Can Business pick up if you didn't have any to begin with?

The title is an honest question. There are things that royally tick me off, and there are things that I can get contemplative about. I understand that I have been known to fly off the handle and I have my moments where I can sit back and be calm about whatever is in front of me. That being stated, I know what my aggravation points are right now-people who aren't in my position or have never been in my position telling me what to do and people not recognizing me as a person. Those two things, right now, are my biggest gripes with those around me. I'm over being shoved aside on the phone because someone else more important is calling you. Especially when you call me. Get that one more time-you called me, I didn't call you, and then you're too busy. Must be nice, to be that indispensable. News flash, cemeteries are full of indispensable people. I guess what I'm saying is that it's disrespectful. It's also insulting to think that I can just go get a job at Walmart, Target, a grocery store, or to go wait tables. In case you forgot, customer service isn't exactly my strong suit. How long do you think it would take for me to insult some fat whale buying a gallon drum of ice cream with a 12 pack of diet coke? I give it a millisecond, and if you know me, then that might even be too long. I can't sit still as is, and I for certain can't deal with people much younger and more immature than me. Granted, I'm a goofball when I want to be, but I'm used to doing certain things, willing to try new things, but I'm not overly excited about going back to things I did in high school and college. My friends who tell me to pour drinks, I appreciate you, I really do. But I haven't done that in over 13 years. And now, at the age of 34, I like to be in bed most nights by 11 or midnight. Doesn't make me a fuddy-duddy, just makes me smart enough to know that I need my rest to have enough energy the next day to deal with the bullshit of job searching and networking. The whole concept of not recognizing me as a person whose time is valuable or even worth anything, I don't really know what else to say. It's offensive, and I think it's made me more cognizant now and moving forward to respect other people's time and their ability to meet with me. I hope I never take that for granted.

The more important issue, in the last few days, has been me noticing how much my ego has had the absolute snot kicked out of it. And make no mistake, I didn't think I had that much of an ego. Oh how I could not have been more wrong. I was brought up to recognize that a man earns, for himself, for his family, for the charities he believes in, not necessarily in that order. The order changes day by day. I haven't earned in over a year. My male ego is bruised beyond recognition. And here's the added 'bonus', it's a male ego on top of it. I can't even be the arrogant prick I sometimes was because I have nothing to stand on, other than my morals and principles. Kinda tough to go toe to toe with someone on moral high ground. Whoop-di-damn-do. And please don't be offended by the following, but if you're a woman reading this, you have no idea what it's like to have a male ego, much like I don't know what it's like to be a woman-I haven't a clue what it's like to have some mongoloid hit on me because I have tits and decided to shave my legs and wear a skirt. I know that might be a bad example, but I'm told that happens, right? (That's not rude, is it?-seriously, not meant that way) The same way you earn for your family is similar, but doesn't make it the same. I hate to break it do anyone, but we're different. Flat out different. Women have better traits in certain areas, men have their better traits. I'm a man, so I go with what I know. You may think what I just typed is foolish, and that's fine. You didn't live my life, I don't live yours. Just my opinion, that's all. And since it's my bruised ego I'm talking about, I guess I'm the expert. This is honestly the biggest reason I haven't written anything all week. I hadn't a clue what to say. I don't want to snap at anyone, nor do I want to burden my friends with my stupidity or my wondering if I'm ever going to work again. I swear some days it feels that way. Heck, by the time you read this, I'll be out of work for 14 months. Wrap your head around that if you dare. I wouldn't wish the lack of joy in my life on anyone, flat out.

Alright, that's out of the way. Now it's time to give you some good news (believe it or not I have some). One of the other reasons I haven't been typing away for the masses (all 3-4 of you) is because I started taking online tutorials for some computer database platforms that I have wanted to not only brush up on, but I can actually learn. This brings up two things, first that I had some really crappy people that I worked for that never gave me the opportunity to learn the things I wanted to learn even when we had the things out there for me to learn this stuff. The other thing is that (and don't worry, I already kicked myself for it-hard) this stuff was available to me the whole time I've been unemployed. It's like the old sales saying-'if you don't ask then you can't be told no'. Oh well. At least I still like learning certain things, and I'm using my brain for something other than job searches and fantasy sports.

Job update
The Account Manager for the HR software company is a no-go. Get this...my contact was going to hand my resume to the CEO when he had a massive heart attack and passed away. Now that company is on the verge of being bought out. My heart goes out to the guy's family and I hope everything works out well for his company and those employees.
Work From Home? I'm looking for this type of opportunity right now as well, but I'm running into a lot of scams. No, I'm not doing medical transcription, those people's handwriting and talking is worse than mine. But the data entry stuff? I can do that all day.
I had an interview on Wednesday for a Project Coordinator role, as a contractor. The interview went really well, since I know a little bit about project management, and the two guys that interviewed me were very polite and professional. I think I can bring something to their group and in turn can learn quite a bit. It's an 18-24 month project, so I could earn some money, do some things (like move out of my living situation!) and pay off some bills. Who knows, maybe even eat some hamburger with the helper.
Radio show. I have a friend of a friend who runs an internet radio company and hope to meet with this person next week to see about me getting my own show. Now that would be pretty damn cool. Wouldn't it?
So there are irons in the fire, as always, some might be far-fetched, others may be closer to reality, I honestly have no freaking idea. I know I'll just keep plugging away.

Now, the funniest question posed to me in the last 2 weeks has been this one-'So, you seeing anyone, dating?' Bwahahahahahahaha! Now that is hilarious. How about 'no' with a side of 'are you serious?' I'm in no mood to date, have no money to date, and am a bit weary from my last endeavor into the dating world. It's going to be awhile before I dip my toes into those waters anytime soon. I'm not really wanting to discuss a whole lot more about it, so please, just leave it alone. I've written my thoughts about it, for myself, and maybe someday I'll share. And as much as I like to share all sorts of stuff about my life on this blog, some things are still too personal and a little bit raw to lay out there. It is what it is and that's all I'm saying for now.

I'm tired now, so off to bed I go. You'll see fantasy football advice next along with how The Oracle did last week, and I'll give my take on some sports (I know, someone out there is thinking-"Finally!!"), and some other pop culture stuff. Other than that, I will tell you I make a mean Chicken in a pot, and if you ever need the recipe, hit me up, so simple yet so good.
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Week 4 Picks

Mind you, this is only if gambling were legal...so if you're in Vegas, feel free to use this advice, otherwise laugh at it and move it along....

Denver @ Tennessee (-6 ½): So far Tennessee hasn’t looked good vs. only Pittsburgh. Otherwise they have rolled onward. Denver is a decent team on the road, way better at home. Tennessee pounds the rock, give the points. Titans.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (-1 ½): Baltimore just whooped up on Cleveland. And? Other than that game they average 10 points a game. Pittsburgh just keeps finding ways to win. Divisional slobberknocker, and I can’t find a reason to take Baltimore. Steelers.

Cincinnati (-3) @ Cleveland: Can someone find the last MRI on Cincy QB Carson Palmer’s elbow? Why? I swear he’s not right. I was at a bar on Sunday watching a bunch of games (mostly watching the Patriots and wondering why they can’t stop Buffalo, but that is another story for another time) and I kid you not Palmer cannot throw a 10 yard hitch to his left on a 5 step drop. Doesn’t that seem odd? Cleveland, while losing to Baltimore last week ran the ball, and ran well. Rumor has it Jake Delhomme will start at QB for the Browns. If that’s the case, give the points, because Jake loves to give the ball to the other team. Bengals.

Detroit @ Green Bay (-14): While I don’t expect Detroit to win, this point spread is too high. Green Bay isn’t blowing out this division foe while they have no running game. Note to Packers GM Ted Thompson-trade for Bills RB Marshawn Lynch already, it’s a win/win! Detroit’s defensive line will be chasing Aaron Rodgers all day, I say the Pack win, by not by 2 TDs. Lions.

Carolina @ New Orleans (-13 ½): New Orleans looks like a team disinterested right now. Atlanta just went into the SuperDome and thumped the Saints by running the ball and controlling the clock. Add to it that apparently New Orleans is auditioning kickers, and I worry for this team, long term for this season. Carolina, on the other-ugh. A running game that is going nowhere, not without an injured stud tackle and a rookie QB. Someone please teach QB Jimmy Clausen to stop staring down his receivers, it’s getting kinda creepy. I say New Orleans comes out mad after their last two mediocre performances and proceeds to roll the Panthers. Saints.

San Francisco @ Atlanta (-6 ½): San Francisco, thou art a disappointment. Your QB is not good, but I refuse to lay the blame for your awful 0-3 start. No, after you fired Offensive Coordinator Jimmy Raye Smith will be averaging a new OC every year. So much for continuity. This team by the Bay is now a hot mess. Atlanta on the other hand looks like the real deal. Solid running game, 2 guys that can catch the ball and a defense that plays just well enough. Falcons.

Seattle (-1) @ St. Louis: So far Seattle has been awesome at home and ‘meh’ on the road. St. Louis is starting to look like a team that is about a year away, they play tough, they just lack talent. But this is one of those games where I don’t see a team winning so much as a team losing, like turning the ball over too much. Rams.

NY Jets (-5 ½) @ Buffalo: Is this a letdown game for the Jets? Does Buffalo catch them off guard? Buffalo will try and run the ball, and maybe hit WR Lee Evans long. Part of me thinks the Jets overlook this game but win it at the end. Buffalo.

Indianapolis (-7) @ Jacksonville: Thru 3 games on adage is still true-keep Colts QB Peyton Manning off the field and you have a chance to win. Otherwise it’s like watching an orchestra conductor. I don’t like him (there, I admitted it) but the guy can play QB. Jacksonville, on the other hand, has a guy who claims to play QB, but in all reality is beyond atrocious. David Garrard is only on the field because the Jaguars have no one else. I’m sure some folks in the ‘ville wished they had taken Tim Tebow in the draft, but it would matter not. This team is not good, and because their QB puts them in awful field position with his super capability to turn the ball over, their best player-RB Maurice Jones-Drew, is useless haflway thru the 3^rd quarter. Colts, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.

Houston (-3) @ Oakland: Oakland should be 2-1. How does a kicker miss a 32 yard field goal? I can kick that (my limit is about 37 yards, but from 35, no sweat). Oakland is running the ball well, passing it decently, but they make dumb mistakes, all the time. Houston, on the other hand, finally got a Dallas team who decided to show up last week. Houston will be able to run the ball, and watch for TE Owen Daniels to snag a few long seam passes. Run the ball on the road and you have a chance. Texans.

Arizona @ San Diego (-8): San Diego I don’t get. 2 road games and they get killed on special teams. Might be time to look for a new ST coach, really. 1 punt return TD and 2 KO return TDs in 2 road games? Awful. However, the passing game is humming right along. Rookie RB Ryan Mathews should be back, too. Arizona? I have no idea how they are winning games. Maybe due to their schedule, but 2-1 is 2-1. I still don’t see the Cardinals as a rugged road team, and think the Chargers (please oh please for the love of all that is holy play in the powder blue uni’s!!) come out mad and force 3 INTs by ‘Zona QB Derek Anderson. Chargers.

Washington @ Philadelphia (-6): So my buddy Donovan McNabb gets to go back to Philly, and he’s already stated he expects to hear cheers when he returns. Uh, Donovan, buddy, I’m not sure if you remember all of your time ou there in the city of Brotherly Love, but they booed you on draft day and never appreciated getting to all those conference championships. Be thankful the Phillies are in the hunt for a World Series. That and the talent around you isn’t half of what you were traded away from on the Eagles. Eagles QB Michael Vick is playing crazy good right now. I know, it’s been a half against the Packers-who weren’t prepared for him, the Lions and then Jacksonville. And Philly’s O-Line hasn’t been great. But here’s what happens with a great athlete at QB-he makes plays. And with WRs DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin, those plays go for longer than 25 yards. I think the game goes close early, but with the 4^th quarter looming McNabb tries to force a pass to a WR who runs the wrong route, and it’s all downhill from there. Eagles.

Chicago @ NY Giants (-4): Can someone forward the following message to Giants QB Eli Manning, please? Eli, you’re righthanded, throw the damn ball with your right hand, not your left. I swear, the more I watch this guy fumble around and screw up the QB position, the more I’m convinced his brother Peyton shoved a Colts horseshoe up his ass for that damn Super Bowl. But that is one game, last week vs. the Tennessee Titans that I hope will be an anomaly. I’m thinking coach Tom Coughlin has these guys back in line this week with the Bears coming to town. Speaking of the Bears, how come none of the 3 geniuses mentioned during the 15 replays of Packers WR James Jones fumble at the end of the game on Monday night that he had the ball in the wrong hand? What, they couldn’t see the replay while they were all on their knees fighting over who got the taint of Bears LB Brian Urlacher? Jesus, it’s a play kids make in Pee Wees. And coaches teach it. If you’re running to the right, the ball goes in the right hand, towards the sideline of which you are headed. Otherwise it’s being lazy. Jones had the time to switch hands, he didn’t, and it cost his team a chance at winning the game. The Bears still can’t run the ball and QB Jay Cutler threw the ball to 2 Packers DBs on his last drive only to be dropped-that’s why they play defense and not offense. I think the G-Men come out mad. Giants.

New England (-1) @ Miami: Okay, one of the oldest adages to gambling (note-if gambling were legal) is never to bet on your favorite team. And if you do, don’t take them as a road favorite against a divisional foe. Screw that. Miami can be beaten one way right now and one way only-deep. They still haven’t solved the safety issue that has plagued them for the last two years. Granted, New England can’t stop anyone, and I’m wondering if coach Bill Belichick is pulling a rope-a-dope. Is he playing vanilla coverages to lull opponents into thinking they can march up and down the field before he hits them with a crazy blitz scheme? I have no idea, but I know that if the Patriots can’t score at least 27 they won’t win. On this Monday night, I think they are stout against the run, bracket Miami WR/bitch Brandon Marshall and chuck it deep to WR Randy Moss. Of course, I am a fan, so take it for what it’s worth. Patriots.

Last week: 9-7

Overall: 22-26, but I finally had a winning week!

Week 3 Fantasy Football picks-The Oracle Abides

Alrighty kids, here is a pickup or someone to start per game this week. It's a new feature I wanted to start week 1, but things get in the way. I'm giving a portion of my blog up to my boy Jay, and I will be calling this new section 'The Oracle Abides'. The history behind that is simple-Jay sends me text messages during sporting events and the stuff 95% of the time happens. It's eerie. So much so that one Monday night last year he called like 7 straight plays and who would score. Plain weird. Since Jay and I always commiserate on fantasy sports, I decided that we should bounce players off the wall each week and see what we come up with, along with Jay's comments.

Unfortunately this week, Jay had to do his job and deal with financials (damn him and his big brain for knowing how to do everything on the financial/payroll/ledger side of his company) amongst other things, so these are my comments for this week's games. All this being stated, you should know that of the 16 games this week, we agreed on 13 of them-proof positive that warped minds think alike. On to the knowledge:

San Francisco @ Kansas City: Tony Moeki (TE), Kansas City-it doesn't seem like SF covers the TE that well, and Cassel doesn't look anywhere past 10 yds.

Cincinnati @ Carolina: Cincinnati D/ST-Well, after the showing the Cincy D/ST put up against Flacco, welcome to the NFL, Jimmy Clausen!

Cleveland @ Baltimore: Mohammed Massaquoi (WR), Cleveland-While Baltimore's D is awesome, it can be beaten deep, since they have no corners healthy. Seneca Wallace might just chuck one way out there.

Detroit @ Minnesota: Shaun Hill (QB), Detroit-Hill, in a dome, is not as horrible as he sounds. Detroit has a running game to keep the Vikings honest, and Minnesota doesn't have many healthy DBs.

Tennessee @ NY Giants: Kenny Britt (WR), Tennessee-Vince Young will connect on one long TD, and since Washington has caught both in the past 2 weeks, the Giants will focus on taking him away in the passing game. Britt will be open.

Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay: Mike Wallace (WR), Pittsburgh-Wallace-Massaquoi scored a long TD in week 1 and Steve Smith scored from 30+ yds in week 2. 'nuff said.

Atlanta @ New Orleans: Tony Gonzalez (TE), Atlanta-Shiancoe did well vs. NO, and so did Vernon Davis. Gonzalez has only 2 balls in the 1st 2 games, no way the coaching staff doesn't get him involved.

Buffalo @ New England: Pats D/ST-with new QB Ryan Fitzpatrick starting, do you really need anything else on the info side?

Dallas @ Houston: Dez Bryant (WR), Dallas-Houston isn't exactly a great passing D team, and I think Romo has a 300 yd game, and with Witten potentially out, he'll find his newest toy to chuck it to.

Washington @ St. Louis: Clinton Portis (RB), Washington-So far in two games starting RBs vs.St. Louis have 170 yds. Portis gets going or he gets benched.

Philadelphia @ Jacksonville: Brent Celek (TE), Philadelphia-he hasn't had a decent game yet and Gates just torched them, and Vick loves to throw to the seam.

San Diego @ Seattle: Darren Sproles (RB), San Diego-it was between him and Tolbert, I see either a return for a TD or a long screen pass.

Indianapolis @ Denver: Demaryius Thomas (WR), Denver-Indy plays that Cover 2 and Denver will be playing from behind. Might as well get the rookie even more involved.

Oakland @ Arizona: Louis Murphy (WR), Oakland-With Gradkowski starting, Murphy will get targets and can honestly catch the damn ball. Arizona has shown me nothing in 2 weeks so far that they can do much good of anything on defense.

NY Jets @ Miami: Anthony Fasano (TE), Miami-Heap, good game in week 1. Hernandez, great game in week 2. The Jets send the house and don't account for the TE.

Green Bay @ Chicago: John Kuhn (RB), Green Bay-The Bears are going to give up a 1 yd plunge, and Kuhn will be the short yardage guy.

And that's all for now. I'm tired from typing and thinking of this stuff. I think sometime this weekend or early next week I will tackle the whole Carmelo Anthony and why the Nuggets can get rid of him, but not for 50 cents on the dollar.

Week 3 picks, and seriously, your order sounded a bit, uh, 'fem'

After going the awful record of 5-11 this past week (hey, my head wasn't in the game, sorry coach), I'm thinking that if I'm awful at this again this week it may be time to just pan on the idea of picking games against a point spread. Because man, last week wasn't pretty. Maybe pretty if you were drunk, it was after 2 AM and she was the only girl left standing at the bar, but I don't think you would've wanted to wake up next to her-yikes!

On to the picks:
Tennessee @ NY Giants (-3): Tennessee on the road, after the stinker they just put up at home vs. Pittsburgh. Or NY, after they forgot they were playing on Sunday night? Hmmm. Tough one. I’m taking the points, just because I think the Giants may be a bit more dysfunctional than we know. Titans.

Buffalo @ New England (-14 ½): Buffalo has decided to make a QB switch. Apparently they don’t like the QB who throws the 5 yard check-down, so they’ll go to the guy who’ll throw the 3 yarder instead. And there is no way New England coach Bill Belichick is going to be in a good mood after the stinker the Pats left in New Jersey last week. The Pats, big.

Cleveland @ Baltimore (-10 ½): Baltimore hasn’t proven to me that they can score. Yes, the Jets and the Bengals will probably end up top 10 in defense, but Cleveland hasn’t shown me anything that says they’ll give up a boatload of points. Yards, yes, points, not so much. Take the points and the Browns.

Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay (-3): Thank you for this gift, Vegas. I know both teams are 2-0, but y’all must not have been watching the Steelers D. That kind of pressure on the QB travels. Pittsburgh.

Cincinnati (-3) @ Carolina: Carolina has decided, like Buffalo, that after 2 games it’s time to make a QB switch. Hello to the league Jimmy Clausen. Just a quick question, name me a QB that sounded like a 9 yr. old at a little league game that ever won anything? You can’t, and I can’t think of one good reason that Carolina has a chance in this game, unless there is a monsoon. Bengals.

Atlanta @ New Orleans (-3 ½): So we have a New Orleans team that has eeked out 2 wins, and an Atlanta team that played alright in Pittsburgh and annihilated Arizona at home. I’m taking the points, think the Saints win the game, but I’ll take the hook (that’d be the ½ point). Atlanta.

San Francisco (-3) @ Kansas City: Kansas City has got their wins against ‘meh’ opponents, teams that could beat them in the closing minutes. I think San Fran QB Alex Smith grew up a ton on Monday night, and think they could be a team on the rise. But I’m taking the points to a home ‘dog. Kansas City.

Detroit @ Minnesota (-11 ½): This line is way too high. I must have missed something. Unless Vikings RB Adrian Peterson has 200 yards rushing, QB Brett Favre still won’t have time back there to throw the ball. And if he does, who is he hucking it to? Detroit, on the other hand, can run it and throw it. I’m taking the points on the road, because the line is too high. Detroit.

Dallas @ Houston (-3): If Dallas loses they go 0-3. They lost big in the preseason at Houston a month ago. Houston comes off of a huge road win at Washington. Some say it’s the classic trap game or letdown game. But this is for the pride of Texas, and I don’t trust the Cowboys one bit. Houston.

Washington (-3 ½) @ St. Louis: This line is too low. St. Louis has lost to Arizona and Oakland, not exactly two teams known for their stellar play. Washington beat Dallas and lost in OT to Houston. So why so low on the line? St. Louis starts a rookie QB. I’m not sure what I’m missing, but I think the Redskins get their running game on track and pick off Sam Bradford twice. Washington.

Philadelphia (-3) @ Jacksonville: Off the bat I’d say Philly, but they will be playing at Jacksonville, who will be my Jeckyll and Hyde team. They will suck on the road and be competitive at home. Philly hasn’t proven they can stop anyone. So the pick goes to the team who is making a QB change, and this will be Michael Vick’s coming out party. Philadelphia.

Indianapolis (-5 ½) @ Denver: Denver might be without their 2 starting corners. Ouch. While Denver QB Kyle Orton has been fantastic so far, something doesn’t feel right to me. Add to it that the Broncos could understandably be distracted by the death of teammate Kenny McKinley, and I think Colts QB Peyton Manning makes quick work of this game. Indianapolis.

San Diego (-5 ½) @ Seattle: Seattle is another of the ‘Ervin Santana’ mode-great at home but not so hot on the road. Home again after being dismantled here in Denver, Seattle can’t stop the pass. San Diego passes really well. Philip Rivers has a big day. San Diego.

Oakland @ Arizona (-4 ½): Arizona is probably on hold with Kurt Warner’s house phone right now. Wow did he cover up a lot of bad things in ‘Zona. Oakland has a defensive line that is getting better and can run the ball. For some reason, I like the Raiders and their backup QB. Oakland.

NY Jets @ Miami (-2): I hate the Jets. I think that skews my view of them. I think they played well on Sunday in beating New England. That being said, Miami has a better defense and can get after the QB. This game will be very low scoring, but I’m taking the home team. Mostly because I hate the Jets. Miami.

Green Bay (-3) @ Chicago: I’m still not believing in the Bears. Maybe it’s because every time I see a highlight QB Jay Cutler is throwing off his back foot. While the Packers don’t have much of a running game now with RB Ryan Grant done for the season, I think it will be effective enough to do a little play-action passing for some long TDs. Green Bay it is.

The last two days I've spent doing things from a Starbucks, the internet is free, and my coffee refills are a whopping .54, so I can swing it. It's better than being stuck at home listening to HotDog Neck talking to his computer or stutter and stammer when a potential client calls him. Take a breath already, ya stuttering prick ya. Sheesh. It does get to be a bit much. The funny thing I've noticed my own head jerking up is when a grown man orders something that just doesn't sound like something a guy should be ordering. It sounds like something a 14 year old girl should be ordering. Guy that ordered a triple-skinny-vanilla latte....really? I looked up, and the guy had on the extra medium skull t-shirt with the wallet chain. Ouch. I thought it was Saturday for a minute and had to look at my phone to make sure it was still Thursday. And yup, it still is, for a few minutes. Until tomorrow my friends, where I will dole out fantasy football advice, with an assist from the east coast.
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Team capsule time after week 2

After 3 rejections in 30 minutes today (I believe that yes, that is a new land speed record!) I am in just the right mood to judge all of the teams in the NFL. It's time to tell you who's worth a damn (going by divisional record):

AFC East
Miami: now this is a team to be scared of. Great running game, a stud WR and a defense that travels. They were my sneaky pick to win the division, and if they win on Sunday night vs. the Jets, they will be 2-0 in the division in 3 weeks.
NY Jets: While I hate them, they got up for New England last week and promptly went out and got stupid, with WR Braylon Edwards getting busted for DUI at 5 this morning. Brilliant. While they may get up for certain teams, I still don't trust them. They are way too fickle for my tastes.
New England: As QB Tom Brady said after the game on Sunday, they just sucked. I don't know if it's a scheme thing or a talent thing, but I hated watching my laptop screen and see the Jets just chunking yardage all over the place. Either let the kids be aggressive and get beat early in the season or find a new scheme, that one ain't working. The loss of RB Kevin Faulk to a torn ACL is going to hurt the offense and 3rd down efficiency immensely. While they are 1-1, I really have no way of knowing where this team is going, other than I wouldn't want to be at practice this week if I were on that team.
Buffalo: The people of Buffalo keep showing up. They remind me of my dating track record-stupid blind hope. I think the new coach may be headed in the right direction, but he needs something a lot of other teams already have-talent. They don't have enough of it. And since they're already making a QB switch, it's going to be another long cold winter out in Orchard Park.

AFC North
Pittsburgh: Now that S Troy Polamalu is back and healthy, this defense is looking like world beaters. They beat Tennessee last week without passing for more than 50 yards. I want to know how that's possible in this NFL. All they have to do is maintain until Ben Roethlisberger shows up, and this team gets unbelievably dangerous.
Cincinnati: Will the real Cincy please stand up? I have no idea what to make of this team. 1st half at New England, they weren't there. Division game this past Sunday vs. Baltimore, they are a running, bruising defensive team. Eventually they will have to open up the offense and use more play-action, but so far they are a team that needs to be seen more to figure them out.
Baltimore: So far their defense is stout, as advertised. Yet to give up a TD. The offense, while predicted to be much improved, so far hasn't shown up. QB Joe Flacco is regressing. The running game is more than okay. Now it's time to put the weapons together and get a complete game. Oh look, Cleveland is next on the schedule-looks like a lot of guys are about to get healthy.
Cleveland: Can they fire the 'Mangenius' yet already? Two winnable games, and bubkis. That's not good. And when did getting QBs Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace become a good idea? They are not NFL caliber QBs. Add to it no discernable RB or they might be going to a committee, you have yourself here a top 10 draft pick in the making. The D, is not that bad, there are pieces that can work-but you have to put up some points on the board.

AFC South
Houston: Okay, now we've seen them come back, on the road, against a good defense. They have a dynamic offense. The defense should get better once juicer LB Brian Cushing gets back from his PED suspension. As of right now-they've won 1 game running, 1 game chucking.
Tennessee: So they looked great vs. Oakland. Horrible at home vs. Pittsburgh. Who are the Titans? Easy, a team that wants to run the ball and play great defense. So far the defense has stayed true to form. The running game? Not so much against Pittsburgh. They will be fine. More troubling is the yanking of QB Vince Young last week. Sometimes you have to let your QB play his way out of trouble.
Jacksonville: Ugh. This team will be fine at home, awful on the road. And their QB David Garrard is even more to the extremes when it comes to the road/home split. The defense has been slightly improved on the line with the free agent addition of Aaron Kampman, but the secondary is still suspect. I'll be shocked if this is a .500 team.
Indianapolis: Houston decided to put the wood to Indy's D-Line in week 1, and ran for over 230 yards. The Giants came calling on Sunday night and apparently decided to kick to Peyton Manning after winning the coin toss. Wha? Why? Manning performed surgery on that field, and as much as I don't like him, he is one great QB to watch. Indy will be fine as long as #18 is out on the field.

AFC West
Kansas City: Did anyone else have KC in a knockout pool? Wow. So far, they are playing with something you can't teach-speed. They've drafted it quite well, and it seems like LB Derrick Johnson is finally getting what it takes to play with the big boys. On offense, as soon as coach Todd Haley figures out that RB Jamaal Charles is awesome they will become more dynamic.
San Diego: Does anyone else think that playing with Philip Rivers is some type of punishment for something you did in a past life? How do his lineman want to block for him after he screams and yells like a 5 yr old at Toys R Us? The offense is fine, although it would be better if Vincent Jackson were there. The defense is alright, creates turnovers and doesn't really need 'roidhead Shawne Merriman.
Denver: This team will win most of their home games (not this week vs. Indy, believe me) and will be kinda scary on the road. I look at them like a team that is just going to annoy you. They are efficient on offense with a very good passing game, and the defense is better at rushing the passer than most could expect. And welcome back Eddie Royal. You were missed last season.
Oakland: Who is standing in for Darren McFadden? He's like a new man. Did someone finally tell him how to play with grown men? He's in the top 3 in rushing, is finishing his runs and going between the tackles. Of course, now there is already a QB controversy. But the Raiders can run the ball, and that usually travels on the road. Their D is underrated. Especially up front. I don't think they'll finish last in the division.

NFC East
Washington: If they had a legit deep threat (WR Joey Galloway ain't it) this team might be really scary. But, they do play defense. Now to see how they are on the road. Coach Mike Shanahan has them playing quite well, this team I don't think is going away.
NY Giants: I liken them to the Patriots. They will beat the teams that they should, and probably handily, but in close contests I have no idea. Speed rushers off the edge clearly can beat this O-Line. On defense, I won't talk much about this past Sunday, as playing nickel and dime coverages tends to lead to the opposing QB checking to run, and run they did. But this D-Line is supposed to be dominant, and I'm waiting to see it.
Philadelphia: So now Michael Vick will be the QB. And the offense just got a whole lot more dynamic because that's what Vick can do. And he will have to put up points because this defense hasn't been able to stop anyone so far. They need a middle linebacker, like, yesterday.
Dallas: What does this team do? Is it a running team with a 3headed monster at RB? Or are they a passing team with all sorts of aerial weapons? Once they figure that out then they can move on. Mostly, owner Jerry Jones needs to stop meddling. He is not a good GM, needs to realize that and get out of the way. Look what is going on in Washington with the owner giving way to a guy with football knowledge.

NFC North
Chicago: I still can't believe they are 2-0. I think I've overvalued the Cowboys. And they got lucky with that non-TD against the Lions. That said, they've put up points. Jay Cutler might not last the season, but so far he's chucking it all over the field. I say it doesn't last, eventually Chicago gets awfully cold come November.
Green Bay: Rubber meets the road on Monday night, they play Da Bears. QB Aaron Rodgers hasn't really opened it up yet, has the most weapons, and I think he'll be fine with his new rookie LT Bryan Bulaga. The D is still opportunistic, and LB Clay Matthews III has 6 sacks in 2 games.
Minnesota: What are the odds Fav-ruh finishes the season? I don't mean healthy, I mean does anyone think he's going to quit? Right now he has no WR that can just get open, and is relying on TE Visante Shiancoe quit a bit. On defense, is the Williams wall cracking? It seemed like Miami could run on them whenever they wanted to on Sunday. And with no real healthy DBs, the rumored trade for Vincent Jackson might be too late. I want to know why WR Sidney Rice didn't have his hip surgery back in May or right after OTAs, then he would be in the lineup now. Of course, if Fav-ruh didn't miss training camp, maybe he could be on the same page as some of these other receivers. Ah, what do I know...
Detroit: I like this team. They are another no one will want to play, and soon. They have a great D-Line that doesn't quit, and on offense a really good RB and a stud WR, along with 2 TEs that can catch. I just wish QB Matthew Stafford was healthy to enjoy this.

NFC South
New Orleans: So far, two games, two wins, and they weren't pretty. To me that's the sign of a good team, when it doesn't have it's best stuff and they still beat you. The D-Line is improved, and they blitz from all over the place, along with creating turnovers. As long as Brees is under center, it's their division to win.
Tampa Bay: The surprise of the conference so far, right? I love QB Josh Freeman's development, that they stole former 'Cuse WR Mike Williams (who apparently found maturity once kicked off campus, go figure) and the defense is vastly improved. This team won't be an easy win, and I expect a close game this Sunday against the 'burgh.
Atlanta: Since no one really can run at Pittsburgh, I give them a mulligan. They dominated Arizona just as they should have. This team should make the playoffs, but so far they don't do anything great. It could be their running game that defines them, but I'd like to see it this week.
Carolina: So far, so bad. Making a QB switch from Moore to Clausen. O-Linemen hurt. Defense that doesn't really pressure the QB. At least the original Steve Smith is there for entertainment. Ugh, I'd hate to be a Panthers fan right now.

NFC West
Seattle: No way that the momentum from the week 1 win over SF carries. This team is in transition, but there are pieces. Maybe they get WR Golden Tate on the field more, as he had a 50 yd catch and a 60 yd return last week in Denver. No real running game to speak of will hurt until rookie LT Russell Okung gets back from his high ankle sprain.
Arizona: I have week 5 in the Max Hall pool. He should be starting very soon, because current QB Derek Anderson is awful. In looking at this team, and knowing they lost S Antrel Rolle and LB Karlos Dansby to free agency, how many mistakes did retired QB Kurt Warner hide?
San Francisco: Far better than their 0-2 record, you still have to play complete games. This team is not on the cusp of greatness, however, due to time management and play-calling inefficiency. Last night they had to call a timeout out of a possession change. Can't happen. And doesn't happen to successful teams.
St. Louis: There are signs of future success. I'm glad they've decided to throw #1 pick QB Sam Bradford to the wolves, he's making some mistakes, but he's also making some plays. He has a great RB to balance things out, too. The defense is on it's way. I think they are more than just this season and maybe next from being in the mix, but again, there are signs.

news:
Bitches
You know who they are, and this afternoon I was reminded of them. Haven't met a bunch of them out here in Denver, but I know they're out there. I was having a conversation and listening about someone else's friend be a complete and utter Bi-atch (I'm bringing it back) to someone they didn't know. There are times when I don't miss the east coast at all, and snotty ass girls ranks way up there. I laugh at the ones in Denver for one simple reason-they are easier to spot. Girls back east, I just mostly avoid. They are different, but I swear, after watching my trash TV, 'Jersey Shore', I was reminded. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, quite simply a woman had a nice, well to do guy chasing after her and buying her things. Yet the roommate she 'hated' and argued with all the time, he's the one that hit it. Yes, that may be crass. But when you're a trashy broad, men hit it. They don't date you, they look to hit it. And for the ladies that play the dumb bimbo, you get exactly the attention you deserve. When you sit there and complain that no quality guys ask you out, well duh, look what you're putting out there. You get what you give, plain and simple.

On a personal note:
Let me just say that if you think I'm an asshole, I probably am. But ask yourself this-how would your actions be judged, by you, if you were looking at someone else doing the same things? Whether that is fair or not, of course, is up to you. I doubt it's a fair question, but one that I'm going to ask anyways, even if it makes you squirm a little bit. But I will also state that after some of the things that have transpired with me and to me over the last few months, weeks, days and hours, I hit my point. Not my blustering 'this is crap' point, but rather my point where I need to stand up for myself and call out what's right. I haven't intentionally gone out of my way to be a prick, mostly because it's not useful. That being stated, doesn't mean I don't know how to do it. I do, actually, and quite well. It's like a big ol' comfy sweater. Keep pushing and eventually you will find out where every man's level is. I found one of mine in the last day or two. I don't need to share much more. But know that there is weight off my shoulders because of it. Heck, I even thought I saw a rainbow after I realized it.
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Now playing: Jason Derulo - Ridin' Solo
via FoxyTunes

Cleanup, Aisle 14-the 'seasonal' items

I was all prepared to make a rundown of all 32 teams in the pros, but forgot that there is a game tonight (D'oh!) and then I was making my last run thru the news, and saw this headline (you can click it and read it, if you so desire):

The recession is over! So where's the party?

Here's the funny (haha edition)-this story was up earlier this afternoon with comments. Funny because it seems a few lines were tweaked and the comments miraculously disappeared. Weird.

Now, the reality-these people should all be fired. Here's a dose of reality to smack you awake. First and foremost, we must all agree that I'm not an idiot. Like, you value my opinion. I don't say things like 'Liberry', because that's not where books are. I chew with my mouth closed. You don't walk away with a conversation from me shaking your head wondering how I know to put my shoes on without cramping my feet, or that I know not to use toothpaste to wash my head. Agreed? Cool-moving on.

This economy sucks. I have a degree in Accounting from a top 10 (thank you, Parade Magazine) business school, and I'm more than willing to start on the low side of the totem pole in any company. I went to an open house for a major cell phone carrier over two weeks ago. I even had an interview, for something that is a glorified monkey's job. And yet-no call back. I have over 450 calls/resumes/applications/follow ups since January of this year, nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nyet. Bagel. And now some group has the balls to come out and say that we're fine, the recession is over. Yup, put pennies in the light socket, stare into the sun, walk into oncoming traffic, eat raw chicken. How dumb are these educated economists? This whole 'remain calm, all is well' crap has run its course with me.

And if anyone thinks I'm living it up on the gubment dime, I assure you, I'm not. I'm thankful I've saved some of my money up for the rainy day, but I really don't think galoshes are quite the accessory for me. I prefer my sneakers or polished shoes, thanks. Instead, I now have some group telling me it's raining while the economy is pissing on my feet. Sure thing, buddy, I believe you. How naive do you think I am? Yup, I'm a slacker, loving my life on my couch. Believe me, I would have much rather had the coin to go out yesterday to a bar and watch the Pats choke it up against the Jets (don't get me started). Or better yet, invite my friends over to watch the games on my big screen TV (indulge me, it's my fantasy, none of what I'm about to say is real) with the Ticket in my nice clean solo-livin' apartment. Did I? Uh, no. Instead, I got to deal with HDN & the StankDog roaming about the house being dumber than normal-and that's saying something.

So please, spare me this pile of manure. Because it stinks higher than normal. I'd say that this economy even if it were just me out of work and my friends were all doing well, but they aren't. Most are making ends meet. That is barely living, and I can't do that. Sure, everything's fine. What planet am I on? In what universe is this economy recovering? I'll tell you exactly when it's going to start recovering-November, the day after elections in this country when certain lifetime (yup, both Republicans and Democrats) politicians are shown the door and the rest of the folks are around to think, 'Holy crap, time to shape up or ship out'. That's exactly the point in time it will happen.

In the meantime, I have to contemplate whether or not to have a PB&J or cereal for dinner, ya know, because the economy is recovering I'm rollin' in it like that. These clowns get to make moronic statements like that, and they're employed. Yet, here I sit, busting my hump trying to get a job that'll get me to the poverty line like I'm the asshole. Yup, that's about right. If any of you happen to meet someone who says they are an economist, and then tell you the economy is recovering, you have my permission to kick him (if it's a guy) square in the nads, or punch her (if it's a woman, obviously) right in the tit. This is just stupid.

Tomorrow, capsules of every NFL team. Oh, and maybe a little something on why you never trade away 'that guy'.
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Now playing: Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - I Won't Back Down
via FoxyTunes

Now that's rich...

So I just got off the phone with an HR rep for a company I've applied to, oh, at least a dozen times. She told me that they were looking to fill the position internally (then why post it on the friggin' corporate website-because the gubment said so??? grrrrr) and that if that doesn't work they would look to outside candidates.

After she asked me how long I'd been out of work, I told her 'quite a while, honestly'. And then she said, and I'm quoting here:

"Well, you don't want to come off as desperate."

Are you kidding me? I've been out of work for almost 14 months and I'm not supposed to sound desperate? How should I sound? Like I don't need it? This ain't dating there, dummy. This is me busting my ass trying to get some work. Don't come off as desperate. Fine, fuck you and your company (oh, I suddenly feel better), I'll take my work ethic elsewhere.

I've stated it before but I'm going to state it again: other than my buddy Shane, the rest of the people with the letters 'HR' in their title should all get to know what's it's like to be on the other end of that phone call along with the bank calling about their funds being too low. Assholes.

I'll have more positive news later.

The HotDog Neck Chronicles, Week 2 picks, and other random observations...

Can I call this the HotDog Neck Chronic-les? I honestly am starting to think that I need to buy hotdogneck.com and just make that my website for the dumb crap my roommate continues to do on an almost daily basis. As it currently stands, and since I’m unemployed, I’m stuck. I have no place else to go. I can’t up and leave and get another apartment. No one will rent to an unemployed guy. Nor can I burden any of my friends to live at their house. That would be wrong and imposing on more than a few levels. I guess it boils down to this-I can’t leave, it’s probably because of the decisions I’ve made in the past, and I’m starting to get this suspicious feeling that I’ve royally pissed off someone or some group of people. Either way, this ain’t good, and below will tell you why…

The medical marijuana dust-up. So HotDog Neck, who never, and I mean never, does a damn thing to clean up his own house, all of a sudden decided to take a broom down to the basement Sunday night. You’d think I would be curious, but since football was on and I was nursing a massive hangover (keep reading, it’s down there), I could only think that ‘finally that fatnecked bastard is going to do something around here!’…really, I wouldn’t invite anyone into my home, not because I don’t like you, but because it’s gross and I’d be mortified. Beyond embarrassed. This would be a gigantic reason I want out. It wears on me. Moving on, I work out every morning. Well, except Sunday. So Monday morning I did my thing. Monday afternoon, I’m trying to apply for a Gubment job, and I apparently need my college transcript. Sidebar-while I understand the need to see grades for someone fresh out of school, but I graduated in 1997, what possible relevance does my college degree have to do with anything, unless I’m a doctor? Don’t get me started on the idea that college is a necessity. Sidebar over. Well, if I had a copy of my transcript, it would be in the basement, in my files. I go down to the basement, and my basement no longer smells like a basement. It smells distinctively different. A smell that I’ve smelled before, but not in a long time. I look over to my left and what do I see? 9 little plants, and you guessed it, it’s pot. Fan-Freaking-Tastic!! I don’t have enough crap on a day to day basis with this walking, functioning, barely-tests-above-a-‘tard and now I’m living in a place that is doing something illegal. Suh-weet. Now, there are also some other issues at play here. First and foremost, this is his house, he can do whatever the hell he wants, and I get that. However, he never asked me my opinion of this whole thing while I live there, nor did he tell me when this would happen.

The guy that starts every sentence with “I’m Gonna” all of a sudden follows thru. I’m dead serious. He never follows thru on jack squat. “I’m gonna lose weight”…how, by eating only 6 of an 8-piece fried chicken dinner from King Soopers? “I’m gonna get my life together”…how, by rarely following thru on your business commitments and drinking until there is no tomorrow? I’m missing stuff here, I must be. Now, you could be thinking, ‘judge ye lest ye be judged’ and I would tell you to bring it on. Now, the best part of this whole ordeal is that while it is perfectly legal by the State of Colorado to engage in this activity, it’s a problem in the eyes of the US Gubment. I know, the bastards! So I sat down HDN (again, this stands for HotDog Neck) and told him that I wasn’t down with the operation, mostly because it puts me at risk. After 6 minutes of being ‘yessed’ to death, I snapped. If you’ve known me long enough, you’ll be impressed that my fuse was that long. I had to call him a blockhead (I know, how Charlie Brown of me) to grab his attention and tell him while it’s great that he’s covered his own ass, he neglected to even have a teeny, tiny bit of foresight when it came to the other dummy living in his house (meaning me). Thank God I have an attorney on retainer. How is that possible considering I’m unemployed? Time for a business plug-Pre-Paid Legal!! And if you want to sign up, ask me and I’ll help you. $26/month covers me, and it would cover you and your family if you have one. Plug over. So after having my Yuppie Buddy Friend and my boy Jay help freak me out about all the ramifications, I put a call in to my aforementioned attorney. After this little dust-up, my attorney called me. Yup, I can get in trouble. A mere possession ticket, but still, if I’m going to get in trouble for something, I might as well do the crime, right? I also told HDN that I have a moral issue with this (and I really do, too). While I firmly believe in the power of medical marijuana, my nitwit of a roommate has no medical condition that he needs a license for. Believe me, the guy ain’t hurtin’ in the appetite department. He doesn’t have cancer or glaucoma, either. And he has abused every substance he could get his hands on. And for me, this little drug has been abused by a family member to the tune of him not being able to function without it. When I mentioned this to HDN, he had the nerve to ask me if my brother does other drugs as well. The only reply I could muster up is “Don’t even go there, bitch”, because while Mary Jane may be considered a gateway drug to some, my brother would be a bigger asshole without it. I’ve seen him without weed for a day, uncomfortable being around him would be quite the understatement. So what is my resolution? Easy, in theory, I guess. Whomever offers me a job, gets me. I’m outta that place as soon as I get an offer letter. And my fatbacked roommate knows this. Because I told him. Now, on the advice of legal counsel, I am drawing up a one page lease agreement that absolves me of having anything to do with his little operation in the basement. I mean this with the utmost sincerity, pray for me to get a job. It’s the only material thing I want or need. Everything else will sort itself out. I need to be out of there like yesterday.

Rough Saturday that turned to Sunday. Oh boy, was it a rough Saturday night. I drank 2/3 of a bottle of Ketel One. Why? Well happy birthday Pops. Christ I was an idiot. My Yuppie Buddy and his wife invited me down to his house for dinner. Mostly so I’d crash at their place and be up to watch football on Sunday, since the Pats weren’t going to be on TV because the Broncos were in Jacksonville. Well that all became moot the moment the bottle came out and I started drinking like I’d been out in the Sahara for a week. I’m not making excuses, just an explanation. I don’t think I’ve been clear about my relationship with my Pops. And not that I have to tell you, but I miss having him a phone call away. I miss him just being there. I could always bounce things off of him and he’d give it to me straight. Even if it hurt my feelings (yes, I have them). Brutal honesty was his mantra. And since I’ve been out of work, out of luck, out of love, and in a gross living situation, I could probably use his swift kick in my ass. Sure, I do it to myself, but it’s not the same. Adding to this is that he would’ve been 60, which when you’re a kid is freakin’ old. But when you’re 34 and starting to realize your own mortality, it’s not that far away. So after whacking down 3 of these lovely cocktails (booze, ice, glass-that’s it) we all sit down to watch the boobtube. And what is on, but a TV show called ‘Parenthood’, or what it should be called-‘think of every possible bad thing that could happen amongst a family, and it’s in the script’. I’m not saying that this stuff doesn’t happen in families all over the world, I’m saying I watch TV for an escape. The only reality I need on my TV is ‘Jersey Shore’ and sports, other than that, entertain me. So add up booze+missing my ‘Superman’+emotions+TV show about parents, and what do you think you get? How about this:

Suffice to say that after my digestive pyrotechnics, I fell asleep on my buddy’s spare bed. He took excellent care of me. I woke up in the morning and couldn’t even eat toast. At least I didn’t have a headache. My stomach, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with me. And I can’t say I blame it, not one bit. It’s one thing to abuse your stomach with chocolate, ribs, ice cream, omelets, steak, apples or bacon, but this much booze-I knew I was asking for trouble. So instead of going to a bar to see if my gag reflex was stuck on ‘ON’, I just went home. While I’m not proud of myself, I said nothing stupid nor insulted anyone. And I can’t thank Yuppie Buddy enough for only taking the above picture and not writing on me or mocking me. I know he noticed that I was an emotional trainwreck and gave me the mulligan. Thank goodness for great friends.

Honest to God, if you are over the age of 15, can’t you find another filler word that makes you sound more intelligent than oh, say, ‘like’? How about ‘Um’? Yup, I deserve to be out in public today :)

I went 8-8 last week, and I’ll try to do better. 8-8 ain’t great. I know, some might be thinking .500 is good, it’s not. In the world of gambling and betting, .500 is losing. The house always wins. Now, on to this week’s picks!

Kansas City @ Cleveland (-2): I want to know who is setting these lines! Did I miss something on Sunday and Monday night? I know KC was geeked up for their home opener, but they destroyed San Diego on special teams. And they got after the QB. Cleveland? One long completion from Jake Delhomme and that was about it. I know this is Cleveland’s home opener, but I also know who is coaching the defense on the other side of the field, former Browns head coach Romeo Crennel. I think Romeo will have something dialed up for Delhomme or Seneca Wallace on Sunday. Take the points, and the Chiefs.

Buffalo @ Green Bay (-12 ½): Is this line high enough? I know GB lost RB Ryan Grant for the season, but they weren’t a running team anyways. This offense revolves around QB Aaron Rodgers and the passing game. The Packers only need a running game to keep defenses honest, and if the opposition wants to run a nickel defense all the time, then run. Rodgers does need to get rid of the ball faster and use his intermediate game a bit more, but Buffalo will be without middle linebacker Paul Posluszny, so the Packers might establish the run on the first 2 plays, but then it’s bombs away. Buffalo will try and catch up in the 2^nd half, but when your starting QB is known as ‘Captain Checkdown’, it’s not a good sign. The clock will run out and fantasy teams with Packers will rejoice. The Pick-Green Bay.

Baltimore (-2) @ Cincinnati: Now this will be interesting. Will we see the fired up, pissed off Ravens that brought the wood to the Jets on Monday night? Or will we see something a bit more tame? And what of Cincinnati? Will the team that got its collective ass handed to them by New England in the first 2 ½ quarters be the team on the field or the one that tried to come back? My guess is something between the two, for both teams. This is a division game, too, and Baltimore will be looking to exact some revenge on the Bengals. I’m thinking Cincy isn’t scared, and they’re home. I’m taking the Bengals.

Pittsburgh @ Tennessee (-5): Let’s get this out there in the open. Pittsburgh’s D is back now that Safety Troy Polamalu is back and healthy. The offense? Don’t let the huge OT run by RB Rashard Mendenhall fool you. That offense was going nowhere fast. And had the DB for the Falcons stayed home instead of trying to fly up to the line, that 50 yard TD run doesn’t happen. Tennessee ain’t Atlanta. Now, Tennesse runs the ball quite well and Pittsburgh can stop the run. So what could this game come down to? Vince Young and the kicking game. I have more confidence in Rob Bironas than I do in Jeff Reed. The pick-Tennessee.

Philadelphia (-6) @ Detroit: I really still want to know what on God’s Green Earth the Eagles medical staff is doing with a license right now. Did you see this crap?

Either way, there is no way QB Kevin Kolb or MLB Stewart Bradley is playing in this game…well, they better not or someone should get fired and smacked in the head with a brick on the way out. It’s on Michael Vick. And Vick is better than Kolb right now. And more dangerous. He’s far more dynamic. It will be interesting to see what the Eagles O-Line will look like without starting C Jamaal Jackson. The Eagles looked like a damn MASH Unit. Now, the Lions aren’t any better off. Week 1, starting QB Matt Stafford goes down with a Grade II sprained AC Joint in his throwing shoulder. So there’s that. And the Lions still don’t cover well. They might be fine if they were playing against a QB that stays in the pocket, but we all know that is not the case with Vick. I’m taking the Eagles on the road, and queue up the QB controversy in Philly, it’s gonna happen.

Chicago @ Dallas (-8): I think this line is way out of whack, on the condition that Alex Barron is playing Right Tackle for the Cowboys. If he is, Julius Peppers is going to make a turnstile out of him. If Marc Colombo is back, then Vegas may be on to something. I think the Bears are playing smoke ‘n’ mirrors game after last week. Does anyone else think a RB is getting 151 receiving yards again? Against the Dallas D? I sure don’t. I don’t think the Bears can stop the Dallas passing game, depending on the Barron/Colombo lineup dynamic. If it’s Colombo, I’m taking the Cowboys. If it’s Barron, I’m taking Chicago, because that guy sucks that bad. Who knows, maybe someone in Dallas will decide to help Barron with some TE help or have a RB chip the D-Lineman across from him. Stranger things have happened. Oh hell, I’ll take Dallas, can’t sit on the fence!

Tampa Bay @ Carolina (-3 ½): What do we know? Tampa Bay isn’t as bad as a lot of people think. There are pieces in place. Carolina isn’t that good at the QB spot, and I watched Matt Moore in a preseason game and on the road in Jersey to play the Giants. However, Carolina is home. However #2, they can’t play from behind and Tampa Bay can do a decent job vs. what the Panthers do well-run the ball. Defensive battle (watch, I state that and it’ll be 35-27), comes down to turnovers. I think Carolina head coach takes the air out of the ball and relies on the RB tandem of Williams and Stewart. Carolina.

Arizona @ Atlanta (-6 ½): While Arizona won on the road vs. St. Louis last week, there was one very disturbing stat-QB Derek Anderson targeted WR Larry Fitzgerald 15 times, and only connected 3 times. Not good. And the Cardinals were facing a rookie QB that chucked it 55 times. Welcome to the NFL Sam Bradford. Atlanta couldn’t muster up much of a running game on the road vs. Pittsburgh. I wouldn’t expect them to. However, WR Roddy White was targeted 23 times and caught 13 balls. I think Atlanta gets their ground game going, and pick off Anderson 3 times. The pick-Atlanta.

Miami @ Minnesota (-5 ½): Will the real Brett Fav-ruh please stand up? Better yet, can WR Percy Harvin figure out if he’s playing against man coverage or zone? I watched the Vikings play the Saints a week ago, and I don’t think Harvin knew the difference, because twice he decided to squat on a long route instead of running across his defenders face. Don’t get me wrong, Fav-ruh missing training camp didn’t help, as he missed quite a few throws that he didn’t miss last year. Miami-well, they barely beat Buffalo on the road. Newly acquired WR Brandon Marshall did okay, but I don’t trust QB Chad Henne yet. This is just my gut talking, I think the Vikings feed RB Adrian Peterson the ball like 25 times, allowing Fav-ruh to make smart short passes and Minnesota holds the Dolphins under 17 points. The pick-Minnesota.

St. Louis @ Oakland (-3 ½): Oakland, at home. St. Louis, on the road, with a rookie QB. Hmmm. I think the Raiders dial up the pass rush, pick off a couple of balls thrown by Sam Bradford and run the ball down the throat of the Rams. Oakland.

Seattle @ Denver (-3 ½): Can we all agree that no one picked the Seahawks last week? Okay, other than Seahawks fans. I’ll give you that one. No one saw them beating the pants off of the 49ers. And I don’t care how well head coach Pete Carroll can fire up the troops, they are a vastly team on the road. Denver will be making its home debut, and I can tell you from living here, the home crowd is ready to get rowdy. Add to it that the Broncos are a passing team (to who, exactly, is not certain just yet) and I think we have a rout on our hands out here in the Mile High. The pick-Denver.

Houston (-3) @ Washington: Alright, kiddos. Follow the bouncing ball. Houston head coach Gary Kubiak used to play and coach for Washington head coach Mike Shanahan. Mike’s son and offensive coordinator Kyle was the offensive coordinator for Kubiak last year. With me? What I’m telling you is that you are going to see some similar style of play and play calling on offense. On defense? I think Washington may be more stout up front, but I think Houston has more talent. Washington won on a fluke touchdown and a bunch of holding penalties. Houston beat Indy by putting a hat on a hat. I’m thinking that while RB Arian Foster doesn’t bust out for another 200 yard rushing effort, he’ll do enough to make QB Matt Schaub dangerous. The pick-Houston.

Jacksonville @ San Diego (-7): Last year Jacksonville averaged 23 pts/game at home. On the road? 13. I think San Diego will be pissed. And QB Philip Rivers is going to throw all over the place. The pick-San Diego.

New England (-3) @ NY Jets: Now this is a tough game for me to call. Why? Because I despise the Jets. I hate everything they stand for, mostly false bravado. They act like they won the division last season. They didn’t. They act as if they are anointed champions. They haven’t been. Baltimore went to the new Meadowlands on Monday night and put a hurting on the Jets. Now, New England doesn’t have that kind of talent on defense, but they have more talent on offense. And I noticed something that I’m sure New England’s offensive coaches noticed-the sheer amount of penalties on the Jets tells me 2 things-1)they are undisciplined and 2)they can be had. Watch for a couple of dumb personal fouls to be called on the Jets. And Jets QB Mark Sanchez can’t hit a receiver. Add in that NT Kris Jenkins tore his ACL again (in all seriousness, I’ve done this, once and can’t imagine doing it twice in 12 months), and while the Jets will have all of their elaborate blitz packages, Baltimore QB Joe Flacco got rid of the ball plenty fast on Monday night. Tom Brady has more weapons, especially at TE, so the world will find out about rookies Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski. New England isn’t as good on D as Baltimore, but they are better on O, and O is what will win this game for New England. The pick-New England.

NY Giants @ Indianapolis (-5): I think Arian Foster just scored on the Colts again. This is the joy of Vegas. They love history. They believe it predicts certain things. Well, I believe in current history. Did anyone watch the game the Colts played against Houston? Houston, not known for their rough and tumble running game, put a hurtin’ on the smallish defense of Indy. Houston also hit Indy QB Peyton Manning a ton. Know what the Giants have the ability to do? Run the ball and rush the passer. And yet, here I sit, typing, looking at getting 5 points? Sure, Indianapolis will be able to throw the ball as long as Peyton Manning is upright, but they don’t run the ball, and their D is small, and now safety Bob Sanders is hurt, yet again. Something doesn’t smell right, this is too easy. But when in doubt, tell your overactive imagination to shut up, take the points, and laugh. The pick-The Giants of New York.

New Orleans (-5 ½) @ San Francisco: Did the 49ers know they had a game on Sunday, and that it counted. Their loss up in Seattle on Sunday was the ‘WTF?!’ of the week. And now, after waking up by having coach Mike Singletary (uh, one guy I definitely wouldn’t want mad at me, like, ever) look at game film with them all week, the champs come to town. The same champs who only put up 14 at home against Minnesota. Uh-oh. I think San Fran will be able to run some, but QB Alex Smith needs to throw it downfield and WR Michael Crabtree either needs to get benched and sent home or someone needs to literally kick him in the ass for his overall attitude. I’m taking the road team on this one, with the idea that they want to put up like 40 points if they can (guess who’s not starting SF in fantasy football this week?-You guessed correct, me!). The pick-New Orleans.

And now a special note to the smart people out there (just a few words of wisdom from me to you), if you’re the smartest guy in the room on a consistent basis, maybe, just maybe you go find yourself a new room. Waddya think? I state this knowing full well that sometimes each of us is the smartest person in the room, but usually only on a specific topic. If you’re smarter than everyone in a room about everything, leave the room and go find another room, like at a MENSA meeting, otherwise your boorish behavior isn’t appreciated. Nor is the condescending tone in which you talk to the rest of us simpletons. Oh, and you’re a jack-knocker for acting like a douche. That is all.

And as usual, the job search is a continuing day to day struggle. This is getting to be a bit much, even for someone with my sense of humor.

Give me topics! If you’ve got something you want my take on, tell me. I’m a guy, meaning my ability to read minds and get subtle hints is limited, at best.
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