'Til it hurts

So I had a friend of mine tell me a few years ago that if you want good things in life, give. Have a servant's heart. Never expect anything in return. Give until it hurts. I have had a hard time wrapping my head around those last two parts. Rarely in this world does anyone do anything for another human being without looking for something in return. I could sit here and type out some ridiculously long diatribe that I would never, ever do that sort of thing without looking for anything to be reciprocated. It would be a lie of epic proportions.
That whole give until it hurts thing? Totally confused me. Why would I want to harm myself. It was the wrong prism to look thru. Allow me to explain. I think I've held back. I know for certain I have with some of my friends, I know I've given some people time they didn't deserve, and rarely would give back. I'm just not thought of in the same way that I think of them, and vice versa. And it's okay. I'm not here to judge them. Let someone else do that. This blog is by me, and even at times for me.
I am known to curse at those who put themselves 1st-10th on their own depth chart, because I'm incapable of doing it. Sure, it can happen for a day or a week at a time, but that isn't my nature. I am jealous of those that can't. But at the end of the day, I think it's crap. I don't think living a selfish life leads you to prosperity, not in this lifetime nor any other. So how do you give until it hurts? I asked this question, because I had my head leaning towards the financial. And that's not it. Not at all.
I'm broke, yet richer than I have ever been. I've looked at my W-2's for the last 3 years, and in all 3 I've made more in the past than in those years. And there it is, staring me straight in the face-I'm happier, I'm more assured, more confident, and at times more of a train wreck than I ever was. But I'm not as angry, not as depressed, not as stressed. I'm more comfortable in my own chubby skin than I ever would have thought.
And I think that this is all tied together. Give until it hurts. Give your time, your thoughts, your love, until it hurts. I don't believe in that old adage that if you love something you should set it free, and if it's meant to be it will come back to you. That's self-indulgent. You should just put it out there, and gain strength from the fact that you did that much. Far too many people are too afraid to do that much. It doesn't make them any less of a person than you, it's just not what they are willing to do.
So please, tell me you don't believe. In anything, God, the stars and the moon, love, angels, that the NBA is called on the up and up (sorry, the jab had to be thrown, even if my beloved Celtics won the 'ship that way), that hard work doesn't pay off. And I'll be that guy staring back at you smirking telling you to keep believing in that philosophy and tell me how it works out for you in the long run. Most people don't look at the long run. It's too far away. Have to have it now, or even more lame, 5 minutes ago.
Sorry, guess I've looked at the long term of how today is playing out, and I know I'll be laughing at it soon enough. Well, it's not like it's killed me yet. So when that dumb question of 'Why Me?' gets asked, I still have the same answer............'Why Not Me?'

I'll post more about my goofy goals later this weekend. Good night.

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