So how's it going?

In a word...not so hot.

There-it's out in the open. I'm irked, tired, depressed and overall shitty. Why? Fair enough question. Multiple reasons. Mostly because I'm unemployed...again. I'm really over this crap. I will take you thru the last few weeks since I haven't updated anyone really on what's been going on. Or better yet, if they ask how I'm doing, I say I'm alright. A complete and utter lie. But it's better to just say that and let folks get on with their day than to burden them with my dumb problems. Well, maybe they're not all dumb, but right about now, that's how it's feeling.

First and foremost, I had a job offer. It was then taken back. Why? Because I wanted something different. It goes like this-when I was selling BI software up until 1/7/09, I had a potential client that I had prospected, called, followed up on, called, emailed, called, emailed, called and finally set up an appointment for an on-site demo. This was back in November. Well, my Pops passed away so I wasn't able to do the song and dance for this company. I sent my boss instead. Now, he's a great guy, but he's not a closer. After all the stuff for Pops was dealt with, I went back to following up with them and having conference calls, etc. They said due to the economy that they wouldn't be ready to sign on until the end of January. Well, as I already told you, I was laid off by then. So someone else got my commission and sale off of all the work I did. Hey, shit happens.
Well, since I knew they bought my old solution to resell, I was curious if they had anyone to sell it for them. So I decided to put on a suit and show up with my resume. FYI, this actually worked, and is far more effective than any stupid website. I went in there with the title of my resume being 'Business Development Manager', because frankly, that's what I do. I followed up a week later, and was asked to come in to discuss my knowledge base of my old product line and to have a conversation. I didn't look at it as an interview, because interviews suck. I looked at it as a way to promote my abilities to make them money. Plain and simple, we've become a bottom line society. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it sucks. Well, I met with the COO on a Friday afternoon for almost 2 hours. He told me he'd think things over and get back to me on the following Tuesday, as his Monday was booked. I thought this was a pretty good sign.
Over that weekend I decided to kick it a little bit old school. I liked the guy, and could see myself working with him and learning a trick or two. More importantly, I thought I could help build a side of his business that is minimal at best while being treated as an adult. Huge for me after my GE experience.
So that Monday, I wrote him a thank you note (the kind you put in the mail with a stamp) and a thank you email. My email was responded to with the COO asking me to come in on Tuesday and meet with someone else. I immediately went to LinkedIn and found this guy--the CEO. This has to be a good sign, right? Wait for it.
Tuesday I went in, met with the COO again, and he told me he really liked me and would like to bring me on board (in my head, "Holy Crap this really worked???!!!"), but wanted to give me some pointers on how to talk to the CEO. Oh, and he wanted me to meet with Marketing Manager. Wait for it. It's coming, I swear.
So schedules get mixed up, and instead of me meeting with the CEO first, I'll meet him after speaking with the Marketing Manager. Fine by me. They wanted me-I was truly excited on the inside, thinking of all the cool stuff I was about to embark upon, and get this stuff rolling. The Marketing Manager (MM from here on out) starts speaking his marketing lingo (bleech) about warm leads, cold leads, organic growth (does anyone know wtf this means? really), nurtured leads, call lists (my ears perked right up, where was he going with this?) and how he wanted to get some call campaigns going. My mind immediately went to the following-"He's only talking about this as part of the stuff they would want me to do. No way would they think of what I think they could possibly be going to."
MM and I part ways and I get to meet the CEO, who is dressed in his best Maui Jim shirt. Dude, seriously, you want to be a CEO, act like it. This is software-ERP and CRM solutions, not friggin' Oahu vacations. The CEO starts asking basic questions, and after my conversation earlier that day with the COO, I kept the answers short and sweet. Again, the calling sheets and lists come up. My head starts wondering what in the hell do these guys have in mind for me? It better not be what I think it could be. When it came time for my questions, I wanted to show my value and my train of thought works. Look, when it comes to women, I admit, I suck. But business? I'll put my brain up against most and feel very comfortable.
All that is over, and the COO walks me out and tells me I should see something by Friday, after he talks things over with the MM and CEO. After speaking with these guys over two seperate meeting for 3 and 1/2 hours, I was feeling pretty damn good.
Well, Friday came by and I was off my computer by 4. The offer was emailed to me at 5:15. I was out for the evening. I got in around 2, stone sober as I was DD and fired up the laptop. I saw the email, and opened the attachment. The base salary was line 3. It was barely above my age. At this point I decided to close my laptop and go to sleep, as I can read this in the morning.
Morning comes, and I read it again. And then I saw it. 'Inside Sales Representative'. UGH. Are you kidding me? I read this offer like another 7 times over the weekend, and the more I read it, the more stuff I had questions about. Most importantly, why after speaking with the COO one-on-one for over 2 hours was this never spelled out??? I came at them with Business Development and then in turn offer me a desk jockey role? I'll make this clear for those in the cheap seats-I've been on the road, doing conferences and meeting with CEOs, CIOs, CFOs, IT Directors, etc. You cannot take someone that is a road warrior and put them at a desk. It doesn't work. It's like trying to make an outdoor cat an indoor cat. It will fail 99.9% of the time. As for me, I knew I'd be miserable, and would end up hating myself and them for taking that job. The commission structure was baffling as well. I'd get 5 or 10% of the NET PROFIT of any deal that I brought in. Well, if you don't tell me what the average or mean net profit of the deals you bring in, how can I know what I'm looking at?
I emailed the COO thanking him for his offer but asking for a call to see if there was any room in his offer. We scheduled a time for Tuesday to speak. I had one of my best friends suggest that I write out what I'm going to say and ask, even putting the word 'STOP' when I should pause. I took this suggestion and ran with it.
Tuesday came and I was told he was in a meeting. Not a good sign. I left a voicemail. 15 minutes later I get a call from the COO, and we have our discussion. I tell him thank you for the generous offer (a crock if there ever was one), it was great meeting him, I think we match up as a potential employee/employer, but wanted to know if there was any room for discussion on his offer. He asked what I had in mind (really? I want to run your business-there, I said it). I told him I promised myself I wouldn't take less than between x and y. I also asked for an explanation on my role, for an elaboration on the commission structure, and if we could change the job title. Why a change on the job title? Simple-if I was going to go out and present myself as an agent of this company, no one would take me seriously as an inside sales representative. More importantly, I'm past that role. My skillset is not suited to fit that. He agreed to change the title, and after explaining the commission structure, told me I was 'Raw as a salesman'.
Now, I could have gone off the deep end, but I took the dig. I wanted to tell him that he was full of it. Aside from women, I've done a pretty good job at selling my whole life. You want examples? Fine-how about the captain of damn near every team I played for since 9th grade? Is it because I'm the most talented? Hell no. But I'm a leader. How about going on stage as a standup comic-aren't I selling you the audience my material to get you to laugh? How about getting accepted to every school I applied to, paying for it myself and then getting a job across the country? Is this not all sales of some type?? Back to the ladies, that's the biggest sales job there is, and while I sometimes wish I were more successful (my own definition), I'm still thrilled by the successes I've had. 'Raw as a salesman'? Puh-lease, only in job title, pal.
I also told this COO that after looking over the roles and responsibilities that I might not be the best fit, as I have personal expectations to go out and get more business, and if they wanted someone to work the phones 40-50 hours a week, this could be a point that we differ on. He told me he understood and wanted to go back to the CEO and discuss. He'd get back to me on Wednesday.
I hung up that phone and knew immediately that this wouldn't work and that I would be a horrid fit for the role they came up with. I hate the phone, unless I'm chatting with friends. I can't stand cold-calling, unless my ability to earn is on the line. These guys thought I would set appointments for them. Sorry, but I'm no one's secretary. I'm way past grunt work of this kind. Now, if they had come up with really good money, I'd have thought it over much, much longer. Instead, the next day I get a 4 line email telling me that they were revoking the offer and I wasn't what they were looking for.
Wait a minute-I showed up and presented an offer to you (Me, as a Business Development Manager) in which they twisted into something more administrative and beneath me (yeah, that's right, I just said it), we've met for over 3 hours face to face, and you don't even have the courtesy to call me? My gut told me when I first met the COO that while I liked him, there was a 10% chance he had worm-like qualities, and I was absolutely correct about it.
Look at the positives-showing up worked and I got a job offer. Just because I didn't like it doesn't mean it didn't work. Hey, it's my theory and my blog.

So, what else is there? Well, I had to move since my lease expired, and on the last day I had a few things to pick up that I had left there. Only to find that the maintenance crew showed up a day early and went thru my goodwill bags and stole a lighter I was going to give to a friend. It was a cool lighter I won at a trivia contest. Yes it was free, but the point is they stole it. So I had to deal with those morons at the leasing office, who came up with the tired and bland excuse of a miscommunication. No shit, Sherlock. Anything else, Captain Obvious? This nitwit even had the nerve to tell me that they were kind enough to waive all the fees I had incurred due to the maintenance crew going there and having to move some garbage bags full of clothes. HELLO McFly, did the silicone from your fake knockers seep into that melon shaped thing you call a head? My lease was up 7/31, you went in a day early, rifled thru my goodwill clothes, snagged a lighter, and then were going to charge me for it? Since when do rapists start asking for a positive review on Yelp? What the hell? The joy of being me is that I know how to put the fear of God into someone. So I just glared at her, and asked her politely to repeat the fees part again. At which time the manager (yet another Rhodes Scholar) came out, and told her with me standing right in front of them, 'Did you tell him we'll waive the fees?' I'm standing right here you dolt!!! You can't charge fees when you screwed up. I'm pretty sure I don't look like a 'tard, so please oh please stop treating me like I'm simple. I brought up the point to the two pretty, empty shells that while I was thankful for them waiving the fees for their mistake, to please look into their processes of move-outs so no one else has to feel like they got robbed when they are merely trying to pick up some things left behind to clothe the needy, and that I'd be back in 10 minutes with all their keys. 'Sorry for the mixup' was what was said to me when I handed back my keys. My reply was that I was sorry I couldn't recommend gross incompetence. "Sorry sir but I don't know what that means." I'm dead serious, balloon-chest actually said that to me. Wow.

I got in a car accident, too. Allow me to rephrase. I got hit on the highway. The guy behind me during stop and go traffic wasn't paying attention and hit the brakes just a tad late....like after he smashed my rear bumper. It took about 3 weeks from the accident, but the bumper is fixed, so is the muffler and my trunk 'floor'. His car was trashed. God how I love my Nissan, that thing took a lick and is still running like a top. I got a truck with no horsepower for my rental while my car was in the body shop. I lucked out, since I was moving, and the truck wasn't too shabby.

I've got way more to vent on, but I'm tired. You've got a question, just ask it. I'll be okay, I know that this too shall pass and that if I keep trying something good will come from it. I'm just a wee bit impatient at this time, considering I have a bachelor party in Boston next month and a wedding in October.

It was nice to hear the groom-to-be tell me last night that if I had a +one to just tell him and it was cool. My reply was that I appreciated it, but I don't even have the stones to ask the one person I'd want by my side for this, as I don't think I can handle the conversation at this time. I know it's a 'No', so why bother?

Hey....football starts in like a month...YES!