Just a few topics and updates for the masses (all 3 of ya):
The Massachusetts special election for Senator
I told you it was coming. And I don't think it's just Democrats that are on their way out, either. I think some folks with 'R-' in front of their name are going to be bounced come this November as well. Interesting article by Michael Barone that breaks down the demographics on how Massachusetts voted. For me, the reason some of these men and women will be bounced faster than a brand new superball is because they keep doing the same thing, and I'm not talking about policies and backdoor deals-they keep talking in legalese. I've got a newsflash for those thinking of running for office going forward-stop talking to the majority of people like they're morons. I'm not saying that there aren't idiots all over. Lord knows I'm a huge believer in the phrase 'There are more of them than there are of us.' However, their vote counts just as much as mine does, maybe even more. And while I may be college educated, I have no desire for a law degree. I gave that crap up after my sophomore year of college. Remember, I went to school 15 minutes outside of Boston, which means BU, BC, Harvard, Tufts and Suffolk were around me. And I served some of those people as a bartender....let's just say that some of them are trashier than the folks you see at Walmart. Just because you have an Ivy League education doesn't make you more of a person than me. I had a regular who was a joke of a human being, sleeping with his best friends fiancee. Classy. No better than any other dirtbag I grew up around.
My Brother
The situation back home has not improved, nor do I expect it to. I firmly believe that any person that speaks to his or her own mother in this way/tone is a coward. I especially think that any man that speaks to a woman this way is the lowest form of bully. I have honestly no idea what to do. But, I will state the following-I either want to kick his ass, have him chucked into detox, or my other idea...find out what the hell his problem is. I asked a good friend what they would do, after I asked other friends what they'd do (we all agreed-kick his ass), and she mentioned detox. And it got me thinking. Something is clearly bugging this kid. And I'd be willing to bet that it has nothing to do with my Mom. I'm not excusing the behavior by any means. I just want to figure out what is eating at the guy. That's all. I'm in the process (in my head) of writing him an email explaining why this behavior is unacceptable. I may even share it with you folks. Look, you want to cuss out a stranger, that's not really my problem. You cuss out my Mom, now it's my problem. There is more than one way to handle this. Right now he has no repercussions for his actions, mostly because I am across the country. This crap would not be going on if I were in front of him. He may be 3 inches taller than me, but I've got him by at least 90 lbs and a whole lot bigger temper. I don't want to have to kick the snot out of him, but if it has to come down to it, so be it. I will keep everyone posted.
Good news
Why? Well, I don't want everyone thinking that the only reason I write this blog is to deliver bad news....that's way too close to the real news. How about something uplifting, right?
So here's the good news. I've got a few companies sniffing hard around me. Not great roles, but both companies are currently small with plans on expansion and I would have no problem being on the beginning of the curve. I kinda like it that way.
Other good news-my unemployment got renewed. No, not emergency funding. I got to file a new claim, and it resets everything to zero. I will also be making enough money to cover my bills, so maybe now I can get a full 6 hours of sleep at night, as this part of the stress in my life should be coming down to a simmer instead of a rolling boil.
Now, about The Girl
That's right I capitalized it, get over yourselves. So much to say, so many jumbled things in my head. First, I'm a little slow on the uptake. She was never mean to me. And if she was, it was never malicious nor intentional. Second, what do I do with the playlist I was putting together for her? Third, she will always be in my heart. Fourth, and the kicker of the whole thing, is the following...
I've had some time to reflect and think about things, to try to take 4 steps in her shoes. Face facts, it's stupid to think about moving across the country for a chance to date someone. You know it, I know it. If I were talking to me I'd have smacked me over a year ago. The other side to that smacking coin is that I'm hopeful/stupid enough to even consider it. So I know I'm not dead inside. So I've got that, for whatever it's worth. You may hate her for not answering certain questions, or only speaking on the 'need to know' basis, but take a step in her shoes-would you be freaked out/flattered by someone across the country making such an advance? I admit it, when I thought of that I shot back in my chair and thought 'Whoa'. That's kind of heavy. I wouldn't want that kind of pressure on me. She's got her own things going on, too. I might not exactly fit into those plans. By not taking that on and telling me she'd pass, I think it's kind of noble in a weird way. She chose to make a logical decision about something that is completely illogical. No clue what I'm saying? Really, by now? Fine, I'll admit it;I was in L---with her. I had my hopes about her, I wanted to hang out and laugh with her. I wanted to fight and make up with her. I wanted witty drunken 2 AM conversations about why 'The Hangover' is going to kill the bachelor party business for the next 10 years. I desperately wanted to kiss her. I wanted to wake up next to her and make breakfast (yes, I can cook, not just hit buttons on a microwave).
But alas, it wasn't meant to be. I couldn't have made that decision with my head. I lead with my heart when it comes to matters of the heart. I am passionate about my friends, my family, my teams (but not too much-not until I become GM). When it comes to business and finances, that is strictly a brain thing. Sometimes when you lead with your heart you get knocked the hell out, and it hurts like hell. But you know what else happens? You get up. You regroup. You take stock of what you did. I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever. I don't look at the last however many months as a gigantic waste of time, as some of my friends will tell my other friends, but never to my face. I take that back. One friend, John, told me to take care of myself. But he knew, too, I couldn't stop. I knew I was in trouble the moment I met her. I won't stop being her friend. I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I'm not bitter about anything. Honestly, I think this is the healthiest I've been about this crap (matters of the heart) in a lo-hong time. But I won't ask the question ever again. I will root for her from across the country. If a business opportunity comes up that is in the area, I will weigh that business opportunity and only that in my decision. No need to cloud my judgement. Besides, I'm not smart enough to handle that giant ball of stuff. I won't even consider my family in these decisions any more. I have to do what's best for me, because that will in turn be what is best for them.
Face it, she will always be in my heart. There are pieces of her that I will judge others against. I kind of feel sorry for them. I wish I could have an answer for why I was attracted to her in the first place. I blame books, seriously. Instead of being a guy and looking at the important physical features, I looked at her heart first, at least I think I did. I met her right after I was finished reading a book that I'm going to make required reading for all my friends moving forward. The book and the ideas behind it were a reminder of what I used to do, what I wanted to be-as a man, as an earner (I didn't take much of that part to heart until later), as a lover, as a friend, and part of a family. So I chose to treat her like I thought she ought to be treated. I'm sure she sometimes wishes she were treated like a friend, but I'm pretty sure she'd rather have the pedestal she's on in comparison. I should tell her that the thing I wrote to her last year, well, I read it to 3 other women I know. Their reactions were, and I quote, 'Damn', 'Shit you're in trouble', and my favorite, from my career coach, 'I hate you now.' Why did she hate me? That woman told me in 60 years no one has ever written or even spoken to her like that, and she's been married and has two grown men for children. I should've worked for Hallmark. I'm kidding. I can only write what I feel for certain people, ideals, etc. If I say nothing to you, face it, I no longer care.
So, to my friends that read this, don't think ill or evil on/of her. She did nothing wrong but to be honest. It's her version of honest, much like we all have our own version of honesty. I'm not knocking it, I'm acknowledging it. I'm (on my ego-boost right here) sure it wasn't easy. How do you turn all this handsomeness away (Ego-boost over). I'm not that big of a deal. She's a great gal, some guy is sure going to be lucky if she ever lets those walls down. I can't wish her anything other but health and happiness. And that's that. You want to know something, feel free to ask, I've got nothing to hide.
Whoda thunk it, me, not being bitter about something....what a crazy freaking world, huh?
Oh, tomorrow I'm ripping the Colts. Provided I don't go into a NyQuil induced coma...I hate cold and flu season!! Hey, at least with the 'sauce' I may sleep thru the night.
And no matter what any of you think of my writing/speaking/ranting/raving, know this-my Mom thinks I'm cute, so there. Happy Thursday night.
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