Week 3 picks, and seriously, your order sounded a bit, uh, 'fem'

After going the awful record of 5-11 this past week (hey, my head wasn't in the game, sorry coach), I'm thinking that if I'm awful at this again this week it may be time to just pan on the idea of picking games against a point spread. Because man, last week wasn't pretty. Maybe pretty if you were drunk, it was after 2 AM and she was the only girl left standing at the bar, but I don't think you would've wanted to wake up next to her-yikes!

On to the picks:
Tennessee @ NY Giants (-3): Tennessee on the road, after the stinker they just put up at home vs. Pittsburgh. Or NY, after they forgot they were playing on Sunday night? Hmmm. Tough one. I’m taking the points, just because I think the Giants may be a bit more dysfunctional than we know. Titans.

Buffalo @ New England (-14 ½): Buffalo has decided to make a QB switch. Apparently they don’t like the QB who throws the 5 yard check-down, so they’ll go to the guy who’ll throw the 3 yarder instead. And there is no way New England coach Bill Belichick is going to be in a good mood after the stinker the Pats left in New Jersey last week. The Pats, big.

Cleveland @ Baltimore (-10 ½): Baltimore hasn’t proven to me that they can score. Yes, the Jets and the Bengals will probably end up top 10 in defense, but Cleveland hasn’t shown me anything that says they’ll give up a boatload of points. Yards, yes, points, not so much. Take the points and the Browns.

Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay (-3): Thank you for this gift, Vegas. I know both teams are 2-0, but y’all must not have been watching the Steelers D. That kind of pressure on the QB travels. Pittsburgh.

Cincinnati (-3) @ Carolina: Carolina has decided, like Buffalo, that after 2 games it’s time to make a QB switch. Hello to the league Jimmy Clausen. Just a quick question, name me a QB that sounded like a 9 yr. old at a little league game that ever won anything? You can’t, and I can’t think of one good reason that Carolina has a chance in this game, unless there is a monsoon. Bengals.

Atlanta @ New Orleans (-3 ½): So we have a New Orleans team that has eeked out 2 wins, and an Atlanta team that played alright in Pittsburgh and annihilated Arizona at home. I’m taking the points, think the Saints win the game, but I’ll take the hook (that’d be the ½ point). Atlanta.

San Francisco (-3) @ Kansas City: Kansas City has got their wins against ‘meh’ opponents, teams that could beat them in the closing minutes. I think San Fran QB Alex Smith grew up a ton on Monday night, and think they could be a team on the rise. But I’m taking the points to a home ‘dog. Kansas City.

Detroit @ Minnesota (-11 ½): This line is way too high. I must have missed something. Unless Vikings RB Adrian Peterson has 200 yards rushing, QB Brett Favre still won’t have time back there to throw the ball. And if he does, who is he hucking it to? Detroit, on the other hand, can run it and throw it. I’m taking the points on the road, because the line is too high. Detroit.

Dallas @ Houston (-3): If Dallas loses they go 0-3. They lost big in the preseason at Houston a month ago. Houston comes off of a huge road win at Washington. Some say it’s the classic trap game or letdown game. But this is for the pride of Texas, and I don’t trust the Cowboys one bit. Houston.

Washington (-3 ½) @ St. Louis: This line is too low. St. Louis has lost to Arizona and Oakland, not exactly two teams known for their stellar play. Washington beat Dallas and lost in OT to Houston. So why so low on the line? St. Louis starts a rookie QB. I’m not sure what I’m missing, but I think the Redskins get their running game on track and pick off Sam Bradford twice. Washington.

Philadelphia (-3) @ Jacksonville: Off the bat I’d say Philly, but they will be playing at Jacksonville, who will be my Jeckyll and Hyde team. They will suck on the road and be competitive at home. Philly hasn’t proven they can stop anyone. So the pick goes to the team who is making a QB change, and this will be Michael Vick’s coming out party. Philadelphia.

Indianapolis (-5 ½) @ Denver: Denver might be without their 2 starting corners. Ouch. While Denver QB Kyle Orton has been fantastic so far, something doesn’t feel right to me. Add to it that the Broncos could understandably be distracted by the death of teammate Kenny McKinley, and I think Colts QB Peyton Manning makes quick work of this game. Indianapolis.

San Diego (-5 ½) @ Seattle: Seattle is another of the ‘Ervin Santana’ mode-great at home but not so hot on the road. Home again after being dismantled here in Denver, Seattle can’t stop the pass. San Diego passes really well. Philip Rivers has a big day. San Diego.

Oakland @ Arizona (-4 ½): Arizona is probably on hold with Kurt Warner’s house phone right now. Wow did he cover up a lot of bad things in ‘Zona. Oakland has a defensive line that is getting better and can run the ball. For some reason, I like the Raiders and their backup QB. Oakland.

NY Jets @ Miami (-2): I hate the Jets. I think that skews my view of them. I think they played well on Sunday in beating New England. That being said, Miami has a better defense and can get after the QB. This game will be very low scoring, but I’m taking the home team. Mostly because I hate the Jets. Miami.

Green Bay (-3) @ Chicago: I’m still not believing in the Bears. Maybe it’s because every time I see a highlight QB Jay Cutler is throwing off his back foot. While the Packers don’t have much of a running game now with RB Ryan Grant done for the season, I think it will be effective enough to do a little play-action passing for some long TDs. Green Bay it is.

The last two days I've spent doing things from a Starbucks, the internet is free, and my coffee refills are a whopping .54, so I can swing it. It's better than being stuck at home listening to HotDog Neck talking to his computer or stutter and stammer when a potential client calls him. Take a breath already, ya stuttering prick ya. Sheesh. It does get to be a bit much. The funny thing I've noticed my own head jerking up is when a grown man orders something that just doesn't sound like something a guy should be ordering. It sounds like something a 14 year old girl should be ordering. Guy that ordered a triple-skinny-vanilla latte....really? I looked up, and the guy had on the extra medium skull t-shirt with the wallet chain. Ouch. I thought it was Saturday for a minute and had to look at my phone to make sure it was still Thursday. And yup, it still is, for a few minutes. Until tomorrow my friends, where I will dole out fantasy football advice, with an assist from the east coast.
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