I'm gettin' old

Maybe it's not old, as I've always considered myself a bit of an old soul, but HDN has pulled some stuff in the last 24 hours that has made me shake my head, kind of like my folks used to do to me (I'm sure of it) and I know they did with my brother.

I spent yesterday helping dig fence post holes. Relax, it was with an auger. Still difficult work, and we can add that to the list of jobs I respect but don't want. I got to have BBQ for lunch, and may have found a new favorite spot. Stuff was so good it didn't even need sauce. That right there is a very good sign for some fine 'Q. However, lunch on an empty stomach and then going back to using a tool that can jar most of your body, well, I've made smarter decisions. It's exhausting work. So when all was said and done I was exhausted, and headed home.

I pulled into my driveway and see HDN, or what I though was HDN, and the Stank Dog. Something was vastly different about HDN. He was in blackface. Read that again. Blackface, with a white wig. And a cigar hanging out of his mouth and a dookie chain. I have said it before and will reiterate it here-I honesty keep thinking I cannot be shocked-I stand corrected. I could only muster (cue the sarcasm!) 'Gee, that's only slightly racist'. He told me I lack a sense of humor. I can tell you I honestly wished a group of young African American men would have rolled into my cul de sac and beat the blackface off of him. HDN's excuses were retarded, and are as follows-
"Ted Danson did it for a roast"
"If I were Orange people would think I'm a Broncos fan"
"I was going to be blue but thought someone might send me to Vegas."

No, I'm not kidding. Those were his reasoning. They all fail, epically. I got into the house and sat down. You know that giant sigh you let out when you're exhausted and just want to be left to collect your thoughts and relax? Yup, mine lasted for 4 seconds.

"Can you give me a ride? Are you coming to the party?"

Really, you saw me walk in all slow and tired, heard the giant exhale and now I need to help you? Oh, the guilt was palpable. He's just such a selfish ass. He had his truck repo'd so the rest of us can pick up the slack? He said he needed a quick ride on Friday to a title company, next thing you know I'm driving halfway around north Denver to a title company, a bank run and then dropping him off at a bar. Now I get to drive him to a Halloween party as he's dressed in blackface looking like an entrant in the 'Biggest Bigot in the Land' contest. Then the 2nd part of this-was I going to the party? How did I have time to get showered and dressed? I guess I look at it like this-when you are putting people out, you go on their schedule, not on yours. Or am I wrong? So instead of listening to the guilt, I just got out of my chair and drove him, but didn't go to the party. I wanted quiet and I wanted to be home alone.

And then this morning came, and I just got another lesson in how old I am in the head. Now, you must know that HDN is much older than I. But age in this case is not a chronological thing. I'm just way more mature. He just did something I don't agree with. He got a ride home from an old girlfriend of his, one that still holds a flame for him, like 4 years after they ended their relationship. He thinks she's old. Hilarious. But he plays her. I have no issue with anyone having a one night fling, I could care less. But I know this lady's history, how much she loves and is in love with HDN, how last November when HDN was laid up due to a drunken stupid ATV accident she kept running over food to this house for him. She wants nothing more than to be 'Mrs. HDN', you can just tell. And he played her, and feels no remorse.

Maybe this just hits too close to home, with my history. My history long ago, not my recent history. Christ, the last thing I need is to try and clear up any misconceptions that someone may or may not see. I hate to see anyone taken advantage of. I know, this is a grown up and she may have made some grown woman decisions. I guess I'm saying that because I know this woman, she gave it up hoping that HDN would change. But if she were to ask me, I'd tell her 'sorry, not going to happen, not now, not ever'. And she'd be crushed. I hate seeing people get hurt by people they care about. Kind of a raw deal. And I hate seeing HDN take advantage of people all the time and only saying sorry so that it quiets people.

Point blank, the moment I get a job I'm outta here. I hate living here, and I'm really starting to despise living with this user.

This wasn't a rant, just some notes on the last few hours. I'm as stunned as anyone else. My sexual history is mine, and yours is yours. I guess I'd rather be in a monogamous deal that is built on honesty, respect and trust. Not one that means I fooled someone into thinking they had an honest shot, like my roommate just pulled. I sure do hope that when karma comes back to kick him in the ass I am in nowhere in the vicinity.

Happy Sunday!