Alright, so it hasn't been much of a busy week since my last post, but I've been going over a bunch of things in my head (in the good way, not the clutter my mind kinda way that I've been doing), and decided to do a bit of a hodgepodge today. So for today I'm going to give you a little something on the following: Walmart Employees, "Active Listening Skills", CU and its potentially awful upcoming football season as well as why the whole Athletic Department needs to be wiped clean, how to fix the Denver Nuggets, why the NFL is dumber than a Walmart employee for thinking 18 games is a good idea, the Ground Zero Mosque and finally the whole misguided notion of tolerance. Time to get to it, buckle up!
Walmart Employees
This notion that I should get a part-time job is laughable to me. And why? Because customer service is vastly underrated and is damn near a lost form. How do I know? I left a kid at Walmart on Friday night shaking his head confused and apologetic. Let it be known that I really didn't want to talk to anyone and went to the self-checkout for a reason. I didn't want to deal with the public. Yes, I put myself out there to potentially run into a dumbass, but it was Friday night, and me being so epically cool I was home. But I knew I had to pick up some stuff, and despise the Saturday afternoon retail mess that is known by everyone else as 'running errands'. If you could avoid that, wouldn't you? That was my line of thinking, really. So here I am at the self-checkout (I can't think of a bigger misnomer for something right now-political intelligence?) and start to ring up my items. Pretty easy stuff. Still not fast enough for my liking, but I will get over that. I ring up my last item, something I'm about to myself on Front St. for, but they're so damn good, I will recommend something unfathomable to those that know me as someone who loves fat food. My last item was Weight Watchers Mint Ice Cream Sandwiches. Why Weight Watchers, am I trying to lose weight? Hardly. Otherwise I wouldn't have eaten a Patty Melt for lunch yesterday or bolted out of my house at 9:30 for a Frosty last night. It's simple, they are delicious. And I like mint and chocolate. The ice cream part doesn't melt much, either. I'm not like Pacman eating that thing either, I savor the flavor. The fact that it could be considered 'healthy' or 'diet' is hilarious. Picture my chubby ass going to the Weight Watchers part of the freezer section of a Walmart, no less, and if you can't find the humor in that whole scenario, please stop reading this blog forever and ever, you'll never get me. I totally get the irony of the scenario. Anywho-the box of ice cream sammiches had a 'get a $1.00 off this item now' coupon attached to it-sweet! Good tasting 'healthy' ice cream sammiches and a buck off? My lucky freaking day. Until the lovely self-checkout kiosk decided it didn't want to recognize the coupon. Sorry, but if you are willing to sell an item, how about paying attention to a coupon attached and plugging that into the system? Am I asking too much? Or did I just solve a giant logistics issue for WallyWorld (my nickname for this retail albatross)? Well here comes PimplePuss, the brainiac who can't get out of a Friday night shift who apparently washes his face with a rag dipped in used peanut oil. Sorry, but I felt 'shiny' by him standing next to me. I simply told the kid that the system wouldn't accept the coupon, could he take a dollar off my order and I could be on my merry way. I'm thinking that is pretty simple. But bumble the boy wonder decided that he could hit the 'Finish & Pay' button, completely confusing the system. And putting it on pause for a good minute. Now I'm irritated. More so than normal. This is exactly why I went to the self-checkout. "Oh, I guess you'll have to pay, I don't know how this thing works." Wait, what? Why the heck are you the GateKeeper to the self-checkout kiosks if you don't know how these things work? Now some other dipshit high school halfatard comes over to ask what's up and can he help. I asked the same thing again. "Your system won't accept the coupon, can you just take a buck off the order so I can go?"...and he hits the "Finish & Pay" button too. As I was saying 'Please don't hit the "Finish & Pay" button because it puts the system on pause'.....Grrrrrrr. Forget it, I'll pay the buck. "Sorry, sir." Don't be sorry numbnuts, stop touching buttons that you don't know what they do. Christ, I feel sorry for your girlfriend. Foreplay must be like a 4 yr old ripping off a bugs wings. And with that, I was gone, after dummies #1 and 2 got the glare (I love that I took that from Pops, so damn effective) and a overly polite 'Thanks for the help'. And some of my friends think I could work there? I could be shitfaced and be more coherent than those people. Now don't go telling me not to go there. It's close, the stuff is cheap, and if it weren't for the morons working there apparently trying out for the Olympic in the way team, all would be fine. Besides, where else can you go-for free-and watch so many barn animals walking around dragging their morbidly obese kids around while screaming 'No, you're not getting that today, or ever!'? That kind of humor is awesome, and makes me thank my lucky stars for the lovely parenting I got.
It happened again last night at King Soopers. That's a grocery store chain out here. I needed milk (cereal for breakfast), eggs and bagels. Oh, and cream cheese, because that's what goes on bagels. Butter on toast, cream cheese on bagels. 4 items. One register open. No problem. Except one minor problem. Guy in front of me was talking about MMA choke holds (how about you put one on yourself and make the line shorter?) and the guy behind me was twisting the cap of the bottle of Adderall or aspirin without opening it, so the childproof 'teeth' were grinding up against each other. Really? Buddy, if that's is asprin/Aleve/Advil/Tylenol how is that not annoying? We have to be 6 deep in this line, when out of nowhere another checker said he could take whomever over at stand 11. I bolt. The kid didn't say next in line. As I'm 2 steps from getting my stuff rung up and then out of the land of the duh, I hear "Since I was next in line I get to go 1st, right?"...WHAT freaking planet am I on? At this point I don't care, so go right ahead buddy. He looks at me and asks, "Isn't that how you see it?" I'll mention here that it was this overweight Affliction T-shirt wearing MMA fan, his backwards hat homeboy (nice cheap skivvies pal, how 'bout you pull up your pants, thanks) and the obligatory fat friend, complete with backwards hat, oversized jean shorts, beady eyes that are too close together and the high socks-no need to see any skin, and I appreciate that. I felt like I was looking at 3 extras for the obligatory "don't do drugs" episode of the George Lopez show. Central casting at its finest. "I really don't care, I just want to be done," is all I say. He tried to inflate his chest and get all hardcore on me. Really? In my head I asked this guy if he ever saw the movie 'Falling Down' but knew the answer was no. He asked me what I said, and I replied with the same answer. Are you really trying to get gangsta at King freaking Soopers while you get a RockStar Energy drink and two big cans pineapple juice rung up? Meanwhile I notice that Fatty HatBackwards is eyeballing me. Fantastic. So I stare back. One of us will blink, and I'm either too exhausted, frustrated, tired or all 3 to care. He finally quit looking at me (awkward). So that little situation goes away when they go away with me saying 'have a good night guys'. The poor kid ringing up my 4 items asks me "what was up with that?" At least I'm not nuts, someone else noticed it, too. I told him I was too dumb to be scared, and he chuckled. And with that, I went home.
"Active Listening Skills"
Considering I haven't watched any George Carlin in awhile, I'm almost surprised at this one. Active listening skills is another bullshit way of saying 'hearing'. There is a vast difference between listening and hearing. Hearing, for me, includes some value of comprehension. So I asked a trusted friend of mine for 5 minutes on Wednesday afternoon. It turned into a 2 hour infomercial. I wanted to thank this guy for his support, and to tell him that while I appreciate his honesty in telling me I should be an entrepreneur, I don't have the stones for it right now. I've been out of any type of work environment for about 13 months now, and I need some structure. No one wants to be micro-managed, but I would like some structure. I've been told what a great listener this guy is. Mostly, by him. 3 different times I was asked if I wanted him to be my mentor or personal coach. Uh, no. I have had 3 coaches in my lifetime that I loved and believed in, would run thru a wall for. As corny as it sounds, it goes God, Pops and Coach MacDonald (G$, remember the old guy, he was awesome!). Other than that, I have a hard time trusting anyone in that capacity. And I've seen how this guy operates. He wants his hooks on me, has for awhile now. I currently have a small business deal with him where I get 10% of any business I bring him. But I'm not on the hook. I owe him nothing. He wants to be a Captain. If you have no idea what I'm speaking of, go watch 'The Sopranos' or 'Donnie Brasco'. My roommate is on the hook to him, and it has messed up their friendship, maybe irreparably. All this is back story, as for the 2 hours, other than being asked if I was asking him to be my mentor (again, NO!), I was told to stop watching TV, quit surfing the internet, read my Bible, read books, listen to self-motivation tapes/CDs/podcasts (which is the other biggest misnomer, if it were self-motivation I'd be listening to my own voice, right?) and then give him my iPod so he could wipe it clean and load it up with motivational speakers. I cannot be any clearer than this-I do not lack for motivation. And there is no way on God's green earth I'm giving anyone my iPod to load with anything. The iPod that just got me outta Dodge two weeks ago and to Kansas City to Chicago thru Lincoln,NE and back to Denver. No Effing Way. That piece of technology and me have a bond. What's my take from this meeting? That while he may be a great listener, he certainly wasn't hearing me. I know sometimes people don't want to hear certain things. But I would like to think that I know me better than most people do. I know what makes me tick. And if I state that I need some structure and an office environment, that doesn't mean, to me, that I'm looking to work from home and find deals for someone else. So I take the 'advice' with a grain of salt and put my spin on it. Should my TV be on in the afternoon? Probably not. Should I engross myself with spiritual readings? That's not a horrible idea, either. But quit watching sports? Surfing the internet? Have we met? If I kept off the internet how would I be up to date on certain things? I love reading and writing about sports. Give that up? What if that is a potential career for me? Or a hobby? And in case no one knows (and he does) if it weren't for me being online all the time, my fantasy baseball and football teams would suck. And my ability to be lucky and informed helped keep my car running-I paid for new tires, an oil change, new brakes and rotors with money won in fantasy football. So yeah, not quitting that. Mostly because it keeps some very old friendships fresh and an excuse to talk to each other. Most of my friends have lives that revolve around their families and shuttling kids all over the place, or going in a thousand different directions at once. So if we chat about sports and then get to ask how each other is doing, that's great. I could care less what the catalyst is, I'm in touch with people that I love, who cares if they call me to ask who the 3rd RB for the Donkeys is what they started our conversation with?
CU Football
Oh, it's going to be ugly. Maxim magazine just ranked this program the 8th worst in the FBS. A top 10 horrid program? Uh, I'm going to go with yes, why yes they are. I want to know how and why, though. I know everyone in Boulder thinks Head Coach Dan Hawkins is the reason, but I beg to differ. I'm not going to create excuses for the coach, but I will say he was brought in on 12/16/2005 to clean up the debacles of Gary Barnett and even Rick Neuheisel. While those 2 guys scandals were different, they have both had to have had an impact on boosters, alumni and recruiting. Think of Hawkins going into a kids home and having a potential recruit's Mom asking you about your predecessor's actions towards women. You know the spiral can be quick and cutting. I can't sit here and tell you Hawkins has been without errors. Starting his own son at QB is a no-win situation. A mistake that could've been avoided by directing his son to another program. That would have been the only way Hawkins wins. Otherwise it plays out the way it has-his son doesn't have the arm strength to play major D-1 football, certainly not in the Big 12. And there's no way in hell his home life is going to be any good by taking on his son and not playing him. That house would be awfully cold when it comes time to pass the potatoes around the kitchen table, wouldn't you think?
I'm not saying to give Hawkins too big of a break. He's going on his 5th season, so he's had ample time to put his program in place and people can see his recruiting. He's missed on a lot. He's hit on few. Does that mean he is a horrible coach? Not to me. He's in the big time now, and it hasn't gone well. Well, record wise and going to a bowl game 1/4 years, not so great. But what is his graduation rate? Are they in the news for negative things players have done, such as potential rape or sexual assault, point shaving, or even academic fraud? Not that I've seen or heard. So I ask the people of Boulder (most of which I loathe-they come off as entitled, as if there is some 100 years of excellence) to define for me what a good program looks like. It is definitely possible, and I have no idea if Hawkins is the man for the job. I think he plays his contract out and is gone. I see this team winning 3 or 4 games, with the game on October 2nd vs. Georgia being a bloodbath and where the calls for Hawkins head to start, or at least get much much louder.
Maybe the Athletic Director listens, but he probably shouldn't. Because if he does he might want to think about firing himself. This AD has made some moves that has me scratching my scalp. He's paid off a men's and women's basketball coach. They've decided to move to the Pac-10. Their basketball teams play in an arena that is beyond tiny. They want to play with the biggest and most drawing teams in the country, and by sheer numbers the USC's and Texas' of the world have more of it. CU doesn't have 100,000 kids going to school, like Texas, Nebraska, Washington or even Arizona. Yet they want to compete. How do you do that? Especially with a ticked off and tapped alumni? I didn't say I had the answers, but don't these types of questions need to be asked? And what happens if in their first game of the year, against in-state rival CSU they lose, again? I see that happening, and I admit my bias. I like the way the Rams run the program. Maybe it's that I don't particularly care for Boulder. That's possible. Maybe it's my interactions oh so many years ago recruiting for a company I worked for. The kids from Boulder, overall, questioned my credibility and why my company wouldn't just hand them a job. I found that to be very funny, since I already had a job and they were trying to get one. Not a good way to get in my good graces. But that's in the past. This year, this game? I've got my idea who's winning. Maybe the AD in Boulder will take a good hard look at how the department has been run. The thinking I've read is that the reason for the move to the Pac-10 is revenue driven. Great. Update the practice facilities, the stadiums, the programs, because there are things to build on. But please, no more severance packages, stop tapping the alumni and boosters for buyout clauses. Start hiring smarter and things could honestly work. As much as I don't like Boulder, it's an environment that is ripe for a program that can start winning and building. No need to go 12-0, just get to .500. Doable, but not under this regime, and not this year. Sorry Boulder, but this year isn't going to be particularly pretty. And you have every right to start asking the difficult questions to your Athletic Department.
Fixing the Nuggets
Can owner Stan Kroenke get a reset button? As it stands today, the 6th man is on the trading block and potentially on the police blotter with an assault charge. The All-Star forward wants out-to potentially play for one of the worst-run franchises in sports, the Knicks. And the starting power forward is hurt and out until who knows how long with yet another knee surgery.
My solution? Easy, blow it up. Name me the salvageable piece? I'll wait. What, old point guard Chauncey Billups? Ha! Mr. Big Shot is bull. He hasn't hit a big shot in 6 years. He has failed to take over when the team needed it.
So how do you do it? Easier said than done. The Nuggets will have to eat money somewhere along the line, but the first deal is to trade Kenyon 'Thug Life' Martin to New Orleans for Pedro Stokjakovic. Injured for injured, salaries almost match. If Stoyo is remotely healthy, he can score 15 pts/game. Martin can potentially play the 4 for New Orleans, make Chris Paul think that they are trying to get pieces and move David West to the 3, a tougher matchup.
Trading JR Smith will be a good luck/good riddance. And for one Carmelo Anthony, to say I'm baffled would be beyond comprehension. Why want out of Denver? The Knicks? Amar'e Stoudamire? Maybe Chris Paul? What am I missing here? The current rumors have Anthony wanting to go to the Knicks or to Houston. Others state that the team is looking to Sacramento, New Jersey or Minnesota. I still don't understand why he wants to leave Denver. Because of his marriage to a former MTV VJ? Denver as a city has stuck by this guy thru a DUI, sulking, not living up to potential, and let us not forget the suspension for the fight he started in NYC. If this team as it stands now were to take the floor, attendance would be low. So 'Melo wants to leave? Fine by me, I will miss the Syracuse alum, but good riddance. He has yet to impose his will on the league or his team. He's had flashes, but someone with his talent should be doing 26/8/3. This past season he came close, pulling a 28/6/3. So he's a bucket better, but he's still not the leader on the team. Yet he wants to be the guy. I know, he's still very young, but if he doesn't want to be here, say goodbye and get some talent back for him. Let's look at the scenarios, and just remember that salaries have to pretty much match up:
New York Knicks: I really don't see a way this happens without a 3rd team. That, taking on Eddy Curry's poison contract, and then there is still $6 Million to come up with. And the Nuggets might want some talent back, like an Anthony Randolph. It's not happening.
Houston Rockets: If the Rockets wanted to give up Luis Scola and Kevin Martin I would do that deal so fast that the front office of Houston would be questioning their own sanity. The salaries almost matchup, and if the Rockets for some reason wanted JR Smith as well then the Nuggets can take on Courtney Lee and Chuck Hayes.
Sacramento Kings: I may be wrong, but I believe the NBA is toying with the idea of a salary floor of $43 Million, and that would mean the Kings could very well be short, by about $2-3 Million. Sacramento isn't giving up Tyreke Evans nor DeMarcus Cousins. But I'm thinking anyone else on this roster is fair game. How about Anthony for Samuel Dalembert, Carl Landry and Jason Thompson? I'd do that deal if I'm Denver, Landry and Dalembert are off the cap after this season, Thompson has promise and virtually all the cap relief that Anthony leaving would provide if he were to opt out of his deal with be made with those 2 contracts ending. Want JR Smith? Fine, the Nuggets can take on Beno Udrih.
New Jersey: The Nets would have to send Troy Murphy, Anthony Morrow and Quintin Ross back to Denver. Might not be horrid, as Morrow can knock down a jumpshot, but so far the least 'ooomph' of any deal. Want JR Smith? Then it goes to Murphy and Devin Harris, and I don't see NJ handing over the keys to Jordan Farmar.
Minnesota: This would have to be another 3 team deal. Because the only salary matchups for the Timberwolves include Michael Beasley, Jonny Flynn, Kevin Love, Corey Brewer, Wesley Johnson and Martell Webster in some combination, like a 4 to 1 deal. Don't really see this one happening.
My own personal favorite, the LA Clippers: give the Nuggets Chris Kaman and Blake Griffin. I know Clippers owner Donald Sterling isn't kicking in the $1 Million shortfall, so if DeAndre Jordan has to come along, so be it. If the Clippers want JR Smith (why they would with Eric Gordon would be beyond normal thought) then it's Anthony/Smith for Kaman/Griffin/Randy Foye/Mardy Collins (oh the irony if Collins would be involved in a trade for Anthony). Hey new GM of the Nuggets, get on this!
Dear NFL Owners
You're coming off as stupid. An 18 game schedule? Why? I am about to state something that will shock-I don't want 18 games. As a matter of fact, the NFL is starting to piss me off. Why? Because they are starting to invade my life just a wee bit too much. Part of the joy of football, be it college or pro, is that is on 1 or 2 days. Now? The NFL this year will be on Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Even me, unemployed, thinks that this is overkill. I liked it when the NFL was on Thursdays only on Thanksgiving. Now instead of 2 games on Turkey Day, it's 3. And I doubt I'm the only one. Heck, college football is on all sorts of nights. Who can keep track of all this stuff? Stop jacking around with my week, NFL. Really, like now. I love the fact that I have Sunday's all to myself and watching your fantastic product. But you as a collective group are gettin' greedy. And greed is one of the 7 deadly sins. Another one of those sins is gluttony, and with your own network, when is enough actually enough? You don't need any more money. Why, so the Krafts and Joneses can get more money? They're fine, their kids are fine, and their grandkids' future kids will be A-Okay, you can't lose that kind of wealth. The main reason I state all these things is because you are putting people at more risk. You are putting more families at risk. You're putting certain records none of us want to see broken at risk. But the most important thing is the health. And I'm not even talking the knees, ankles and shoulders of players. I'm talking the brains. Are you really willing to add 150-200 car crashes a year to players career? Because there are usually 75-100 plays/game and those are like a car crash. If the current average career in the NFL is 3 years and dwindling, what makes you think that number will increase by adding games? It won't. And since you've only discovered the damage that all these hits to the noggin can cause, long-term, why would you want to add to the potential damage? This is all a money thing. I am only hopeful that no matter how big of a piece of the potential larger pie these owners offer that the players union stands up and says, "Hell, no!". It's not worth it.
Okay, my take on sports is gone for the day....but I have one last thing. This notion is out there, and I liken it to the idea of fairness and playing by a certain set of rules, and throwing out words just because one group or side doesn't get their way.
The word is tolerance. I won't call it a myth. I will ask the following-what is the line for tolerance? How tolerant do I have to be? I'd like to think I'm forgiving and willing to listen to certain ideas, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with them, does it? How long do I have to listen to someone ramble on that I'm a bigot because I don't agree with someone's position? Where's my line? Do I have to wait until they threaten my belief system? My family? How about taking away a whole gender's ability to feel pleasure? Or plant a victory flag on my brother's grave? When does it end? In case you haven't figured it out, I'm talking about that building that a certain group wants to rip down and build up something else a little too close to home. Ground Zero, as it's known, will soon be marked by the 9th anniversary of the most deadliest attack on US soil. The freedom of religion argument is bunk-I could care less what religion you practice, but I sure as hell care where you practice it. I wouldn't recommend the Catholic church start raising buildings anywhere near an elementary school, that's for damn sure (full disclosure, I'm a recovering Catholic). So why build a Mosque there? Hmm, could it be to show the rest of the Muslim world that this awesome country can be brow-beaten until we say uncle? Or maybe we can practice Sharia Law? If that's the case, then ladies, run. Last time I checked Muslims (not all, but a certain sect) believe that you must cut off a woman's clitoris so that they can somehow remain faithful to their future husband. Are you kidding me? Hey, the Bible is jacked up, but I don't remember reading anything about female mutilation in my pop-up version of said book. So again I ask, where is the line? When do I get to stand up for my rights, my family, my friends...hell, even my country and say enough already? I'm not saying you can't build a Mosque, but to build one that close to Ground Zero starts throwing up all sorts of red flags. I'm stating that to do it there shows poor taste, to put it politely. And if you follow any form of history, you know that building a Mosque on a piece of land that has been 'conquered', you know that there is the potential that that is exactly what this building is all about. Sorry, but I'm done cow-towing to other groups, tired of being told how different we are, tired of being told who has and who doesn't and who's to blame for it. Where I come from, you put your pants on and get something done, you don't blame someone into shame to get your way. Even my own President is getting twisted, but that's probably because he doesn't even know who he is (another story for another time). If you have any friends in England or in France, I'd start asking questions. It wasn't in a day that their infrastructure was overrun, it was slow and over a long period of time. I'm tolerant to let you live your life so long as you don't tread on mine. But if you want to call me a bigot or intolerant, you best be ready to back those words up. I'm intolerant of stupid, as if you couldn't tell by reading this blog. I have no patience for it. Yes, we all do dumb things, but there is a different between dumb and stupid. I shouldn't need to point it out. As for my intolerance on the Mosque, I'll form my rebuttal in the form of a question-don't you think those who are strident in building this, ahem, place of worship are a bit intolerant of the feelings of those who lost a family member on 9/11? Think about that one and get back to me. You'll probably surprise yourself. I know, crazy enough that it just might work.
Happy Sunday to you, and yours. Get out and enjoy the weather if you can.
And get your rest, because evil never sleeps....and the stupids always seem to come in an endless supply.
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