Cleanup, aisle 11

Sometimes things are so damn funny, you just don't know what to do-do you get mad and learn someone, or just let it go to laugh at it at another time? I said I would be going on a little self-prescribed vacation away from the blog, and I did, for a week. Why? So stuff like this week wouldn't get to me and so that I could give my head a break. When you have as much 'free' time as I do, it's not always a good thing. There are times when you can catch yourself in a vicious little circle and not sure how to get out of it. I sometimes think I'm just one of the few dumb enough (smart enough?) willing to discuss it. Well, I'm told I'm 'wordy', so there it is. On to the news-

Job Front
Now this is where the hilarity started this past week. This week I've received feedback from my 17 minute interview last week, turned down for 1 job, been told I'd be awesome for a job, and had a real dose of reality slapped upside my bald head.
The feedback on the 17 minute interview: I hope you're sitting down, as I was baffled for about 14 seconds until I had to ask the clarifying question. So what happened? My 1st interview a few weeks ago was apparently for a job that not only wasn't posted, but won't be available until who knows when. But it will be a req that opens up at some point in time. So why the 2nd interview? No one really knows. It wasn't a fit for me in any way, shape or form. Come to find out that is also about as chaotic of an environment as GE-and we all know how well that one ended for me, right? Well, at least it wasn't like they told me I gave a shitty interview.
Turned down for a job that I never even interviewed for, I think I applied for it in April.
Was told via email that my resume was impressive (why thank you) and I'd be a great fit for the role, but the req was canceled. Awesome! I'm a perfect fit for a job that doesn't exist!!
The dose of reality. Had a guy call me on Wednesday as I was riding down to see the Red Sox game that night and he broke it down to me, real honest. That company is a sales recruiting company, and I know I'm very picky in what I want to sell and how. Sorry, I have no desire to do inside sales to sell Kirby vacuums, just not my thing. Not knocking those that do, just not for me. Well, this guy flat out told me to lie on my resume, if I was trying to get a job in Boston. There is no way most companies would consider me with a Denver address. That makes sense, since unemployment is so high, there is a talent base already there. My contention, that if a company was to hire someone new that there would be at least a 2 week wait for them, while solid in logic, doesn't hold water in the real world. Damn, this is like the dating world for me. Logic gets chucked out the window. So what to do? Well this honest person listened to a few of my ideas, one which may even be put into action. But that wouldn't be until about halfway thru August, if at all. As it stand right now, there is only one job in Denver that I am holding out hope for, and that's it.

The NBA draft-didn't watch it, was too busy watching baseball.

The Red Sox in town!
I can live with the Sox taking a whole 1 out of 3 games, really. What irks me? The ignorance of Denver and the, ahem, 'locals'. This cracks me up. They talk no shit during the game, or even before the game. But as soon as the game on Wednesday night is won via a walk-off HR, the morons come out. 'Go back to Boston'. Alright fine, let's play Economics 101. How many people do you think show up for a midweek Rockies game? About 19,000. How many can cram into Coors Field? About 50K. All the games vs. the Red Sox were sellouts. That's about an extra 30,000 people for 3 days..can ya do the math? That's 90,000 people buying stuff downtown, some even vacationing in Denver and maybe they even went outside the ballpark area and went out to Boulder, or Estes Park, or Garden of the Gods. Any chance that helped this state's economy? How about the people that work downtown that live off of tips, like bartenders, servers, valets? Think they had a good week? Then shut the hell up already. And have the intestinal fortitude to talk shit before, during and after the game, not after the fact. That, in effect, shows your lack of faith and/or knowledge in your squad. After the game 2 walk-off I was appalled at the drunk moronic behavior I got to see, grown men flipping off kids, I got to hear about a guy spitting on a girl (only thankful I wasn't there to witness that one, I'd have a very bruised hand on that one), but my favorite moment happened on the street on the way to the car on Wednesday night.
Let me preface this whole thing with the following-I don't care your gender, I will cut you down to size the moment you think you can play with me. Now, I was almost in the parking garage, nothing had happened to me, no one had said anything, the people I was with, I'll explain them in a second, 2/3 were drunk, and one was bordering on belligerent. A young couple approached him to try and rub in the Rockies win, and had the potential to turn into something ugly. Sometimes you never know, but I know my buddy, and the potential for doing something stupid is high, I repeat, high. I tried to tell him not to go down to the level or even bother with these to young'ins. Well, the girl decided it would be a good idea to try and engage me. Bad idea. Very, very bad idea. She could've said whatever to me, but said she wanted to shake my hand because I was a loser. Let me get this straight-the team I cheer for lost, not me. I was in no mood, so I declined. She then decided it would a good idea to touch me, on the shoulder. Sorry, do I know you? No, no I don't. My friends don't touch me, why the hell would I let a stranger touch me, especially since all I wanted was to go home. You know how you're almost free from stupidity, and then it pops up? What's the first thought that goes thru your head? Mine is simple, 'DAMN IT!', so close. I asked this girl to please take her hand off of me, as we weren't friends. That's when the toughguy boyfriend decided to step up. Now to be clear, I never yelled. I wasn't drunk. Sober, hot, tired, annoyed and now my defense was up. Because you never know when someone is going to try and get mobstrong. He grabbed her away from me and decided to say "It's okay honey, let him cry", bad thing to say. I took one step towards him and asked 'hey pal, do you see tears?' and his voice quivered 'No', to which my buddy laughed and pointed at him. I then moved my buddy to the other side of the street while he called this poor guy all sorts of synonyms for female anatomy. While hilarious, I'm glad I still got it. All I wanted was to be was left alone, yet there goes the big bad Rockies fan (in his new hat, yup, been a Rockies fan for 12 minutes!) and you could hear his woman asking why he didn't step up. Is there any worse feeling? I doubt it, but damn that's funny.
The game on Thursday was a little better, as Pocket MVP Dustin Pedroia hit a hat trick! Best hitting performance I've ever seen. Oh, and his 1st HR ball was damn near at my feet, but it was better to watch grown men chase a baseball around then to even move. Even better was the woman sitting next to me who got pushed into me by her boyfriend. Ah, love. Yup, he got the ball and a ton of shit from his lady.

Peace & Quiet
The roommate left this morning bright and early and is gone for a week. Ah, tranquility. One of the things that I've figured out is that even if I decide to stay in Denver (relax, those in other parts of the country, I doubt highly I'm staying here) I have to move out of my current situation. The guy is depressing, lazy and a slob. And it has been wearing me down for awhile. Oh, and I finally got to put on the A/C. It's been like a steady 90+ degrees here for a week, and his cheap ass wouldn't turn it on. Well, I will. Who lives in 84 degrees? Not me.
All I have to do is hang out with his dog. Yes, the stinky dog got a bath last week, for like the first time in a year! How is this a good pet owner? I swear I may give him another one during the week.

My health, etc.
I have eaten like crap the last two weeks (it happens) and am finding myself lethargic. So it's off to get myself back into some form of shape, other than pear. And that means eating a whole lot better, too. Don't get me wrong, I love the junk food probably more than most, but you can't live off of that stuff. The only other thing I've noticed is how much I don't like the heat and crowds at the same time. I'm uncomfortable being crammed. And when it's 90 degrees, I think we all need some personal space, because the cranky-scale is high. You could see it out at the ballgames all week, just people being annoyed with being cramped and hot.

Political
Alright, I have to ask-when did it become a good idea to let government be in charge of job creation? The only reason I ask was because I just had someone knocking on my door to give me a pamphlet on some guy running for Mayor. The guy's #1 priority? Job creation. Well sir, how do you plan to go about creating jobs? Will you open up a manufacturing facility? A restaurant? What form of business will you be operating, I'm curious. Or will you add more bureaucracy? If that's the case, I don't think we as citizens want it. Not on a local, state or especially federal level. Why? Simple, really. The Federal government can't run trains or a mail operation in the black. The state can't keep illegal immigrants from getting in, and shhh, but some of those illegals might have way worse intentions other than getting money to their family in another country (they might want to harm some folks). The local government? You're kidding me, right? They can't stop high school kids from making/selling meth to other students or even getting molested by their homeroom teacher. And you want to tell me that you'll create jobs. Great, where do I sign up. In all honesty, I've been out of work for 10+ months now, and I probably should have dummied-up by now and drink the Moron Kool-Aid, but I can't. It's way more fun to screw with people.

The dumbass argument
So before the game on Tuesday I got to meet up with my Yuppie Buddy, his wife and her friend. No, this was not a set up. I've met this woman before, she has a boyfriend, and I don't steal anyone's lady, at least never to my knowledge. Now, Yuppie Buddy and his wife are pregnant. Let me restate that-she's pregnant, he's there to utter the phrase 'Yes, dear' like he's breathing. Christ it's sad. The poor bastard is fetching more than a labrador. First and foremost, my boy now has a new definition of the 'ish', which is bullshit. The 'ish', as I thought was established throughout the world, was a 15 minute window to be late. If you tell me you'll be somewhere at 4:30ish, then that gives you until 4:45 before I can get ticked off and/or worried, mostly ticked off because I got worried. His 'ish' is now 30 minutes, which is disrespectful. I'm honestly curious how I go about telling him that this whole thing of him being constantly late is lame and making him look like a dick. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. I am rarely (can't say never) late, despise it and have been in numerous disputes because of it. Be where you say you're going to be when you say you're going to be there. How difficult is that? I usually allow for the 'ish' due to traffic. Or misplanning. But this has now become his way, and to me it's just not cool.
More importantly, because I am on a very limited budget, I decided to take the bus down to the game. Gee, spend $7 roundtrip for a bus that can get into the HOV lane or spend $40 to park. No brainer! But taking the bus also means I have to plan to leave when the bus leaves, not on a whim. And we had to 'get a bite to eat' (Lord I'm cringing even writing that, who talks like that?) to make sure Yuppie Buddy's wife wasn't too miserable during the game. Hello? Stating the phrase 'too miserable' implies that if you feed her she might crank it down to 'miserable' or 'mildly discontent', right? Then hows about she not come? I was first at the restaurant, and having numerous years of experience, I know when to bother trying something and when not to. But I had to get a 3 minute dissertation on why I needed to see if I could get seating at a restaurant for 4 people when I'm the only one there. I knew the answer would be no. Why would a restaurant who has the chance to be at capacity waste a 4-top table on 1 guy when potentially that table could be turned over an extra time? Best part was as I was listening to this, the two guys at the door were staring at me and could tell what was going on, and shaking their heads, 'No'. After showing up with the 30 minute 'ish', my buddy had the nerve to ask the hostess if they sat incomplete parties, and she told him that they didn't. What, like I would lie?
Allow me to state that I still love my buddy, but he's changing. I know I am, too. Heck, if anything, I'm becoming more rigid in who I am and standing my ground. Friends do grow apart, lives change, and I get that. Am I nuts for thinking this isn't always a good thing?
After the obligatory 'oh, I'm late' routine, Yuppie Buddy's wife decided to bring to everyone's attention that my buddy doesn't want to know the sex of his child, or he's on the fence, while she wants to know the sex of the baby. I know this will come as a shock to all that know me, listen to me and read this, but this is probably the only time I clam up. I firmly believe that this is something that should be discussed between a couple, and a couple only. I am simply astonished at the amount of opinions I've heard come their way, uninvited and intrusive. Please, don't give me that whole thing about that's just people being people. That's bunk. Quite frankly, this should go up at or near the top of the Nunya List. Yuppie Buddy's wife's friend had to chime in with the 'oh, you just HAVE to find out, that way you'll know how to prepare' routine. Grrrrrr. Of course, she has no children of her own to speak, so naturally she's an expert. God I hate these types of people. I'm still being quiet, until my buddy asks me what I think. My answer is simply 'do whatever works for you two', and I mean it. If I don't find out the gender of their child until after it's born, great. All I'm hoping for is 10 fingers, 10 toes and health. That's it. Everything else is a fly by the seat of your pants operation. No pregnancy is the same, no child-rearing is the same. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for the other. Don't believe me? Have brothers and sisters? Where do you rank on the food chain? I know for me that being the oldest meant way more responsibility and way more punishment than my brother got. Relax, this ain't therapy and I ain't sharing. Children don't come with instructions. I just look forward to the day I have my own clone (maybe someday) and the first time that kid drops and F-Bomb. I'm pretty sure I'll know where they heard it first, I'm just sayin'.
Now, after that little discussion was out of the way, my buddy's wife had something else to be offended by. If it seems like I'm bashing, maybe I am. Maybe it's because I'm all about living on Front Street, hiding nothing and not bullshitting myself or anyone else about life. I love my buddy and his wife, but this kid is going to be the biggest reality check they'll ever see. Life isn't a damn romantic comedy, we don't live in sound bites, and every once in awhile you have to get your hands dirty and not stress about there being no handi-wipes within 2 feet of you. Life gets messy, and if you don't learn to enjoy the mess every once in awhile, you're doomed. The other reason they irk me is because this is the 2nd year in a row I've asked to be left alone to allow me to think about my Pops and they've called. Yes, they are trying to be polite, but neither of them is equipped to deal with this, they both dance around the subject with 'You okay?' and on to the next topic, while plugging in the conversation somewhere that they were worried about me. How do you show that concern while talking about your grocery list for Target??! To me, you don't. Fine, maybe that's how they deal and show concern, but I don't dance around topics, I'm too bullheaded. Say what the hell is on your mind, quit circling around it.
So the offending comment was about someone else talking about someone else's kid looking like a Monchhichi. Yes, you can queue up Ron White saying he's 4th generation don't give a crap, because that's totally what I was thinking. The other thought that popped up was that I thought the cartoon was cute. Didn't you? That to me would state that the guy thought the kid was cute. My buddy's wife didn't see it that way. She saw it as jealousy because maybe he didn't think his daughter was as cute. WHAT? Read that again. Who thinks like this? Shallow people? Anyone? I can't imagine if I had my own child worrying what someone else's kid looked like, for more than an instant, if ever. So how did I put the kibosh on this one? Well, only after I was asked for my take, I wondered allowed if anyone believed in Creationism or Evolution (stay with me, it'll be worth it). Yuppie Buddy's wife said 'a bit of both' (hey, this isn't to bash a religion or a belief system, I have neither the time nor patience for that debate, believe whatever you want, really). Bingo-if you believe in any sort of evolution, then you should have the thought that we as humans are the evolved form of monkey, right? Well, isn't a damn Monchhichi a cartoon monkey? Then what's the damn problem. Seriously, I hate white people, for crap like this.
But the better part of this whole thing was that during the game the girls left to go to the concession stand, and I looked at my buddy and told him, on the real, do whatever the hell he wanted, that if anyone told him what to do he has every right to tell that person or persons to shut their yap. And remember that the middle finger is a wonderful tool when used appropriately and applicably. I have another friend (in another country) whose wife is pregnant, and I can guaran-damn-tee you he won't be looking for any opinion other than his and his wife's. That's it. That's all, and that's all there is.

I'm sure you just read something above and thought, "wait a minute, he's white, how can he hate white people?" Easy. I hate suburbian morons or any other groupthink. Can't stand easily led automotans. Don't get me wrong, some groupthink isn't all that bad, like you probably shouldn't kill someone, or driving drunk is bad. That I can get on board with. But this other crap of who I need to vote for or what car to drive or global warming, get bent. Think for yourself and read up on things, damn it. I know why people ask for my opinion, because punches will not be pulled and you'll get honesty. It's why I get in trouble. It's why I don't date certain women who tell me what I can and cannot say. I'm grown, I know that there is a time and a place for everything, I know when not to be crass or rude. I'm civil. But please, for all that is good and Holy, how many people have you met in the last week or two and thought they sounded like something they either heard thru the mainstream media or talk radio? Both are dangerous. And someone telling you they have street smarts is just an excuse for them being dumb. Don't believe the hype.

Think, it ain't illegal yet.

And I'm done with my rant for Saturday.

Happy birthday to a crooked-eared farting machine (re: dog) who apparently is mad at me for not getting shout-outs but can fall asleep at my feet when I see him. Someone tell that pooch that I hope his next year is just as awesome as these last 10. Cy, I'll see ya when I see ya.