Honest to goodness requirements!

Yes, these are really under the 'Physical Requirements' section of an IT job I have applied for, read thru the whole list, it will be worth your while:

• The employee must frequently lift and/or move up to 10 pounds and occasionally lift and/or move up to 25 pounds.
• Specific vision abilities required by this job include: close vision, distance vision, peripheral vision, depth perception and ability to adjust focus.
• While performing the duties of this Job the employee is regularly required to sit, use hands to finger, handle or feel, and talk or hear.
• The employee is frequently required to reach with hands and arms.
• The employee is occasionally required to stand, walk, climb or balance, stoop, kneel, crouch, or crawl, and taste or smell.

Where the hell are my buddies from Jr. High to mock the hell out of this list, MST 3000-style??? I'll take a crack at it on my own (my commentary in italics).....

The employee must frequently lift and/or move up to 10 pounds and occasionally lift and/or move up to 25 pounds. Guess I better track down that old lady at the park, trip her and get her ankle weights just to make sure I can get my limits up to 10 lbs....wait, 25? I thought this was an office job???

Specific vision abilities required by this job include: close vision, distance vision, peripheral vision, depth perception and ability to adjust focus. So this pretty much isn't the type of work for a blind person, huh?

While performing the duties of this Job the employee is regularly required to sit, use hands to finger, handle or feel, and talk or hear. I'm sorry, what am I fingering? This is an IT role, is it not? What kind of sick twisted freak wrote this job description? I swear this reads like a rider for a gloryhole production, not that I would know....

The employee is frequently required to reach with hands and arms. As opposed to me using my feet? And I've been trying so hard to use the 'monkey feet' technique, damn it!!

The employee is occasionally required to stand, walk, climb or balance, stoop, kneel, crouch, or crawl, and taste or smell. Wouldn't it have been easier to just ask me if I were a ninja? Or a disciple of Chuck Norris? I would have made a reference to David Carradine, but you know, he's dead in the closet, mistook his belt for a necktie...what, too soon?

I do what I can, feel free to post your own commentary.

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