etc., the wedding, boston, job update, etc.

First and foremost, I just read an article from the Boston Globe telling me to root for the NYY tonight and for the whole World Series. First, I hope no one kidnapped the writer of this article, because that would suck. Second, really? Me, cheer for the New York Yankees? Sure thing, you can get me to cheer for them right after I'm done cheering for the Canadiens, Red Wings, Sharks, Lakers, Knicks, Bulls, Bucks, Rockets, Cavaliers, Magic, Angels, Cubs, Orioles, Devil Rays, Tigers, Dodgers, Ravens, Steelers, Colts, Chargers, Broncos, Cowboys, Jets, Florida State, UCLA, Seton Hall, North Carolina, Colorado, Nebraska, Cincinnati, West Virginia, Kansas, Texas, Louisville, UConn, USC and Georgetown. Sure thing, just add them to my list. This guy either got kidnapped or just lost his last few working brain cells. People that are Red Sox fans do not, I repeat, DO NOT cheer for the Yankees. It's like cheering communism while working on the NYSE. Or to quote another writer, it's like cheering for the house in blackjack.

Now, on to more pressing matters. My buddy's wedding. It was a hoot. We laughed a bunch. And I almost punched the bride's cousin. Why? Well, to sound like a 2nd-grader, he started it. But a cooler head (mine) prevailed. My issue was do I or don't I tell the groom? Well, that problem got solved as well, but not by me. The wedding was fine, even thru 3 power outages. It was up on Lookout Mountain, and it was the weekend that a little snow but a bitter, bitter cold came through. So the wedding was moved from an outdoor venue to inside. Well, power lines get frozen, but the show went on. I cried like a bitch. Not sobbing, but a nice steady stream. As I've stated previously, lack of sleep and the fun that I've been thru the last year, well, yup, I cry. But it worked to my advantage, briefly. I also got the joy of standing on a heat grate while indoors...and once the power kicked back on, was greeted to a hot breeze up a pant leg. Totally not necessary, since I'm in tuxedo. Then we got to take pictures outside. Sweet, nothing like going from 72 inside to 20 outside. Between that change in the weather, all those folks from out of town and my lack of sleep, I'm really not shocked I got a nasty cold that ended a couple of days ago. Then of course comes dinner. And the wedding party is announced to Run DMC's 'Walk This Way', a nice touch. Nicely done, honestly. Dinner was good, and of course a slideshow is playing during dinner, which is one of my highlights. And here's why:
As my table was seated next to the head table, pictures of the happy couple and their friends and family members rolled on by. Well, there were some old shots of me out there. And the bride honestly asked her new husband who that guy was more than once. Uh, it was me. What was different? The full head of hair and the goofy designed facial hair of my, ahem, 'youth' was the dead giveaway. And then I had to wonder what the hell I was thinking with my Mr. Potato Head designs on my own face. I had a soul patch once. Can you think of anything more pretentious? I'm trying to, but it's a bit difficult.
Highlight #2 of the evening happened after dinner and the dancing started. Yes, while I can tear it up with the best of 'em, I was mellow. But the 5 year old ringbearer, he was a little bit miffed. So I asked him what I could do to help. The kid needed a song played. I told him I had it covered. The kid told me I didn't have that kind of pull. But what he didn't know, what nobody knew, was that before the ceremony I met the DJ and we discussed music, he asked who the guy was that made them a CD of what some might call 'sappy' tunes. It was me. He told me he got married like 3 months earlier and most of those same songs were played. So I went up to him and asked if he could play the kid's tune. Sure enough, as soon as I got back to the lil' guy and told him it's coming on next, the DJ put the song out to the ringbearer, who proceeded to dance for the full 5 minutes of some cut up of the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack. I think we were all tired from watching.
Now, how does this pull together in highlight #3? Easy. Straight out of Wedding Crashers, someone attractive saw me do this. Sidenote, the bride has a queen for a friend (queer as a $3 bill) who told me after the rehearsal dinner that if I lost 50 lbs I'd be hot. I hope he wasn't speaking for the whole gay community, I happen to like myself just fine. I had to tell him I only like one dick in my life, mine. Ass. Onward we go, where someone the bride works with was there, and face it, not too shabby on the eyes. Look, while I may like a certain other person, I'm not about to sit around with my thumb up my ass and pass up a potential opportunity. We had one dance, she took a shine to me (seriously, I'm domed up and in a tuxedo, you try and stop me). Well, the bride's cousin, an usher, who happens to be finishing his masters at Boston College, was apparently interested as well. Did he dance with her? I don't know. Honestly, I don't care. To each his own. And it's not like she's property, she's a woman with a mind of her own. Once the reception was over and we all piled into the shuttle (with people drinking and this being a very winding road, it was better this way, especially with the weather being all crappy and icy), she sat behind me, and the cousin sat across the aisle from her. I was talking to my buddy's wife, who is also the mother of my Godson. So I got to look at pictures of him (duh), while the cousin was laying it on thick. Look, I'm not a hater, not even remotely. I wished the kid luck in my head. But his rap was weak. Even I could tell what he was going for, and he should have just asked the poor girl if she got her bikini wax in the last week or two. It was that obvious. Sad, really. Me, well, I like to think I was a little bit smoother than that. The shuttle gets to the hotel, and we all get out. I'm trying to help with the leftover booze and extra stuff, as we were the last shuttle ride out, and she walked up to me and told me she was changing into her sweats, getting out of her heels, etc. "I'll be the bald guy at the bar, and I'll buy you a glass of wine." Seriously, I hadn't realized that while hanging out with my friends from back east for two days my accent was on full-tilt. She showed up a few minutes later, and we got to talking. Now let me just state that this woman and I couldn't be more opposite. She's a social worker for a public elementary school in a crappy neighborhood.....and a fundraiser for the Democratic National Committee. Uh, if you know me or have read me for more than about a day you'll know that that's about as far away from me as you can get. That being said, to each their own. I can still have a nice conversation. And that's all I had. She said she wanted to hang out with me again, and wanted me to call her. Kind of tough without her number, email address, twitter account, right? Well, as I'm about to get her phone number, the cousin shows up, hammered, and tries the ol' CB (Cock-Block for those ill-informed). I just ignored him. What I couldn't believe was that she did, too! And she gave me her number (calm down, it's a phone number, it could be to a swingers club or the herpes hotline. Oh, like you've never fake-numbered someone? Don't judge me) and told me to call her. Yup, the bald unemployed guy got a number. How ya like dem apples? Kidding. Well, due to the groom's father creeping out her friend by continually hitting on her (he's 62, she might be 28...Ewwww, let's just move on), she and her friend left for the evening. Could I have pushed it? Maybe. But it's not my style. Not now, not ever. I can't remember the last time I made the first move, and now wasn't about to be the time to try and pull something off that has 'FAIL' written all over it in glitter. With a bow on it. So after she left, I went to talk to the bride's brother, whom I met a whole day before. Not 5 minutes later I got slapped upside my head. Not punched, smacked, tapped or poked. Slapped upside my dome. I look behind me, and it's the cousin.
Me-'What the fuck are you doing hitting me?'
Him-'I've just got so much repressed anger in me' (to which I held back the greatest comeback ever-Jerk off like the rest of us, buddy)'The girls, where'd they go, what happened?'
Me-'What you're going to do is apologize or you and I are about to have a very big problem'
Right after I said this I realized he was trashed. Not an excuse. Learn to handle your booze, dipshit. I'm pissed at this point in time.
Him-'Sorry', yes it was muffled, whatever.
I excused myself out to the lobby, where one of my friends asked me if it was time to take a walk. Yes, yes it was time for a walk. Another one of my friends followed only to tell me that he couldn't believe what he saw, one me getting hit and two me not retaliating. I didn't want to whoop the guy's ass in front of his family at his cousin's wedding. That's messed up. Not as messed up as him hitting me like a child, but still, what the hell?
And on the next day, I got to bring all the tuxes back to the tux shop. And then the Patriots came to Denver and played like crap and lost. Then I got a cold. That's my wedding story.
What happened to the girl? Nothing. I got a text last night telling me that she was kind of dating someone and now it just got serious. No worries here. Best of luck out there.

Boston-I'm not moving back. I had a phone call yesterday with a company in Burlington where I got the most backwards discussion I've had in a long time. The guy told me if I lived there he'd hire me. I asked if he was offering me a job. Nope. But if I moved back he'd find something for me. Huh? Yup, I got really confused. I just don't think it was meant to be. Of course, my friends here in Denver are happy. And I think I am, too. I'm happy I don't have to look back and wonder 'What if?' I'm glad I gave it my best effort. At least I've got that much to hold on to. And now I'll just have to go back east 3-4 times a year. To see my friends, my family, my Godson and my Dad's friends. Hey, they worry, I still get phone calls.

The Job Update-well, since you just read that I'm not moving back east, here's my deal: I'm opening up my company, doing my own tecnhology thing. I'm partnering with a few friends and by using my relationships, selling telecom, website development, security, data networking and cabling. Along the way, I'm doing my own thing with pre-paid legal, blastoff and will soon be setting myself up to sell certain software from home. Yup, that's it. Like 8 different revenue streams, let's see what I can do.

That's all I've got for now. Have a great rest of your Wednesday. I'm writing something else tomorrow, and the teaser is this--why are men's leagues being infiltrated, and the reaction that it's caused. Later taters.

for the record, not bitch slapped, I was not hit in the face, upside the head. If he had hit me in the face I'd still be looking for an attorney to defend my assault charge.

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