There's cool, there's calm, and then there's my brother

Went and saw 'Horrible Bosses' after work today. Go see it. You'll laugh, it's highly inappropriate. Which is what I needed.

Sidenote-saw the preview for 'Footloose'...did they make the guy playing Kevin Bacon's Ren McCormick from freakin' Boston??? If that's the case, my retort is 'yup, when you think of all the great dance companies from around the US, Boston ranks way up their with NYC, Detroit, Chicago and LA...WTF?? Boston guys dance slightly better than the clowns in Jersey..c'mon!'

I get out of the movie theater after my bladder buster almost busted my bladder (a large popcorn and ginormous soda for $13??? At least fake like you're going to rub my penis, AMC Theatres, I deserved it for that, right?), I looked at my phone, I had 2 texts and a voicemail.

The voicemail was non-important, an old roommate who is trying to reconnect-you know him as HotDog Neck. Nice guy, but I don't need to hear about all the ills of the world. I have the internet and a smartphone, thanks.

Also non-important, but noteworthy, was a text about 'Chopped' from the last roommate. Would have been much cooler if hadn't received this one:
U still at work?-from my baby brother
Just got out of the movies, wasup?-Me
Mom fell. Big gash on the back of her head. Im in the er with her now-baby brother

Yes, I dialed immediately, told my buddy I had to go, my brother answered the phone all casual. "I can't talk right now, they're stitching her up, she seems alright."

Unlike my brother, I was freaking the fuck out. This is/was/will be one of my biggest fears, my Ma Dukes falling down steps. She's 60 going on 80. And since my brother told me he'd call me back I decided to speed like a madman home. More like I thought I was Superman and could drive fast enough to go back in time (get the reference?)...and then I wait....

and wait...

and wait somemore...

Then I had to text my brother 2 hours (!!!!) after he hung up on me. Yup, Ma Dukes bumped her noggin pretty darn good. She was apparently cleaning up cat puke (oh how I don't like her cats-yes, it's dumb but this is my Ma we're talking about) on the top step and went over and hit all the steps. 4 stitches. She's sore, but the doctor in the ER told her to get some rest, or so my brother tells me. He then tells me, and I quote, "I gotta go, I'm walking into a bar"

Yup, that kid is way too cool for anything. Or too fucking aloof.

I'll call my Ma in the morning to see how she is.

Ain't family great?