Alright, I teased a buddy of mine today with what I was going to attempt to do-handicap some games for you, my dear readers. All of this is pure speculation, and gambling is illegal (unless you're in Vegas or no one else knows about it), and now that the disclaimer is out of the way, on to the picks (all lines from betus.com):
Minnesota @ New Orleans (-5): Brett Fav-ruh, be prepared to die. A long slow death. This year ain't gonna be like last years fairy tale. Of that I can guarantee. Last year was laid out so perfectly for Brett, it really is kinda funny. Now the wheels come off, on opening night. Yes, the Vikings will put up points. But they will also give up points, a lot of 'em. And the SuperDome will be rocking so loud someone in your house is going to tell you to turn it down. Give the points, take the Saints.
Carolina @ NY Giants (-6 1/2): Ah, the opening of a new venue for a regular season game. To heck with that annual Giants/Jets tiff in the preseason, no one cares. Carolina does one thing well on offense, run the ball. The G-Men have spent close to the national budget deficit of New York state on that D-Line. The wise man tells you to trust the D-Line, the Giants win, but don't cover. The pick: take the 6 1/2 and watch the original Steve Smith do damage. Carolina.
Miami (-3) @ Buffalo: Here's a little gambling note you may or may not know. Usually, the home team starts off with giving a field goal. Well, if you can do math, that point spread on the line above should let you know that someone thinks the Dolphins are really 6 points better than the Bills. You can add me to that list. Run, Ricky, run. The pick: Miami.
Atlanta (-2 1/2) @ Pittsburgh: The Steelers have 2 very large problems. First, they haven't run the ball well in 2 years. Second, their O-Line is not that great anymore. Oh, and Atlanta doesn't scare too easy. No Ben Roethlisberger (4 game suspension), not much of a running game to talk about, a defense that can be had on long throws, I'm taking the Falcons and giving less than a field goal. The pick: Atlanta.
Detroit @ Chicago (-6 1/2): Oh those pesky Lions. And others seem to think that this is the year the Bears really take a hold of the division. I had someone say that to me and I felt a little bit of pee on my shorts from laughing. This offensive line is atrocious. And Detroit has beefed up their D-Line with draft picks and free agents. Bears QB will be lucky if he makes it to week 4 with what offensive coordinator Mike Martz has in store for him. I'm taking the points. The pick: Detroit, and watch for them all year.
Cincinnati @ New England (-4 1/2): I love that some folks out there still think that New England has a good defense. Uh, the most important game of the preseason Rams QB Sam Bradford carved them up like it was a dry run for Thanksgiving. Carson Palmer, and that decent running game of the Bengals will do just fine. I think the Pats will win, only because they can put points up on the board, but they win on a last second FG, meaning I'm going to take some points and scream 'Who Dey'. The pick: Cincy.
Cleveland @ Tampa Bay (-3): Ok, Tampa's QB is dealing with a fracture in his thumb. His best WR is a rookie. His TE has had like 10 knee surgeries. Cleveland has a QB that while tossing a bunch of INTs has seen this defense twice a year for like a decade. And Cleveland boasts a better secondary and O-Line. I'm taking the points and the Browns. The pick: Cleveland.
Denver @ Jacksonville (-2 1/2): Denver has no defensive line to speak of. However they do have a great secondary. Awesome, but Jacksonville doesn't throw the ball well, but they do like to run. What we've got here is my best is better than your crappy. Denver will score some points, but it won't be enough. Big day for Maurice Jones-Drew. The pick: Jacksonville.
Indianapolis (-2 1/2) @ Houston: Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, you are given a gift. This is one of those times. Peyton Manning will be without his #1 & 2 Left Tackles. Yet with that knowledge, they are still giving points, on the road, to a team that last year if 2 balls bounce differently they sweep the Colts. Bless your little heart, and ride the Texans. And learn the name Andre Johnson, he's about to get a Wheaties box cover. The pick: Houston.
Oakland @ Tennessee (-6): Not sure why this line isn't higher. Oakland will be without it's best running back, Michael Bush, and will be starting a brand new QB who hasn't played in 2 weeks. On the road, against a great defensive team? I can't figure out what I'm missing, but I don't care. I saw what Vince Young was doing in the preseason, I think it carries over. The pick: Tennessee.
Green Bay (-3) @ Philadelphia: Philly starts a new QB and a newer RB, with the middle of an offensive line that is all sorts of out of place and damaged. Green Bay is firing on all cylinders on offense right now, and I just don't see how Philly keeps up. Bonus!!!-take the over (47? oh come on!) as there is no way this isn't a 'boardlighter. The pick: Green Bay.
San Francisco (-3) @ Seattle: Wither the poor SeaHags fan. Their QB has a lumbering back. The have no power running game. Their newest toy, a top-10 pick at Left Tackle, is out with a high ankle sprain. And their newest toy last year, TJ Houshmanzadah, was just released. The 49ers, on the other hand, got two new linemen in the 1st round of the draft, have the same offensive coordinator for the last two years (let's hear it for continuity!!), a stud running game, a great weapon over the middle in TE Vernon Davis and can play defense. If anything, this line isn't nearly high enough. I'm sure someone out there is thinking that the Seattle crowd, the 12th man, will give the 'Hawks the edge. Not gonna happen. The pick: San Francisco.
Arizona (-4) @ St. Louis: Arizona just cut its preseason starting QB, to replace him with a guy that loves throwing to the other team. They have a RB in Beanie Wells who is banged up. Stud WR Larry Fitzgerald is also coming off a sprained knee. So there's that, combined with the two defensive stalwarts they lost in free agency plus Kurt Warner retiring. Why are the Cardinals favored on the road? St. Louis has a new shiny toy in #1 overall pick Sam Bradford, plus the RB no one wants to draft in fantasy football, Steven Jackson. I have a sneaky suspicion that St. Louis wins this one for the home fans. The pick: St. Louis.
Dallas (-3 1/2) @ Washington: Good news Redskins fans-your team will not suck with new head coach Mike Shanahan. You will at worst be mediocre. Here's to looking for mediocrity. Now, what you do have is a capable QB in Donovan McNabb, a couple of good running backs, a revamped offensive line and a defense that is, in a word, stout. Dallas? Uh, I don't know what the hell is going on down there, and I don't think they do, either. On paper, a crapload of talent. But that talent hasn't played well together yet. And I don't think on the road against a division rival is a good place for them to start to gel, either. The pick: Washington.
Baltimore @ NY Jets (-2 1/2): I'm sorry, did I miss something? I understand that everyone in the media loves DoughBoy, the NY Jets head coach (fine-his name is Rex Ryan), but what the hell have the Jets done? Wild Card team last year? Won their last 2 regular season games against teams that were resting starters? 1 win away from the Super Bowl? Yes to all 3. Oh, but they didn't win the division. Know who did? New England. And did you see the ass-whipping that the Ravens put on the Pats, in Foxboro, back in January? I did. I saw a team that will run the ball down your throat, and now they can throw the ball, too. All the Jets did was sign a few old all-stars. That's all. Their QB has been awful. Says here he stays that way, and Baltimore QB Joe Flacco snags the spotlight. The pick: Baltimore.
San Diego (-4 1/2) @ Kansas City: Now I love KC. Love the people, the BBQ, the museums and even how easy it is to get to the stadium (5 minutes off the highway!!). But this team? Meh. They could do some damage. But I'm thinking they are a week or two away from scaring their opponents. San Diego still knows how to do a few things well, like run off-tackle and throw it down the field. The pick: San Diego.
I will be doing this every week, and keeping track along the way, so you can revel in my genius or mock my stupidity....or both.
And lastly for the day, I was IMing with an old friend when they decided, out of the blue to me, with this-"Well then I am hoping for you that the woman of your dreams comes into your life very soon and that you get a job that you love." Sometimes people say the nicest things....
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