1
511
What are those numbers? What do they mean? Easy. 1-the number of years I've been unemployed. 511-the number of people I've talked to/jobs I've applied for. This is not a pity party, save all that crap for someone else. I'm not mad, nor sad, about this little revelation. I'm laughing, out loud no less. Why? Oh come on, this is funny. And mostly, truthfully, because I've made it this far. I don't know a whole lot of people who could survive a year without working, financially. Yes, I've had my down moments, some even on this blog, due to frustration and over-thinking things. When you have this much free time, it is bound to happen. If I had a lot more going on, I guarantee I wouldn't have the opportunity to think so much about stuff that is so very trivial. Oh well, way it goes I guess. I suppose I can take solace in a few things that have gone my way;
I'm a fantastic friend
Yup, I'm tootin' my own damn horn. Why? Why the hell not?! If I can't celebrate one definite thing I can hang my hat on, then what's the point? Why bother, right? There has yet to be a moment that I can think of where if someone needed me I wasn't there. There's even been a few moments where I was either in my car to go wherever or online about to buy a plane ticket to see certain people. But I thought better of it. Me showing up my freak those people out, and there is no need for that drama. Y'all got enough in your life without me showing up. I might fuck up your game and we can't have that, now can we? But above all, ask yourself this-Have you ever called me and I not answered or called you back within 24 hours? Didn't think so. Also, I don't judge myself based on how many facebook friends I have, which I've heard at parties/bbq's lately, are you serious? Those people aren't your friends, and I think that social media conglomerate should change that title to acquaintances. Don't you?
I have yet to settle
And believe me, I know for a fact it pisses some people off that I haven't. No disrespect to those that are doing certain roles, probably out of necessity, but I can't do certain jobs. Not at all or not even closely remote to doing them well. Now I don't want to come across as a class warrior, but I'm not in a position financially that I have to take an $8/hr job just to have some type of income. I can't see me taking on certain roles, because I've either done them and failed, or I know in my gut that it won't work out. Had I paid attention years ago, I would have done certain things differently, like I might have stayed at GE for a total of 6 months, and that's it. That place was a huge mistake, and I'm so thankful that the friends that I had before that have stuck around. Wow, that place grated on me in such a way that I turned into a bigger dick than I ever thought I could be. However, I wouldn't have met 3 really great people had I not stuck around. And for that, I can look and think 'silver lining'.
I realize how lucky I am, for the mistakes I've made, be it financially (oh you have no idea), chasing the wrong tail (fyi-done chasing, they can chase me, cuz damn it I'm worth it), in my career, with my friends, all of it. It's all part of the interwoven fibers of who I am.
So why settle now? And there's the rub. If I was going to settle, I should have done that crap months ago. What's the point now? I feel like I'm on the cusp of something I'm going to be really happy with, and heaven forbid, might even put a little coin in my pocket. Not sure where that may be, geographically, and I don't really care. Don't be offended by that last sentence. It ain't about you, it's about me. See, I can be self-absorbed for a total of 10 seconds. Now, to shake that off, what an awful feeling. How are people like that all the time? Yuck.
Resident Expert
So, I'm an expert on certain things apparently. Noticing the stupid ass shit that people do? Check. Horrible outfits? Check. Walmart excursions? Hells yes. Parental Death? (Sorry, but since I'm like the 1st person of all my friends to lose a parent, yup, I know 'the most'). Yes, it's true-and all I will ever say is that I'm sorry and it sucks-and then I'll shut up and listen. Sports? Uh and Huh-Everyone else has a life, be it a job that engrosses them, a marriage, or kids, or something else-y'all got stuff to do. Me? Not so much. And that's okay. I realize that someday I will probably look back and remember fondly the days where I could goof off online, take naps and think about nothing. I'm sure I'll relish these days. Jealous? Haha (and seriously, take a damn day off already, go do nothing in a park but feel the grass beneath your feet, it's invigorating). Being the 'Conservative Friend'? Yup. Oh, don't worry, you'll have more people like me in your life the older you get. Why? Mostly because you'll get pissed when you recognize how much of your paycheck goes to things you could care less about. Don't sweat it, it's coming-I've just been setting up shop since forever ago. I'm crotchety before it was cool. And lastly, I'm the true genuine article. I know when to have the filter on. Doesn't make me any better than you or anyone else for that matter. Just a statement of fact. Why do people call me? It ain't to check in, it's for my take on something, or an ear to bend.
And thanks to my friends
Really, to those that are my friends, who read this-Thank You. I couldn't be where I am without you. I know that sometimes my righteous indignation gets in the way, not only of my friendships but of any potential relationship, but I'm working on it. Face it, some of you like seeing, hearing and reading me gettin' all fired up. It's one of your secret joys (I just know someone somewhere is reading this and grinning...), and that's alright. I don't throw my fastball as often, but I still know how to spot it. Part of the charm of getting older. I'm not in my 20's anymore, Thank God. I'd punch me back then. So thank you for sticking around, for laughing at the right and wrong things with me, or even at me.
So now what?
I really have no idea. But for the first time in a long time, it's okay. Not knowing is kind of freeing. I'm sure some are reading this and thinking I'm bipolar, I assure you I'm not. I've merely taken a step back, and after yesterday, recognized a few things.
Yesterday
Well, after the joy of having my out of town roommate leave his piercing alarm on for 6 AM (gee, thanks), letting his dog outside to handle his doggy business, I went back to bed. And was promptly awakened at 7 by the phone, to make sure I was going to defend one of my fantasy football titles (hey, when you won as much money as I did with this crap last season, you not only brag, you look at the cash you were able to collect and use to pay bills-so cram it) and how my job search was going. I of course got the obligatory 'I know people who have been out of work longer'-sorry, it's rant time-I don't give a shit about other people who may or may not be in my little predicament. Someone else out of work as long or longer than me doesn't put food in my belly or money in my bank account, so please for the love of all that is good and pure, stop comparing me to others, I don't do it to you, I look at you as an individual-end rant. I figured I should finally get up since apparently there was no way in hell I was sleeping in, only to read my email and have the phone ring about two very separate but nonetheless sad pieces of news....
Bye Tori-my buddy in Chicago had his dog leave him. Tori was very sick for the last few months and it all came to an end for the pup early yesterday morning. I read the email and felt awful for my friend. He loved that dog, and they brought each other a lot of joy. I have called and left the voicemail and responded to his voicemail, I just hope he knows I'm thinking of him.
Godspeed, Mr. Hunter-my friend Jason, whom I've done so many great things with and shared so many business ideas and laughs with, will lay his father to rest this coming Tuesday. His father passed a few days ago of a massive heart attack. He was a very kind man who along with his wife raised 3 very different sons. I can only say I hope one day to have his patience, his kindness and his understanding. I know that Jason will be leaning on me for the laughter, and that I will provide. My take on the world is a little different than most, and I understand how much this sucks, and that's what I've told him. I will be with him on Tuesday for my support and my shoulder. Lean on me, brother, that's what we do.
Thru all of that not so great news, I smile. Why? Because Screw You, that's why. I've made it this far, think I'm quitting or throwing in the towel now? Ha! You ain't seen nothing yet.
So what have I learned in the last week? Two things-I won't settle, and it's great that I won't. And I'm stronger than I've given myself credit for, and I laugh through a lot of goofy stuff.
Two tidbits that you might or might not know about me-I'm just throwing this stuff out there for your humor-I love late 80's/early 90's R&B. Why? Are you kidding me?! That stuff rules. Oh, and after 'Clerks' and 'Casablanca' as my favorite movies, 'The Adventures of Ford Fairlane' is a strong #3. Damn movie cracks me up every time, just check out the cast some time. I'm only going to tease you with one name...Sheila E.
Happy weekend, and keep those in your heart closest to you-and don't forget to say hi to them every once in awhile, I'm sure they'd love to hear from you!
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Now playing: Genesis - I Can't Dance
via FoxyTunes
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