surprised. LeRoy Butler, a former GB teammate of Fav-ruh, called him a Diva...and no one seemed to dispute it. So there you have it, I guess.

NYY fan-good luck. You'll have no joy in watching your team try and win the World Series. How's it feel to purchase everything? Got to be kind of boring, unlike other teams that try and develop talent. Look at that roster, and who is from the farm? Jeter, Pettitte, Rivera and Posada are all circa 1996. Since then, the only everyday player they've developed is Cano. And if their payroll is like $80 million more than the 2nd highest payroll team, where's the competition? What's the point in playing? And I'm a Red Sox fan!!

To those that bitch about fantasy sports-if you don't like it, don't play. It's supposed to be a little bit fun. Of course, I think winning is fun, but I'm weird like that. I won 2 leagues and came in 3rd in another after starting 0-5...and that's the team I'm happiest about.

Indianapolis Colts-Unbelievably, I think Tedy Bruschi summed up Colts fans feelings about the team yanking it's starters halfway thru the 3rd quarter up 15-10 on the Jets....Cowards!!! That's the way I feel. I'm thrilled I'm not a Colts fan, as I'd feel cheated. Look, sports is an escape, and when you have a chance to do something that's never been done before, it's a thrill to watch. While I'm still pissed that the Pats lost their chance at perfection to a lucky catch and an improbable QB scramble, at least they went for it. What happens if the Colts don't lose the rest of the way, and they end up at 18-1? What happens if they lose in their first playoff game because of rust? How is this any different than a crappy team taking a dive to gain a better draft pick? See how many questions pop up...amazing what happens if you had just played to win the game.

LaMarr Woodley, LB, Pittsburgh Steelers-I swear I think he tried the Jedi Mind trick yesterday with his comments. Didn't hear them or read them? Here you go: "All of them lay down," Woodley said Wednesday. "No one wants to see Pittsburgh in it. That's just how it is. Everybody knows we're a dangerous team once we get into the playoffs, no matter how we played the whole year. Once we get into the playoffs, the Pittsburgh Steelers is a playoff team."
I'm not sure how to type how hard I'm laughing. No, not LOL. Not LMFAO. Not RFLMAO. Nope, none of them come close. For this simple reason...hey LaMarr, worry about your own damn team! You and your Steelers ilk 'deserve' to make the playoffs. Want to know why? Easy-you lost 5 games in a row. Ya lost to the Raiders...at home! You were given a gift of a win against Minnesota. You also lost to the Chiefs and the Browns. And you think you're a dangerous team? Please, someone 'allow' the Steelers in the playoffs. I hope your offense enjoys the pass rush, because they can't run the ball and your QB is about 2 more concussions from having the intellect of a 5 year old. Dude, shut up. You are what your record says you are...and right now, you're a team in need of a boat load of help. How about beating Miami, and going from there?

A shout out to the Bengals-that team has had to deal with the death of the team Mom and now a teammate. I have a soft spot for them, and hope they beat the snot out of the NY Jets on Sunday night. But they have nothing to play for. Damn the Jets if they back into the playoffs.

My trip-well, this trip-I surprised my Mom for Christmas. And boy was she ever shocked. Big props to my boy Jay for picking me up at the airport and driving me to Mom's house. I landed at 10:30, the man sleeps barely 4 hours a night thanks to my 9 month old Godson and was nowhere near the area. But there he was, Dunkin' Donuts in hand, willing to help out. I am blessed to have a friend like him, this much I know for certain.
Christmas was mellow, a day spent watching 'A Christmas Story' and now 'Christmas Vacation'. Oh, and chinese take-out. Yummy. Then the drama happened. Why? Because it always happens. My Mom and I went to my Uncle Pete's Christmas night, as we always do. Mom had 2 drinks, then we left, as she had to work in the morning. Except she missed a step on the way out and took a complete digger. So she cut up her hand pretty good, scraping up a thumb and taking a decent chunk out of her middle finger. And scratched her glasses. Her ego was bruised a bit. But between the booze, the fall, and the day without my Pops-this was really like the first Christmas without him. Last year we were all kind of numb just staring at each other. Not that this year was great, but I'm glad I could be there for Mom. Of course we miss him, but who wouldn't miss a guy that makes awesome breakfast sandwiches that the fire dept. has to come to the house for the bacon smoke pillowing out of the windows? Exactly my point. So Mom was a little emotional. And I got to fix her up and take care of her.
The day after Christmas we went down to my Aunt's house and got the new thing I'm getting tired of. I've been noticing people are lacking tact lately, and it seems to be coming up more and more during a meal. My cousin is an EMT, but seriously, we can wait to talk about some stuff after food is done being plated, cut and eaten. Instead, he wouldn't shut the hell up. My brother and I were giving him 'the stare', which pretty much tells you to switch the subject. And he was unclear on the concept. Good kid, but he was all excited to see my brother and I, so he gets a pass. But still, can we bring some sense of decorum back to eating dinner??
Sunday was great, I got to go to a friends house, and my friend Heather drove me up to hang out and watch football. I've known Heather since high school, when she was dating one of my best friends when she was a freshman (Yes, we gave him crap forever about it.) She decided to bust out the prom picture...damn, that felt like a lifetime ago. And no, you can't see it. It was a successful Sunday, my teams all won in the last of fantasy football, so it was also a lucrative day.
Monday was even better. I got to hang out with Jay, his wife and my Godson. He's now crawling, only backwards, and giving out raspberries. It's always good to hang out with your friends and laugh. Jay and I always do that. Now, Jay isn't thrilled with the rest of the crew, because not a whole lot of people are stepping up to hang out. And he knows if I were there, well, beers would be consumed and I'd hang out.
Tuesday was the perfect bookend to this whole year for me. See, back in March I was supposed to go out to Boston to visit someone I like very much. She got the flu, or that nasty bug that was going around. Well, I had that ticket still sitting around as a credit, so I got to use it to fly out to surprise my Mom. Tuesday afternoon I got to have lunch with Uncle Pete, who curses like a sailor on leave, and got to have Sheperd's Pie. Awesome. But the highlight was seeing the same person I was supposed to see back in March. We had a blast. Well, at least I did. I think she did, too. Ever meet someone and never get bored talking to them, or listening to them? Yup, that's her. And we had fun talking, eating and drinking. She's slammed because of her job this time of year, so I'm glad she made the time to hang out.
Then I was up at 4 AM to make my flight out of Boston, and took a 4 hour nap after I got home. I'm still a little bit tired, but I'm back in Denver.

Alright, here are two quick lists to close up this blog and 2009.

Favorite artists albums downloaded this year (in other words I can always listen to them), in no particular order:

Kid Cudi
Anberlin
John Mayer
Jay-Z
Airborne Toxic Event
Asher Roth
J Dilla
Joell Oritz
Kev Brown
Mos Def
really disappointed in Rakim and Q-Tip

Now, I stated before about lists and resolutions, and here's certain takes on them, from askmen and some resolutions that we fail to keep up with.

My resolutions for 2010 are simple:
1. Cut down on the cussin'
2. Get back on stage to do standup
3. Exercise, it's not just for physical health, it's for my mental well-being, too.
4. Continue to learn and grow, and smile (apparently they're contagious)

Others like to reflect on the past year or past decade, etc, but I'm going to leave you with two decisions that now in hindsight I'm glad I made:
1. I went to Bentley College (now university) instead of Syracuse. While I'm not the TV/Radio commentator I wanted to be, I have two of the best friends any person could ever ask for. For them, I am truly blessed. Just wasn't my path, and I never would have made it out to Colorado and live the life I lead. If I had never left Boston I'd be a fat slob with a fat wife, on heart medication because I'm fat, with two fat kids being thankful to get a humski on my birthday. Sorry, that ain't living. That's death by tiny little cuts. I'll take where I am now over that life everyday and twice on every Sunday from here to eternity.
2. I've only quit one thing in my life, a job at a place I dispised. I have learned so much and become such a better person for leaving that situation that I will never tell anyone not to quit a pitiful situation in my life. Life's too short to be unhappy. Money will come if you are stable in your life, I believe this. I'm living it. My brother nicknamed me 'Even Steven' a couple of years ago, but I'm a firm believer that what you put out there you get back. Think it over for yourself.

Two last tidbits and I'm gone:
1. I'm going to start giving out books as presents from here on out. Even if it's something goofy, like 'Clifford's Big Red Truck'. People who read are generally better for it. At least that's the case with me.
2. I always listen to the SugarHill Gang's "Rappers Delight" on the descent when flying. Why? Because you can't be in a bad mood listening to them. I dare you to be pissed when thinking about the song and what it means to you. For me, it means my friends and roller skating. Now that's just damn funny.

Happy 2010 to you, be safe out there, and take care of yourself-it ain't illegal yet.

What's got me creased....

So I've been listening, ad nauseum,. to all sorts of noise around me.  I've been hearing people, friends, family tv, movies, music and the general public, and I've got a question for everyone--why get married?

Don't come back to me with the fact that I'm bitter I'm single.  I'm not.  Better to be in my position than in a lifeless, loveless personal engagement for what could be an eternity.  I know, I know, that comes across less than sincere, but read (instead of hear) me out.  And please, don't come back with marriage is some crazy contraption designed by The Church to keep men and women together, or it's a Pagan ritual.  Thanks, but you won't be adding to my ranting.  This is strictly from a man's perspective.  Why?  Because I'm a guy.  And I'm a guy that's shopped for a ring once in my life.  What possessed me to do it?  I thought I had hit the Big 'L'.  Thank God she dumped me.  Really, I believe in God and I'm damn thankful everyday that I'm not with that woman anymore.  I could be married to her and miserable, probably in a crappy house with a mortgage I couldn't afford, driving a crappy minivan.  Oh, The HORROR!!!

So here's what started this-I was emailing a friend of mine this morning, and I thought about it.  Here was my response to a 'What in the hell'-type question:  I think *** truly does care for his bride-to-be, but I don't think he realizes the scorched earth he's leaving behind.  Now, since I have no clue and haven't dated anyone in forever, I really can't comment too much, but I'm getting a wee bit tired of the 'hanging-out' game I see every guy play.  You know the drill, guy meets girl, guy ditches friends, guy tries to reconnect with said friends 6 months to a year later.  You know what?  Eventually we all stop caring.  Sorry, but you and I both know this to be true.  Pal, you are the exception, not the rule, and you have to know this.  I'm not sure if you and the Misses ever had the discussion, but even if you didn't it appears that she understands that you need to be able to do your own thing now and again.  Whereas this new breed of sissies-you know who I'm talking about-has to do damn near everything together.  I know I'm built like my Pops, and line up with you.  I need to be able to do my own crap.  I have to fire off a text to my boy to make sure he's okay.  I've never seen him that fired up about anything, and it was something his wife did.  And I've met her, very nice woman, but they're all sisters and they all seem to not think two steps ahead.  I get it, guys and girls are different, no need to get all hokey on me and give me that Mars & Venus BS, because that's what it is.  We're not the same, they need to understand this.  I can only hope that there is a grad student out there debunking the Feminine Mystique, because it's killing men everywhere, killing families and killing one of the reasons any of us would consider getting married in the first place.  Sorry, if I wanted to be told what to do, I'd still live with Ma. 

And they wonder why I'm single......

Allow me to elaborate on everything (or quit reading, but this needs to be said).  Ladies, tell yourselves, your girlfriends, sisters, mothers and anyone else claiming to be a woman-every once in awhile, men need space.  All this crap you've been pushing since the 70's about equality is crap.  Stop telling me you like sports.  Some, few even, of you do.  Of this I have no doubt.  Don't tell me you won one (one!!!-the sun shines on a dog's ass every once in awhile) a fantasy baseball/football/hockey/NASCAR/PGA/Dancing With The Stars/Survivor fantasy league.  I've met you, and you are the outlier to your gender in the grand scientific study that is woman.  Seriously, knock it off.  We are not equal, at least not in the 50/50 game I've been having crammed down my throat since I was a kid, and got more excessive in college, and then blew up in my face working in Corporate America.  Here's my, ahem, research.

I started off in Catholic School, where we all wore white or blue, in some combination.  Yeah, yeah, I got booted.  What can I say?  I got into an argument with a Nun, and we were moving anyways.  Once I got into Jr. High, I started noticing that my little brother and all of his friends were starting to be prescribed Ritalin.  But it was mostly boys.  Don't believe me?  Fine, if you have access to CDC and prescriptions filed, feel free to do a gender comparison on who was prescribed Ritalin.  I'm betting boys beat the girls in this one, by a landslide.  Combine Ritalin prescriptions and the consistent removal of physical education and recess, and we have the vicious cycle beginning on the beating down of all that is Man.  Yup, I capitalized it.  There's nothing wrong with Man, nor is there anything wrong with Woman.  One can cohabitate and get along and even flourish with one another.  However, much like liberal-speak in our nation's capital, we keep getting told of our differences, and in doing so, someone must have the upper hand.  I'm more than willing to admit Woman is better at Man at certain things, but can I get the reverse in return?  Not if you've been to a college or university campus in the last 20 years you can't.
My next example is my beloved college, which just became a university.  The were more interested in forcing me to have friends of a different color skin.  What they failed to realize is that due to the large diverse nature of our little campus, the kids from certain countries kind of stuck around with their own.  And me, I stuck around my friends, most of which were Accounting majors, the same as me.  Yup, there were a lot of white kids, of Italian or Jewish background, in that field.  Hey, don't mock me, it was what it was when I was there.  Between that and the baggy sweater look that was all the rage (on the ladies), I am kind of glad I worked between 40-50 hours a week at the bar.  I got to pay for my edumacation and learn pop-psychology, the art of reading people, and in the meantime, learn all about why we drink.  My crew drank for numerous reasons, but one of the big reasons I remember is not allowing boys to be boys.  Yes, some hazing rituals are stupid and can go the way of the buggywhip.  But others, they should stay.  By stating all of this, I'm simply letting it known that I got tired of the constant man-bashing.  Ladies, if you don't need us, fine, don't deal with us.  But if you want us around, how about a little appreciation for the real men of the world?  Believe me, we're around.  But if you're looking for the guy with the 6-pack abs and the perfectly coifed hair, I have a newsflash for you-there's a damn good chance he doesn't swing from that side of the plate. 
So far, we've got school and college taken care of.  But the link for everything didn't come thru until I handed in my 2 weeks notice at a very small branch of a very large company.  This is a story that someone I know who reads this blog will probably be shocked by.  I'm prefacing the whole thing by stating that if I hadn't handing in my 2 weeks before this accusation, I would have immediately afterwards.  I was accused of sexual harassment by a temp that had been there for 2 months.  I had been there for 2 years.  She didn't exactly have a great track record of showing up, she was late, she was sick (she had confided in me that she was looking for a permanent role, hence the illness), and yet, there I was, in an HR office, being accused of something I didn't do.  And they believed her.  This is how I know the deck is stacked against men.  I've lived it, albeit it briefly.  It's the reason I won't touch a damn soul in anyplace I go, other than to shake hands.  I had to shut down a certain aspect of who I am.  No slapping five, no shoulder bumping, no nothing.  It may even have something to do with why I am starting my own thing (unless someone wants to hire me to do all sorts of cool stuff).  I'm only guilty of the following-tapping a woman on the shoulder to get her attention while she had earbuds in jamming out to her ipod.  I don't call that sexual harassment, but it was a complaint that went into my file.  It doesn't get more ridiculous than that.  Not in my mind.  I groped no one.  I wasn't creepy, I made no passes, nothing.  And yet, it is something that pisses me off to this day.  I had to go home on a day which started out so happy, only to be accused of something that was nonexistant.  Something someone mistook as an advance, just a tap on the shoulder, because I needed something for work.  So thrilled to see that I wasn't even asked about anything, just an accusation made and a report filed.  No need to get facts, just another brick in the wall. 

Add all these up plus the years I've watched my friends 'go on leave' for 6 months every time they really like some woman, and I think it's a decent thesis.  You can feel free to shoot holes in it all you want.  But so far, I'm getting kinda tired of watching men get ground down to nothing.  I'm not saying all women do it to them, it's that they feel powerless to stand up for themselves.  And I think I know why. 

I think most of these guys honestly think that they'll never have sex again, like no other woman would have them.  Now this is where my suggestion comes in.  They want it just as bad as we do.  Men, quit groveling and begging for it.  Ladies, realize that a guy has needs.  Yes, it's true.  I know you have them too.  Ours are carnal.  It's why we're dirty old men, perverts, and flirts.  We need to feel verile, not like a damn eunuch because we didn't take out the trash or couldn't guess your mood.  It's why we need boys night out, not to go shopping for you, but to bond with other guys.  Why do you think some clowns still try and play in a mens league well past their due date on athleticism?  It's not just to get out of the house, I can assure you.  

Now, I don't blame you ladies for my friends not coming around.  They're in that relationship of their own free will and volition.  No one put a gun to their head and said, 'Love me or else', I don't think.  I blame them.  They feel some pull to be next to you constantly.  I think it's because they get to see you nekkid, and they want to keep seeing you nekkid.  I can't honestly blame them for that.  I truly can't wait for the day I get crap from my friends and they start busting my chops, because I've been enjoying the company of a lovely woman.  However, I think I'll keep my friends in perspective and mind, and want to hang out with them.  Right now I have a standing Friday night with the fellas.  That's what we do.  My roommate broke that code a few months ago, and we still give him crap for it.  Why?  Well, in my case, it's because I heard her say she didn't want him hanging out with us and wanted him on Friday and Saturday nights.  This goes for both men and women-if your significant other can't stand your friends, there's going to be a showdown, and you'll have to make a choice.  If you choose her, so be it.  But don't try and call your friends-or former friends after you dump them-if you're in a jam.  We ain't coming.  Something will come up, I promise you.

And I know all this how?  Simple.  I've left friends in the lurch for a woman.  I've left one woman I felt 'Meh' about just to go have a drink with a girl I really liked.  I've left a company Christmas dinner to go have a drink with the same woman.  Well, in that case, they were work friends, and I really did like the woman.  So sue me.  Nothing but honesty flows from my fingertips.  I was that guy when I was 22 fluffed off his friends just for the chance to get some nookie.  We've all done it.  Now, however, at the ripe age of 34, that thought is kind of disturbing.  It's expected in your 20's.  But when you get to be in your 30's, your friends have every right to look at you and think you're an ass.  Because that is what you're acting like.  By your 30's, you're established in certain routines, your boys, the work crap.  For a man (because I am one, and can't speak for you ladies), you enhance our lives, or at least that's how I look at it. 

But to tie this altogether, I really do wonder why some folks get married, and it came up a few weeks ago at a friends holiday gathering.  As I've mentioned before, couples argue out here different than they do where I'm from.  Here they're subtle, even if you can sense some tension.  Same as the case I'm talking about.  You could feel this woman stare down her boyfriend.  Come to find out, apparently he's going to ask the big question over Christmas.  And they fight all the time.  How is this going to work??!!  "Hey, we argue all the time, but if we get married it will all be better."  Really?  You know where this type of idoicy leads, don't you?  "Well, we're fighting married all the time, kids will fix it!!!"  And that, my friends is how a busted family yelling at each other over that aisles at Walmart.  Oh, the joy.

I think that for me, it would have to be someone I could laugh with.  For like, the next 50-60 years.  That I could be comfortable with, don't mind spending time with.  Someone who doesn't hate it when I take a nap on a Saturday.  Heck, take the nap with me!  But I'm amazed at the stuff I see and hear.  I heard a woman years ago chastise her husband in the middle of a mall for not getting her big enough carat diamond earrings.  I was stunned.  Maybe it's how I was raised.  Look, we're born naked, and we die the same way.  Humans have a 100% mortality rate.  I always laugh when someone says 'Too bad, he died penniless.'  Are you kidding me, that's perfect planning!  I'm of the opinion that it's not the size of the gift, it's the meaning behind it.  I thought differently 12 years ago, but I think (hope) I've grown up and matured a ton since then. 

Of course, these are just my thoughts.  You never know when someone comes up and smacks you upside the head and your heart beats out of your chest and you can't think of living another moment without her.  Crazier things have happened.

'Tis the Season...

To be pushy, fahlahlahlahla-la-la-lala.
So here I am sitting at Denver International Airport and already the holiday season is striking folks just fine.  I've already been shoved twice. Was I going slow?  Nope.  Was it packed?  Nope.  Just people who think that they are way more important and have to be front of the security line.  You know how dumb that is?  And then to get in a slower line than me?  Here's a thought-how about some common courtesy?  You know, be kind to thy fellow man and all that junk, or did we forget?

I swear, the only people I see being good to their fellow man, consistently, are those in military uniform.  Say what you want about the war, the people running the show, etc., but give our men and women of service this much, they sure have manners.

And now the flight to Chicago has been oversold....shocking.  Wonders never cease to amaze me.  And to think, I get to do this again in like a month...brilliant!

I need to get my company going so I can have my family come visit me, instead of me getting on the plane.  Ah, more later!

This is from November 23rd, when I last flew to Boston....funny, I'm on a plane in a week (again)