Everything in your life can be looked at thru the prism of hindsight. I decided to let my trip back to New England marinate for a lil' while before deciding to write about it. Funny how things work out. Things to look for in this long drawn out blog:
The Trip
Some Links/commentary
Gay Marriage and why I'm tired
The Anti-Anti-Kat Rant
Father's Day
The Trip
After landing at Logan airport, I walked out to the bus stop that would take me to Woburn, as I was crashing at my Auntie's place for the first few days. I was welcomed to a little rain and some humidity. For serious, you cannot prep yourself for humidity if you haven't been near it in a year. The sun broke thru the clouds and I thought, very briefly, that "I could live back here", until we turned to the highway/parking lot that is 93. My next thought? "Fuck That!" Sorry, I forgot that y'all live on top of one another back there. I forgot that the traffic is beyond atrocious. And this was at 3 on a Thursday. Granted, Game 6 of theNBA Eastern Conference finals was going on at 8:30 and the Red Sox were in town, but DAMN folks. I also had the joy of sitting on the bus behind a couple that was clearly about to fight. And by the time we were dropped off of the Logan Express at Woburn, a brawl was in full effect. Nothing like people who claim to love each other saying things that would make a sailor blush. Ah, feels like home.Saw my Auntie and Uncle and talked about the family, I needed to catch up on things. Nothing's changed-my GramGram has become bitter and nasty, mostly from Aunt Skeletor taking over her house and just being a nasty human. I'm a firm believer that God don't like ugly, and she's all sorts of ugly.
Saw my boy G$ that night, too. He came down to see me and catch up. Dude looks different, in a great way. Been dating some woman for like 10 months, and he's happy. Couldn't happen to a better guy. He's got his crap together and things have fallen into a great place for him.
Friday
Booze Cruise day. Also, reconnecting with someone from my past. Now, before anyone goes freaking out on me, I'll just tell y'all to clam up. Ain't nothing going on. No intimate feelings, no "I <3 her", nothing of the sort. She's a cool woman, and any feelings I had in the past, no matter how ridiculous, are long gone. Heck, while waiting for her to pick me up I started writing comedy stuff up. Just writing, nothing pointed or narrowed down, just writing. You never know where your head will go...except mine went tired. I reviewed some of the other stuff I had written in the past-some good, some gawdawful. I almost felt like I had to be 'on', as I found out I'd be hanging with her and two of her alumni peeps. Then I thought, "who cares?" I was going to have fun, there's not a ounce of a chance for romance, so relax and be yourself. It was great to see her, see her pooch, and then we went to grab a bite to eat. Other than the giant ass on the woman who sat next to us at the bar (seriously, no need to swing them big 'ol hips in my face like that unless you've got a g-string on and I got dollar bills in my hand-DAMN), good conversation. Nice to catch up on things. Even better was sharing sayings. I learned all about being "Bro'd" and I got to share 'Explain Ya Outfit'. Also learned I got Bro'd. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have looked at all my comedy writing, at times I felt forced. Being Bro'd, by the way, is another way of stating you've been crammed into the friendzone.I'll also state, for the record, that the stories of this woman's failed courtships made me giggle. Not at her expense, but in that warped way that makes anyone think, "Well shit, if this is what's going on out there, I'm a damn catch." Who shows their bank account on a first/only date with a woman? Who talks about abortion on the casual conversation front? Who talks about marriage and what your kids would look like?
Seriously? Fellas, you're giving my place of origin a horrible rep. At the same time, I can't thank any of them enough. I may not be rich, tall, skinny or have any hair on my head, but I'm more than alright. This ain't a competition, but if it were, the dating point spread would be me giving up almost 2 touchdowns. Wow. G'head and ask me how many times I've ever discussed any of that stuff on a date? Not never. That's how many times. I don't even talk about that crap in casual conversation. Ladies of Boston, if that's what's out there, find a scissor sister. It's cool, I don't blame you.
Now, the booze cruise itself was relatively uneventful, most of anything funny happened during boarding of the boat or right at the end. Before boarding the boat, I was treated to the hot mess who didn't want to wear too many bracelets. Apparently they clashed with her atrocious outfit and raccoon eyes. "I gotta wear another freakin' bracelet?" Yes troll, you do, especially if you want to drink.
When I notice that every thunder-thighed woman kept yanking down their skirt or shorts, I knew I'd have material for days. But I had to ask aloud, "what's with all the hoochies?" To which I was reminded 'did you forget where you are?" Yup, for a minute, I did.
Now, one eventful thing that did happen was 'The Cooler'. This guy is in the pantheon, forever and ever. He saw my friend and wouldn't let go. There has to be a scale for you ladies for the dude that keeps coming around that y'all have no interest in. My friend was relatively polite, but dude would not take that hint. Not the first time, nor the 8th time. It became painful when you saw this guy come around. Mostly because talking to potting soil would be a better time. Yikes, guy. Find some game. Better yet, find someone who's interested in listening to you drone on and on about who knows what. My tune-out button was set for 4 seconds on that guy, probably about 2 seconds longer than it needed to be.
Good to meet my friends' friends, too. I'd call her friend Lauren a hot mess, but she's not all that hot and I'd have to stress mess more than anything. From the stories I got, I think those ladies have more patience than I'd ever show. Be promiscuous, that's cool. But leaving your crap at a bar and hopping around with random strangers? Not a bright move. Her friend Jenny? Sweetheart of a girl. And I agree with my friend, ditch the dude with the old balls. Not because their old. Because they aren't really ever going to commit to her. Sorry, I'm a guy, but I'm also way smarter than I was 2 years ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. That old balls dude has her on the hook for one reason-he remotely shows attention. I hate to sound crass or cold, but pass along this info to your friend, "you're better than that". Easy to say, not easy to adhere to, and even worse-if you're on the hook for someone (HIMYM reference) you're not hearing this message.
After the booze cruise got to witness my friend become more east coast than me. She was stern with a cabbie. It was kinda awesome.
But, back to my Auntie's house because I had found out while pulling into the dock that my uncle was in the hospital for an intestinal blockage (he's fine now, no surgery, but scary for a minute). Said my good-bye's to my friend (we're even friends on facebook again) and the pooch, and off to bed I went.
Saturday
Well, due to Game 7 being on, my plans to see my cousin's band and a few friends in Lowell crapped out. But have no fear, I got to see my Godson. Kid is supercute, tiny and a ball of energy. Well, after a few minutes of waking up from a 4 hour nap. He's talking and running around. Just a really good time to see him, play with him and catch up with his parents. Other than borrowing my Auntie's Jeep and not going over 49 MPH on 93 and 495, good times. By the way, you ever want to find out how slow life can be, drive along a major highway not hitting 50 due to a new seal on the oil pan.Sunday
Saw Ma Dukes for the 1st time of the trip, and decided to surprise my GramGram for lunch/brunch. Only one minor drawback....Aunt Skeletor. What a raging bitch. 4 times in 5 minutes she said, "would have been nice to get a warning". Ma Dukes wanted to whoop her sister's ass. I wanted to scream, "bitch it ain't about you". But let that go to get to eat and catch up with my GramGram. I miss the woman she used to be. Living with Aunt Skeletor has made her mean and bitter. Facing sad facts, she's a hater to the nth degree. Makes me sad. Also made me think that she might have Stockholm Syndrome. My brain works differently, some folks just don't want to see certain miracles that are all around us. My great-aunt taking care of her grand-daughter after all sorts of family drama isn't something to mock, it ought to be celebrated. Then again, that's just this man's opinion.Monday-Tourney Time!
Well, let's get the sad part out of the way-this may be the last tourney for Pops....we only had 24 golfers. That said, I'm so happy and proud that we've been able to put this on for 4 years. I know the old man's friends miss him, heck, maybe even more than I do. I've got a better memory :)As for the tourney, great to see my friends, it was a nice day and we laughed a lot. I miss those guys, but I also know that we'll be friends forever. My 'place' will always be there.
My brother (sigh) showed up towards the end of the tourney, as he had a date with Johnny Law. I'm not even getting into that one.
After the tourney folks went their separate ways and I went to Ma Dukes with my brother. Ma Dukes is about 5 plastic totes away from me calling the producers of 'Hoarders'. But, we talked (stress on the talking, no yelling) about Ma moving out to Denver. And why she has so much crap. It's all a security thing. She's afraid of losing everything. And she's in no danger of it. The brain does some weird shit to all of us.
Tuesday-Maine
Ogunquit. Maine. Lobster Roll. Long Trail Belgian White. On a patio to watch the boats come in an out of the 'bay'. With Ma Dukes on her day off. Perfect. Really. Just a great time. Of course Ma had to talk to me about my brother, my life, where I'm headed, etc. She's good now. There's no bullshittin' her. But she also knows that this is some damn fine space I'm in lately. Some things seemed to have slowed down and my reflections and actions are on point.And at night? Chinese food with Ma and baby bro. PuPu Platters are so underrated. And I can't get anything close in Denver. Just a ton of laughs and a good time. Of course my brother took the leftovers.
Wednesday-Outta here
up at 5...well, up at 4 from a computerized call from United to tell me my flight was delayed due to a lack of a crew. Great, a plane but no one to fly it?? Either way, my bus ticket was already purchased. Hugged Ma Dukes real tight, I love her and miss her already. So, off to Logan I went. One last Dunkin' Donuts coffee. One last donut. One last listen to people be in a hurry to go nowhere.If it weren't for the guy falling on the airplane 45 minutes before landing, would've been a drama free flight. Guy thought the curtain to the galley was a wall...whoops. He was more embarrassed. Yes, I helped him up. But the other people watching? They're exactly what's wrong out there in the world.
Links/Commentary
I wanted to be mad after reading this about oil shale and government funding, but I have to agree, I don't want the government picking winners and losers in business.I told a joke to my boy Siggy months ago that I thought Steve Jobs would be in hell, he got a little bent. Well, here's where I was going with it. Just remember, my first corporate job was for someone who took giant swings at Golaith (MSFT).
Yup, the title says it all-'Race Matters...To Racists'. Just a friendly reminder, you need a photo ID to vote in a union election, but not in an election for President? That seems weird, right?
Having seen more racism than I care to admit (hey, I'm from New England, where marginalizing someone by backhanded compliment is like breathing) I'm always wondering why when someone who isn't from Caucasia thinks something other than a so-called majority gets treated worse than an original sinner.
I'm putting this out there-so, CNN knew that they'd get ratings when they asked Kirk Cameron his thoughts on Gay Marriage, and maybe even when they tried to punk The Donald. But there was a PRIME chance to ask Will Smith what he thought about Gay Marriage while he was on Letterman to promote MIB 3 after he slapped some Russian TV personality for trying to kiss him. Homophobic much, Fresh Prince? Why didn't he get asked by anyone? Wouldn't he seem more pertinent to the discussion than someone who hasn't been important since Alan Thicke played his Dad? Mike Seaver's best friend was named 'Boner' for crying out loud.
POTUS-I said last Friday before the booze cruise that I hate him. I do. I figured out exactly what it is about him, though. It's his smug demeanor. He's so smart. The same guy that said back in 2008 that something was 'above his paygrade' is now smarter than everyone. Case in point? His 'evolved' answer on gay marriage. Dude, go fuck yourself. By using that word, evolve, instead of anything else, it proves to me, again, that he's better than the rest of us. Had he said, "you know what, I sat back and thought about it, and I've changed my mind. What I thought before wasn't thought out. It was what I thought a certain base of mine wanted to hear. It was wrong". I would respect that. But that word, evolve, sticks in my craw. It reeks of 'better than' and screams to me that we are all simple in comparison.
Gay Marriage
I'm tired of listening to this shit all the livelong day. I'm tired of the extremists-on both sides. After watching Dennis Miller's 'The Big Speech', I'm in agreement with the statement that this is about the 8,000,000,042nd thing I care about. But I do care about how we as a people get there. Hear me out: we need some folks closer to center to talk to the fringe-hell, let's bring some of the bat guano folks' ideas to the table. I just don't want a judge to tell all of us that gay marriage should happen. And I'm tired of the Pink Mafia begging us to put it to a vote and then finding the agenda-driven judge to throw out the results when they don't get their way. The Rules of Engagement (in my mind) are as follows:- For all intents and purposes, there are plenty of folks that believe marriage is a Sacrament. I personally grew up this way. I'm listening, but quit calling me a bigot. Name-calling gets you nowhere with me on the fastest of tracks.
- Gay people-straight people: for the sake of the wackos on the far right, can we all agree that you will never condone the marriage of a person to an animal? Oh, this goes to the far left, too. I've been on the blind date where the woman calls a pet their kid. No, it's not. Stop this. Now.
- If you're going to keep calling people bigot, breeder and other hate-filled names, I'm going to bring back the following: queer, gay, fag, and faggot. There is nothing wrong with those words. Enough with the 'words hurt' crap. You want to be as miserable as the straight folks who end their marriage half the time, you have to accept certain things. I've had to accept shitty television and music, this is your penance. Deal with it.
- If you found someone to love you for who you are, congrats. However, you cannot force anyone at a church or place of worship to perform the ceremony. Quit bagging on Catholics, they fuck themselves up enough without the help. You want to show me you're serious? Fine, force your way into a mosque that practices Islam and we'll see what happens. I will back your right to marry, but not you wanting to force a priest, pastor, rabbi or imam to witness the pronouncement of your love.
- While I don't think any government should have anything to do with marriage, I see where folks are coming from. If Tom marries Greg, they should have spousal rights. Like hospital visitation, life insurance and the like. I'm onboard.
The Anti-Anti-Kat Rant
So while I haven't written anything in 4 months, I was told by someone that they were afraid to read my stuff anymore because they thought it would be an avenue to bash them. That was never my intention. Ever. So I'm going to do my best to set the record straight. Hopefully she reads this (weird, another list):- I never hated you
- Ma Dukes doesn't hate you
- My friends don't hate you
- really, they don't
- if they were to meet you, they'd ask you 'why not him?'...maybe the language would be colorful, but that would be the crux of it
- if someone has to convince you like a trial lawyer that they should be your top choice, it'll never ever work.
- you were right, you're just a girl. A woman I fell for, hard. Sorry that I suck at verbalizing my thoughts and feelings. What can I say, I'm working on it
- When I said over dinner I've loved 4 women and each one took longer to get over than the last, the 4th one? Yeah, that was you.
- Again, sorry if I got weird. Sometimes the step back and away truly is the best move.
- I ain't asking to get "unBro'd". If you ever want to go down that road, you'll have to smack me over the head with a 2x4 to get my attention.
- I'm an idiot when it comes to women
- That stuff that I wrote and the mixed CDs? Yeah, I meant them.
- I still think you're a phenomenal lady
- But I will not pursue you romantically.
- We cool? I hope so.
Father's Day
In light that today is Father's Day, I'm sure some may think I'm not doing so hot. On the contrary, I'm doing great. While I will always miss Pops, he's not far away.Funny Pops story-a couple of weeks ago I was going thru my match.com 'matches' (another story for another time) and I swear he was sitting next to me. I heard him. I'm reading some woman's profile and I swear he said, "Another friggin' rock-climber? Jesus H. Christ, good luck kid". I laughed so hard I cried. I told you, he's not far away.
2 years ago while I wasn't working and doubting everything about me I wondered if he would be proud of me. Yes, it was a driving force. Then I remembered, he told me right after I moved out to Denver to live my life for me, and if I did that I'd be good. Well Pops, it's all good. Miss ya tons, but you knew that already.
And again, to all those Dad's holding it down, teaching their sons to be men and their daughters to be ladies, I salute you. It ain't an easy job, but they'll thank you for the boot in the ass later, I assure you.
Listening to: New Edition 'Boys to Men'
