So with less than a few hours to go before I start working again, I spent the last couple of days playing pop-psychologist and answering the 'every guy' comments and questions thrown at me. One of these lines of questioning involved a friend and former co-workers asking me what I thought of her new work nickname (it's bullshit, and I stand by my commentary that she should be in HR and/or punch the assclown who made it up). The rant you are about to read is not about that. Why not? Mostly because that question was a layup for me, and I rarely take kindly to people being offensive in the workplace. That, and I know if any of these people continue to piss this friend off at work, well, they've been warned, and best of luck.
No, this is more about someone else I've been giving counsel to, and how by the end of Friday night I had had about enough. First things first-the back story. I have somehow allowed myself to be the guy who answers a question that turns into a thousand questions about men, or someone's boyfriend, or life in general. Laugh if you want, but I've made it this far. But, I am not thrilled with myself because I'm almost certain somewhere in this blog I've mentioned that I am NOT the everyman. I have no clue why other guys do things. I don't know what hair 'product' is, as I'm bald. Nor do I care.
So I've answered every dumbass question there could possibly be about a new relationship. Mind you, I have no desire to date anyone right now. And no, it's not because I'm licking my wounds, or spending time 'finding myself', the 2nd greatest cop-out ever (The first? "I'm really busy focusing on...", it's bullshit, you know it, I know it, it's crap). I am perfectly content being single, and only in the last couple of days have I even had the desire to go out into the world. Now that I've been out there the last couple of nights, someone is going to have to clue me in on why some guys think skinny jeans are a good idea??! I saw some guy who was huge wearing skinny jeans-dude looked like a peach on toothpicks, and not comfy.
You've got the backstory, and while you may think I don't know much about relationships, I'm actually quite versed in them. Mostly, that if you don't think it's worth it, walk the hell away. That the first 3 months of any relationship are bull-you're both putting on your best front so that the other person doesn't find out how insane you truly are. Truthfully, you're hiding your crazy. I'm not saying there isn't anything to go nutso over, but you have to pick your battles.
What it all boils down to is this-I've been nothing but polite and honest, sometimes brutally, to this young lady about her relationship and almost anything else she's asked me about. I have nothing to hide, never have, never will. I honestly could care less about what anyone thinks about my past. I've definitely made some mistakes, but I refuse to dwell on them. Learn from 'em, and move on. This is all a part of the maturation process. Also, the fact that I'm 35 now weighs in my favor. It's not that I don't care about certain things, it's that I refuse to get all fired up about things that don't matter. In this light, I found something to get fired up about. In running into this woman at a bar, she has been asking everyone she can find what she should do. To boil the situation down, it goes like this: the guy chose snowboarding over a full day of being lazy and having sex. A choice I don't understand, never have, and I doubt I ever will. I can't for the life of me think that the mountains will miss me enough. I told the woman, to the point, she's getting blown off, the guy doesn't want a full on relationship, simply some of the benefits of a girlfriend without the real commitment. He wants to be boyfriend-lite.
Well, in the course of her asking someone else what their thoughts were (and this is not where I get upset, hell, seek the counsel of any and every one whose opinion you value) I overheard the following, "Oh don't listen to him, he's always been bitter and jaded about dating."
Uh, excuse me? Look, I think I'm impassioned about the process, and while you may not appreciate my outlook on it, if you don't like it, don't ask me about it. Don't ask me if I've ever been engaged (no, but I did go ring shopping-a looooong time ago) and then think me odd because I haven't been. I have no qualms about the decisions I've made in my love life, because that's what I've been mostly about (sorry, I can't say always, that'd be a lie. Always is an absolute, as in 100%), so if you want to judge me, go right ahead. But be prepared, I will do the same in turn.
So I sternly stood up for myself. I don't like being asked if I'm bitter or jaded. I don't feel that I am. You may think I come across that way, and that is your take. My take? I have no issue at all with what I've done, or haven't done, so far in my life. But if you ask me about the mundane crap that goes on out there, the game playing, the texting instead of calling, the lack of a spine in most people nowadays, you're right, I get fired up. Step up or step off. Simple as that. I get that the direct approach throws most people (especially you ladies) way off, may even scare a little bit. But I liken it to my approach on a daily basis-did I give it my best? If that answer is 'yes', then I left it out there. If the answer is 'no', then try again, but make a better effort.
Under this whole thing, as I stated above, I stood up for myself. I spend countless hours with my 3 yr old niece, love her to pieces. She's adorable. I would hang out with my Godson if I lived anywhere remotely close to him. I take my roommates dog out to the dog park down the street. I'm polite to strangers. I call my Mom every Sunday. Jaded? Bitter? I would give anyone the shirt off my back if they needed it. I hope to someday be able to just give the shirt off my back just because I can. And yet for some dumb reason someone actually has the nerve to question my sincerity, my counsel, and think because of my past that my advice is beyond skewed? Well guess what? You no longer get to have said counsel.
I was asked after explaining most of the above if I was upset about being questioned. My answer? "You're damn right I'm upset, I'm upset that you have the nerve to ask my advice on things, take it, use it and feel better and comforted by it, then turn around and question-in public no less-if I even have any real life experiences or if I'm bitter."
Truth be told, this book is writing itself. Better yet, if I continue to meet people like this, you're all going to want front row seats to the next open mic night I do, it's going to be a learning experience like no other.
And as always, I'm reminded of something I learned a long time ago-'People are stupid.' Yup, they sure are.
Oh snap, I start working in about 10 hours....more about that later. Sorry, had to get that little story off my chest.
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