So I know I stated I'd write more. I apologize, I just haven't felt like it. Ever look around and see some good things but not feel so great? That's where I am at this moment. All sorts of good things going on, but I feel sluggish, unhappy, and melancholy. A general malaise if you will.
And again...there's really good things happening in my life, in my friends life, all around me. "Meh".
This all stems from my job and how I'm treated. I know this. I also recognize that I'm the one that stated 'if you don't like something, change it.' So that's what I'm working on. I'm on the (shhhhhhh) hunt for a new job. This current one has drug me down into the dumps. I've allowed that to happen. I'm taking the active part in knowing that this isn't the place for me and to find something and some place that is better suited to me.
So what's going on there? I know, I know. This qualifies as white people problems. But when you spend 9-10 hours a day on something, it can eat at you. If, and I stress that, if you let it. Now it's time to make the choice to not let it. Because they aren't worth it. Here's the deal:
1. No go-to market strategy. It's apparently being made up as it goes. No one is driving this car. I tried to take the wheel about 6 weeks ago, and got yelled at. No one came to my defense and told my colleague that was not okay. Should've been a giant red flag. Oh, it was.
2. We don't know what kind of company we want to be. Think of it this way-say your told you need to sell software. Then 2 weeks later it's services that you're told to sell. When you ask for what services against what products, you get a blank stare. "We'll figure that out." Really, when? Because I just asked you.
3. You have a parent company that has a large amount of customers in their database, but I can't touch them. Can't talk to them, can't email them. They are in a completely different line of business.
4. You ask your executive mgmt team for help-be it with reseller pricing, sales modeling, lead generation. Nothing. Example-I gave my big executive a list of 50 companies I want to talk to and asked if he knew anyone at these places. I've yet to get a response.
5. The subtle racism, passive-aggressive behavior and bullying. You remember when that Jonathan Martin thing came out last football season? I was living it. I got hired and put into a room all by myself. No training. No discussion of sales process-so I made my own up. Now they hate it. The powers that be hate my way because they bought into a product that won't move because it's overpriced. That's what the market has told us. That's what a 'secret' memo told my executive team by an outside consultant. Why didn't I see the memo? I know why-because it would only prove what I'm saying is correct.
You think I'm kidding about the bullying and the racism? Try all the snide Jewish jokes you can think of. Even when I've told them, I'm a confirmed Catholic, shown them the cross around my neck, and practically begged to be left alone, it always shows up once a week. The last one? "Happy Passover".
6. 7 months for a website. Think about that one for a minute. 7 months. I have friends that have started companies and had websites up in less than a month. Mine? Took 7. And the public that I talk to is not impressed. Oh, one more thing-I'm the leading meeting getter without any marketing help or a website that means anything. So am I mad? Hurt? Upset? Yes, to all of them.
7. And it's due to the new mandate. "You are to make ## calls and ## emails per day. You and I will meet every Friday to go over your call sheet." Read that again. I wasn't involved in the sales process discussion. Uh, I'm the sales guy. I'm also business development, partner manager, product placement and marketing (regardless of what is said-I built the slide deck/presentation, prettied up the corporate imaging), along with brand manager, lead generator and inside sales rep. I'm all these things-yet I can't even get invited to the meeting to discuss what's working and what isn't. Oh, the cherry on top? "No more networking. That's just a bunch of sales people hanging out." The one skill I truly can hang my hat on, and now it's being dictated that I no longer do it.
8. The bullying? You may think a guy my size can't be bullied, but these folks are extremely passive aggressive. I rarely get spoken to. I grew up being verbally and physically slapped around, so I know how that works. I've also been praised. Not here, but it's happened. These folks? They 'nothing' me. That's the worst, in my opinion. To feel ignored and put on an island is about the worst thing I've felt in my career. I've done a ton of self-analysis to see if this is my fault. I'll own some of it-but you put me in a fucking oversized closet and 'nothinged' me for months. I got meetings, and when the initial product offering came back with a bunch of "No Thank You" based entirely on pricing, I found other things to try and sell-not a thank you, not a planning session, nothing.
Here's the thing-if my Nissan didn't die on me, if I didn't have a car payment, I think I would've have quit on the spot. Until Friday afternoon on my way home, I truly thought all of this is my fault. Sorry, but it's my nature. If it doesn't work, it's on me. A good friend pointed out to me that this is the classic, text book definition of no win. "What happens when you do sell, what will they say?" I know the answer to this. 'Took you long enough'. Those new mandates? They're managing me out. I know this. I could tell this was coming. It's okay-they think they know me. What they have failed to realize is things-1) I'm way more stubborn than they could imagine. 2) Yeah, you're going to have to let me go, I don't quit. 3) Fuck you, pay me. And 4) do you really think I'm going to stick around for this crap?
So, new goal for this week-I'll make your calls and your emails, right up to the number you want. Heck, I may do 1 more than the limit. Just to be a prick. But that's it. No more ideas, no more extra mile, no more late nights, no more building presentations-because that's a marketing thing, isn't it? All they had to do was involve me, talk to me, be slightly uplifting. I bought it, hook, line and sinker during my interview process. Lesson learned.
I had a phone interview this afternoon (yeah, that's right, on a Sunday), and I thought the guy was a douche. "End of month end of quarter is serious push time around here. We don't take vacations end of quarter. I work 60 hours a week. And I've got a family. I scheduled my wedding around work." Gee, what a romantic. Bet his wife must love their life. And that's the thing-I don't want to be that guy. And I don't want to be any of the people I work for. They're not people you emulate. Or aspire to be like or around.
The BBQ test works, again. Don't know what the BBQ test is? Here it is-would you invite them to your home for a cookout? If the answer is 'no', well then, you've got something to deal with, now don't you?
The real problem is I feel like I've lost part of myself. I feel like my edge has been dulled. The everyday grind is winning-it's like I lost my funny, or better yet I just don't feel like being funny. That's kind of sad, don't you think? Especially since that's what I like being, my friends seem to like it, too. It's why I don't go out much. I get shit news on a Friday and let it ruin my weekend. Well friends, guess what?
I've got 2 phone interviews tomorrow.
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