I will never, ever, ever, everevereverevereverevereverevereverever talk about my fantasy football drafts, or teams. Not on this forum. Why? Because no one cares. Hell, I barely care. Now, amongst my-fantasy sports playin' brethren over the phone and via emails/texts? No problem. But to use this blog to discuss that stuff? Oh. Hell. No. Not now, not ever. This idea was solidified yesterday while waiting for my friends to show up for the running club I've apparently joined. Uh, I walk, for the record. If there isn't ice cream or Jessica Biel covered in ice cream at the end of running, I don't know what the point is. My health, please, they got pills for everything, and provided I don't eat myself into wearing Santa pants anytime soon, I'm good thanks. I hate running. Always have. Always will. So I'll walk it, thanks.
This whole discussing of fantasy football annoys me to no end. Mostly because I don't care about rules, or when your draft was, or that you went to Vegas and then got blitzed and managed to draft a kicker in the 3rd round. No one cares, buddy. Not me, not the guy you're talking to and for damn certain not the woman you are trying to impress-the simple fact that you've neglected to notice that glazed over look in her eyes tells me that you have no shot at a relationship with her. Hell, you won't even be getting a text stating 'thanks, but I'm busy' later on this afternoon.
I just wanted to let you all know that I respect your time far too much to bore you with the details of my fantasy sports life. And that if I ever date again, I will still keep that crap to myself. Only my friends and I need to talk about this stuff, and it's mostly done over email. To listen to this guy yesterday made me want to rip off his head, hold it high and scream, "here lies the moron who wouldn't shut up about his 4th running back taken in the 8th round...silently you hoped something bad to happen to him, and I took it upon myself to oblige your secret wishes! Now go on and live free until next Sunday, when all of us dorks will sit and watch pro football. Good day!" In other words, feel free to tell them all, 'Dude, shut the hell up, no one cares'...tell 'em I sent ya!
The Dingers
No, this is not a rant on home runs or the Rockies mascot. This about another group of people that I didn't know even existed until yesterday, and I'm thinking of some dastardly way to get back at them. While walking with my friend yesterday, on a path where people walk and bike, I heard a noise. To backtrack a week, I walked this path by myself and only heard on occasion, 'On your left', which I guess is the kind way of people on bikes to let you know that they will be passing you. I have no issue with this at all. But fast forward to yesterday, and oh, danger. Ding. Ding. Dingdading. What in the hell is that noise. It was more than one person who is so self-involved that they can't bother to speak to us cretins that they must have a device on their fancy bike to let us know they are approaching. And this isn't the cool little bell kickin' it on a cruiser bike or like the bike you had when you were 5 or 6. Oh, no. Not these weekend warriors. It's obnoxious. So I'm debating, and I would love some audience participation-
Clown Horn or Air Horn?
Why? Why the hell not? I cannot begin to tell you all the things that came across my mind when the couple (yes, I said couple, meaning two morons found each other and think that this is a fantastic idea...WHAT?!) decided to hit that damn 'dinger' so many times I thought Vanilla Ice was about to bust out of the woods and say 'Stop, collaborate and listen...' grrrrrrr. Pushing them into the woods was definitely in the top 5 of my ideas. Screaming 'Ding' at them was top 3. But the top one is by far and away to go by my own horn and scare the living crap out of these solipsistic yuppies, thereby giving them not only a taste of their own medicine but something else to talk about at their polo matches other than the 5 second delay the valet had at the country club making them late for their latest botox injection. Hey lady, newsflash, I saw your jaguar in the parking, you know where they sell those? Right next to the Ford Fusion, feel like puttin' 2 and 2 together? No, this is not a rant on rich people, I'm not a class warrior, I'm a common sense ninja, and merely wanted to point out that I breathe the same air as you, whether you like it or not. I honestly hope that they don't. Vote for your choice, this could be amusing.
I caved.
Ah, the pressures of family. I haven't spoken to my brother in over a month. And really, I'm more than fine with it. But my Moms is not. Not even close to okay with it. She's sad that I'm upset with him (her words, not mine. I'm beyond pissed-irate is a better term, seething is probably the best), and wishes we could all get along. Well, no longer will I just sit by and make it feel like everything is hunky dory. It ain't. However, today is also my brother's birthday. So I put a card in the mail-no present. Why no present? If I told you what he took from my Moms you might think like I do-that he's all set on gifts for a lo-ooonng time. And I left him a voicemail this morning. And then, like every Sunday morning, I called my Moms. Told her that I sent him a card and left him a voicemail wishing him a happy birthday. What was she doing? Making him a cake....and then another tumbler fell into place. I'm just shocked. Mostly, my feelings are hurt. My brother abuses her good nature like none I've ever seen. And he gets cake. I was home for my birthday last year-no cake. No cookies for Christmas. And that's all I wanted. I now see how this goes. It's like how I've talked about fairness and tolerance. The only people that bitch about fairness are the one's who feel they aren't being treated fairly. I guess that's just how this whole part of my family gets played out. So be it. I'm really not mad, but am very sad by this little revelation. A bit dumbfounded, to be honest. But that's my problem, not yours.
The job front
First, a shout out to my Yuppie Friend. He kind of set me a bit straight earlier this week. And I was in no mood to hear it. But he was right. I have to be willing to dig a little deeper to find certain thing on my job search. LinkedIn ain't all it's cracked up to be. And for some reason, I still have full access to ZoomInfo (a great tool out there for sales folks and job seekers-like a link to an org chart for companies), so I got down to business. And it works. I'm exhausted from trying this hard, but it's the good kind of tired. The good news is I may have an interview this week. And it's for a job I can do and might even (God forbid) get paid decently for. We shall see, but something should pop soon (it freakin' better!)
Happy Sunday, and enjoy your Labor Day weekend.
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Now playing: Sage Francis - The Best Of Times
via FoxyTunes
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