Oh, what fun I get to have. Y'all wish you had this much fun. Now, I don't wish on any of you the clutter of stupidity and nonsense that has been rattling around my brain for the last few months. I really don't. And I have no idea how you clear your head or de-clutter everything in your world, but I know how I do it....you hit the road. I used to do this in college all the time, I'd get done my shift and then either drive to Connecticut or to NYC, get something to eat at a diner, and then turn around. It would take anywhere between 6 and 8 hours roundtrip, but it was always worth it.
So why the road trip? And where was I going?
Well, I needed to get out of Dodge because I was tired of looking at the same walls, listening to the same drivel from HotDog Neck (my roommate) and just over not finding anything to be really positive about. So I decided to head east, and I had a loose plan in mind. You will need some history on why I was going to go east, and here it is...
My brother
He's an asshole. Douchebag. Selfish prick. And mean to my Moms. The last one is the one that counts the most. I can deal with all of the other things. I have been since we were kids. But the level of self-entitlement in combination with the anger and bitterness towards my Moms is over. It's not valid. It's unwarranted. She has done nothing but dote on that kid since he was born. She always defends him, is always sneaking him money, always covering for him. And he has obliged to take advantage of her goodwill and her bank account for far too long. Well, this all came to a head for me 2 weeks ago, when my Moms let it slip about some financial info that set me thru the roof. All I'm going to post is that he managed to steal quite a bit from her, money that wasn't his. And my Moms is now heartbroken and didn't even want to tell me. Why? Because she knows me better than anyone else, but I don't think she was expecting my reaction. At the time I got this news, I was ready to show up and double-tap that kid. It would be cheaper to bury him than to help him, because to me, he is beyond reproach. You may read this and think I was joking, but I was totally serious. I do not like people messing with my Mother, I know how fragile her psyche is, and my brother has taken advantage for far too long.
So I was headed to Boston, by way of Kansas City and Pittsburgh, to surprise my Moms in the good way, scare the living daylights out of my brother and hang out with some folks who didn't even know I was going to be there. Maybe even try to find a job. My thinking at that time was that enough was enough, time to go hang out for a few weeks and just show up at some of these companies and then maybe they'd take me seriously. I had had enough of Denver, of my living situation, of everything.
And then the open road happened. I filled up my gas tank, got some snacks and water and threw those in the cooler, and off to I-70 I went. I now know why some people travel thru middle-America at night. It's so that they can imagine elaborate scenery. Because there is nothing but wheat and corn between Denver and Kansas City, I swear it to you. But a lot sure does happen in 8 1/2 hours of driving. First, I was belting out tunes left and right. I listened to some things I haven't heard in years. Then I got an email that helped me stop what I was doing. It was from a company in Boston that I have been chasing after for 2 years. They deal with healthcare software and I thought would be a really great place to work and grow my career. Instead I get told that based on a 5 minute conversation 2 years ago (!) I wouldn't be a fit for that company on a cultural basis. What the hell could I have said in 5 minutes 2 years ago that would give anyone that impression? I honestly don't know, but they are crossed off the list. But it got me thinking.
After paying $2.50 for my toll thru Kansas to get into KC, I called a buddy who is working in KC to see if he wanted to hang out. And oh boy did he. He's bored out of his skull at night, he's a superintendent on a building project for a sporting goods store, and his family is back here in Denver. So he's away from his wife and 11 month old son for like 28 days/month. I can't fathom it. But I also understand doing what needs to be done to keep a roof over your family's head and money in the bank, too.
So we went to the Royals game. I got a ticket for $7 and got to sick next to the fountain in left-center. Can't do that at Fenway, ever. Nice night in KC, too. After we ate BBQ (meh, I think they fried the burnt ends, not a good idea) it started to cool off, not too humid. My buddy had never seen anyone try to scalp a ticket. This wasn't going to be a tough sell, as it was the Royals/Indians, not exactly a barnburner of a game. Considering it was Bruce Chen and Fausto Carmona pitching, and it was a Wednesday night, I figured we would be ok. And we were. I talked to one guy on the way in, told him all I had was $20 for 2 seats, he wanted to sell me 2 tix next to the dugout for $20/piece. Uh, this game wasn't even close to a sellout, so I went to the box office and got our tickets. Nice game, and then headed back to my buddy's extended stay hotel where my car was. He was kind enough to hook me up and get me a rate at the same place for the night. So I got to stay in a nice, clean place for $39. Even had a full size fridge, so I could put the stuff from the cooler into the fridge and not have it sit in my car all night. We parted ways and I was off to sleepyland.
And then I awoke
Felt brand new. Can't remember waking up so rested. So relaxed, and so damn calm. Like my head had been smacked and all the crap emptied out. And all these things seemed to line up. As though he was standing right next to me, I kinda felt like my Pops was right there. What the hell am I thinking of, driving to Boston? What's there for me? I'll tell you what. A whole lot of nothing. I'm not dismissing my family or friends, as they are the things I like to anchor my life around. But my career? My extended family? How 'bout a big fat pile of 'No'? And that is by no means stated with any tone of disrespect to them, they have their own lives and things to worry about. I myself wouldn't act that way towards me, that's just how they deal with things.
My brother will be a douchebag whether I'm in Boston, Denver, Chicago or London. It makes no difference. The kid is a selfish ass. Plain and simple. I'm mad at him and hurt by how he would treat the one person who has been defending him forever. But that's his world. My Moms is a broken woman. She's lost, confused, and sweet. She's naive about how a lot of this world works. Most of the time that's not such a bad thing. But in this case, I can't fix her. Nor can I protect her, she will constantly defend my brother and he's just the kind of jackass to take advantage of it. I've been trying to make my family The Walton's for as long as I can remember. Funny thing, we aren't The Walton's. Matter of fact, fuck The Walton's, they're a damn TV show, and shitty one at that.
As I stood in my hotel room in KC, I swear I heard my Pops yell at me (those that remember him would not find this to be too far of a stretch) "This is what I've been trying to tell you!" I've been so worried about my family that I've failed to take care of myself. And as you've probably heard, you should take care of yourself first, because nobody else is going to. No need to be selfish, but you should look out for yourself. So what else do you think happened in my head at this place just outside KC? What, the girl? Never gonna happen. Never say never? Fine, how about this then? Highly unlikely. Our timing has never been right. Like, ever. She's a great woman, care for her tremendously, blah blah blah. Ain't happnin, Captain. She's in Boston, I'm in Denver. No need in dragging this whole thing out any longer than it's already been. Sorry if I seem caustic, but thems the facts. We'll be friends, I'll root for her from here.
Same thing with any job offers. I'm done spending my time looking for opportunities in Boston. That town has just not loved me back. I understand, quite well, that the job market isn't great anywhere. But I've had a ton of rejections from both Denver and Boston, but the one's from back east seem to sting a bit more. Like they don't want the hometown kid to come back. And I feel like I haven't given Denver a fair shake, that while straddling the fence between these two great but very different places I've done myself this giant disservice. Boston is a great place to be from, it will hold a place in my heart forever and ever, but if it or some company or someone out there wants me, they know my number and know where to find me.
So now, it's on to find something else. I'm really excited about all the possibilities out there. Only because it's finally dawned on me to stop being a couch potato. I know, I know. When I worked, I'd get home and plop myself in front of the idiot box and stare at it. For what? I can do that crap in the winter. It's nice out, I live in one of the sweetest places out there, and I've been waiting for something to happen. Along with this couch potato revelation, it's dawned on me that my friends have their jobs and their other things, rarely do the two meet. Sometimes they do, and that is great. But everyone I know has interests outside of work and they do those things-even during the week.
Me? I like typing this goofy thing. I have submitted my entry for the sports writing internship (fingers and toes crossed, people) and I'm starting to write a little bit here and there for any potential open mic nights I come across for stand up. Nothing wrong with me taking a job to support myself and blow off some steam doing my other things. Apparently it's what you all have been doing.
One other thing I noticed while driving, most of my friends are 'one-offs'. We all left 'home' and moved. Our families all stayed back wherever they are and we left. My boy Kenny left his whole family in NH and moved to Toronto because he fell in love. And now he's got his own family, a house and an addition on the way. My buddy's in Denver? Well, except for a few of them, the rest of us are all the guys that left someplace they call home and started their lives here. I've been here for 13 years, I've got a life, not much of one, but I have a life here. Why change it now? For the hope of something potentially happening out on the east coast? If I had an offer letter and a substantial opportunity, then I'd be gone. But I don't. Hopes and dreams don't pay my bills, they don't put food in my fridge and they don't keep me warm at night. I've been going about this all wrong.
And the moment I admitted that last sentence to myself, I haven't been able to stop smiling this goofy grin. I really am kinda excited to not know what the hell I'm doing. At least I'll go my own way. (Yes, this really all came to me on I-70 and waking up in Kansas City, I kid you not)
The rest of the trip is important. I decided to go see something in KC I've always wanted to go to. The Negro League Baseball Museum is in this old neighborhood, and I got to see that museum and the American Jazz Museum (in the same little complex) for 10 bucks. Can you do anything in Boston for $10? I'm just asking. I walked thru this baseball museum and saw and read so many cool things, so many artifacts, so much history. I still love baseball. I love it's history. I think it's extremely ironic that I did my baseball road trip 12 years ago and we failed to stop off in this place. Almost tragic. I had some views fortified. I'm still of the opinion that if I ever have kids and I have to explain segregation and a 'coloreds only' water fountain that they will shake their heads when they realize this was less than a century ago. I got to see where teams got their names from, how the Kansas City Monarchs were like the platinum standard, how they had to barnstorm. But the neighborhood I was in, on The Paseo, that's where all the jazz musicians and ballplayers hung out, together. And from what one of the older gentleman I got to talk to told me, the place was jumping until 6 in the morning. Just so damn cool. The Jazz Museum was sweet as well. I didn't have much of an attention span for it as a kid, but I've grown to like it a whole lot more. Why? Because you never know where it's going to go. That, and face it, I'm an old soul. Went to the gift shop, got me my bobble-head dolls, and off to the BBQ joint down the street.
You know a BBQ place is good when you are the smallest guy walking thru the door. You know it even better when the guy in front of you is like 4hundo and turns and looks at you and says, very clearly, "you might want to go in front of me, I'm about to put a hurtin' on this place". Hells yes I will. Now Arthur Bryant's? They do burnt ends the right way. And the potato salad wasn't too shabby either. Once I was done inhaling this plate of goodness, I got in my car and set my course for Chicago.
Why Chicago? Because I have a great friend that lives just outside the city. So I called him up and asked him what he was doing that night. He asked if I was in town. "Nope, but I will be in about 8-9 hours". He told me he had a spare bedroom that I was welcome to, we'd hang out and have to hit up Steak 'n Shake. Look, if you're from the area you probably don't think of it as that big of a deal. But to us, since I had never been, it was about to be an event. But first, I had to get thru Iowa. Allow me to submit to you that I-35 Northbound is one of the most rugged highways I have ever driven on. No chance in hell anyone could fall asleep on this road. And then you hit I-80 and go east...how long? For-freaking-ever. Got off to I-88 and hit more damn tolls than I've seen in quite a long time. I'm pretty sure those roads are paid for by now, but that's the Illinois way. Got to my buddy's place, and off we went to the Steak 'n Shake. We were greeted by the waitress/drive-thru attendant, Nina. Nina had summer teeth (some are here, some are there, some are yellow,you get the picture). Woman could've flossed with a jump rope. And the neck tattoo was a nice touch. But she was a nice lady, and when my buddy told her I'd never been to one of these fine establishments, it was on. The burger was mighty tasty, well worth the trip. Got to chat about all sorts of stuff with my buddy, exchange horrid dating stories, talked about his dog passing a few weeks ago (seriously, that sucks), and about what the hell I'm doing.
The next day, I was ready to go home. I knew I wouldn't make it back to Denver in one day, especially since I was leaving Chicago at like 2:30, so I drove about as far as I could, with stops in between. Just outside Aurora, IL I got stuck in the freakiest rain storm ever. I couldn't see the car in front of me, it was like I was stuck in a car wash, but it only lasted like 15 seconds, the rest of it for like an hour was just normal rain and cars just pissing water on each other. But that 15 seconds took forever. Once again, more tolls to get out. And then Iowa. And I got to stop at the World's Largest Truckstop. It was like a flea market and a walmart hooked up one drunken night and this is what became of it. Yes, I bought Fun Dip (fine, you tell me you're on a road trip, you see Fun Dip at the counter and you're not buying it? Bull.) and some Razzles. A few hours later, almost out of Iowa, I had to get gas. Nothing better than finding out how far your car can go on a tank (the first leg to KC I got that car to 423.7 miles), but also not the brightest idea to see if your car will stall on a highway where you don't know where the hell you are. That right there is the "Duh" test, and I passed. Finally I felt myself getting kinda sleepy, and Nebraska was right there. I had been warned not to stay in Council Bluffs or Omaha because they are super expensive due to limited quantities. Thanks to my friend Veronica who had just made the drive from Denver to Milwaukee for that tidbit. So I figured I would stay in Lincoln. I looked up on my phone (I love this droid thing, fyi) and found out that the chain I stayed at in KC has a place in Lincoln. Sweet, because I'm in the system they'd give me the same rate. Well, my little Google Navigation (better than Sprint's, even in the Beta phase, I swear it) led me to downtown Lincoln. On my way there I passed Memorial Coliseum. And everywhere you turned there was some sign for 'Go Big Red'. Yup, these people are into the 'Huskers like Vatican City is to Jesus. Wow. Well downtown Lincoln was jamming, as all the kiddies are back to go to school. I have no desire to hang out with a bunch of drunken rookies. All I needed was sleep for about 6 hours and I'd be good to go. So back out to I-80 and the next exit had some cheap motels. I appreciate the dental work on the chap at the Motel 6 in Lincoln, all 3 of his teeth were pearly white. I think he left the rest of them in a glass at the counter, but I couldn't tell....why? Oh, because after 10:00 at this particular place, you had to check in via a bulletproof movie ticket window. I shit you not. Guy asked me if I wanted a queen size bed or two double beds. I said queen. "We're all out." Thanks, Jethro..oh, sorry, Jeff. Got in my little hole for a room and passed out.
Up the next morning and on the road again. Nothing too eventful, other than to say that I noticed this stupid smirk forming, really. That and I-76 in Colorado way out on the east side of the state sucks just as bad as I-35 North in Iowa. I thought this damn TARP money was supposed to fix the highways. Get on it already. Nothing better than cruise control and an iPod, I swear it.
Got back into Denver in the afternoon, beating the Google Navigation estimated time by almost an hour (yes, I'm proud of myself), unloaded the car, took a shower, and just thanked my lucky stars I made it back in one piece. And I did. With one huge exception. I got myself back. In the bestest way possible. No anger. No bitterness. No rage. Not a damn care in the world, everyone can sort themselves out. I'm still going to be me, I'll still be an asshole a bit of the time. But I'm still a pretty decent guy. Stupid smirk be damned. Because it's been 4 days since I got back, and it's still there.
All in all, the trip probably cost me about $400 in gas/food/lodging, and another $175 when I got back due to an overdue oil change and my drive belts cracking. So, around $600 I'll call it. Worth every damn penny.
And piece of mind? Well friends, there is no price for that. I'm just thrilled I got to do what I wanted, for me, for the first time in a long time. This is a trip I will not soon forget.
Now it's time to go find some work!
Happy Tuesday night to you, or Wednesday morning if you're reading this on the east coast.
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