Halftime

This blog is inspired by comedian Billy Gardell and the premise for his DVD, "Halftime".  With yesterday being my 37th birthday, there are some things that I need to put out there.  I was cleaning up some paperwork over the long Thanksgiving weekend, and came across a piece of paper I wrote a couple of things I wanted to accomplish.  There were 3 things on this list (and I'm going to add context-mostly because almost none of you reading this knew me back when I was 21):

1. Fall in love (this was inevitable and I wanted to make sure I handled it properly.  FYI-I didn't)
2. Do Stand Up Comedy (I've started and stopped this twice)
3. Learn to play the bass guitar (that guy can play in any type of group, provided he can really play)

Now, 2 out of 3 is usually considered pretty good.  But not in this case.  And I've managed to figure out why.  First, go back to the title of this post.  It's halftime.  At 37 I firmly believe I have another 37 years on this planet.  And I have played a sloppy 1st half.  Others would call it shitty, crappy, horrid or even timid.  And they'd be right.  Hindsight is always 20/20, and in this case, I am my own worst critic.  But I'm honest, too.  And the most honest thing I can say is that I've been playing not to lose as opposed to playing to win.

I have no clue how this came about.  It wasn't the game plan.  It happened by little things, and little things accumulate into big things.  So what happens?  I ended up bullshitting myself.  I lost the faith.  Yes, many things contribute to this.  The best part?  Halftime adjustments, people.  Halftime adjustments.  And the solutions are so easy, there will probably be a blog written about what a dummy I am for not realizing it sooner.

The biggest adjustment, and it started yesterday, is real easy.  There is no holding back.  The filter is gone.  For those that read this, you won't notice a difference.  The rest of the folks out there in Stupidville?  Get ready.  The crotchety old guy is here, and he wants you off his lawn now.  This is not an idle threat.  It's already started.  And so far the feedback has been positive.  Guess what?  I don't care.  I've tried certain things, held back even, and it just isn't comfortable. It'd be like asking me to wear tighty whiteys....a) it's not a good look and b) it will make me uncomfortable.  So why pander to others, so they aren't uncomfortable?  Sorry gang, I've held my tongue (oh, it's true) about certain things when letting it flow would have been the much better option.

This does not mean I don't owe some folks an apology here and there.  But overall, y'all need to zip it and let me be the spokesperson.  I think you'll like my succinct style and how effective it is in getting shit done.  I don't do 15 words when 5 does the same thing, maybe even faster.

This does mean that there are some subjects I've had enough of.  Here are a few:

The Election
For those that think this was another affirmation of Obama, I tell you to sit down and shut up.  You're the same people who say that after the election that Republicans need to reach across the table, the public has spoken.  Then you clearly didn't hear the message, because nothing else changed.  Same House, same Senate.  Nothing changed.  All we got was billions of dollars wasted on some asshole telling us what the other asshole was going to do.  Oh, and New Hampshire, you're in my crosshairs-and I know exactly why y'all voted the way you did.  Another time, because you're not the state I was raised in.  It's true, you can't go home again.  As I live in what is known as a 'swing state', I've heard all the grossest of arguments.  I'd like to ask everyone a question--how much rape and incest is going on?  That was a huge point of emphasis in Colorado.  Also, another question-why was it that Republicans were pushing the passage of the legalization of marijuana and Democrats were against it?  Just a note-the Governor owned/owns a brewpub in Denver.  So as long as we pick booze as the poison it's okay?

Being Conservative
I've already called a friend of mine out on this.  In public.  He tried to tell 2 other card-carrying Democrats that I was a Republican.  He's done this before.  I'd told him to knock it off.  I don't carry around a scarlet 'R' on my chest.  And I don't associate with Republicans, or what those assholes that have stolen the GOP call themselves.  I'm a libertarian with a gun, borderline constitutionalist.  It is easier to admit you're gay than it is to be conservative.  Funny, I thought by me stating that what I do in my house is my business and you in yours was a good thing.  I thought calling out the follies of government was a good thing.  I thought mocking all those politicians, right or left, that couldn't keep it in their pants, was a great thing.  That's how I'm a conservative-Leave me the hell alone.  And by announcing me as a Republican, doesn't that automatically put me on the defensive how I have to defend a whole party's platform?  Again, it would be easier for me to say I spend my weekends on my knees getting my asshole worked over like pizza dough than it is to say I'm a conservative.  You've already seen my idea on gay 'marriage'.  It'd work.  It's a great compromise.  Instead, I get outed like I'm the one who narc'd on everyone getting the answers to the test early.  Bullshit.  I'm a damn proud conservative.  If I was such the asshole you all associate with that word, then why are we friends?  Do you need me around so you have someone to mock at parties?  Someone to feel sorry for, like I'm a retard?  Sorry, but I've got my own ideas on how the world ought to be run, just like you do.  Sad part is, I'm more than happy to listen to your ideas, liberals.  I get called names and told my ideas are racist long before you've heard a one of them.  But thank God you're the inclusive party.

Cancer
Seriously, FUCK Cancer.  I've lost my Dad 4 years ago to it.  An Aunt last month.  Friends have lost parents. I lost a dear friend to it. I have friends-yes, it's now more than one person-that have had their lives turned upside down and twisted in ways that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.  And we're not closer to a cure.  I wish one of those weak-willed candidates for President would make a stand.  Like Kennedy putting a man on the moon-that kind of gusto.  Make that a platform.  "We will end cancer."  Who doesn't vote for that person?  Cancer can eat a bag of AIDS-ridden dicks.  That's how pissed I am at Cancer. 

Now, for some good things...
Syracuse is bowl eligible, baby!!!
CU, take note.  Ya done fucked it up again.  You let a good man and a potential good coach go, after only 2 years.  So next year you'll see his Juniors.  How can you explain this lack of continuity?  Go out and get someone and leave him alone for 4 years, provided there are no hookers, gambling or cheating on test stories.  Steroids?  Hell, encourage 'em.  Have you seen how small the offensive and defensive lines have looked in comparison to other PAC12 teams?  Oh, one other thing---keep the in state kids in state.  Let the guy recruit all over the country.  At the same time, you might want to think about canning the AD, he's overseen a lot of this mess.

Other good news?  My nieces and nephews think I'm awesome...which, frankly, I am.  I lift 'em up and chuck 'em around, wrestle with them, make sure they keep their fingers out of their nose's, and make 'em laugh.  Kids are a great judge of character-you can't bullshit them.  And I know I'm biased, but all of the little munchkins I get the privilege to know are all pretty darn good kids.

I'm looking for a new job, because a cube farm isn't something I was born to be locked into.  None of us were, really.  It's something we all just accept because we're too afraid to do something else.  I know I was.  Not anymore.  Time for me to find something I'm actually passionate about.  I've got some ideas. 

One of the ideas that I've come up with is that I need to get on stage.  Stand up comedy might be like therapy for me.  Besides, I paint a pretty picture with words.  No more playing not to lose.  Play to win.  Leave it all out there.  Because, and you pass this along, the biggest failure in life is not trying.

I'll write more tomorrow on my match.com 'experience', football and another bombshell or two.