15

15-that is the number of months I've been out of work. What a long strange, aggravating trip this has been so far. Biggest lesson I've learned is that some who say they want to help honestly attempt to, and others are full of shit...hey, it's just like real life. Here are my stats:

671-the number of jobs I've applied for, interviewed for and/or followed up on. Total. Yup, that's the real truth right there.

I had 3 interviews this week, for 2 different companies, and I'm exhausted talking about myself, my career and the choices I've made. I wouldn't change a one of them. Especially not since the end of 2006.

So what's left to do? Funny I should bring it up-I was asked a question in my interview yesterday that I wasn't ready for. The question was 'what 3 goals, be it personal or private, would I like to see myself accomplish in the next 5 years?'...not that I haven't thought about a million things I'd like to do, but even I was shocked at what came out of my mouth. Here they are:
1. Start and finish my book, I'm calling it 'Alright, Now What?' about how to survive in the concrete BS jungle we all call life. Get over it, I'm not bitter about anything, it's just that I have the strong backing of two very good friends who believe I can do this, and I've been thinking about this for a long time. So long, in fact, that I bought my first HP laptop like 9 years ago to do this, and then chickened out. No more.
2. Pay off my debt. It's not that substantial, but it is annoying. I'd like to pay off my car, my student loan and any credit card debt I may have accrued. I hate bills.
3. Whatever I choose to do as my career path takes me (or I take it), that I am recognized as a go-to type person and someone others can lean on. Yes, I'm passionate in my blog postings and probably most of the stuff you might talk to me about, but that's who I am.

If I were to add a 4th, it's this-no more apologizing for how I feel. I've told others not to apologize for how they feel, and now I'm telling myself the same stuff. I may hurt feelings, I may come across as a stubborn ass, please realize most of it is not done on purpose to hurt or maim anyone. It's just my way. And I happen to like myself, whether you do or not. I've been told on more than one occasion that others wish they could be as open and honest as I am. Note that a lot of times that that level of honesty has cost me dearly, both personal and professional. Again, I wouldn't change it. Mostly because I can't. I can only apologize if a)I think I've done something wrong, and b)if I did it to cause harm. Unintended consequences are just that, unintended. If you think I've hurt you, whomever you are, in any way, shape or form, call me out on it. If you present something to me where I think 'oh snap, I messed up', then I will let you know. No, this isn't the 10th step of AA, nor anything like that, it's more of a re-dedication to myself. I've allowed certain things and people to have a far greater impact than I should have. That onus is on me and me alone. I'm not going out and trying to be a bigger asshole than I normally am. I can only tell you that if you want to see my true honest self, ask my friends how I treat them and their children and friends. You might be shockingly surprised. In closing, I won't feel obligated to do anything for anyone. I will help you if you ask, I may even offer without you asking. But I know what the word 'No' means and I intend to use it to its fullest capacity if I feel I'm about to get hurt. Yup, the walls go up. Why? They have to, it's in my best interest and in turn you'll get the best out of my writing.

I write this thing for so many reasons it's hard to list. Who wouldn't want to get paid to share their thoughts? Who wouldn't want to be Oprah-rich? All I really want out of my life is to laugh, smarten people up, my bills paid and a hot meal on my table. I don't ask for much, but I do know what all of that entails.

Now, buckle up...