First and foremost, I just read an article from the Boston Globe telling me to root for the NYY tonight and for the whole World Series. First, I hope no one kidnapped the writer of this article, because that would suck. Second, really? Me, cheer for the New York Yankees? Sure thing, you can get me to cheer for them right after I'm done cheering for the Canadiens, Red Wings, Sharks, Lakers, Knicks, Bulls, Bucks, Rockets, Cavaliers, Magic, Angels, Cubs, Orioles, Devil Rays, Tigers, Dodgers, Ravens, Steelers, Colts, Chargers, Broncos, Cowboys, Jets, Florida State, UCLA, Seton Hall, North Carolina, Colorado, Nebraska, Cincinnati, West Virginia, Kansas, Texas, Louisville, UConn, USC and Georgetown. Sure thing, just add them to my list. This guy either got kidnapped or just lost his last few working brain cells. People that are Red Sox fans do not, I repeat, DO NOT cheer for the Yankees. It's like cheering communism while working on the NYSE. Or to quote another writer, it's like cheering for the house in blackjack.
Now, on to more pressing matters. My buddy's wedding. It was a hoot. We laughed a bunch. And I almost punched the bride's cousin. Why? Well, to sound like a 2nd-grader, he started it. But a cooler head (mine) prevailed. My issue was do I or don't I tell the groom? Well, that problem got solved as well, but not by me. The wedding was fine, even thru 3 power outages. It was up on Lookout Mountain, and it was the weekend that a little snow but a bitter, bitter cold came through. So the wedding was moved from an outdoor venue to inside. Well, power lines get frozen, but the show went on. I cried like a bitch. Not sobbing, but a nice steady stream. As I've stated previously, lack of sleep and the fun that I've been thru the last year, well, yup, I cry. But it worked to my advantage, briefly. I also got the joy of standing on a heat grate while indoors...and once the power kicked back on, was greeted to a hot breeze up a pant leg. Totally not necessary, since I'm in tuxedo. Then we got to take pictures outside. Sweet, nothing like going from 72 inside to 20 outside. Between that change in the weather, all those folks from out of town and my lack of sleep, I'm really not shocked I got a nasty cold that ended a couple of days ago. Then of course comes dinner. And the wedding party is announced to Run DMC's 'Walk This Way', a nice touch. Nicely done, honestly. Dinner was good, and of course a slideshow is playing during dinner, which is one of my highlights. And here's why:
As my table was seated next to the head table, pictures of the happy couple and their friends and family members rolled on by. Well, there were some old shots of me out there. And the bride honestly asked her new husband who that guy was more than once. Uh, it was me. What was different? The full head of hair and the goofy designed facial hair of my, ahem, 'youth' was the dead giveaway. And then I had to wonder what the hell I was thinking with my Mr. Potato Head designs on my own face. I had a soul patch once. Can you think of anything more pretentious? I'm trying to, but it's a bit difficult.
Highlight #2 of the evening happened after dinner and the dancing started. Yes, while I can tear it up with the best of 'em, I was mellow. But the 5 year old ringbearer, he was a little bit miffed. So I asked him what I could do to help. The kid needed a song played. I told him I had it covered. The kid told me I didn't have that kind of pull. But what he didn't know, what nobody knew, was that before the ceremony I met the DJ and we discussed music, he asked who the guy was that made them a CD of what some might call 'sappy' tunes. It was me. He told me he got married like 3 months earlier and most of those same songs were played. So I went up to him and asked if he could play the kid's tune. Sure enough, as soon as I got back to the lil' guy and told him it's coming on next, the DJ put the song out to the ringbearer, who proceeded to dance for the full 5 minutes of some cut up of the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack. I think we were all tired from watching.
Now, how does this pull together in highlight #3? Easy. Straight out of Wedding Crashers, someone attractive saw me do this. Sidenote, the bride has a queen for a friend (queer as a $3 bill) who told me after the rehearsal dinner that if I lost 50 lbs I'd be hot. I hope he wasn't speaking for the whole gay community, I happen to like myself just fine. I had to tell him I only like one dick in my life, mine. Ass. Onward we go, where someone the bride works with was there, and face it, not too shabby on the eyes. Look, while I may like a certain other person, I'm not about to sit around with my thumb up my ass and pass up a potential opportunity. We had one dance, she took a shine to me (seriously, I'm domed up and in a tuxedo, you try and stop me). Well, the bride's cousin, an usher, who happens to be finishing his masters at Boston College, was apparently interested as well. Did he dance with her? I don't know. Honestly, I don't care. To each his own. And it's not like she's property, she's a woman with a mind of her own. Once the reception was over and we all piled into the shuttle (with people drinking and this being a very winding road, it was better this way, especially with the weather being all crappy and icy), she sat behind me, and the cousin sat across the aisle from her. I was talking to my buddy's wife, who is also the mother of my Godson. So I got to look at pictures of him (duh), while the cousin was laying it on thick. Look, I'm not a hater, not even remotely. I wished the kid luck in my head. But his rap was weak. Even I could tell what he was going for, and he should have just asked the poor girl if she got her bikini wax in the last week or two. It was that obvious. Sad, really. Me, well, I like to think I was a little bit smoother than that. The shuttle gets to the hotel, and we all get out. I'm trying to help with the leftover booze and extra stuff, as we were the last shuttle ride out, and she walked up to me and told me she was changing into her sweats, getting out of her heels, etc. "I'll be the bald guy at the bar, and I'll buy you a glass of wine." Seriously, I hadn't realized that while hanging out with my friends from back east for two days my accent was on full-tilt. She showed up a few minutes later, and we got to talking. Now let me just state that this woman and I couldn't be more opposite. She's a social worker for a public elementary school in a crappy neighborhood.....and a fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee. Uh, if you know me or have read me for more than about a day you'll know that that's about as far away from me as you can get. That being said, to each their own. I can still have a nice conversation. And that's all I had. She said she wanted to hang out with me again, and wanted me to call her. Kind of tough without her number, email address, twitter account, right? Well, as I'm about to get her phone number, the cousin shows up, hammered, and tries the ol' CB (Cock-Block for those ill-informed). I just ignored him. What I couldn't believe was that she did, too! And she gave me her number (calm down, it's a phone number, it could be to a swingers club or the herpes hotline. Oh, like you've never fake-numbered someone? Don't judge me) and told me to call her. Yup, the bald unemployed guy got a number. How ya like dem apples? Kidding. Well, due to the groom's father creeping out her friend by continually hitting on her (he's 62, she might be 28...Ewwww, let's just move on), she and her friend left for the evening. Could I have pushed it? Maybe. But it's not my style. Not now, not ever. I can't remember the last time I made the first move, and now wasn't about to be the time to try and pull something off that has 'FAIL' written all over it in glitter. With a bow on it. So after she left, I went to talk to the bride's brother, whom I met a whole day before. Not 5 minutes later I got slapped upside my head. Not punched, smacked, tapped or poked. Slapped upside my dome. I look behind me, and it's the cousin.
Me-'What the fuck are you doing hitting me?'
Him-'I've just got so much repressed anger in me' (to which I held back the greatest comeback ever-Jerk off like the rest of us, buddy)'The girls, where'd they go, what happened?'
Me-'What you're going to do is apologize or you and I are about to have a very big problem'
Right after I said this I realized he was trashed. Not an excuse. Learn to handle your booze, dipshit. I'm pissed at this point in time.
Him-'Sorry', yes it was muffled, whatever.
I excused myself out to the lobby, where one of my friends asked me if it was time to take a walk. Yes, yes it was time for a walk. Another one of my friends followed only to tell me that he couldn't believe what he saw, one me getting hit and two me not retaliating. I didn't want to whoop the guy's ass in front of his family at his cousin's wedding. That's messed up. Not as messed up as him hitting me like a child, but still, what the hell?
And on the next day, I got to bring all the tuxes back to the tux shop. And then the Patriots came to Denver and played like crap and lost. Then I got a cold. That's my wedding story.
What happened to the girl? Nothing. I got a text last night telling me that she was kind of dating someone and now it just got serious. No worries here. Best of luck out there.
Boston-I'm not moving back. I had a phone call yesterday with a company in Burlington where I got the most backwards discussion I've had in a long time. The guy told me if I lived there he'd hire me. I asked if he was offering me a job. Nope. But if I moved back he'd find something for me. Huh? Yup, I got really confused. I just don't think it was meant to be. Of course, my friends here in Denver are happy. And I think I am, too. I'm happy I don't have to look back and wonder 'What if?' I'm glad I gave it my best effort. At least I've got that much to hold on to. And now I'll just have to go back east 3-4 times a year. To see my friends, my family, my Godson and my Dad's friends. Hey, they worry, I still get phone calls.
The Job Update-well, since you just read that I'm not moving back east, here's my deal: I'm opening up my company, doing my own tecnhology thing. I'm partnering with a few friends and by using my relationships, selling telecom, website development, security, data networking and cabling. Along the way, I'm doing my own thing with pre-paid legal, blastoff and will soon be setting myself up to sell certain software from home. Yup, that's it. Like 8 different revenue streams, let's see what I can do.
That's all I've got for now. Have a great rest of your Wednesday. I'm writing something else tomorrow, and the teaser is this--why are men's leagues being infiltrated, and the reaction that it's caused. Later taters.
for the record, not bitch slapped, I was not hit in the face, upside the head. If he had hit me in the face I'd still be looking for an attorney to defend my assault charge.
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Now playing: Cy Young; Kev Brown - Outside Lookin In
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
It's time for a Big Blog
So it's been a few days since I've last blogged. Sue me. I've actually been busy. And after my friends wedding last weekend, I got a cold. I hate colds. And it was all my own damn fault, too. I had a few instances where even I thought, 'ya know, I should have a sweatshirt or a coat on right about now.' To no avail. Add to that the wedding was up in the mountains and we went from next to a fireplace to outside (twice!!) and I ran around like a nutjob, I'm kind of happy that I only got a cold. It could've been worse.
I wrote down a bunch of stuff yesterday after I got home from a meeting in Boulder (God Damn Hippyville, yeah-I went there). These are all random, and in no particular order. Sorry, it's early, I haven't written in awhile, and there's a lot to accomplish today. The coffee has been brewed, so here we go...
While at this meeting yesterday, it happened again. And it always happens. The only time it doesn't happen is when I'm at home, because I'm alone. What am I talking about? I swear on my Mom that I have this innate ability to catch people doing the most disgusting things. Years ago I caught some guy digging in his schnoze like there was a prize in a box of cracker jack. I catch people picking at their face. It's gross, so why do it in public? Well, yesterday may have been the topper. And in all seriousness, once I catch someone, I can't not look at it. It's like when the waiter tells you that the plate is hot, and your dumbass still has to touch said plate, as if the waiter lied. So what did I see? The woman sitting next to me decided that in the middle of this presentation that now would be a great time to pop that giant zit in the middle of her forehead. Outstanding. I love a good extraction, let's see what kind of game she has. Well, I honestly was intrigued by the topic of the presentation, so I missed the extraction, but when I finally looked out of the corner of my eye, well, let's just say it was a bleeder. I proceeded to enjoy the next 10 minutes of watching this woman check her head wound. And I wrote in my notes, on the margin, 'Why do I have to catch people doing the most disgusting stuff???' Wouldn't you question this ability? I like to consider myself bright at times, charming to a point, often opinionated, and an authority on all things bacon. But why oh why do I always catch people doing this stuff?? I don't want to see anyone diggin' in their nose for buried treasure, yanking their big drawers out of the crack of their ass, clipping toenails, or popping zits. Can't people figure out that this is better done at home? Or are these just more examples of people losing their collective sense of decorum?
The New York Jets. I now have a football team I hate. I look back, and I haven't hated a team like this since Indianapolis a couple of years ago. Maybe it was all the kneeling and sucking at the mantle of Manning and Dungy and the lack of props that my Pats got. But now, the New, ahem, Jersey Jets are in my crosshairs. After thinking they won the Super Bowl after a week 2 wins against the Pats, things aren't going so hot. And now the true colors are coming out. I liken the Jets and their coach, Fatass Rex Ryan (dude tips the scales at 6'4" and 350, you got a better nickname?) are the big bully in the school yard. Or the kid that is two years older than everyone but in the same grade. Nothing like a kid that can drive in the 8th grade. Well, what did you learn about bullies? God Bless my old man, he told me that if I couldn't break 'em down with vicious rhetoric, sock 'em in the nose. I've talked my way out of plenty of fights, but every once in awhile, you have to nut up and sock a bully in the nose, pull his shirt over his head and pound the living crap out of him....and to think, I never played hockey! Anyways, back to the media darling Jets. I hate their portrayal. I hate the phony swagger. I hate that everyone blew their rookie QB. They now stand at 3-2, having lost 2 straight on the road. And after their loss this past Monday night they are still chirping and talking smack. Uh, you lost. SSHHHHH. Now, I have no skin in the game they just played against the Dolphins, other than my brother is a huge Dolphins fan. And I now hate the Jets. They called Miami's wildcat offense 'gimmicky'. I'm sorry, is this the same offense they've been running for over a season? The same offense you watched a ton of tape on? The same offense than ran over that vaunted defense for I swear, 5-6 yards a carry? The same offense that lined up for the last 10 yards and hit you square up the middle for the go ahead score? Now it's 'gimmicky'? Shut up, really. Just stop. Then Fatass has the nerve to blame his practice squad. Uh, the practice squad you put together, coach? That same one? Wow. How 'bout the mirror, dummy? How about looking in the mirror, and then at your team, admitting you got outplayed, then trying to do better the next time when you meet them in a couple of weeks? For now, like always, you are what your record says you are, you're a 3-2 team. Now shut up and concentrate on this week's opponent who you ought to maul, the Buffalo Bills. Because if the Bills play you close for even 3 quarters, then I'll know everything I need to know, and the Jets are exactly who I think they are. They'd be the bully in the school yard who only needs to be socked in the nose, and then it's all over.
Pass along this information to all your single male friends. I'm only stating it once. Ladies appreciate confidence. The line between confidence and cockiness is not nearly as fine as others have made you believe. It's pretty damn thick. Don't be a douchebag and you'll be amazed at how things work out. Don't be a cock-blocker or a hater. Be confident in yourself and it is unreal how things turn out. If she's not interested, her loss. At the very least, it's her loss on a free cup of coffee, a drink or a meal. Go spend your time on someone else. This ain't that hard, but we all tend to get caught up in our own crap. Just my two cents on how to stop the shitspiral.
I go to about 1 movie a year. I don't like crowds, I hate that people's cell phones light up even if they were kind enough to put them on vibrate. Are you going to be in surgery soon? No, okay. Any family member you need an immediate update on? No, okay...then turn off the damn phone. That being said, I already saw 'The Hangover' earlier this year, and it was awesome. Now there is a movie that came out yesterday that I'm seeing in the theatre, by myself. 'Law Abiding Citizen' looks too damn badass to me not to go see. And it looks like there could be some dark comedy moments along with vindication, or vindictiveness, in it. I'm in. Why? I firmly believe in people getting what's coming to them.
Hallelujah!!!! Did you see it last night? Me neither, and I'm so happy. No longer will the stupid New York Yankees be allowed to make the 7th inning stretch last 17 minutes. Why? Because the assclown that drowned out 'God Bless America' is reportedly gone. I hate that Major League Baseball would allow his shenanaghans to go on every year the NYY were in the playoffs (reminder, they weren't last year). It just screamed unfair. Say your pitcher is working on a gem in the middle of October at Yankee Stadium, and now has to sit an extra 15 minutes while this guy sings about America. You can't bitch, because it makes you look unpatriotic. It's actually genius, and I'd be psyched if I were a Yankees fan. But the mere thought makes my skin crawl. Being a Yankees fan is like rooting for the house in blackjack (credit goes to Bill Simmons for that line). After you read the link, remember this-while I can't stand people who are anti-semites, or homophobes, etc. you must know your place. Guess where you should never say a bad thing about Jews? New York City. That shit may fly in Arkansas, but not in the northeast part of this country. Go bash a Baptist in Louisiana and see how well it goes over.
The Balloon kid. By now you've seen the footage, read all the stuff online, seen that the father set off the balloon, and had to know his son wasn't in the damn thing, especially with the video being shot from what appears to be the view of a 6 year old. My thoughts? This family puts the fun in dysfunctional. That he's a media whore and wanted attention. That he made people care and show compassion. That he made Denver's airport scramble all sorts of flights. That I want to know how many emergency crews were on this wild goose chase. That I want to know the bill as a taxpaying citizen of this state. That I want the bill stapled to his forehead and his children taken away from him and his nutjob wife. That anyone that pimps their own kid out to the world like this deserves general population prison time. That his show on one of the morning programs was fantastic in its shittyness, he was tired of being asked if it was a hoax. Buddy, I know bullshit, and that sir, was complete and utter bullshit. Your kid hurling on TV was the definition of priceless, I only wish he had hurled on you instead of being kind enough to ask for a bucket. I also hope that those whose wheat crop you ruined by having all these emergency crews race for your kid sue your ass off for lost revenue. I hope you get everything coming to you.
On the political front, I think the only thing I'm going to start insisting on, if people try to engage me in any type of conversation, is the following-What do you think? What is your philosophy? I'm tired of the he said, she said finger pointing and race baiting. It's beyond old and stale. I'm also done with the whole notion of previous Presidents. I don't want to hear any more dyed-in-the-wool democrats or republicans telling me, "well, Bush did this..." or "well, Clinton did this..." I don't care. I care about what is happening right now. Right now, our country is in deep shit. And while the two previous morons did a fantastic job of messing things up, this new 'Savior' has done so much damage in such a short time that history is not going to judge his first year too kindly. Nor should it. And don't go calling me a racist because I despise the man's policies. Puh-lease. I guarantee I have more hip-hop on my ipod than he does, so can it. Besides, he's not even 100% black, yet he's claimed completely by the black community. Or did you forget that his Mother is white? So please, kill all that noise. Even Obama himself has stated that he doesn't think all the commotion against his policies have to do with race. Sorry, I never liked the universal health care plan when Hillary touted it back in 1994. And I was only a freshman in college. You want my belief on this one? Fine, here it is. Take care of yourself, take care of your family. The government isn't here to make sure you never fail. It happens. My old man died from lung cancer. Completely preventable, don't smoke. No history in my family of cancer. There is now. If he didn't have health care coverage, he would have been dead earlier. Yes, it's cold. But you and I both know it's the truth. I have people in my life that I love that have cancer, and it sucks. Sucks because there is nothing I can do. Yes, I can donate to the cause, walk for a cause, hold raffles, etc. But I swear if you told me if I donated every dime I make in the next 5 years and it would cure cancer, I'd ask you where do I sign. But I want it cured, every kind. Done and eradicated. But here's another thought, and one that I'm okay with. Say I went to go get my own health insurance and by some scale they tell me I'm obese (who knows, I may be on some scale. I'm only 5'10" and I'm around 250), so I have to pay extra. Would I bitch? Nope, I'd either go without or I'd pay the fee. But I'd also ask what the magic number for my weight to be to knock down the fee. Then I'd weigh the choices I make. Right now, for example, I've make the decision not to drink, period, until my birthday. Why? Because I've done nothing but drink beer to excess for the last 2 months. All it is doing is giving me empty calories. If not for this lovely cold, I'd have been out running this past Monday. Instead, health willing, I'll be out trucking my fat ass around the park behind my house starting this Monday. And it's my call. No doctor told me to start running. I'm tired of being tubby. My call. Like I stated before, take care of yourself, and you'll be amazed at how things turn out. And leave me alone with your political crap. I don't care about the past too much, I care about now and how it will affect the future.
Speaking of the future and healthcare, the Baucus bill apparently went thru the Senate Finance Committee. Except there's nothing in it. What the hell is this, DC Madlibs? Look, I trust my 7 month old Godson before I trust these nitwits with my money and health. You passed a bill in committee without having the skeleton done? Why is this so necessary if it won't start until 2013? What am I missing here? In all seriousness, these clowns in DC are going to learn in the next election how tired people, both democrats and republicans, are tired of their collective act. Enough is enough, stay out of my house and out of my wallet.
The new Jay-Z album is tight.
The job front. Well, the well is running dry. I was up for a sales job in Denver, dealing with Business Intelligence. And here we go again. I don't have enough experience. So I asked the question that needed to be asked. If you owned a business, or ran a sales dept., which would you rather have-the person who barely made his number over 5 years, or the guy who shattered his number in a shorter period of time, who keeps his knowledge up, with plenty of contacts still in that realm? Well, I have my answer. They'd rather have the 5 year guy. Seriously. That was the answer I got. So, I can put that company on the list of companies whose ass I'm kicking going forward. Why? Because their logic is flawed. I'm a freaking rock star, and they want the tamborine player. Have it your way. I just won't recommend your product or anyone that sells it.
I'm still in discussion with one company back in Boston. And if they give me what I want, I have two words for Denver, "I'm Gone"!
I'm in the beginning stages of opening up my own brand and business. I'd be partnering with a good friend of mine, and the sky could be the limit. And the bonus of all bonuses-I'd be my own boss. It's a little scary, but if you change the way you've been thinking, it could be awesome. Here's what I mean...when thinking about this, I've only been looking at the negative side of the equation, which is I could fail miserably, be broker than broke, and have to start again from zero in the bank account. But that's the wrong way to go about this. What if I succeed? What does success look like? For you and me, it's different. So I'm thinking about the short, mid and long term ideas of what success can look like. It might be material. But for me, it's my idea of security, my idea of paying for things and not worrying about the hit my bank account takes. Flying back east on a whim. Going to Vegas whenever I feel like.
Now this job back in Boston? I only go back if I get everything I want. I'm not starting low on the totem pole. I'm going for the job I applied for. It may be a little bit out of my range, but if you dont' reach, how the heck will you ever know? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I kind of feel sorry for the people that play it safe. I wonder if they ever feel alive.
Screw GE and their hypocrisy. Let me see if I have this straight-you literally pimp for Obama, attribute wrong quotes to someone, and then tell me to go out and get flourescent light bulbs. Kiss my ass. Get bent. You line up with race pimps, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, and then have the nerve to bash a commentator? You have a commentator with ratings that would get most fired, yet put him on your Sunday night NFL show? I'm so glad I quit that damn company. I wish Jack Welch would walk back in there and smack someone. Just so we're clear here, I could care less if Rush Limbaugh gets to own the Rams. But be clear on this-he wanted to keep the team in St. Louis. Someone else might want to move them, to LA. But because quotes that can't be attributed to him are out there, purpotrated by guys like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, the new head of the NFLPA DeMaurice Smith (also-he's buddies with Obama) says this would be bad. Except the NFLPA has no say in who gets to be an owner. You trust what Al Sharpton says? Really. Google Tawana Brawley and see what you get. Reverend Al still hasn't apologized to the police for lying. And Jesse? Please, stop. Read this book and get back to me. The guy who fathered a kid out of wedlock? The guy who stole the mantle once MLK died? The guy who makes sure his kid has the best distributorship for Budweiser? Stop, seriously. All Rush Limbaugh ever said was Donovan was an average QB, and if he wasn't black the media wouldn't fawn all over him. And you know what? When that comment was made he was right. Get over it. He's a commentator, that's it. Funny, but Marge Schott owned a baseball team in Cincinnati while she had a Nazi Swastika flag hanging in her living room. Who's more dangerous? But once again, GE and their NBC hate machine can get away with whatever, because they have the airwaves. I'm cool with the revolution not being televised. Just be fair, that's all I ever ask for.
Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize for his 'vision'. Wow. I got nothing else. Other than 'The Razzies' now have more clout in my mind than this group of halfwits. The man has literally done nothing, and yet you give him an award. At least Al Gore made a mockumentary.
Can someone explain to me the comedic contribution of Russell Brand and Dane Cook?
In a related note, there is a rumor that Joe Rogan has moved to Denver. I really do hope to run into him and speak with him. His undressing of Carlos Mencia is epic. While I may not agree with all the things he says, I do appreciate his candidness and honesty.
I'm outta steam. Hopefully you enjoy the ranting and raving. One last note, the comedy starts back up next week. After this wedding last week there is way too much stuff in my head not to discuss some things in front of an audience.
Have a great rest of your weekend. I'll write about the wedding in the next week, I promise.
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Now playing: Common - I Used To Love H.E.R.
via FoxyTunes
I wrote down a bunch of stuff yesterday after I got home from a meeting in Boulder (God Damn Hippyville, yeah-I went there). These are all random, and in no particular order. Sorry, it's early, I haven't written in awhile, and there's a lot to accomplish today. The coffee has been brewed, so here we go...
While at this meeting yesterday, it happened again. And it always happens. The only time it doesn't happen is when I'm at home, because I'm alone. What am I talking about? I swear on my Mom that I have this innate ability to catch people doing the most disgusting things. Years ago I caught some guy digging in his schnoze like there was a prize in a box of cracker jack. I catch people picking at their face. It's gross, so why do it in public? Well, yesterday may have been the topper. And in all seriousness, once I catch someone, I can't not look at it. It's like when the waiter tells you that the plate is hot, and your dumbass still has to touch said plate, as if the waiter lied. So what did I see? The woman sitting next to me decided that in the middle of this presentation that now would be a great time to pop that giant zit in the middle of her forehead. Outstanding. I love a good extraction, let's see what kind of game she has. Well, I honestly was intrigued by the topic of the presentation, so I missed the extraction, but when I finally looked out of the corner of my eye, well, let's just say it was a bleeder. I proceeded to enjoy the next 10 minutes of watching this woman check her head wound. And I wrote in my notes, on the margin, 'Why do I have to catch people doing the most disgusting stuff???' Wouldn't you question this ability? I like to consider myself bright at times, charming to a point, often opinionated, and an authority on all things bacon. But why oh why do I always catch people doing this stuff?? I don't want to see anyone diggin' in their nose for buried treasure, yanking their big drawers out of the crack of their ass, clipping toenails, or popping zits. Can't people figure out that this is better done at home? Or are these just more examples of people losing their collective sense of decorum?
The New York Jets. I now have a football team I hate. I look back, and I haven't hated a team like this since Indianapolis a couple of years ago. Maybe it was all the kneeling and sucking at the mantle of Manning and Dungy and the lack of props that my Pats got. But now, the New, ahem, Jersey Jets are in my crosshairs. After thinking they won the Super Bowl after a week 2 wins against the Pats, things aren't going so hot. And now the true colors are coming out. I liken the Jets and their coach, Fatass Rex Ryan (dude tips the scales at 6'4" and 350, you got a better nickname?) are the big bully in the school yard. Or the kid that is two years older than everyone but in the same grade. Nothing like a kid that can drive in the 8th grade. Well, what did you learn about bullies? God Bless my old man, he told me that if I couldn't break 'em down with vicious rhetoric, sock 'em in the nose. I've talked my way out of plenty of fights, but every once in awhile, you have to nut up and sock a bully in the nose, pull his shirt over his head and pound the living crap out of him....and to think, I never played hockey! Anyways, back to the media darling Jets. I hate their portrayal. I hate the phony swagger. I hate that everyone blew their rookie QB. They now stand at 3-2, having lost 2 straight on the road. And after their loss this past Monday night they are still chirping and talking smack. Uh, you lost. SSHHHHH. Now, I have no skin in the game they just played against the Dolphins, other than my brother is a huge Dolphins fan. And I now hate the Jets. They called Miami's wildcat offense 'gimmicky'. I'm sorry, is this the same offense they've been running for over a season? The same offense you watched a ton of tape on? The same offense than ran over that vaunted defense for I swear, 5-6 yards a carry? The same offense that lined up for the last 10 yards and hit you square up the middle for the go ahead score? Now it's 'gimmicky'? Shut up, really. Just stop. Then Fatass has the nerve to blame his practice squad. Uh, the practice squad you put together, coach? That same one? Wow. How 'bout the mirror, dummy? How about looking in the mirror, and then at your team, admitting you got outplayed, then trying to do better the next time when you meet them in a couple of weeks? For now, like always, you are what your record says you are, you're a 3-2 team. Now shut up and concentrate on this week's opponent who you ought to maul, the Buffalo Bills. Because if the Bills play you close for even 3 quarters, then I'll know everything I need to know, and the Jets are exactly who I think they are. They'd be the bully in the school yard who only needs to be socked in the nose, and then it's all over.
Pass along this information to all your single male friends. I'm only stating it once. Ladies appreciate confidence. The line between confidence and cockiness is not nearly as fine as others have made you believe. It's pretty damn thick. Don't be a douchebag and you'll be amazed at how things work out. Don't be a cock-blocker or a hater. Be confident in yourself and it is unreal how things turn out. If she's not interested, her loss. At the very least, it's her loss on a free cup of coffee, a drink or a meal. Go spend your time on someone else. This ain't that hard, but we all tend to get caught up in our own crap. Just my two cents on how to stop the shitspiral.
I go to about 1 movie a year. I don't like crowds, I hate that people's cell phones light up even if they were kind enough to put them on vibrate. Are you going to be in surgery soon? No, okay. Any family member you need an immediate update on? No, okay...then turn off the damn phone. That being said, I already saw 'The Hangover' earlier this year, and it was awesome. Now there is a movie that came out yesterday that I'm seeing in the theatre, by myself. 'Law Abiding Citizen' looks too damn badass to me not to go see. And it looks like there could be some dark comedy moments along with vindication, or vindictiveness, in it. I'm in. Why? I firmly believe in people getting what's coming to them.
Hallelujah!!!! Did you see it last night? Me neither, and I'm so happy. No longer will the stupid New York Yankees be allowed to make the 7th inning stretch last 17 minutes. Why? Because the assclown that drowned out 'God Bless America' is reportedly gone. I hate that Major League Baseball would allow his shenanaghans to go on every year the NYY were in the playoffs (reminder, they weren't last year). It just screamed unfair. Say your pitcher is working on a gem in the middle of October at Yankee Stadium, and now has to sit an extra 15 minutes while this guy sings about America. You can't bitch, because it makes you look unpatriotic. It's actually genius, and I'd be psyched if I were a Yankees fan. But the mere thought makes my skin crawl. Being a Yankees fan is like rooting for the house in blackjack (credit goes to Bill Simmons for that line). After you read the link, remember this-while I can't stand people who are anti-semites, or homophobes, etc. you must know your place. Guess where you should never say a bad thing about Jews? New York City. That shit may fly in Arkansas, but not in the northeast part of this country. Go bash a Baptist in Louisiana and see how well it goes over.
The Balloon kid. By now you've seen the footage, read all the stuff online, seen that the father set off the balloon, and had to know his son wasn't in the damn thing, especially with the video being shot from what appears to be the view of a 6 year old. My thoughts? This family puts the fun in dysfunctional. That he's a media whore and wanted attention. That he made people care and show compassion. That he made Denver's airport scramble all sorts of flights. That I want to know how many emergency crews were on this wild goose chase. That I want to know the bill as a taxpaying citizen of this state. That I want the bill stapled to his forehead and his children taken away from him and his nutjob wife. That anyone that pimps their own kid out to the world like this deserves general population prison time. That his show on one of the morning programs was fantastic in its shittyness, he was tired of being asked if it was a hoax. Buddy, I know bullshit, and that sir, was complete and utter bullshit. Your kid hurling on TV was the definition of priceless, I only wish he had hurled on you instead of being kind enough to ask for a bucket. I also hope that those whose wheat crop you ruined by having all these emergency crews race for your kid sue your ass off for lost revenue. I hope you get everything coming to you.
On the political front, I think the only thing I'm going to start insisting on, if people try to engage me in any type of conversation, is the following-What do you think? What is your philosophy? I'm tired of the he said, she said finger pointing and race baiting. It's beyond old and stale. I'm also done with the whole notion of previous Presidents. I don't want to hear any more dyed-in-the-wool democrats or republicans telling me, "well, Bush did this..." or "well, Clinton did this..." I don't care. I care about what is happening right now. Right now, our country is in deep shit. And while the two previous morons did a fantastic job of messing things up, this new 'Savior' has done so much damage in such a short time that history is not going to judge his first year too kindly. Nor should it. And don't go calling me a racist because I despise the man's policies. Puh-lease. I guarantee I have more hip-hop on my ipod than he does, so can it. Besides, he's not even 100% black, yet he's claimed completely by the black community. Or did you forget that his Mother is white? So please, kill all that noise. Even Obama himself has stated that he doesn't think all the commotion against his policies have to do with race. Sorry, I never liked the universal health care plan when Hillary touted it back in 1994. And I was only a freshman in college. You want my belief on this one? Fine, here it is. Take care of yourself, take care of your family. The government isn't here to make sure you never fail. It happens. My old man died from lung cancer. Completely preventable, don't smoke. No history in my family of cancer. There is now. If he didn't have health care coverage, he would have been dead earlier. Yes, it's cold. But you and I both know it's the truth. I have people in my life that I love that have cancer, and it sucks. Sucks because there is nothing I can do. Yes, I can donate to the cause, walk for a cause, hold raffles, etc. But I swear if you told me if I donated every dime I make in the next 5 years and it would cure cancer, I'd ask you where do I sign. But I want it cured, every kind. Done and eradicated. But here's another thought, and one that I'm okay with. Say I went to go get my own health insurance and by some scale they tell me I'm obese (who knows, I may be on some scale. I'm only 5'10" and I'm around 250), so I have to pay extra. Would I bitch? Nope, I'd either go without or I'd pay the fee. But I'd also ask what the magic number for my weight to be to knock down the fee. Then I'd weigh the choices I make. Right now, for example, I've make the decision not to drink, period, until my birthday. Why? Because I've done nothing but drink beer to excess for the last 2 months. All it is doing is giving me empty calories. If not for this lovely cold, I'd have been out running this past Monday. Instead, health willing, I'll be out trucking my fat ass around the park behind my house starting this Monday. And it's my call. No doctor told me to start running. I'm tired of being tubby. My call. Like I stated before, take care of yourself, and you'll be amazed at how things turn out. And leave me alone with your political crap. I don't care about the past too much, I care about now and how it will affect the future.
Speaking of the future and healthcare, the Baucus bill apparently went thru the Senate Finance Committee. Except there's nothing in it. What the hell is this, DC Madlibs? Look, I trust my 7 month old Godson before I trust these nitwits with my money and health. You passed a bill in committee without having the skeleton done? Why is this so necessary if it won't start until 2013? What am I missing here? In all seriousness, these clowns in DC are going to learn in the next election how tired people, both democrats and republicans, are tired of their collective act. Enough is enough, stay out of my house and out of my wallet.
The new Jay-Z album is tight.
The job front. Well, the well is running dry. I was up for a sales job in Denver, dealing with Business Intelligence. And here we go again. I don't have enough experience. So I asked the question that needed to be asked. If you owned a business, or ran a sales dept., which would you rather have-the person who barely made his number over 5 years, or the guy who shattered his number in a shorter period of time, who keeps his knowledge up, with plenty of contacts still in that realm? Well, I have my answer. They'd rather have the 5 year guy. Seriously. That was the answer I got. So, I can put that company on the list of companies whose ass I'm kicking going forward. Why? Because their logic is flawed. I'm a freaking rock star, and they want the tamborine player. Have it your way. I just won't recommend your product or anyone that sells it.
I'm still in discussion with one company back in Boston. And if they give me what I want, I have two words for Denver, "I'm Gone"!
I'm in the beginning stages of opening up my own brand and business. I'd be partnering with a good friend of mine, and the sky could be the limit. And the bonus of all bonuses-I'd be my own boss. It's a little scary, but if you change the way you've been thinking, it could be awesome. Here's what I mean...when thinking about this, I've only been looking at the negative side of the equation, which is I could fail miserably, be broker than broke, and have to start again from zero in the bank account. But that's the wrong way to go about this. What if I succeed? What does success look like? For you and me, it's different. So I'm thinking about the short, mid and long term ideas of what success can look like. It might be material. But for me, it's my idea of security, my idea of paying for things and not worrying about the hit my bank account takes. Flying back east on a whim. Going to Vegas whenever I feel like.
Now this job back in Boston? I only go back if I get everything I want. I'm not starting low on the totem pole. I'm going for the job I applied for. It may be a little bit out of my range, but if you dont' reach, how the heck will you ever know? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I kind of feel sorry for the people that play it safe. I wonder if they ever feel alive.
Screw GE and their hypocrisy. Let me see if I have this straight-you literally pimp for Obama, attribute wrong quotes to someone, and then tell me to go out and get flourescent light bulbs. Kiss my ass. Get bent. You line up with race pimps, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, and then have the nerve to bash a commentator? You have a commentator with ratings that would get most fired, yet put him on your Sunday night NFL show? I'm so glad I quit that damn company. I wish Jack Welch would walk back in there and smack someone. Just so we're clear here, I could care less if Rush Limbaugh gets to own the Rams. But be clear on this-he wanted to keep the team in St. Louis. Someone else might want to move them, to LA. But because quotes that can't be attributed to him are out there, purpotrated by guys like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, the new head of the NFLPA DeMaurice Smith (also-he's buddies with Obama) says this would be bad. Except the NFLPA has no say in who gets to be an owner. You trust what Al Sharpton says? Really. Google Tawana Brawley and see what you get. Reverend Al still hasn't apologized to the police for lying. And Jesse? Please, stop. Read this book and get back to me. The guy who fathered a kid out of wedlock? The guy who stole the mantle once MLK died? The guy who makes sure his kid has the best distributorship for Budweiser? Stop, seriously. All Rush Limbaugh ever said was Donovan was an average QB, and if he wasn't black the media wouldn't fawn all over him. And you know what? When that comment was made he was right. Get over it. He's a commentator, that's it. Funny, but Marge Schott owned a baseball team in Cincinnati while she had a Nazi Swastika flag hanging in her living room. Who's more dangerous? But once again, GE and their NBC hate machine can get away with whatever, because they have the airwaves. I'm cool with the revolution not being televised. Just be fair, that's all I ever ask for.
Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize for his 'vision'. Wow. I got nothing else. Other than 'The Razzies' now have more clout in my mind than this group of halfwits. The man has literally done nothing, and yet you give him an award. At least Al Gore made a mockumentary.
Can someone explain to me the comedic contribution of Russell Brand and Dane Cook?
In a related note, there is a rumor that Joe Rogan has moved to Denver. I really do hope to run into him and speak with him. His undressing of Carlos Mencia is epic. While I may not agree with all the things he says, I do appreciate his candidness and honesty.
I'm outta steam. Hopefully you enjoy the ranting and raving. One last note, the comedy starts back up next week. After this wedding last week there is way too much stuff in my head not to discuss some things in front of an audience.
Have a great rest of your weekend. I'll write about the wedding in the next week, I promise.
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Now playing: Common - I Used To Love H.E.R.
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
So where have I been?
Simple, I've been 'away'. What does that mean? It means I took a mental siesta, for like 2+ weeks. I'm tired of trying to fix people's problems. I'm truly thankful for my friends. I've had a few still checking in on me. I asked for something truly spiritual and received it. I also learned a HUGE lesson about myself. And I learned a huge lesson about life and people.
What else? I've apparently lost my fantasy football mojo-which, since I'm single, kinda sucks the big one. Last year I could do no wrong. This year? I'm Mush. I will not bore you to tears with that stupidity. I firmly believe that people that talk about or write about fantasy football other than in those forums is a dipshit.
I'm still trying to figure out where I want/need to be, be it here or back in Boston. I find it very funny that certain people want me in certain places, but don't or won't ask me what it is that I want. Why is that funny? Because it's what they want, not necessarily what I want. Funny how that works, isn't it? This is what I was talking about earlier-the lesson about life and people. It's this notion of fairness. Most of us, and I'm included in this, only think of fairness when it pertains to us, and our feeling of being treated unfairly. We rarely think of the other guy. Why? Because we're all selfish to some degree. It's okay if you disagree with me, but are you treating my notion fairly?
As for fixing people's problems, I'm out of that business. If you want my ideas on what you should do, feel free to ask, but I may not care enough to answer. Or you may get the full answer you weren't looking for. Simple really. I keep getting the same questions asked of me, and while the person asking the question may be the same, it's by virtually the same person. Should you or shouldn't you? How the hell should I know? Why oh why am I the everyman? Ladies, I don't know why he won't call you. I have an idea, and someone was kind enough to write a book about it, maybe you've heard of it..'He's Just Not That Into You.' There, I said it. Here's what I know in my heart to be true. If I truly want to be with someone, I'll do everything in my power to make that happen. Come hell or high water. I won't play games, as I'm not good at them and think they are foolish. Why does he, whomever he is, do it? Because he's a fool. Now, do you feel better? Or maybe it was because you gave it up on the first date. I have no clue why another man does what he does. I know only what my motivations are. I live by many creeds in my life, hell, I even tattooed one of them on my arm, "To Thine Own Self Be True". It's Shakespeare, and it's badass too. I don't live to step on others to get to where I want to be. I believe in lifting others up and bringing them along for the ride. And not stepping on their neck to get to some other place that's supposedly better. I don't think you end up in a better place by doing that, I think you hurt yourself in the long run. We tend to look short term rather than long term. I myself look longterm. It's what I look for in a career, a life decision, a potential date, my bills, everything. I think you should pay your friends back before you pay off your credit cards. Why? Chances are they've helped you in some way, be it listening to you drag on and on about some nitwit you're dating, 'I can save him', or buying you a cup of coffee. Pay your debts. And say thank you, for crying out loud. And please oh please, stop asking me why your friend with benefits or boyfriend or guy you're screwing isn't being attentive. There's an easy answer, here it is-because he doesn't have to. You set your own boundaries and expectations in your head, but you probably never told him what they are. If you did and he doesn't respect them, toss him like yesterday's chicken salad. But if you didn't tell him, cut him some slack and tell him. See, this is why I resigned my position as general manager of the universe. There's no payoff, and all you get is a headache. It's why I needed a brain break. People kept driving me nuts.
The Spiritual thing. First, allow me that we've all had the following go thru our head when things aren't going so hot:
Now, we can choose (yeah, I said it-choose) to be in a pissy mood, and let that snowball into the quicksand that is a pissing and moaning day, week, month or lifetime. Or, you can smile thru the crap, giggle at yourself, and for God's sake, cut yourself a break. I say this only to relay to you that I asked for something, and that while I kept asking for it every day, it happened. No, I didn't get a job. That's materialistic. I asked for something to go away, to get out of my head, out of my heart. It was something that was crippling me, in almost every facet of my life. No, I don't have an addiction to booze or drugs, or pills or porn. It's just something that needed to be dealt with, forgiven, whatever. I wanted it gone, as it was following me around like a black cloud and not allowing me to figure things out and find what it is I'm doing. It's like my mind and thought process were paralyzed. I'd get to a point and then things would seize up like a bad engine. That is frustrating, and it tends to feed on itself. Let's just call it non-healthy and be done with it. But I haven't felt this good about things in a long time. My head is clear and my heart is pure, how could it be bad? It can't.
The thing that I learned about myself? That right about now, I need to get more than 5 hours of sleep. Depending on the day. I know that I've been teetering on some emotional stuff lately, but that's the funny thing. If I don't get enough sleep, the emotional stuff comes out more easily. Look, I know it's okay to cry and all that. I'm just not a huge fan of weeping like a blubbering fool in public. Alone? Sure thing. Now, I know all this because I keep noticing that I tend to get real 'misty' when I don't get enough sleep, I'll cry at Kung Fu Panda, for reals. But in this case, I went to a memorial for a friend's Mom. Look, while I only met her once, I know what it's like to lose a parent, and she lost her Mom to lung cancer, the same way that I lost my Pops. Well, after staying up all night trying to help my soon-to-be married friend burn music (another travesty and a whole other barrel of monkeys), I only got like 4 hours of sleep. Well, I heard my friend and her sister talk about her Mom, and it reminded me of Pops-how could it not? Then her nephew, all of 7, got up and spoke about how much he missed his Gramma. Yeah, you try not to cry. In my case, at least I wasn't blubbering. But I felt bad. How could you not? It was a touching thing, and you feel bad for someone losing a parent by something that, for the most part, is avoidable. How do I know? Look up the stats on those that get lung cancer, and then how many were smokers? Well, her Mom was and my Dad was, too. Don't smoke, your chances of getting lung cancer go down quite a bit. I even got a gift for showing up. Apparently, lung cancer has a color for a ribbon. I had no idea. Pink is for breast cancer, and white or clear has been designated for lung cancer. So I now have a white band around my right wrist that states 'Cancer Sucks' on it. If you know me at all, it's very appropriate.
As for my friends, I know that like they are in my heart, I am in their heart. I send them texts, or call and leave a voicemail. I know everyone is busy, and I mock them for it. Because most people aren't nearly as busy as they think. I know that something that plays over and over in my head is a conversation my Dad and I had, maybe 3 or 4 years ago, right after I quit my job. I was at home for Christmas, and we were discussing work, commutes, stupid folks that you have to work with, mean people, just nasty stuff of why one would work in certain conditions. And he told me that no one ever sat there on their deathbed wishing they worked more. How many stories or movies or books have you come across where the message has been family, or to not take yourself too seriously? I guess that's why when I'm doing my job search, I know now what I can and cannot tolerate. I've already turned down 2 interviews in the last month, because they weren't a fit for me. I'd be a miserable prick in 3 months if I had taken either of those roles, how does that help me be a better man? I firmly believe that everyone is given certain gifts, be it the ability to listen, or help heal others wounds, or to motivate people to be the best of their own potential. I think that one of my gifts is the ability to make people laugh, or at least laugh at themselves. We all need to lighten up.
I assure you, there will be no politics in this blog posting. It's too tiring, and they all should be replaced. I will tell you that I have more friends than I ever thought I would. I'm not nearly as mean and as nasty as I've been portrayed nor put out there. Those days are in the past. I can probably still get nasty with the rest of them, but I no longer see the purpose.
I went out to a Rockies game a few years ago, and I got to see a glimpse into my past. My friend's son just turned 21. Remember 21? Remember how you were going to set the world on fire? Remember how you were going to be different, change things, shake it all up? Remember being an expert, yet not knowing the question? I do. I also remember slowing down at 24 and not allowing myself to enjoy my 20's. Thing is, I can't get those years back. And since I don't believe in making up for lost time, just live. Every man dies, but so few live. The 21 year old kid is a good egg, too smart for his own good, and an expert on everything. I giggle at that last part. At 33, I'm convinced I know less and am more comfortable with that than anything else. Oh, and the kid has horrid breath. I mean, it could peel paint. Here's to hoping I don't run into him at a loud bar where he has to talk close..tic tac?
For something amusing, I will explain to you my field trip to the unemployment office. After my trip back to Boston, I was looking forward to seeing my funds in my bank account. To no avail. When I called to find out what was going on, I was told I had to sign up for something else. Funny, I was certain when I was at the employment office I asked if I had to do anything else and was told, 'No'. Not that big a deal, it's only a 10 minute drive. Yet, while I had this thought all throughout most of my adult life that I wasn't a class warrior, the opposite is true. You present an image every time you walk out of your house. Some days it's to Target, so who cares? Well, the employment office, I'd think you ought to care. I could not have been more wrong. Allow me to state the following-I could've not showered for a week, let a dog take a crap on my front porch and let that petrify for a week, where that as a hat, and still smelled better than the rest of the people, sans the folks working there, in that employment center. I wanted to particularly ask the guy 2 seats (!) away from me if he just used a bunch of cigarette butts as a facecloth, because he reeked. Calling him a dirty ashtray would've been a step up. Funny, because when my name was called, I was apologized to 3 times for the 10 minute wait. I don't have a job, I've got nothing but time, but this poor woman thanked me for my patience and for being clean. Can you even fathom that? I asked her if she would hire any of these folks the way they were dressed, she just gave me a look that was beyond priceless. So much for pride, I guess.
I have a question for the clowns at ESPN...so the Boston Bruins have the best goalie, best defenseman and the best coach, but you put the Blackhawks on the cover? You celebrate Patrick Kane?? The kid who just punched a cab driver in Buffalo over 20 cents? Did I miss something? Was this a regional thing? If that's the case, can I get the California cover to see the San Jose Sharks, they were pretty good last year, if memory serves.
So what else? Not too much, family is family, friends are friends, I've got a wedding that I'm in on Saturday, and I can honestly say that after watching what my friend is going thru, I really do wonder what all the hub-bub is about. He's driving himself nuts about the littlest of details, the things that he'll never even remember once Saturday comes. The forecast calls for snow...is that good luck? I don't believe in luck when it comes to matters of the heart. Timing? Now that's something I firmly believe has to be right, or it'll never happen. I'm happy I get to be a part of his wedding party, kind of surprised that he pulled me aside and told me I should've been his best man, but due to family obligations, well, I know. All in all it's been a good year, I have a Godson and shoulda been a best man. Maybe I've been doing things okay all along and don't need to question the details. My friends love me for who I am, not for who I'm not.
I could bore you with a baseball playoff preview, or go on and on about the NFL, but right now there's no point. When it comes to sports, we cheer for laundry. I know, me of all people, sports isn't my #1 thing. Maybe this time that's a good thing.
Have a great Wednesday...I know it's October, but I'm going to crank out more blogs, I assure you...I have a goal in mind for the year.
What else? I've apparently lost my fantasy football mojo-which, since I'm single, kinda sucks the big one. Last year I could do no wrong. This year? I'm Mush. I will not bore you to tears with that stupidity. I firmly believe that people that talk about or write about fantasy football other than in those forums is a dipshit.
I'm still trying to figure out where I want/need to be, be it here or back in Boston. I find it very funny that certain people want me in certain places, but don't or won't ask me what it is that I want. Why is that funny? Because it's what they want, not necessarily what I want. Funny how that works, isn't it? This is what I was talking about earlier-the lesson about life and people. It's this notion of fairness. Most of us, and I'm included in this, only think of fairness when it pertains to us, and our feeling of being treated unfairly. We rarely think of the other guy. Why? Because we're all selfish to some degree. It's okay if you disagree with me, but are you treating my notion fairly?
As for fixing people's problems, I'm out of that business. If you want my ideas on what you should do, feel free to ask, but I may not care enough to answer. Or you may get the full answer you weren't looking for. Simple really. I keep getting the same questions asked of me, and while the person asking the question may be the same, it's by virtually the same person. Should you or shouldn't you? How the hell should I know? Why oh why am I the everyman? Ladies, I don't know why he won't call you. I have an idea, and someone was kind enough to write a book about it, maybe you've heard of it..'He's Just Not That Into You.' There, I said it. Here's what I know in my heart to be true. If I truly want to be with someone, I'll do everything in my power to make that happen. Come hell or high water. I won't play games, as I'm not good at them and think they are foolish. Why does he, whomever he is, do it? Because he's a fool. Now, do you feel better? Or maybe it was because you gave it up on the first date. I have no clue why another man does what he does. I know only what my motivations are. I live by many creeds in my life, hell, I even tattooed one of them on my arm, "To Thine Own Self Be True". It's Shakespeare, and it's badass too. I don't live to step on others to get to where I want to be. I believe in lifting others up and bringing them along for the ride. And not stepping on their neck to get to some other place that's supposedly better. I don't think you end up in a better place by doing that, I think you hurt yourself in the long run. We tend to look short term rather than long term. I myself look longterm. It's what I look for in a career, a life decision, a potential date, my bills, everything. I think you should pay your friends back before you pay off your credit cards. Why? Chances are they've helped you in some way, be it listening to you drag on and on about some nitwit you're dating, 'I can save him', or buying you a cup of coffee. Pay your debts. And say thank you, for crying out loud. And please oh please, stop asking me why your friend with benefits or boyfriend or guy you're screwing isn't being attentive. There's an easy answer, here it is-because he doesn't have to. You set your own boundaries and expectations in your head, but you probably never told him what they are. If you did and he doesn't respect them, toss him like yesterday's chicken salad. But if you didn't tell him, cut him some slack and tell him. See, this is why I resigned my position as general manager of the universe. There's no payoff, and all you get is a headache. It's why I needed a brain break. People kept driving me nuts.
The Spiritual thing. First, allow me that we've all had the following go thru our head when things aren't going so hot:
Now, we can choose (yeah, I said it-choose) to be in a pissy mood, and let that snowball into the quicksand that is a pissing and moaning day, week, month or lifetime. Or, you can smile thru the crap, giggle at yourself, and for God's sake, cut yourself a break. I say this only to relay to you that I asked for something, and that while I kept asking for it every day, it happened. No, I didn't get a job. That's materialistic. I asked for something to go away, to get out of my head, out of my heart. It was something that was crippling me, in almost every facet of my life. No, I don't have an addiction to booze or drugs, or pills or porn. It's just something that needed to be dealt with, forgiven, whatever. I wanted it gone, as it was following me around like a black cloud and not allowing me to figure things out and find what it is I'm doing. It's like my mind and thought process were paralyzed. I'd get to a point and then things would seize up like a bad engine. That is frustrating, and it tends to feed on itself. Let's just call it non-healthy and be done with it. But I haven't felt this good about things in a long time. My head is clear and my heart is pure, how could it be bad? It can't.
The thing that I learned about myself? That right about now, I need to get more than 5 hours of sleep. Depending on the day. I know that I've been teetering on some emotional stuff lately, but that's the funny thing. If I don't get enough sleep, the emotional stuff comes out more easily. Look, I know it's okay to cry and all that. I'm just not a huge fan of weeping like a blubbering fool in public. Alone? Sure thing. Now, I know all this because I keep noticing that I tend to get real 'misty' when I don't get enough sleep, I'll cry at Kung Fu Panda, for reals. But in this case, I went to a memorial for a friend's Mom. Look, while I only met her once, I know what it's like to lose a parent, and she lost her Mom to lung cancer, the same way that I lost my Pops. Well, after staying up all night trying to help my soon-to-be married friend burn music (another travesty and a whole other barrel of monkeys), I only got like 4 hours of sleep. Well, I heard my friend and her sister talk about her Mom, and it reminded me of Pops-how could it not? Then her nephew, all of 7, got up and spoke about how much he missed his Gramma. Yeah, you try not to cry. In my case, at least I wasn't blubbering. But I felt bad. How could you not? It was a touching thing, and you feel bad for someone losing a parent by something that, for the most part, is avoidable. How do I know? Look up the stats on those that get lung cancer, and then how many were smokers? Well, her Mom was and my Dad was, too. Don't smoke, your chances of getting lung cancer go down quite a bit. I even got a gift for showing up. Apparently, lung cancer has a color for a ribbon. I had no idea. Pink is for breast cancer, and white or clear has been designated for lung cancer. So I now have a white band around my right wrist that states 'Cancer Sucks' on it. If you know me at all, it's very appropriate.
As for my friends, I know that like they are in my heart, I am in their heart. I send them texts, or call and leave a voicemail. I know everyone is busy, and I mock them for it. Because most people aren't nearly as busy as they think. I know that something that plays over and over in my head is a conversation my Dad and I had, maybe 3 or 4 years ago, right after I quit my job. I was at home for Christmas, and we were discussing work, commutes, stupid folks that you have to work with, mean people, just nasty stuff of why one would work in certain conditions. And he told me that no one ever sat there on their deathbed wishing they worked more. How many stories or movies or books have you come across where the message has been family, or to not take yourself too seriously? I guess that's why when I'm doing my job search, I know now what I can and cannot tolerate. I've already turned down 2 interviews in the last month, because they weren't a fit for me. I'd be a miserable prick in 3 months if I had taken either of those roles, how does that help me be a better man? I firmly believe that everyone is given certain gifts, be it the ability to listen, or help heal others wounds, or to motivate people to be the best of their own potential. I think that one of my gifts is the ability to make people laugh, or at least laugh at themselves. We all need to lighten up.
I assure you, there will be no politics in this blog posting. It's too tiring, and they all should be replaced. I will tell you that I have more friends than I ever thought I would. I'm not nearly as mean and as nasty as I've been portrayed nor put out there. Those days are in the past. I can probably still get nasty with the rest of them, but I no longer see the purpose.
I went out to a Rockies game a few years ago, and I got to see a glimpse into my past. My friend's son just turned 21. Remember 21? Remember how you were going to set the world on fire? Remember how you were going to be different, change things, shake it all up? Remember being an expert, yet not knowing the question? I do. I also remember slowing down at 24 and not allowing myself to enjoy my 20's. Thing is, I can't get those years back. And since I don't believe in making up for lost time, just live. Every man dies, but so few live. The 21 year old kid is a good egg, too smart for his own good, and an expert on everything. I giggle at that last part. At 33, I'm convinced I know less and am more comfortable with that than anything else. Oh, and the kid has horrid breath. I mean, it could peel paint. Here's to hoping I don't run into him at a loud bar where he has to talk close..tic tac?
For something amusing, I will explain to you my field trip to the unemployment office. After my trip back to Boston, I was looking forward to seeing my funds in my bank account. To no avail. When I called to find out what was going on, I was told I had to sign up for something else. Funny, I was certain when I was at the employment office I asked if I had to do anything else and was told, 'No'. Not that big a deal, it's only a 10 minute drive. Yet, while I had this thought all throughout most of my adult life that I wasn't a class warrior, the opposite is true. You present an image every time you walk out of your house. Some days it's to Target, so who cares? Well, the employment office, I'd think you ought to care. I could not have been more wrong. Allow me to state the following-I could've not showered for a week, let a dog take a crap on my front porch and let that petrify for a week, where that as a hat, and still smelled better than the rest of the people, sans the folks working there, in that employment center. I wanted to particularly ask the guy 2 seats (!) away from me if he just used a bunch of cigarette butts as a facecloth, because he reeked. Calling him a dirty ashtray would've been a step up. Funny, because when my name was called, I was apologized to 3 times for the 10 minute wait. I don't have a job, I've got nothing but time, but this poor woman thanked me for my patience and for being clean. Can you even fathom that? I asked her if she would hire any of these folks the way they were dressed, she just gave me a look that was beyond priceless. So much for pride, I guess.
I have a question for the clowns at ESPN...so the Boston Bruins have the best goalie, best defenseman and the best coach, but you put the Blackhawks on the cover? You celebrate Patrick Kane?? The kid who just punched a cab driver in Buffalo over 20 cents? Did I miss something? Was this a regional thing? If that's the case, can I get the California cover to see the San Jose Sharks, they were pretty good last year, if memory serves.
So what else? Not too much, family is family, friends are friends, I've got a wedding that I'm in on Saturday, and I can honestly say that after watching what my friend is going thru, I really do wonder what all the hub-bub is about. He's driving himself nuts about the littlest of details, the things that he'll never even remember once Saturday comes. The forecast calls for snow...is that good luck? I don't believe in luck when it comes to matters of the heart. Timing? Now that's something I firmly believe has to be right, or it'll never happen. I'm happy I get to be a part of his wedding party, kind of surprised that he pulled me aside and told me I should've been his best man, but due to family obligations, well, I know. All in all it's been a good year, I have a Godson and shoulda been a best man. Maybe I've been doing things okay all along and don't need to question the details. My friends love me for who I am, not for who I'm not.
I could bore you with a baseball playoff preview, or go on and on about the NFL, but right now there's no point. When it comes to sports, we cheer for laundry. I know, me of all people, sports isn't my #1 thing. Maybe this time that's a good thing.
Have a great Wednesday...I know it's October, but I'm going to crank out more blogs, I assure you...I have a goal in mind for the year.
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