So I've been listening, ad nauseum,. to all sorts of noise around me. I've been hearing people, friends, family tv, movies, music and the general public, and I've got a question for everyone--why get married?
Don't come back to me with the fact that I'm bitter I'm single. I'm not. Better to be in my position than in a lifeless, loveless personal engagement for what could be an eternity. I know, I know, that comes across less than sincere, but read (instead of hear) me out. And please, don't come back with marriage is some crazy contraption designed by The Church to keep men and women together, or it's a Pagan ritual. Thanks, but you won't be adding to my ranting. This is strictly from a man's perspective. Why? Because I'm a guy. And I'm a guy that's shopped for a ring once in my life. What possessed me to do it? I thought I had hit the Big 'L'. Thank God she dumped me. Really, I believe in God and I'm damn thankful everyday that I'm not with that woman anymore. I could be married to her and miserable, probably in a crappy house with a mortgage I couldn't afford, driving a crappy minivan. Oh, The HORROR!!!
So here's what started this-I was emailing a friend of mine this morning, and I thought about it. Here was my response to a 'What in the hell'-type question: I think *** truly does care for his bride-to-be, but I don't think he realizes the scorched earth he's leaving behind. Now, since I have no clue and haven't dated anyone in forever, I really can't comment too much, but I'm getting a wee bit tired of the 'hanging-out' game I see every guy play. You know the drill, guy meets girl, guy ditches friends, guy tries to reconnect with said friends 6 months to a year later. You know what? Eventually we all stop caring. Sorry, but you and I both know this to be true. Pal, you are the exception, not the rule, and you have to know this. I'm not sure if you and the Misses ever had the discussion, but even if you didn't it appears that she understands that you need to be able to do your own thing now and again. Whereas this new breed of sissies-you know who I'm talking about-has to do damn near everything together. I know I'm built like my Pops, and line up with you. I need to be able to do my own crap. I have to fire off a text to my boy to make sure he's okay. I've never seen him that fired up about anything, and it was something his wife did. And I've met her, very nice woman, but they're all sisters and they all seem to not think two steps ahead. I get it, guys and girls are different, no need to get all hokey on me and give me that Mars & Venus BS, because that's what it is. We're not the same, they need to understand this. I can only hope that there is a grad student out there debunking the Feminine Mystique, because it's killing men everywhere, killing families and killing one of the reasons any of us would consider getting married in the first place. Sorry, if I wanted to be told what to do, I'd still live with Ma.
And they wonder why I'm single......
Allow me to elaborate on everything (or quit reading, but this needs to be said). Ladies, tell yourselves, your girlfriends, sisters, mothers and anyone else claiming to be a woman-every once in awhile, men need space. All this crap you've been pushing since the 70's about equality is crap. Stop telling me you like sports. Some, few even, of you do. Of this I have no doubt. Don't tell me you won one (one!!!-the sun shines on a dog's ass every once in awhile) a fantasy baseball/football/hockey/NASCAR/PGA/Dancing With The Stars/Survivor fantasy league. I've met you, and you are the outlier to your gender in the grand scientific study that is woman. Seriously, knock it off. We are not equal, at least not in the 50/50 game I've been having crammed down my throat since I was a kid, and got more excessive in college, and then blew up in my face working in Corporate America. Here's my, ahem, research.
I started off in Catholic School, where we all wore white or blue, in some combination. Yeah, yeah, I got booted. What can I say? I got into an argument with a Nun, and we were moving anyways. Once I got into Jr. High, I started noticing that my little brother and all of his friends were starting to be prescribed Ritalin. But it was mostly boys. Don't believe me? Fine, if you have access to CDC and prescriptions filed, feel free to do a gender comparison on who was prescribed Ritalin. I'm betting boys beat the girls in this one, by a landslide. Combine Ritalin prescriptions and the consistent removal of physical education and recess, and we have the vicious cycle beginning on the beating down of all that is Man. Yup, I capitalized it. There's nothing wrong with Man, nor is there anything wrong with Woman. One can cohabitate and get along and even flourish with one another. However, much like liberal-speak in our nation's capital, we keep getting told of our differences, and in doing so, someone must have the upper hand. I'm more than willing to admit Woman is better at Man at certain things, but can I get the reverse in return? Not if you've been to a college or university campus in the last 20 years you can't.
My next example is my beloved college, which just became a university. The were more interested in forcing me to have friends of a different color skin. What they failed to realize is that due to the large diverse nature of our little campus, the kids from certain countries kind of stuck around with their own. And me, I stuck around my friends, most of which were Accounting majors, the same as me. Yup, there were a lot of white kids, of Italian or Jewish background, in that field. Hey, don't mock me, it was what it was when I was there. Between that and the baggy sweater look that was all the rage (on the ladies), I am kind of glad I worked between 40-50 hours a week at the bar. I got to pay for my edumacation and learn pop-psychology, the art of reading people, and in the meantime, learn all about why we drink. My crew drank for numerous reasons, but one of the big reasons I remember is not allowing boys to be boys. Yes, some hazing rituals are stupid and can go the way of the buggywhip. But others, they should stay. By stating all of this, I'm simply letting it known that I got tired of the constant man-bashing. Ladies, if you don't need us, fine, don't deal with us. But if you want us around, how about a little appreciation for the real men of the world? Believe me, we're around. But if you're looking for the guy with the 6-pack abs and the perfectly coifed hair, I have a newsflash for you-there's a damn good chance he doesn't swing from that side of the plate.
So far, we've got school and college taken care of. But the link for everything didn't come thru until I handed in my 2 weeks notice at a very small branch of a very large company. This is a story that someone I know who reads this blog will probably be shocked by. I'm prefacing the whole thing by stating that if I hadn't handing in my 2 weeks before this accusation, I would have immediately afterwards. I was accused of sexual harassment by a temp that had been there for 2 months. I had been there for 2 years. She didn't exactly have a great track record of showing up, she was late, she was sick (she had confided in me that she was looking for a permanent role, hence the illness), and yet, there I was, in an HR office, being accused of something I didn't do. And they believed her. This is how I know the deck is stacked against men. I've lived it, albeit it briefly. It's the reason I won't touch a damn soul in anyplace I go, other than to shake hands. I had to shut down a certain aspect of who I am. No slapping five, no shoulder bumping, no nothing. It may even have something to do with why I am starting my own thing (unless someone wants to hire me to do all sorts of cool stuff). I'm only guilty of the following-tapping a woman on the shoulder to get her attention while she had earbuds in jamming out to her ipod. I don't call that sexual harassment, but it was a complaint that went into my file. It doesn't get more ridiculous than that. Not in my mind. I groped no one. I wasn't creepy, I made no passes, nothing. And yet, it is something that pisses me off to this day. I had to go home on a day which started out so happy, only to be accused of something that was nonexistant. Something someone mistook as an advance, just a tap on the shoulder, because I needed something for work. So thrilled to see that I wasn't even asked about anything, just an accusation made and a report filed. No need to get facts, just another brick in the wall.
Add all these up plus the years I've watched my friends 'go on leave' for 6 months every time they really like some woman, and I think it's a decent thesis. You can feel free to shoot holes in it all you want. But so far, I'm getting kinda tired of watching men get ground down to nothing. I'm not saying all women do it to them, it's that they feel powerless to stand up for themselves. And I think I know why.
I think most of these guys honestly think that they'll never have sex again, like no other woman would have them. Now this is where my suggestion comes in. They want it just as bad as we do. Men, quit groveling and begging for it. Ladies, realize that a guy has needs. Yes, it's true. I know you have them too. Ours are carnal. It's why we're dirty old men, perverts, and flirts. We need to feel verile, not like a damn eunuch because we didn't take out the trash or couldn't guess your mood. It's why we need boys night out, not to go shopping for you, but to bond with other guys. Why do you think some clowns still try and play in a mens league well past their due date on athleticism? It's not just to get out of the house, I can assure you.
Now, I don't blame you ladies for my friends not coming around. They're in that relationship of their own free will and volition. No one put a gun to their head and said, 'Love me or else', I don't think. I blame them. They feel some pull to be next to you constantly. I think it's because they get to see you nekkid, and they want to keep seeing you nekkid. I can't honestly blame them for that. I truly can't wait for the day I get crap from my friends and they start busting my chops, because I've been enjoying the company of a lovely woman. However, I think I'll keep my friends in perspective and mind, and want to hang out with them. Right now I have a standing Friday night with the fellas. That's what we do. My roommate broke that code a few months ago, and we still give him crap for it. Why? Well, in my case, it's because I heard her say she didn't want him hanging out with us and wanted him on Friday and Saturday nights. This goes for both men and women-if your significant other can't stand your friends, there's going to be a showdown, and you'll have to make a choice. If you choose her, so be it. But don't try and call your friends-or former friends after you dump them-if you're in a jam. We ain't coming. Something will come up, I promise you.
And I know all this how? Simple. I've left friends in the lurch for a woman. I've left one woman I felt 'Meh' about just to go have a drink with a girl I really liked. I've left a company Christmas dinner to go have a drink with the same woman. Well, in that case, they were work friends, and I really did like the woman. So sue me. Nothing but honesty flows from my fingertips. I was that guy when I was 22 fluffed off his friends just for the chance to get some nookie. We've all done it. Now, however, at the ripe age of 34, that thought is kind of disturbing. It's expected in your 20's. But when you get to be in your 30's, your friends have every right to look at you and think you're an ass. Because that is what you're acting like. By your 30's, you're established in certain routines, your boys, the work crap. For a man (because I am one, and can't speak for you ladies), you enhance our lives, or at least that's how I look at it.
But to tie this altogether, I really do wonder why some folks get married, and it came up a few weeks ago at a friends holiday gathering. As I've mentioned before, couples argue out here different than they do where I'm from. Here they're subtle, even if you can sense some tension. Same as the case I'm talking about. You could feel this woman stare down her boyfriend. Come to find out, apparently he's going to ask the big question over Christmas. And they fight all the time. How is this going to work??!! "Hey, we argue all the time, but if we get married it will all be better." Really? You know where this type of idoicy leads, don't you? "Well, we're fighting married all the time, kids will fix it!!!" And that, my friends is how a busted family yelling at each other over that aisles at Walmart. Oh, the joy.
I think that for me, it would have to be someone I could laugh with. For like, the next 50-60 years. That I could be comfortable with, don't mind spending time with. Someone who doesn't hate it when I take a nap on a Saturday. Heck, take the nap with me! But I'm amazed at the stuff I see and hear. I heard a woman years ago chastise her husband in the middle of a mall for not getting her big enough carat diamond earrings. I was stunned. Maybe it's how I was raised. Look, we're born naked, and we die the same way. Humans have a 100% mortality rate. I always laugh when someone says 'Too bad, he died penniless.' Are you kidding me, that's perfect planning! I'm of the opinion that it's not the size of the gift, it's the meaning behind it. I thought differently 12 years ago, but I think (hope) I've grown up and matured a ton since then.
Of course, these are just my thoughts. You never know when someone comes up and smacks you upside the head and your heart beats out of your chest and you can't think of living another moment without her. Crazier things have happened.
Don't come back to me with the fact that I'm bitter I'm single. I'm not. Better to be in my position than in a lifeless, loveless personal engagement for what could be an eternity. I know, I know, that comes across less than sincere, but read (instead of hear) me out. And please, don't come back with marriage is some crazy contraption designed by The Church to keep men and women together, or it's a Pagan ritual. Thanks, but you won't be adding to my ranting. This is strictly from a man's perspective. Why? Because I'm a guy. And I'm a guy that's shopped for a ring once in my life. What possessed me to do it? I thought I had hit the Big 'L'. Thank God she dumped me. Really, I believe in God and I'm damn thankful everyday that I'm not with that woman anymore. I could be married to her and miserable, probably in a crappy house with a mortgage I couldn't afford, driving a crappy minivan. Oh, The HORROR!!!
So here's what started this-I was emailing a friend of mine this morning, and I thought about it. Here was my response to a 'What in the hell'-type question: I think *** truly does care for his bride-to-be, but I don't think he realizes the scorched earth he's leaving behind. Now, since I have no clue and haven't dated anyone in forever, I really can't comment too much, but I'm getting a wee bit tired of the 'hanging-out' game I see every guy play. You know the drill, guy meets girl, guy ditches friends, guy tries to reconnect with said friends 6 months to a year later. You know what? Eventually we all stop caring. Sorry, but you and I both know this to be true. Pal, you are the exception, not the rule, and you have to know this. I'm not sure if you and the Misses ever had the discussion, but even if you didn't it appears that she understands that you need to be able to do your own thing now and again. Whereas this new breed of sissies-you know who I'm talking about-has to do damn near everything together. I know I'm built like my Pops, and line up with you. I need to be able to do my own crap. I have to fire off a text to my boy to make sure he's okay. I've never seen him that fired up about anything, and it was something his wife did. And I've met her, very nice woman, but they're all sisters and they all seem to not think two steps ahead. I get it, guys and girls are different, no need to get all hokey on me and give me that Mars & Venus BS, because that's what it is. We're not the same, they need to understand this. I can only hope that there is a grad student out there debunking the Feminine Mystique, because it's killing men everywhere, killing families and killing one of the reasons any of us would consider getting married in the first place. Sorry, if I wanted to be told what to do, I'd still live with Ma.
And they wonder why I'm single......
Allow me to elaborate on everything (or quit reading, but this needs to be said). Ladies, tell yourselves, your girlfriends, sisters, mothers and anyone else claiming to be a woman-every once in awhile, men need space. All this crap you've been pushing since the 70's about equality is crap. Stop telling me you like sports. Some, few even, of you do. Of this I have no doubt. Don't tell me you won one (one!!!-the sun shines on a dog's ass every once in awhile) a fantasy baseball/football/hockey/NASCAR/PGA/Dancing With The Stars/Survivor fantasy league. I've met you, and you are the outlier to your gender in the grand scientific study that is woman. Seriously, knock it off. We are not equal, at least not in the 50/50 game I've been having crammed down my throat since I was a kid, and got more excessive in college, and then blew up in my face working in Corporate America. Here's my, ahem, research.
I started off in Catholic School, where we all wore white or blue, in some combination. Yeah, yeah, I got booted. What can I say? I got into an argument with a Nun, and we were moving anyways. Once I got into Jr. High, I started noticing that my little brother and all of his friends were starting to be prescribed Ritalin. But it was mostly boys. Don't believe me? Fine, if you have access to CDC and prescriptions filed, feel free to do a gender comparison on who was prescribed Ritalin. I'm betting boys beat the girls in this one, by a landslide. Combine Ritalin prescriptions and the consistent removal of physical education and recess, and we have the vicious cycle beginning on the beating down of all that is Man. Yup, I capitalized it. There's nothing wrong with Man, nor is there anything wrong with Woman. One can cohabitate and get along and even flourish with one another. However, much like liberal-speak in our nation's capital, we keep getting told of our differences, and in doing so, someone must have the upper hand. I'm more than willing to admit Woman is better at Man at certain things, but can I get the reverse in return? Not if you've been to a college or university campus in the last 20 years you can't.
My next example is my beloved college, which just became a university. The were more interested in forcing me to have friends of a different color skin. What they failed to realize is that due to the large diverse nature of our little campus, the kids from certain countries kind of stuck around with their own. And me, I stuck around my friends, most of which were Accounting majors, the same as me. Yup, there were a lot of white kids, of Italian or Jewish background, in that field. Hey, don't mock me, it was what it was when I was there. Between that and the baggy sweater look that was all the rage (on the ladies), I am kind of glad I worked between 40-50 hours a week at the bar. I got to pay for my edumacation and learn pop-psychology, the art of reading people, and in the meantime, learn all about why we drink. My crew drank for numerous reasons, but one of the big reasons I remember is not allowing boys to be boys. Yes, some hazing rituals are stupid and can go the way of the buggywhip. But others, they should stay. By stating all of this, I'm simply letting it known that I got tired of the constant man-bashing. Ladies, if you don't need us, fine, don't deal with us. But if you want us around, how about a little appreciation for the real men of the world? Believe me, we're around. But if you're looking for the guy with the 6-pack abs and the perfectly coifed hair, I have a newsflash for you-there's a damn good chance he doesn't swing from that side of the plate.
So far, we've got school and college taken care of. But the link for everything didn't come thru until I handed in my 2 weeks notice at a very small branch of a very large company. This is a story that someone I know who reads this blog will probably be shocked by. I'm prefacing the whole thing by stating that if I hadn't handing in my 2 weeks before this accusation, I would have immediately afterwards. I was accused of sexual harassment by a temp that had been there for 2 months. I had been there for 2 years. She didn't exactly have a great track record of showing up, she was late, she was sick (she had confided in me that she was looking for a permanent role, hence the illness), and yet, there I was, in an HR office, being accused of something I didn't do. And they believed her. This is how I know the deck is stacked against men. I've lived it, albeit it briefly. It's the reason I won't touch a damn soul in anyplace I go, other than to shake hands. I had to shut down a certain aspect of who I am. No slapping five, no shoulder bumping, no nothing. It may even have something to do with why I am starting my own thing (unless someone wants to hire me to do all sorts of cool stuff). I'm only guilty of the following-tapping a woman on the shoulder to get her attention while she had earbuds in jamming out to her ipod. I don't call that sexual harassment, but it was a complaint that went into my file. It doesn't get more ridiculous than that. Not in my mind. I groped no one. I wasn't creepy, I made no passes, nothing. And yet, it is something that pisses me off to this day. I had to go home on a day which started out so happy, only to be accused of something that was nonexistant. Something someone mistook as an advance, just a tap on the shoulder, because I needed something for work. So thrilled to see that I wasn't even asked about anything, just an accusation made and a report filed. No need to get facts, just another brick in the wall.
Add all these up plus the years I've watched my friends 'go on leave' for 6 months every time they really like some woman, and I think it's a decent thesis. You can feel free to shoot holes in it all you want. But so far, I'm getting kinda tired of watching men get ground down to nothing. I'm not saying all women do it to them, it's that they feel powerless to stand up for themselves. And I think I know why.
I think most of these guys honestly think that they'll never have sex again, like no other woman would have them. Now this is where my suggestion comes in. They want it just as bad as we do. Men, quit groveling and begging for it. Ladies, realize that a guy has needs. Yes, it's true. I know you have them too. Ours are carnal. It's why we're dirty old men, perverts, and flirts. We need to feel verile, not like a damn eunuch because we didn't take out the trash or couldn't guess your mood. It's why we need boys night out, not to go shopping for you, but to bond with other guys. Why do you think some clowns still try and play in a mens league well past their due date on athleticism? It's not just to get out of the house, I can assure you.
Now, I don't blame you ladies for my friends not coming around. They're in that relationship of their own free will and volition. No one put a gun to their head and said, 'Love me or else', I don't think. I blame them. They feel some pull to be next to you constantly. I think it's because they get to see you nekkid, and they want to keep seeing you nekkid. I can't honestly blame them for that. I truly can't wait for the day I get crap from my friends and they start busting my chops, because I've been enjoying the company of a lovely woman. However, I think I'll keep my friends in perspective and mind, and want to hang out with them. Right now I have a standing Friday night with the fellas. That's what we do. My roommate broke that code a few months ago, and we still give him crap for it. Why? Well, in my case, it's because I heard her say she didn't want him hanging out with us and wanted him on Friday and Saturday nights. This goes for both men and women-if your significant other can't stand your friends, there's going to be a showdown, and you'll have to make a choice. If you choose her, so be it. But don't try and call your friends-or former friends after you dump them-if you're in a jam. We ain't coming. Something will come up, I promise you.
And I know all this how? Simple. I've left friends in the lurch for a woman. I've left one woman I felt 'Meh' about just to go have a drink with a girl I really liked. I've left a company Christmas dinner to go have a drink with the same woman. Well, in that case, they were work friends, and I really did like the woman. So sue me. Nothing but honesty flows from my fingertips. I was that guy when I was 22 fluffed off his friends just for the chance to get some nookie. We've all done it. Now, however, at the ripe age of 34, that thought is kind of disturbing. It's expected in your 20's. But when you get to be in your 30's, your friends have every right to look at you and think you're an ass. Because that is what you're acting like. By your 30's, you're established in certain routines, your boys, the work crap. For a man (because I am one, and can't speak for you ladies), you enhance our lives, or at least that's how I look at it.
But to tie this altogether, I really do wonder why some folks get married, and it came up a few weeks ago at a friends holiday gathering. As I've mentioned before, couples argue out here different than they do where I'm from. Here they're subtle, even if you can sense some tension. Same as the case I'm talking about. You could feel this woman stare down her boyfriend. Come to find out, apparently he's going to ask the big question over Christmas. And they fight all the time. How is this going to work??!! "Hey, we argue all the time, but if we get married it will all be better." Really? You know where this type of idoicy leads, don't you? "Well, we're fighting married all the time, kids will fix it!!!" And that, my friends is how a busted family yelling at each other over that aisles at Walmart. Oh, the joy.
I think that for me, it would have to be someone I could laugh with. For like, the next 50-60 years. That I could be comfortable with, don't mind spending time with. Someone who doesn't hate it when I take a nap on a Saturday. Heck, take the nap with me! But I'm amazed at the stuff I see and hear. I heard a woman years ago chastise her husband in the middle of a mall for not getting her big enough carat diamond earrings. I was stunned. Maybe it's how I was raised. Look, we're born naked, and we die the same way. Humans have a 100% mortality rate. I always laugh when someone says 'Too bad, he died penniless.' Are you kidding me, that's perfect planning! I'm of the opinion that it's not the size of the gift, it's the meaning behind it. I thought differently 12 years ago, but I think (hope) I've grown up and matured a ton since then.
Of course, these are just my thoughts. You never know when someone comes up and smacks you upside the head and your heart beats out of your chest and you can't think of living another moment without her. Crazier things have happened.
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